Bride of Alucard
by angil
Summary: The vampire Alucard has just met his match & his mate, she thinks he's adorable, he thinks she’s insane how will Hellsing cope with a mad 20 y.o Aussie Girl around, & what will Alucard do, love her or kill her? A/OC please be nice its my first. slight OOC
1. The meeting

_Summery: The mighty vampire Alucard has just met his match & his mate, she thinks he's adorable, he thinks she's insane how will Hellsing cope with a mad 20 y.o Aussie Girl around, & what will Alucard do, love her or kill her? A/OC please be nice it's my first_

_Serious I have never done this before so please don't hurt me or I'll cry, also I don't own any Hellsing character or London, but if I had my choice I would own Alucard and keep him chained to my bed where I could ahem enough of that_

_ALSO DEFFINATLEY NOT FOR CHILDREN!!_

* * *

**BEGIN  
**

Alucard was walking the streets bored and restless, he hadn't had any form of action lately and it was starting to get to him, he wanted to kill damn it, to maim and torture; instead everything was quiet, to fucking quiet in his mind. The sun was starting to rise, God how he hated the sun, "Smug bastard" he muttered then turned around and started the walk back to the Hellsing manor.

_Later on in the week_

It was on one of his walks looking for any form of action that he first felt it, a pull that he couldn't resist. He started walking faster and faster until he was running, then suddenly he knew he was there, standing in front of a large and seedy looking block of apartments, the pull stronger then before, and he could not stop the thought that what was going to happen tonight would change his life forever.

He started to rise up searching for whatever was causing the anomaly, and stopped at a window on the fourth floor, whatever it was it was like a siren calling to him, the call he knew would lead him into danger but it was too strong to resist (and he was looking forward to any form of danger) he stepped onto the balcony rails and looked inside the window, there he saw her.

A girl 19 or 20 he guessed, sitting on a couch watching television, she had shoulder length black hair, skin so pale he sould see the blue of her veins in her wrists, she had sprinkling of freckles across the bridge of her nose, not many but enough that they were noticeable, he wondered what colour her eyes would be, moreover he wondered what she had to do with this feeling.

Alucard smiled, he had always hated waiting and preferred mysteries to be solved quickly, he wondered what her reaction would be if he just suddenly _'appeared'_ on the couch next to her, then he started to laugh softly to himself and decided to find out the answer to that question as well as the other strange question that ran through his mind, What colour are her eyes?

Alucard appeared suddenly and soundlessly on the couch next to her and smiled then chuckled, the girl whipped her head around and looked at him, 'Blue' he thought 'Her eyes are deep dark blue.'

She looked at him with wide innocent eyes and a big smile, and then she asked "Would you like to ride the washing machine?"

Alucard blinked unsure of what to say or do, here he was appearing out of thin air practically and the damned girl asks him if he wants to _ride the washing machine_.

He looked at her curiously and thought to himself _I'm not going to ask, I'm not going to ask_ but then heard himself say "How do you ride a washing machine?"

She smiled brightly at him and he started to think that maybe she had a serious mental condition.

"Well it's easy what we do is get a top loader, you know one of those ones with the lifty lid on the top" and then damned if the girl didn't demonstrate with her hands how to lift a lid before continuing on "and then you get in and we turn it on and wheeeeeeee spin cycle, I am sooooo jealous I have always wanted to ride the washing machine" she finally paused for breath and looked up at him with a wide smile and blank eyes.

Alucard looked at the girl trying to place her accent, 'Australian' he thought and wondered what she was doing in England, a moment later he raised one eyebrow and gave, what he thought affectionately of as, his 'evil' grin and replied "Why don't you, ride the washing machine?"

She frowned and tilted her head to the ceiling before looking back at him "I always think I'm going to break it if I try so I don't" she sighed, a deep mournful sound that made him think she was being honest about _that_ at least. Alucard had the sudden, insane urge to tell the girl what he was and wondered what she would say to that, then deciding it would be worth the risk just to see her reaction he looked at her and said "I'm a vampire."

She smiled held out her hand as if to shake and said "I'm a Catholic."

He blinked suddenly once again and repeated slowly in case it didn't register the first time "I.. am.. a.. blood.. sucking.. evil.. vampire."

Her smile held and she replied just as slowly "I.. am.. an.. Easter.. and.. Christmas.. Catholic."

Noting that what he was obviously hadn't gotten a reaction out of her Alucard finally decided enough was enough and got up, he loomed over her in a menacing fashion, and removed his glasses showing his red, evil looking eyes before saying "Why are you just sitting there calmly? Are you simple or just plain insane?"  
Before stopping in shock as the girl plunged her hand straight up in the air narrowly missing him (damned reflexes slowed down when he stopped paying attention) waved her hand around saying "Oh, oh pick me, pick me, for the love of god pick me!"

"What!" Alucard snapped

"False." the girl said, and then she put her hand down and stared at him with that damned cheerful smile again.

Alucard growled deep within his throat, but instead of looking alarmed the girl just said in the most annoying baby voice he had ever heard "Awww, it wooks wike somebody needs a wittle nappy, hey cranky bum."

"Do you realise that I am 2 seconds away from draining you of you life's blood and snapping your neck!"

She pouted and tried to act sorry then muttered "I knew I should have picked true."

"That's not the point!" he yelled.

She looked at him with a perplexed expression "So it's false?"

Alucard's eyes went deep red and shadows started to gather around him, but still the girl looked confused.

He growled once more and thought about all the ways he could kill her, he'd wipe that fucking smile off her face once and for all, his hands started clenching together and he gritted his teeth, he felt his fangs start to grow and throb in anticipation of the blood lust and knew he had to leave or else he would kill the innocent (but stupid) girl, he glared at her fiercely once more and then disappeared as fast as he had appeared.

The girl lost her confused look and started to laugh, she laughed so hard tears ran down her cheeks, "Oh my god, oh my god I can't believe that worked" she gasped laughingly "I have still yet to meet a man or woman alive or dead who can handle my ramblings."  
She started to laugh harder as she thought of the look on his face when she asked if he wanted to ride the washing machine 'God bless Family Guy, The Simpson's, Futurama and Southpark' she thought, suddenly she stopped laughing and started to wonder what the hell a real live (or dead) vampire was doing in her apartment and what the hell that could mean?  
And why did his voice send delicious shivers through her body?  
Was it the accent?  
No she had been around a lot of English men and though she was a sucker for an accent, she never reacted that _intensely_ before. She sat up straight suddenly realising she was hoping, almost praying she would she the mysterious vampire with the red coat and hat again, and soon.  
Worse, since she had remembered what he was wearing she was now trying to imagine what he would look like without the hat, and coat, in fact she was trying to imagine him in nothing.

She wasn't laughing anymore.


	2. Introducing Ella

**BEGIN**

She was lying in bed and suddenly there he was, the man in red, it was almost like she had conjured him up with her thoughts.  
He knelt on the bed and slowly moved his body over hers, bracing his arms on either side of her so he wasn't yet touching,  
his mouth slowly descended down to her neck, their eyes locked together, then suddenly she felt his breath on the side of her neck his tongue inched out and he slowly licked her going down at an agonizingly slow speed, down he moved until he reached the valley between her breasts.  
Her breath hitched on a moan as his tongue moved slowly over circling her nipple, he looked up and smiled opened his mouth and said_ "beep beep beep beep beep."_

She blinked and thought 'what the fuck' then as she went to ask him what the hell he was doing he disappeared but still the sound remained_ beep beep beep beep _it was next to her now, she rolled over to see what it was and  
**BANG**.

Ella woke up in pain and wondered how the hell she managed to fall out of a bed she had been sleeping in for over a month now. All she could hear was a beeping going on in her head, suddenly she realised it wasn't in her head, it was that damn alarm clock she had been meaning to destroy for weeks now.

She groaned remembering how the bastard had woken her up from a damn good dream about a very sexy vampire and decided death was to good for the alarm clock.  
She lay on the hard floor trying to will away the annoyance of both a headache (thanks to falling out of bed) and the throb of desire (thanks to the dream) after cursing the clock, the bed, the floor and just about everything else she could think of she sighed and got up, turned off the alarm and went to the bathroom thinking of all the things she would dearly love to do to the clock 'it's like one of those damned annoying relatives who always manages to call just when your sitting down to dinner' she thought.  
"Curse all alarm clocks!" She shouted and felt much better, after hopping in the shower then brushing her teeth she walked out of the bathroom and wondered what she was going to wear to work, not that it really mattered when she was paid for taking off her clothes, but damn it all she liked to look pretty.

Ella sighed and put on her basic jeans and a T, walked onto her balcony lit up a cigarette and sighed again  
"Damn you Salazar, damn you." she muttered, before stubbing out her smoke and leaving for work.

**END SCENE**

Ella was skipping home after work thinking that all in all it hadn't been a bad night she only had to give a lap dance to two seedy old men, had gotten felt up twice and propositioned once, yes in her mind a good nights work, she only had to give three people a taste of the back of her hand (the two men with the busy fingers and the one wannabe player) but hell she loved her job so it was worth it.

As she was skipping she decided to hum a bit then stopped suddenly with the creepiest feeling something was watching her 'no not watching' she thought 'stalking.' She looked around her and realised that like the annoyingly busty and slutty chick in the horror movies, (you know the one who hears a strange noise and walks outside in nothing but a bath robe after hearing that a mad killer is on the loose, and then walks into the creepy woods shouting "hello is anyone out there?" And your screaming "BEHIND YOU, YOU STUPID BITCH!") Like that chick she had walked onto a dark street with no one that she could see about and to top it off there was fog "shit" she muttered softly and then tried to remember if it was better to run or stay where she was, she looked left then right muttered "shit" once more, sighed and began to run, all the while muttering "shit" over and over again like a prayer.

Ella heard a noise behind her and turned her head to see what it was, when she saw nothing there she turned again to look in front of herself just in time to watch herself run head long into a pole **SMACK**, as she lay on the ground her litany of "shit" turned into one of "ow" and damned if she didn't see stars, she blinked a couple of times and realised that yes she could see stars because, _adurr_, it was night time and she was on her back on the ground, suddenly she remembered what the fuck she was doing before she hit that pole (which by the way jumped out at her from no where) she was starting to think all the inanimate objects in England had some sort of conspiracy against her, it was easier to accept that then the truth that she was just a spazz, she got up suddenly and gritted her teeth against the dizziness and nausea and started to run again.

She turned the corner on what she hoped was her street (stupid sense of direction. She had one, sometimes she just chooses to take the scenic route, without planning to, or wanting to, but that was beside the point,) she looked around and realised that she must have decided on the scenic route cause she sure as shit didn't know where she was, she looked up and wondered what the hell she was going to do because that feeling of being stalked was getting stronger.

She took a deep breath and started to pray that whatever was toying with her was human, she could cope with human, anything else and well she'd be worm food. She looked around and wondered what to do try to get help off of someone or keep running. As she was pondering this difficult question she felt something grab her ankles, her eyes widened and she looked slowly down only to see a pair of red eyes looking back at her.

Ella was quite proud of the fact that she didn't scream, unfortunately what she did was squeal like a piglet and then the world went black.

SORRY CAN'T ADD ANY MORE IT'S 4:30am IN AUSSIELAND AND I'M BUGGERED.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK AND WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD CONTINUE.


	3. The three stooges

Note:

Note:

NOT FOR CHILDREN WILL CONTAIN SEXUAL STUFF AND VIOLENCE AND A LOT OF RANDOM PARTS

YOU WERE WARNED

_Story start:_

Ella woke up and congratulated herself for not falling out of bed and kissing the ground for the first time in over a week, she suddenly realised that the reason she had stayed on the bed was the fact that there was something stopping her from moving, she opened her eyes and hissed slowly as the pain came suddenly to her head, she looked at her left wrist, then her right, lifted her head slowly and started at her ankles, she heard laughter coming from the other side of the room and saw three men(? She wasn't sure they were human) slowly walking towards her, she tried to think of something smart to say but sadly what came out was "Why am I chained to a bed, did I miss something fun?" they all blinked at the same time, she thought that was pretty cool and said in an excited tone "Do it again, do it again" they did it again, she laughed and said "YAY" they looked at her like she was slow, but damned if she didn't feel better, she laid her head back down, closed her eyes and smiled.

"Don't you understand the predicament your in or are you just slow" one of the stooges (as she now thought of them) said, now at this time Ella was getting a bit hurt at the amount of people calling her slow she wasn't slow she was..um…um ahem anyway she looked up and said in the most serious tone she could muster "something was said, not good" they all looked at her again and while she was trying to figure out which one was Moe, the one she dubbed Curly said "I'll ask you again, do you understand or are you slow?" the other one (Larry) said "well she is from another country that might explain it" that pissed Ella off Curly looked at her and smiled showing a bit of fang that hussy and said "is that true girly or do you get it?" she looked up frowned a little and said "I think so, that guy there (looking at Moe) is really a robot and you're his boyfriend, so that makes you a gay robot" she smiled and said happily.

Then it all kinda went to shit, the stooges started yelling, for some strange reason they took offence when she called them gay robots 'huh go figure' she thought as Curly pulled out a gun, then Larry did the same followed by Moe, while there she was really confused as to why vampires needed a single human girl chained to a bed and guns to help with co-operation. Suddenly throughout all the insanity she heard something that made her smile.

A voice said (from out of nowhere) "you should have picked false" Ella started to laugh and everyone stared at her Curly glared at her and yelled "what the hell is so funny" she smiled and said "I'm just so happy to be here with all of you to share this special day" she watched fascinated as Curly took a deep breath let it out, took another and then started turning red in the face "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!" he screamed, she looked up at him and replied "say it don't spray it, we want the news not the weather" Larry looked at her and said in a shocked tone "your insane" Ella gasped "I am not! How dare you. You sir have insulted my honour I challenge you to a duel" the voice from nowhere replied again "you mean pistols at dawn" Ella looked horrified "pistols at dawn are you serious, no wonder people die in duels how the hell can anyone pay attention at 10:30 in the morning" they all did that cool blinky thing again and Ella started to sing the theme song from Blinky Bill Aussie cartoon about a koala name.. can you guess yep blinky bill) and finished with his catchphrase "extraordinary" looking around the room she was shocked to see that no one had yet picked up on any of her quotes and said "good god, what the hell do you people do for fun, cause its obviously not watching TV."

"ENOUGH" screamed Curly or Larry or Moe, she didn't know or care they bored her now and she decided to be nice and tell them so, but they reacted quite differently to the way she hoped.

All of a sudden the sound of guns being armed for use was heard followed by Ella's "oh-oh" as she looked up at the three gun toting vampires she had to laugh, cause damn it, it was crazy here she was chained to a bed and instead of threatening to rip her apart they all had _guns_ pointed at her. Her smile fell from her lips as she realized that while it was stupid it was also real, odds were she was going to die here "aw shit" she whispered to herself. She thought that maybe now was the time to hope for a miracle, then remembered that miracles now days consisted of bits of bread looking like people and while that may be cool she didn't see how that could help her unless "say are any of you allergic to bread?" they all shook there heads "damn" she whispered so a miracle was out, 'well I'm boned' she thought.

The leader started to laugh like a mad man and the other two followed suit, Ella thought that looked fun and added her evil laugh to the group, they stopped, she felt hurt 'what was wrong with my evil laugh' she thought then pouted, suddenly the leader smirked, and Ella had to admit that was a damn good smirk. He lifted his gun aimed for her head and **BANG**

**CLIFFHANGER!!**

**CLIFFHANGER OVER BEGIN:**

The leader lifted his gun aimed for her head and Ella thought that maybe she should have picked false, then **BANG** the leader just kinda exploded, then he fell down, she wondered if he was hurt, then thought that was a really stupid question considering the vamp just exploded.

She looked over and her eyes widened "son of a bitch" she muttered and started to laugh, the other two vamps looked over and there he was the vamp in red, larger then life, and smiling evilly, 'god he looks good' she thought 'better then bread' he looked over at her eyed her up and down, making her wish she had bothered to wear something pretty, when he looked at the two loser vamps and said " why did you bother risking everything for _that_ human, when others out there are much better looking. Not to mention smarter"

Suddenly she wasn't happy to see him anymore, in fact she wouldn't mind giving him a taste of the back of her hand, "asshole" she muttered and glared at him when his smile grew wider, then he lifted his gun (which see was happy to see was shiny) and decided that since the vamp had a shiny gun she would forgive him. After all he was sexy, and evil and damned if she didn't have a weak spot for sexy, evil and twisted, and from the happy look on his face when the vamps lifted their guns, she decided he was all three.

Then they shot him not once, twice or even ten times nope no sir, they shot the shit out of him. Her mouth fell open as she watched the bullets enter and rip through his body leaving giant holes behind, it was hypnotic like a lava lamp, then his arm fell off and she wished she wasn't chained to the bed cause damn it she wanted to poke it, make sure it was real and if it was, shoot the fucker herself for making her believe she was going to get out here alive, then she would wrap his bullet ridden body around a light bulb and use it as a mirror ball, then she would..

She looked up the shooting had stopped and all that was left of the vamp in red was his hat, coat and a shit load of blood. She didn't know whether to cry or laugh over the absurdity of the situation, she did neither instead she laid her head back down and started praying for bread once more (that's miracles for those who aren't paying attention.)

Suddenly all she could see was shadows on the walls and they were moving, she frowned then lifted her head up and stared in shock as the shadows wrapped themselves around red vamps destructed body and then she saw that all the blood was moving back into the mangled corpse and that damn lava lamp effect happened again, she couldn't look away slowly he started to stand and the shadows entered his body filling the holes, the blood had disappeared now, and as she looked up she saw him staring at her and her heart felt like it missed a beat, the all thoughts but one left her head, all she could think was 'this is it, this is the **one**.'

One of the other vamp's had noticed she was quiet and got concerned he looked over and saw her staring in shock at something and turned around just in time to watch a bullet come flying at the centre of his head, right between the eyes, the other vamp looked shocked at his friend then at the vamp in red, he too looked up in time to watch death come for him.

Ella lay there in shock she finally looked over at the dead vamps, then back to the red vamp and said "wow, they must have had really shit bullets" he said nothing but she saw him smile slightly, he came over and ripped off the chains, helped her up said "time for you to go home, little mental" she glared and said "it's Ella, you perverted lava lamp" he looked confused for a split second before he masked his features, then replied "it's Alucard, you disturbingly psychotic pile of mush" she smiled and said "and now we're BFF's"

Alucard walked out carrying the psycho girl thinking _'I'm not going to ask, I'm not going to ask'_ before saying "BFF's?" the girl, Ella, said "Best Friends Forever" and laughed.

_**SHOUT OUT TIME:**_

_**Thanks to IRISHSOUL once more you rock, and also SAILOR-MOON-Z you kickass too GO AUSSIES YEAH!!**_

_**Also let me know if anyone picks up on my cartoon quotes, tell me where I got them from.**_

_**Also note I don't know If I will be able to get them out as quick anymore, I'm moving house and starting a new job soon, so don't cry because my ideas will never run dry, but if you have any of your own don't be shy, new ideas are always welcome.**_


	4. Inroducing the Conspiracy

Note

Note

BLADDA BLADDA not for kids and I don't own BLADDA BLADDA BLADDA

_START:_

Alucard looked down at the small mentally insane Australian girl and wondered if somewhere, something was laughing its ass off at the predicament he was in, here he was king of the vampires and yet he was carrying an insane human and worse he _didn't want to put her down_ he actually liked carrying her, Alucard thought to himself 'I must get Walter to give me a brain scan, I must have a disease or something similar'

"So where are we?" Ella asked,  
Alucard looked down at her and said "Not far from where they got you"  
she looked at him and nodded slowly before replying "good, but where are we?"  
he raised an eyebrow and said "You were lost"  
Ella gasped and said "How dare you accuse me of getting lost, I have an amazingly wonderful sense of direction" she sniffed "every now and then I just like to take the scenic route is all"

He raised an eyebrow once more and said "So your scenic route involves looking at dank, dark and deserted warehouses and abandoned factories?"  
she glared at him and said "haven't you ever heard the saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder?"  
he smiled "so you decided to take the scenic route to look at abandoned buildings, while you were being chased by vampires, is that right?"  
She pouted "yeah well I bet I can make something you do sound stupid if I say it in that tone of voice"  
"Stop pouting, you look like an idiot"  
"Your mean, I bet you're a panda too"  
"A panda?"  
"yeah, you know eats, roots, shoots and leaves" Alucard looked confused, she smacked him on the forehead and smiled then said "can I hold your shiny bang, bang"  
"No"  
She decided to pout for a while and make him carry her all the way home in silence.  
She didn't last half a block.  
"I like chocolate milk" she stared at him and said once more "I like chocolate milk" nothing so she poked him, decided that was fun and did it again _poke_ "hehe" _poke, poke_ "poke" _poke_ "poke, poke, poke"_ poke poke poke_  
"Stop it!"  
she looked up when he said that and made her bottom lip tremble then said "I like chocolate milk"  
he sighed and said "I like blood"  
"I like chocolate milk"  
"I like blood"  
"I like chocolate milk"

_5 minutes later_

"I like chocolate milk"  
"EITHER SAY SOMETHING DIFFERENT OR SHUT THE FUCK UP"  
"I like potatoes"  
Alucard decided that this had to be the longest walk he had ever taken, when he didn't reply she poked him _AGAIN _and said "I like potatoes" so he dropped her.  
**THUMP**  
"OW!" followed by "you did that on purpose, don't bother to deny it"  
Alucard raised an eyebrow "of course I did"  
she glared up at him "I wasn't talking to you"  
Alucard - O.o,  
she glared at the ground and screamed "ANSWER ME DAMN YOU, I KNOW YOUR IN ALLEGIENCE WITH MY ALARM CLOCK TO KILL ME….ANSWER ME!"  
Alucard looked like this O.o once again and said "you believe the _ground_ in is allegiance with your _alarm clock_ and that they are trying to _kill you_?"  
she glared up at him "what are you slow" 'damned if it didn't feel good to say that to someone else' she thought "how could you miss the way the ground just came out of nowhere and hit me"  
O.o followed that **(ME: I think it makes sense, Ella: thank you Angil)**  
Alucard looked down at Ella as she was yelling at the ground, demanding answers, wanting to know who ordered the attack on her, and who else was involved besides her alarm clock and the ground, she was yelling something about knowing the poles were in on it too, Alucard sighed he'd had enough "Get up, I don't have time to sit and watch you little mental"  
she looked up and said "I can't get up"  
he frowned "why?"  
she wailed "because my butt hurts"  
he closed his eyes, gritted his teeth and sighed knowing it was pointless to argue, he picked her up, she snuggled up against him and he was surprised and infuriated at the same time by how _right_ it felt so he snarled and said "I am the most feared vampire out there"  
to which she replied "is that right"  
he continued "there are those who shiver in fear at the very sound of my name"  
she snuggled closer "really"  
"I am known as the 'No Life King'"  
she yawned "is that anything like the lion king?"  
"I am the most ruthless monster that has ever existed on this earth, I could kill you in a heart beat, rip out your throat, gouge out your eyes, and play your organs like musical instruments, all of that I can do while you are still alive"  
he looked down and sighed Ella had fallen asleep during his little torture bit, it took all the fun out of it, once more he thought to himself how good it felt to hold her, to have her cuddle up against him, before blocking those thoughts from his head with a growl, he moved quickly using his vampire speed to get her back to her apartment.  
Alucard dumped Ella on her bed and watched in fascination as she bounced and rolled onto the floor with a **THUMP**  
'huh, what are the odds, I probably couldn't do that again even if I tried. Mental note to try that again one day'  
he heard a sigh followed by "I told you the ground was out to get me"  
he looked over "your awake"  
she lay on the ground still and said "it's kinda hard to stay asleep when the ground bitch slaps you"  
he went over and said "I'm surprised you haven't hit it back yet"  
she sighed again "I have but the ground hits harder then me, plus I hurt my hand."  
He sat on the edge of her bed and said "maybe it's a good time to talk about what happened tonight"  
she groaned,  
he continued "and why you don't seem so surprised that vampires exist"  
she snored…badly  
"I think that has to be the most pathetic attempt to fake sleeping I have ever seen" but she didn't reply "if you don't answer me I will be forced to hurt you to get answers"  
nothing  
"you know all I have to do is drain a body of blood and I get all there memories, so there really is no reason to keep you alive"  
another fake snore.  
"For fuck's sake" he muttered and then thought of the one thing that might work "I like potatoes" he said, and didn't have long to wait before she replied  
"yeah, I like potatoes too" followed by "DAMN YOU SALAZAR!"  
she sighed "All right Al, you win"  
"Al?"  
"tonight I was taken hostage by vampires, that I know, why" she shrugged, well he thought she did, the fact she was still lying on the ground made it hard to tell "anywho as to how I know vamps exist, doesn't everyone?"  
"no most people stop believing in vampires after the age of 6" he replied  
"wise guy hey"  
"so now tell me the true reason or else I will drink you dry" he thought maybe scare tactics would work, but obviously not when he heard  
"kinky"  
he wanted to bang his head into a door, then imagined himself banging her head into a door, and immediately felt better  
she looked up at him and said "it's the truth, when you believe that something exists with your whole heart and soul, then finding out it's true isn't that much of a shock"  
"you honestly believed your entire life that vampires do exist?"  
"Of course I did"  
he looked thoughtful and said "what don't you believe in?" and couldn't believe the answer he got  
"exercise" she shuddered as she said it.  
He shook his head opened his mouth, closed it shook his head again and said "I have to go now little mental, can I trust you not to get killed by the ground while I'm gone?"  
"I'll try" she replied,

Alucard shook his head and walked through the wall into her kitchen when he heard "COOL"  
followed by **BANG**  
then "ow, note to self, can _not_ walk through wall like sexy red"  
he laughed softly and walked away wondering what the hell he was going to tell Sir Integra about little mental. _END_


	5. Coming to Hellsing

Note:

Usual, not for little ones and I don't own anything. Thanks for waiting, work is a bitch, love you all, REVIEW MKAY!

_START_

Alucard entered Integra's office from the ceiling and watched her for a moment before saying "we have a slight problem" Integra frowned and looked up "What is it now"  
"Think young girl"  
"How young?"  
"20 I believe, now think, knows we exist"  
"How much does she know?"  
"Enough, now think recently kidnapped by vampires"  
Integra raised an eyebrow "Is she alive?"  
"Yes, now think the scent of vampire is all around her"  
"Does she know it?"  
"No, she is completely ignorant, and before you ask I am 100 sure, now think it won't be long before one of those vampires decides to make her a snack"  
"Is she a virgin?"  
"That I don't know, now also think strong, she didn't break down when surrounded and refused to show her fear when she thought all was lost"  
"Alucard what are you getting at?"  
"Now think mentally insane"  
Integra sat up "_Really_?"  
"I believe so, she hasn't been tested that I can tell, but there is something wrong with her, no one can be like _that_ and sane"  
Integra smiled slightly "Really Alucard, so _you_ believe she is insane, and what..?"  
Alucard pouted slightly "It's not just me, the other vampires thought so too"  
Integra bit the inside of her mouth to stop laughing and looked down, Alucard moved down suspiciously "Master are you laughing at me?"  
"Of course not, do you really think I'd laugh at you, Alucard, I wouldn't dare laugh at the infamous Count"  
"You _are_ laughing at me, why?"  
"I assure I am not laughing at you, and I'm certainly not laughing over your behaviour which is strangely childish"  
"Are you calling me childish?"  
"Never, where did you get that idea?" Alucard frowned he was sure she was laughing at him, but about what? He mentally shook his head and continued "Think now about what the hell we should do about her" Integra raised one eyebrow and lit a cigar "And tell me Alucard, what do you believe we should do, shall I order you to kill her, or maybe watch her, how about I order you to bring her here. Tell me which idea you enjoy the thought of the most?"  
Instead of answering that he would kill her, Integra was shocked when he replied simply "It is up to you, my master" and then he disappeared back through the wall, leaving behind a stunned Integra.

Ella's alarm clock went off and she frowned slightly and rolled over to turn it off, then watched the ground rush up to meet her, but before she could give it her usual kiss (eg, before she went and hit it) she felt arms grab her on either side and lift her back onto the bed. she sighed with relief and then frowned when she realised that the arms didn't belong to her, she looked over and saw a pair of white gloves with a pentagram on them and strange writing on it, looked up further and saw a red coat, up to a red hat and a very amused vampire face, she raised an eyebrow in silent question. "Two thoughts on this" Alucard said "One, I truly believe that the ground is trying to kill you" Ella smiled happily "Or two, I truly believe that your just a spazz" She glared at him and said angrily "What do you want sexy red?"  
He looked smug "You think I'm sexy?"  
She glared at him again then looked down and muttered "damn it" then looked up and glared, he just looked even more smug, she sighed "What are you doing here red?"  
"There are three choices, one, I'm here to kill you"  
"Two?"  
"Two, I'm here to protect you"  
"Three?"  
"Three, I take you back with me"  
"To where and who?"  
"To Hellsing and my master"  
"Master, sounds kinky"  
"Which do you want"  
"I have to work, and you are not coming anywhere near me when I work, so I guess one and two are out" Alucard looked at her and smiled, then got off the bed and said "Start packing we leave in an hour" Ella looked at him with a horrified expression "AN HOUR, ARE YOU MAD!" Alucard started to laugh "Yes, yes I am" and he left the room, using the wall and heard "Can't the damned man use a door every once in a while, instead he does that cool wall thingy, I WANNA DO THE COOL WALL THINGY" he smiled and yelled out "55 minutes left" and heard her squeal, then fall on the ground.

Ella was in the shower singing to herself when she heard "I'm watching you pee" she screamed and turned around really fast, then hit the shower floor even faster "OW, SON OF A BITCH, I WASN'T PEEING IN THE SHOWER, YOU ASS. Wait oh sweet Jebus. ALUCARD PLEASE TELL ME THAT WAS YOU" she watched a body appear through the bathroom door and silently cursed the show off, he looked her up and down and smiled "Hmm, calling me into the bathroom where you lay, slippery, wet and naked, are you hoping for something?"  
"Yes" Alucard looked shocked "Really"  
"Yes, please tell me you were the one who called out to me"  
"And said what?"  
"I'm watching you pee"  
"What?"  
"I wasn't though"  
"What?"  
"Peeing, I wasn't peeing"  
he blinked at her and said "What?"  
Ella glared up at him "Damn it your stuck in a loop aren't you"  
"What"  
"DAMN IT ALUCARD, DID YOU ASK ME THAT QUESTION"  
(can you guess the answer, yep) "What?"  
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!" after she screamed that she finally looked at him and saw that he wasn't staring at her face, nope he was looking lower, it was then Ella remembered she was naked and the shower was on, she jumped up and gasped "Oh my god, I'm wasting water" she turned the tap off and glared at him again "Why didn't you tell me" he raised an eyebrow and said "normal people don't forget things within two seconds" and his eyes went lower again, she looked down, saw she forgot to put on a towel and looked for one, she looked over at Alucard and saw him smiling, she didn't trust that smile, it was her turn to say "What?" he held up a towel in front of himself, daring her to come and get it, she glared at him and walked over, grabbed the towel out of his hand, wrapped it around her body and muttered "A gentleman would have left" she then looked a him slyly "or he would have paid, hint, hint" so he turned around and left. "Cheap bastard" she muttered "15 minutes" he yelled and heard her squeal again.

_One hour later_:

"Okay, I'm ready" Ella yelled, Alucard looked over and sighed, "About time, now are you sure this time? Are you really ready, or have you forgotten something else?"

_15 minutes later_

"Okay, lets go, Alucard did you hear me I'm ready this time I promise" Alucard came through the wall and looked at her "We are leaving right now then, I don't care if you've forgotten your head, we're leaving" He picked up her stuff and made several trips down to the car that was waiting for them (that took another 15 minutes) and finally when he was done found Ella looking around for her sunglasses "That's it" he said and picked her up and carried her all the way down the steps and into the car.

_Some time late_

Alucard looked over at Ella and said "Here we are, Hellsing manor" Ella looked at him and smiled, then turned back an pressed her face into the window so she could she what was going on, the car came to a stop and she gasped "Oh my god, its stunning" Alucard got out of the car and opened the door, now Ella forgot to take her face away and the second the door opened she went flying to the ground, Alucard smiled "That's why you wear a seatbelt" he heard her mutter "shut-up" then helped her off the ground, he looked at the driver and said "take her bags down to the dungeon" then started to laugh, she looked at him suspiciously then grabbed his cheeks (on his face people!!) and squeezed saying "chubby cheekies" he stopped laughing.

They walked up to the door and it was opened by a butler looking man, who bowed down low to them, Ella looked at Alucard and whispered "Is he Japanese?" he looked at her and frowned then said "Why the hell do you think he's Japanese, he doesn't look Japanese" she looked up at him and whispered "but he bowed" Alucard stared at her waiting for her to smile, and when she didn't he nodded slowly and replied "yes, your right Walter is Japanese" she turned and looked at Water before bowing back and saying "Konnichi Wa" (hello in Japanese) then she smiled and said "Ohayoh gozaimasu"

(good morning) Walter just blinked at her, Alucard looked stunned, but Ella looked happy, then she spaced out, so now she looked blank. Walter regained his composure and looked at Ella before saying "Please come in, Welcome" Ella looked at him and smiled "Your grasp of the English language is great" it was Walter's turn to look blank now, Alucard simply shook his head before ushering her inside, he looked at Walter and asked "Where is my master and the police girl?" Walter replied "waiting for you both in the study" Alucard turned and saw Ella standing there with a camera and watched with amazement as she ran up to Walter, stood next to him and held her camera out in front then took a picture, she then spun around and snapped another one of just Walter standing there, then turned to Alucard took one of him and said "Okay I'm ready now, but I am not taking anymore of you, cause for all I know it could be a waste of film" Alucard just shook his head and lead the way into the study.

The first thing Ella noticed was boobs, very big boobs, "whoa did you bring enough breast's for the rest of the class" she muttered then felt bad when she noticed boobs staring at her, she smiled, took a picture and said "I'm sorry, I'm not usually such a bitch, its just that, well your.. and I'm.. well I'm happy meal size and your super size" Boobs smiled and said "that's alright I get that all the time" it was then she decided she liked Boobs (not boobs themselves but the girl with the giant boobs) Alucard shook his head and said "Police Girl, this is Little Mental, Little Mental meet Police Girl" "Actually Alucard its Seras, meet Ella and Ella meet Seras. And Ella I am Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, just call me Sir Integra" Ella looked over and heard Alucard mutter "Master" then saw a woman, yes she saw boobs, so a woman calling herself _Sir_ 'What the' Ella thought, then it all slid into place she smiled and said "oh I get it now, Pre-op or Post-op" Sir Integra looked confused, then again so did Alucard and Seras, so Ella did the only thing she could think of, "Group shot" she yelled then grabbed Seras and placed her next to Integra, held her arm out smiled yelled "CHEESE" and took a photo.

It was only later on that night that Ella remembered the strange voice she heard in the shower, she wondered if she had imagined it or if it was Alucard, there was another option but she couldn't think about because there was no way, no way at all it was possible. She rolled over and muttered "He couldn't have found me, please god"

Alucard raised and eyebrow and went back into his room, wondering who _he_ was, why Ella was so scared, and why the fuck he cared.


	6. The Spazz emerges

BANG

**BANG**  
Ella frowned, the ground felt colder and harder for some reason, and where the hell was the carpet? She opened her eyes and stared down at the ground, wondering when she had put tile like things on the floor, then she remembered where she was, she got up and groaned loudly also remembering _what_ she did.

_FLASHBACK_  
After the group shot in the library or study, hey it had books in it so it was a library in her mind, she was walking out after Integra suggested that it was late and she should get some sleep. They all stood in the doorway and Integra suggested they take the shorter way to the basement, 'Hmmm I thought Alucard said dungeon' Ella thought, but mentally shrugged it off.  
Alucard started to laugh again, and everyone looked at him, Walter (who had been waiting outside the study/library, Seras and Integra all looked at him as though they had never seen him laugh before, meanwhile Ella looked suspicious, she knew that laugh and it meant trouble "and what might I ask is so funny?" she said, Alucard looked at her smiling "You'll see soon" he replied, Ella sighed and mumbled "bastard" Alucard's smile widened, the others looked shocked.  
Walter quickly jumped in and said "Follow me please miss, this way" and he led the small group over to a large painting of the crown jewel, "Oh shiny" Ella said and watched in amazement as Walter did something to the wall and the painting opened to reveal a very long and very dark staircase.  
Ella stared and muttered "shit" Alucard laughed again, she looked at him, glared then looked back at the stairs she sighed then nodded once to herself, looked over at Alucard and stared at his feet then moved her eyes up to the top of his head, she then looked over at Walter and said "I'm going to need a grappling hook, some rope" she looked over at Alucard once more, frowned then said "and maybe better to be safe then sorry I'll need a tent, sleeping bag, and enough food and drink to last several days"  
Integra frowned "Why do you need all that?"  
Ella smiled at her "Well if I'm going to make it there alive Alucard is going to need to give me a piggy back and I don't see him volunteering for that so I'm going to have to climb his back and considering his over six feet tall and I'm just under five four it might take a couple of days"  
They all looked at her as though she was crazy, everyone except Alucard who was giving Integra a look that said 'I told you so' she wondered what that meant, then noticed Walter wasn't going anywhere, which meant she was going to have to tackle the staircase herself, but at least if she stacked it (meaning if she fell) only Alucard would see her, so the others might think she was co-ordinated so that was a plus, less then a minute later she was proved wrong when Integra said "well then shall we go down, I would like to show Ella where her room is" Ella looked up "you don't have to do that I'm sure Alucard knows the way he can show me" Integra smiled gently "It's alright I needed to go downstairs anyway so it wont bother me, but thank you for trying to save me a trip" Ella gave up and just started praying that just this _once_ she could be co-ordinated.

They were three quarters of the way down the steps and Ella was damned pround of herself when Seras asked "What do you do for a living?" Ella looked up and saw she was talking to her and tried to think of a good way to tell these strangely polite and slightly uptight (they were rich and the rich were always uptight in her mind) people that she danced practically naked around a pole for money, she stopped paying attention to what she was doing **(Author: Shakes head)** and wondered how she could get away with not telling them, but she didn't want to lie either.  
Her clumsiness saved the day, it also nearly killed her, she looked up and suddenly missed a step, and then she went flying.

When Ella woke up she felt pain, a lot of it, she opened her eyes and saw everyone looking at her and they all seemed worried _even Alucard_ 'no way that's possible, so I must still be hallucinating' she thought, then closed her eyes once more and then heard a voice in her head, the same one she heard when the vamps had her captive, it said 'I pick B' she smiled then suddenly sat up fast, she grabbed onto Alucard's leg and waited for the dizziness and nausea to pass before looking up at him and saying "it was you, at the vamps hide out, it was you, you spoke to me in my head, how?" he just smiled and said aloud "Yes I definitely pick B"  
Ella suddenly remembered what 'B' was, she glared at him and said "I am NOT a spazz, it's the ground damn it"  
"I'm sure it is"  
"It is"  
"Hmmm"

"shut up"  
"But I thought we were, what is it BDF's"  
"BFF's and we are"  
Integra looked confused, but Seras said "Wait your BFF's with my master?"  
Ella looked at Seras shocked "Yes me and Alucard are BFF's we go way back, _MASTER_!"  
Integra looked at them all "What the bloody hell are BFF's"  
Seras looked at her and smiled "Best Friends Forever"  
Integra laughed "Oh Alucard, I'm so glad you didn't kill her"  
Ella waved "Excuse me, remember dying girl here, and _MASTER_"  
Alucard looked down "I can take your pain away, would you like me to drink you dry?"  
Ella purred "Kinky, but not in front of others" then winked at him and licked her upper lip seductively, they all looked shocked, all except Alucard who instead had a very strange look on his face. Ella sighed "Will someone please do two things for me, One: Please get me some drugs, hurt like hell, am I bleeding?"  
Seras looked over and moved her head this way and that but it was Alucard who replied "No your not"  
Ella nodded and Walter came over to her with a glass of water and some pain tablets she looked surprised at this "Walter I feel like such a bitch, I didn't even notice you leaving, forgive me" and she took the offering and downed the pills with the water, she grimaced over the taste of pill, and looked back at Walter waiting for his reply "Of course miss" Seras asked her "What's two?"  
Ella looked confused "Oh I remember, why the hell do you call that jack-ass Master?"  
Seras looked confused now "because he is my master"  
Integra explained "Seras was made into a vampire by Alucard, and at the moment she refuses to drink blood, and so is not yet a full vampire, so she is not yet free"  
Ella looked confused (AGAIN) "but Alucard calls you master and I'm guessing he's a full vampire"  
"well yes but Alucard is different, he belongs to the Hellsing organization"  
"What, you mean a slave"  
"well… sort of"  
Ella just stared at Integra horrified before saying "the pills have made me tired I would like to go to bed now"  
Alucard bent down and picked her up, she wrapped her arms around his neck and lost herself in thought, therefore missing the look of complete shock on the others faces. Alucard stopped before a door and opened it, revealing a chamber. Inside were all her bags, as well as a large four post bed in the middle of the room, another two chambers were connected to it, one she learned was her bathroom and the other a small kitchenette, Alucard put her down and the others started to leave when Ella looked up and met Integra's eyes before saying "In my mind it doesn't matter what country fought for it, it effects all of us and men still died fighting for it, slavery is wrong" and then she shut the door.

_FLASHBACK ENDS_

Ella got off the floor looking for some more pain pills and saw someone had left them for her on her nightstand along with a glass of water, she mentally thanked whoever it was and took them, she walked to the bathroom cursing the stairs and whoever invented them, she went to the toilet then took off her clothes wincing as she looked in the mirror at her assortment of bruises then took a nice warm shower, she got out and dried herself off, wrapped her towel around her and went out to get dressed.

She walked cautiously up the stairs and when she made it to the top looked around wondering where the hell she was supposed to go, when suddenly Alucard appeared out of nowhere and said "going somewhere" she jumped "Jesus red you scared the shit out of me" she held a hand to her heart and felt it beating rapidly, she saw him smile and knew he could hear it beating, "anyway to answer your question yes I'm going to work, but I don't know how to get out of here"  
"follow me" and he walked away leaving her to run after him, he stopped suddenly and she barrelled into him, "here we are" he said and did some thing to the wall and she watched it open "you know someone is going to have to teach me how to do that" she muttered, and they went through the opening, she watched Alucard shut it and noticed it was a different painting, this one was of the Queen herself, he then led the way to another stair case and they both looked down it before Ella said "stay still" and jumped onto his back, he reached behind himself and grabbed her ass pulling her up properly even as she yelped, he then went down the stairs and called out "Jeeves" (yes there really is a Jeeves in Hellsing, read the manga) a man walked out of the library "yes sir"  
"ready a car, Ella needs to go to work"  
"Yes sir" and he left.  
Alucard let her down and said "let him know when to pick you up again, better yet would you like me to come?"  
"GOOD GOD NO!" Ella yelled, Alucard smiled and replied "well then there's Jeeves, you had better be off"  
"'K well then tell the others I'll be back soon, Bye"  
"Bye" and he watched her walk out the door.

Work was over, _finally_ and Ella could finally relax, she had had a bad feeling all night that something bad would happen, but it had been fine, then Arthur her boss knocked on the open door "Can I come in" Ella smiled "sure thing hon." and watched him blushed, she loved the fact that a man who ran a strip club blushed every time one of the girls complimented him or flirted a little, he walked over holding something behind his back and said "these just came for you, I checked it out but nothing looked suspicious so here you go" and pulled the most beautiful bunch of red roses out from behind his back,  
"Oh my god, Arthur there beautiful, where did they come from?"  
"not sure no card that I could see either"  
Ella looked up at him and frowned "really"  
"Yeah kinda strange, but hey, there to nice to throw out, anyway your lift is here"  
"thanks again Hon, see you tomorrow okay"  
"sure thing, take care darling" and he gave her the flowers.

Ella walked over to the car carrying the roses, smiling to herself, when she felt something hidden under the wrapping at the bottom, it felt like a card, 'Oh well I'll read it in the car' she thought and thanked Jeeves and got in the car, putting on her seatbelt as he shut the door, suddenly she heard "What the hell is that" she squealed and looked over and saw Alucard, she frowned "flowers" he glared "who from" she looked down at them "I don't know but it feels like there is a card under here, the car pulled away from the curb and started heading back to Hellsing, Ella smiled and started to unwrap them on her lap, she got it open and saw she was right it was a card, she picked it up.  
Alucard watched her smile as she picked up the card and open it, he watched as her eyes scanned the card, and then saw the colour drain from her face, the smile fell and her heart sped up, she read it once more and swallowed suddenly, he reached over and grabbed the card from her and read.

_Roses are red  
Violets are blue  
these flowers will die  
and so shall you!  
Love you_


	7. The note

Alucard looked down at the note in his hand and looked up at Ella "Care to tell me what this is

**SEX**  
now that I have your attention, with the sex bits do you guys want them on a different chapter or on the same one but with a warning or just there?  
let me know  
OMG I just watched Pans Labyrinth, it is the best and saddest movie EVER  
I LOVE IT  
REVIEW THANKS

Alucard looked down at the note in his hand and looked up at Ella "Care to tell me what this is?"  
"Um... A card"  
"I can see that"

"Why did you ask then?"

"I meant what is with the message on the card"

"Um… romantic isn't it"

"Who is it from?"

"Wrong number"  
"Wrong number, really"  
"Yep"  
"It's a card"  
"It sure is"  
"Why do I talk to you again?"  
"My first-rate conversational skills"  
Alucard laughed then saw she was serious "No"  
"Oh, then why?"  
"I asked you first"  
"But I already answered you and you said no"  
"Fine, I don't know"  
"Oh, is it because I'm so damn pretty"  
"No"  
"Bastard I'm not talking to you"  
"Yeah right"

_Some time later_  
"Look Ella were here" Alucard almost hit her to see if she was alive, he was so pissed off, after all he couldn't believe she hadn't said a word since she called him a bastard, the car stopped and Jeeves opened the door she got out and said "Thank you Jeeves" he nodded. Alucard almost sighed in relief, 'she's talking again' he thought and said "So about that card" and got no reply, Walter opened the door and Ella smiled at him "Hello Walter, thanks for that, how was your day?" Walter looked at her and replied "Very good miss, thank you for enquiring, and might I ask how yours was"  
"Why it was lovely thank you" Alucard decided to add in "Except for the card" Ella ignored him, Alucard said louder "Except for the card" nothing so he yelled "EXCEPT FOR THE CARD."  
Integra and Seras both came out of the library looking worried, Ella smiled and waved "Hey" Alucard yelled again "FOR FUCK SAKE ELLA, TALK TO ME, CALL ME A BASTARD, JUST TALK" nothing "FINE" he yelled, then sighed and in a much softer tone said "Fine, yes I think your pretty" (at this stage everyone but Ella and Alucard looked like this Oo ) and Ella walked away, leaving behind a stunned group,  
But that exit was ruined when Ella realised she had no idea whatsoever on how to open the secret door, to lead her downstairs. 'What to do, what to do, do I stop and look stupid or risk getting lost to keep my pride' she thought then looked over her shoulder and saw a smug looking sexy vampire 'pride wins' and she walked up the stairs.

_One Hour Later:_

Ella was about to cry, pride sucks she decided she looked around and thought to herself 'I could've sworn I passed this painting three times already' she sighed and gave up, sitting down on the floor she decided it couldn't be to much longer before someone came this way… she hoped.

Not long after Ella gave up and sat down she saw something out of the corner of her eye, she frowned and looked up, nothing was there but she could have sworn she saw it, whatever it was, one minute later she saw it again but when she looked up it was gone "I'm going crazy" she muttered to herself, then sighed "I should just give up and call out to red, but damn it I don't want to I'm still mad at him" then she heard in her head "What did I do" she glared and shoved her hands over her ears and muttered "I'm not listening, I'm not listening" she then heard "I thought you weren't talking" Ella thought about that for a minute before saying "oh yeah, well I'm not talking, I'm not talking" she heard him laugh then she added "But if someone who I wont name decided to give directions I might just listen" and she waited but nothing, she sighed and smiled her evil smile then said "if someone or thing decides to give me directions I might just practice my stripping tonight in my room" she heard "big deal I see that every night" she frowned and said "Really Sir Integra strips?"  
"I don't know I was talking about you"  
"That's both sweet and creepy"  
"I thought you weren't talking to me"  
"If I can't see who I'm talking to it doesn't count"  
"Your logic is very twisted"  
"True, but it works for me so meh"  
"Whatever floats your boat"  
"I don't own a boat"  
"Why do I talk to you again"  
"Because of my first-rate conversational skills"  
"Haven't we done this before"  
"Oh yeah, that's why I'm not talking to you"  
"But you don't know who I am"  
"Unless you know the way to my room, I don't care"  
"I know it"  
"And"  
"And what time is the show"  
"What show?"  
"The strip show"  
"Sorry that offer expired"  
"Fine I'll just watch anyway"  
"Fine I'll just a restraining order"  
"You really think that would work"  
"Shut up"  
At this point Integra walked out and said "I don't believe it, what is wrong with you both?" Ella looked up at her then she looked up at the ceiling where Alucard came through slightly hanging upside down, Ella pouted "I can do that I just don't wanna" Integra looked at her and said "Do what?" Ella pointed to Alucard "That" Integra frowned and replied "What do you mean, are you saying you can do Alucard but you don't want to?" Ella stared off into space for a minute a strange look coming over her face, before biting her lower lip, she shook her head and said to herself "Those are bedtime thoughts" Integra looked confused, Alucard looked like he was trying to read her mind. Ella got up and smiled to Integra and said "Transvestite or not, you're a good friend, now what do you offer in the way of walls that vampires cannot enter"  
Integra opened her mouth and squeaked "What"  
Ella looked over "You know walls, the thingies that hold up the roof"  
"What did you say about transvestites?"  
"Oh that, well you're female, right?"  
"Yes"  
"And yet you're a Sir"  
"So"  
"So I figured you are either male about to go female"  
"What"  
"Or you were male already gone female"  
"B…B…But"  
"Oh of course you could be female turning male, that's why I asked if you were pre-op or post-op"  
Integra's mouth opened and shut several times before she clenched her teeth and said "Alucard show her to her room, now!" Alucard laughed and said "As you wish master, oh and one more thing"  
"What" Integra growled  
"I told you so"

Ella was fed up, she was restless, edgy and in need of some action and there was only one place she knew would still be open at 3:30 in the morning, she got out of bed and got dressed, she opened her door quietly and snuck upstairs, it took her ten minutes to find the catch to open the lever, she made a mental note to introduce these people to doors with door knobs, and went to the front door, she opened it and snuck out, wondering where to go now when she saw a building she guessed was the garage and saw she was in luck, she looked at all the cars and wondered which she should use when she saw it, the hottest motorbike she had ever seen, black and damn it was shiny, but it looked so powerful she was all but drooling over it, eight cylinder, six speed, and it looked like a hyper bike, she was in love. Ella looked around for the keys and found a key rack that was labelled, she felt like celebrating, after looking around for pen and paper she wrote a quick note saying simply 'Gone Fishin, Ella' she found a helmet (hey safety first) and pushed the bike what she hoped was far away enough from the house before starting it, and baby it purred, she hopped on and rode it to the gate, after opening the visor and letting the guards know she was on an important mission, she was free and doing speeds of 220km (136mph) not long after she arrived where she wanted to be, and parked the bike, she took off the helmet and walked up to a factory door, she knocked on it 5 times in rapid sequence and was let in, inside the music was pumping, the patrons drunk and god knew what else and she was feeling calmer, she walked up to the bar and nodded at the man behind it, she hopped over the bar and passed him 16 pounds before picking up a bottle of vodka and going into the back room, once inside the music was different but just as loud, she walked over to a man who was surrounded by women, it almost looked like a harem she shook her head at him gave him a kiss on the cheek, he shooed away the women and patted the seat next to him she sat down and opened her drink, he pushed two shot glasses towards her and she filled them both, they each took a glass then raised it and toasted without saying a thing, then drunk it down before repeating 5 times. Ella felt herself relax, the man looked over and said "What's wrong?" she raised an eyebrow "What makes you think something's wrong"  
"Your not usually here unless something's wrong"  
"You know I just realised I hate smart asses"  
"That's not nice, you should love yourself"  
She laughed "Damn I'm glad I came, what have you been up to D?"  
"Usual, what about you, still working down at Arthur's?"  
"Yeah, he's a sweetheart, any chance you have any new rumours for me"  
"Nothing that would interest you, why?"  
"Try me"  
"Fine, well alls been quiet on the supernatural scene"  
She raised her eyebrow again "Really"  
"Strange isn't it, then again there was a rumour of a couple of deaths in Ireland looking suspicious"  
"In what way"  
"Well they all died the same, slowly and painfully, want the details?"  
"Yes"  
"Your very serious, why"  
"Just tell me"  
"Ella what the fuck is going on, you're getting me very worried"  
"Look just tell me, and if its nothing don't worry"  
"But if it's something"  
"Look I've just had a feeling is all"  
"I don't like your feelings, they tend to be right"  
"Please D, just tell me"  
"Alright, the men had all been drawn and quartered, then they had there hearts ripped out" "By drawn and quartered you mean"  
"Yep dragged to where they died, hanged until they were unconscious, disembowelled and then beheaded before they had their arms and legs removed"  
"Jesus, why haven't I heard about this"  
"Well you do avoid the news"  
"It's depressing, but surly I would've heard someone talking?"  
"For one thing its not something you talk about to your stripper and secondly its not in the news, the police are trying to keep it quiet"  
"Jesus" Ella picked up the bottle and sculled a quarter of it down, D looked at her "Ella what the fuck are you doing here?" before she could reply she heard "I was just about to ask the same thing" she looked over and went white, "Alucard, what are you doing here?"  
"I asked you first, tell me Ella what are you doing in a vampire bar?"


	8. The Bar

The entire bar had gone quiet the minute Ella said Alucards name, and everyone was holding their breath waiting for what would happen, meanwhile D looked shocked and Ella looked for a way out, Alucard growled "Ella."  
"Um" she looked over at D and said "What's the time?"  
Alucard answered "Half past answer me damn it."  
"Wow, I didn't realise it was so late, well I have to get going." She started to get up but felt a hand on shoulder pushing her back down "Damn it" she muttered.  
Alucard stood next to her now and said "What are you doing in a vampire bar?"  
Ella decided to play dumb "Vampire bar? Really? I didn't know."  
Alucard smiled and said "Looks like you're playing dumb again, looks like you're winning too."  
D started to cough to cover a laugh, but stopped the second Alucard looked at him, he turned his attention back to Ella and said "Once more, what are you doing in a vampire bar?"  
"I'm not here at the moment but if you'd like to leave a message after the beep, I'll try to get back to you _BEEP._"  
He bent down and grabbed her by the shoulders, lifting her up with ease, Ella squealed, and D jumped up ready to protect her, but Alucard put her down again and said "Try again, and this time answer me or else I will make you suffer."  
"Hmm did you say something?"  
Alucards eyes darkened, he was pissed and everyone could tell, D took a step forward, trying to position his body so he could jump in front of Ella at anytime, Alucard reached out with one hand and wrapped it around her throat, lifting her up slowly.  
She made a shocked noise when her feet left the ground and D tensed, Alucard saw that and reached in his jacket with his free hand, pulling out his gun, he pointed it a D and said "Just try it, really I would love an excuse to destroy your worthless body, then again I really don't need an excuse do I?"  
Ella growled and everyone turned to her shocked, there she was hanging in the air being held up by only Alucards hand, the very man who was more monster then vampire, who could and had killed just because he could, the creature who had his weapon out and who everyone could tell was angry, and she growled at him.  
Alucard turned and looked at her and watched her glare at him, he smiled and said "Well since you won't answer me, he will." and he looked at D and said "What is she doing in a vampire bar?"  
"What makes you thinks I'll talk?"  
"This" Alucard slowly squeezed Ella's neck and she gasped when her air was cut off.  
"Ok, ok you win, just leave her alone."  
"I think I'll keep her like this, tell me now."  
"She always comes here when she needs to unwind or needs information."  
"What type of information?"  
"Mostly she wants to know about the vampire killings."  
"Why?"  
"No one knows, she wont tell."  
"Oh, she'll tell me" he looked at her "Wont you?"  
She smiled and then stuck her tongue out at him, he tightened his grip again then turned his attention to D "What else?" "That's mostly it."  
"You said mostly, what else does she ask about?"  
"Just family."  
"Her family?"  
"What? No our families."  
"Hmm, when did she first arrive here and who brought her?"  
"About 4 months ago and I did."  
"Really, how did you meet?"  
"At her work."  
"You go to places like that?"  
"I see nothing wrong with strip clubs."  
Alucard looked at Ella "You're a striper?"  
D answered him "You didn't know?"  
"No, but that's very interesting" he looked at Ella "Now answer my questions or I will tell everyone what you do for a living." He released her.  
She glared at him and took a gulp of vodka, "God that was mean, but you know what else is mean?"  
"No, what?"  
"This."  
And _this_ was Ella grabbing a knife and stabbing Alucard in the thigh, everyone in the room gasped and D jumped in front of her, Ella poked him in the back and said "What are you doing?" D turned and looked at her as though she was stupid. "Protecting you."  
"From what?"  
"From him."  
"That's so sweet, but honey if he wanted to kill me, well I'd already be dead, and so would you."  
"What?"  
Alucard appeared behind her and grinned "That's right."  
Ella looked at him "Can I have that knife back?"  
"No."  
"But D needs it."  
"No, D needs a new name, and you shouldn't be allowed near sharp, pointy objects."  
"That's not nice." She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him.  
"So tell me why do you ask after vampire killings and does it have anything to do with the card?"  
"No."  
"No what? No it doesn't, or…"  
"No I'm not telling."  
"Tell me or else."  
"Or else what? You're bluffing Red."  
"Or else I'll tell everyone you take your clothes off for a living."  
"Really?"  
"That's right."  
"Fair enough." Ella took a deep breath and yelled "HEY EVERYONE I'M A STRIPER" she heard someone shout back "WE KNOW" she turned and looked at Alucard and raised an eyebrow.  
He glared at her and said "Tell me now."  
"I can't."  
"Why not?"  
"Because I'm not talking to you." She turned her back on him.  
He growled again "Why were you put on this Earth?"  
He heard her reply "Cereal."  
He sighed and said "Am I the only one who thinks she's insane?"  
D looked at him sympathetically "Don't worry, I think she's insane too."  
Ella gasped in outrage and smacked D on the stomach before glaring and muttering "You don't count."  
He looked confused "Why not?"  
"Because your dead, so there."  
Alucard looked at her and said "How old are you again?"  
"20; why?"  
"Your lying right?"  
"Nope."  
"Are you drunk?"  
"Nope, but I'm getting there."  
"Lucky you."  
"They have a good selection of wine if you wanna."  
"Want to what?"  
"Wanna get drunk."  
"Thank you but no."  
"So polite, who are you and where's Red?"  
"Why do I bother?"  
"I don't know."  
"You know, while I may not be able to kill you, I can still make you suffer."  
"You do and I'll make you suffer."  
Alucard laughed "Yeah right and how would you do that?"  
"I would follow you everywhere and when you are surrounded I would do the ultimate thing that would break you."  
"And what's that?"  
"I would sing."  
"You'd sing?"  
"Yes and not just in front of your enemies I'd do it in front of Hellsing too."  
"What would you sing?"  
Ella laughed "The ultimate cutesy wootsy song."  
"What?"  
"Would you like a demonstration?"  
"Sure why not."  
_"You are my sweetest love, that love I always wanna hug, because I really love you, the world just has to know."_  
"STOP IT!"  
_"__I'll do anything for you, there is nothing I wouldn't do. Snuggle, cuddle and then hug me, with you I always want to be."_  
"I SAID STOP IT!"  
_"My love is deep and true, I'd be lost if not with you, so lonely would life be if not for you and me."_  
"ALRIGHT YOU WIN!"  
"Thank you."  
"You're _EVIL!_"  
D laughed "You only just realized that?"  
Alucard turned to him "Just because I wont kill her doesn't mean I wont kill you."  
D swallowed loudly, Ella smacked Alucard "Stop that or else?"  
"Or else what?"  
"_Our feelings are so strong, and our hearts will beat as one, a never ending story is what I have with you._"  
"ALRIGHT!"  
"Mwahahahah!"  
"That's a very good evil laugh."  
"Thank you I've been practising."  
"Why?"  
"Everyone should have an evil laugh."  
"You really are insane."  
"Thank you, well I'm beat lets go home." Ella walked over and gave D a kiss on the cheek and said "Bye honey, I'll see you around."  
D kissed her cheek and replied "Sure thing baby doll, take care."  
"Don't I always?"  
"No."  
Ella laughed "I'll try to be careful, I promise."  
"Good girl."  
She turned to Alucard and held out her hand "Come on Red, lets go home."  
Alucard stared at her for a minute not saying anything, then he turned and walked passed her, when he saw she was taking her time, he went back and grabbed her hand and dragged her out.

* * *

When they got outside they stopped next to the bike, Alucard looked at Ella "Hand me the keys, I'll drive."  
"You know how?"  
"Who's bike do you think it is?"  
"Boobs?"  
"What about them?"  
"No, you asked who's bike I thought it was and I said boobs, as in Seras."  
"Oh, no."  
"Integra's?"  
"No."  
"Walter's?"  
"No."  
"Jeeves?"  
"This will go on all night unless I stop you, wont it?"  
"Yep."  
"Why didn't I kill you when I had the chance?"  
"Cause your really just a big ol' pussycat."  
"Don't ever say that again."  
"As you wish."  
"Just get on the damn bike."

* * *

_The next day (Well technically later on in the day)_

Ella looked up as Walter entered the library "Miss, pardon me but Sir Integra would like a word, if you would kindly follow me."  
"Sure thing." They went up the stairs, Walter watching her carefully making sure she didn't miss a step and go A over T (Ass over Tits) and walked down a long hallway.  
Walter stopped, his phone had started to ring, he looked apologetic "I'm terribly sorry miss, but I'm afraid you'll have to continue on by yourself."  
"K."  
"It's the room on the left."  
"Thank you." She watched as Walter walked away, listening to whoever was talking to him and turned to the door when she heard  
"Have her checked again?" It was Alucards voice.  
"What do you want me to do, the very first day you told me about her, I had them do an in depth check."  
"Try again."  
"Why?"  
"Because she was perfectly at home in the midst of a vampire bar, and none of the vampires were eyeing her like dinner."  
"So that makes you think…what?"  
"That she's hiding something."  
"Alucard I will trust your judgment on this, if you can tell me that you completely believe she is a traitor or selling secrets, then fine, kill her."


	9. SPECIAL CHAPTER FUN!

**SHOUT OUT TIME:  
**WHOOO SHOUT OUT TO **IRISHSOUL **AND TO **SAILOR-MOON-Z **AND **POGOCAM **AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST **RAVEN06**  
YOU ALL ROCK, MY BABIES THIS SPECIAL CHAPPIE IS FOR YOU!!

* * *

Ella started to pout, how dare they discuss killing her behind her back, well she was going to march right in there in give them a piece of her mind, and maybe a taste of the back of her hand, 'That'll learn 'em' she thought to herself, then heard Alucards reply "No, I don't believe she's a spy, but she is hiding something."  
"Then why do you want a more thorough search?"  
"Because I want to know where did she come from."  
Ella could practically hear the laughter in Integra's voice "Well Alucard, when a man and a woman love each other very much…"  
Ella opened the door and said "You know I have a movie that I carry with me everywhere that's about that."  
Alucard glared at her then what she said had sunk in and he blinked and raised an eyebrow "What type of movie?"  
"Well lets just say that the word hoe is used and its all about the pussy."  
"Can we watch it?" He sounded excited.  
"Sure."  
He looked at Integra "I'll be back to finish this later" and walked over to Ella, picked her up and did his cool wall trick, effectively scaring the shit out of Ella, when she opened her eyes she saw they were in her room, he put her down and said "Go on, put it on."  
"Ok, But first can you go get some popcorn?" At the look he shot her; she pushed out her lower lip and whispered "Please."  
"You eat popcorn with these movies?" He sounded incredulous.  
"Of course, it makes it sooo much better."  
"Fine set up, I'll get the popcorn" and then he was gone. Ella smiled and turned to open the cabinet (That the Author never mentioned before and may never mention again lol) and turned on the TV and DVD player, she put the DVD in and picked up the remote, Alucard came back with popcorn and Ella smiled and asked "Do you want to watch it in bed with me?"  
Alucard looked at her and she saw his eyes were darker "Are you very sure?"  
"Yes."  
Alucard walked slowly over to her his eyes never leaving her own, he took her hand and pulled her down to the bed to sit, just as Ella was about to hit _play_ someone knocked on the door, Ella sighed and got up to answer the door, she opened it and saw Walter standing there, "Yes Walter what may I do for you?"  
"My apologies miss, but Sir Integra requires an urgent word."  
"Alright Walter" she looked over her shoulder at Alucard "Movie might have to wait a bit longer."  
"Oh it's alright I can watch this by myself."  
Walter cleared his throat "I'm very sorry Alucard but Sir Integra requested your presence also."  
Alucard sighed "Very well" and he walked over to the door, Ella rubbed her hand up and down his arm in a soothing way and said "Not to worry, remember I own it, plus waiting a little longer makes it all worth while in the end." Then she winked at him and walked out after Walter.

* * *

Alucard was getting antsy, he wanted to watch that movie, all he could think about was watching a movie like _that _with Ella, in her room, in the semi-darkness, and on her bed. He went through the wall and saw Ella and Integra sitting down talking, they both had a glass of alcohol, vodka for Ella and port for Integra, they each also had a tobacco product in hand, Integra had her trademark cigar, while Ella smoked a cigarette. They both suddenly looked over and at the same time said "Get out" then they looked at each other and smiled, the door opened and when Alucard looked over he saw Seras entering the room and approach the duo, Ella smiled at her "Take a seat Seras."  
"Thank you."  
"Now where were we?"  
"We were up to the part about the… Alucard I thought I told you to get out."  
"My apologies master."  
Ella looked at him strangely "It always worries me when he uses manners."  
Integra and Seras both nodded, but it was Integra who replied "I know what you mean, it usually indicates he's up to something." All three were watching his every move now, he stayed for a minute longer then couldn't take it anymore, with a growl he went back through the wall and out of the room, leaving behind a smiling group. Ella looked at Integra "I told you it would work"  
Integra laughed "I never would've believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, now you were telling me how best to train him."  
Ella started to laugh, "It's easier then you think."

* * *

_2 Hours Later:_  
Alucard heard the door open and knew it was Ella leaving Integra's office, he started to feel the familiar thrill course through his body at the thought of what Ella had planned for them in her room. He waited next to her door, and after what seemed like eternity (And that's saying a lot for a man who was over 500 years old) he heard her footsteps on the stairs, then heard her swear, then the sound of her body hitting the ground, he sighed and wondered how much it would cost to get the stairs and floors covered in safety foam, because if they didn't do something soon, she'd probably be dead by the end of the month, he heard her mutter "I'm Ok" before the footsteps started again.  
She rounded the corner and saw him waiting for her, and smiled "My, my mister vampire anxious are we."  
He smiled "Very."  
She laughed softly "Don't worry, I promise it will live up to your expectations."  
"I believe it will."  
She stood in front of him now and lifted her hand to run her fingertips down his cheekbones to his chin, then smiled and said "Shall we" and opened the door.  
Alucard went in after her and sat down on the bed, Ella approached slowly and when she reached him she started to sit slowly, but before she could another knock was heard, Ella called out "Who is it?"  
"It's me, Seras."  
"What's wrong love?"  
"It's about what we talked about earlier, I'm not sure I can do it."  
Ella got up suddenly and turned to Alucard "It seems we have to wait once more" she walked over to the TV "But just to make sure you don't watch it without me" and she took the DVD and put it in a clear cover and walked to the door, she opened it and walked out leaving Alucard frustrated and alone in her room.

* * *

_90 minutes later:  
_Ella sighed it was so bloody hard to help fix other peoples love lives when she didn't have one herself, but she couldn't wait to meet this 'Pip' who had Seras all wound up, it was so cute, she was claiming she didn't like him, and he always picked on her, 'Oh just like kindergarten' she thought smiling to herself, her smile fell when she walked into her room and saw all of her underwear and clothes everywhere, "What the fuck hap… ALUCARD!" she opened the cabinet and put the DVD on top of the TV then bent down to pick up a bra when suddenly Alucard appeared from the floor, his face centimetres away from her own causing her to scream and jump up, only to hit her head on the open cabinet door, "FUCK!" She started to rub her head, it hurt like hell she opened her mouth to ask if it was bleeding, but he answered her before she had the chance, "No, your not bleeding."  
"Thank fuck."  
"Can we finally watch this movie?"  
She smiled, "Alright I suppose you've been a very good boy tonight, go lay down and I'll put it on."  
He leaned down and said "I don't care if the Queen herself comes through that door, we are watching it now." He went and sat on the bed while she set the DVD up, when it was done she picked up the remote and walked over to the bed, she lay down next to him and snuggled in close then looked up at him and smiled then pressed play, she could feel a strange energy radiating from his body and the title started.

* * *

Alucard looked at the title scene and his mouth dropped open "What is this?"  
She looked at him and smiled "I told you the movie that explains what Integra said to you earlier."  
"But you said its all about pussy?"  
"No I said its all about _the_ pussy."  
"THIS ISN'T ABOUT PUSSY!"  
"Alucard, I told you this movie is all about _THE ULTIMATE PUSSY._"  
"THEN WHERE IS IT?"  
"Fine, fine picky" she skipped some scenes until she found what she was looking for, she hit play and looked at Alucard, he seemed horrified.  
"What?" she said "I promised you a movie about the ultimate pussy and here it is… Dr Seuss The Cat In The Hat, a movie about the ultimate pussy cat."

* * *

HOW MANY OF YOU THOUGHT NAUGHTY THOUGHTS HEY!!

DIRTY MINDED PEOPLE

LOVE YOU ALL


	10. Intorducing The Crew

Alucard stared at her, but she looked innocent, "You bitch" he said

ALRIGHT  
THREE CHAPTERS IN TWO DAYS, ARE YOU PEOPLE LOVED OR WHAT.

Alucard stared at her, but she looked innocent, "You bitch" he said  
"Why Red, that's not nice, after all how was I to know you're a pervert"  
"WHAT"  
"Well, when I said pussy, did you think I meant something non cat related"  
"I don't like you"  
"Aww honey don't pout"  
"I will destroy you"  
"Diddums"  
"YOU WILL PAY"  
"Honey, why are you so upset"  
"YOU TRICKED ME"  
"No, you just didn't understand"  
"DIDN'T UNDERSTAND, BULLSHIT, YOU TRICKED ME"  
"Honey"  
"DON'T HONEY ME YOU WENCH BITCH"  
Ella's smile fell and her voice got soft "What did you call me"  
"Wench"  
"You know if you weren't such a pervert you would have understood properly"  
"WHAT"  
"Look, if you thought with your head and not with your dick, you would have caught on sooner, so its your own fault fuckface, and if you ever call me wench again, I will have the time of my life torturing you"  
"And how will you do that" he sneered  
"I'd have fun with those re-growing body parts of your, by cutting of your dick again and again and AGAIN!"  
"Alright, I'll never call you wench again"  
"Smart man, now get out"  
"What, no"  
"Fine, you stay I'll get out" Ella got off the bed and picked up some clothes (That were still on the ground, mind you) and took off her shirt, Alucards eyes widened, she put on a sexy halter-neck and took of her track pants, she then put on a pair of tight black leather pants, and found her thigh high boots and some ankle socks, after putting them on (The boots over the pants) she walked into her bathroom, put her hair up and applied her make-up, that done she turned and walked out found her bag, looked once more at Alucard and said "Don't wait up" and left.

Ella walked outside and took out her phone, she dialled in a number and listened to it ring "You will never guess what I was just called" she saw a car that was waiting for her and got in and started it up, and drove out.

A woman walked into the bar and looked around she spotted a lone Ella sitting in the corner, one hand wrapped around the bottle of vodka she always seemed to have, she walked up to Ella and grabbed the drink out of her hand and took a drink "Hey that's mine you bitch give it back"  
"No"  
Ella looked at the woman before walking up to stand in front of her, she had dark brown hair and eyes the colour of melted chocolate, she was slim and wearing a black dress "Camila, you're here"  
"Of course I am, you called dumbass"  
"Yeah, I did call dumbass didn't I"  
Camila laughed "Left myself wide open for that one"  
"God, I'm so glad you came"  
"What happened"  
"He…he.." she sobbed "HE CALLED ME WENCH"  
Camila gasped "No"  
"It's true"  
"THAT PRICK"  
"It gets worse"  
"How"  
"He… He said wench bitch"  
"No, I'll kill him"  
"Thanks but lets just get really drunk and curse all men"  
"Sure thing, I was planning on doing that tomorrow night, but no one said you couldn't curse men and get drunk two nights in a row"  
"Hey bitches, don't tell me you've started without me"  
They both looked over and saw a woman standing there, she had blood red hair and blue grey eyes, wearing black skinny jeans and a black low cut shirt, both girls smiled "Sarah" Ella looked at them both "Alright lets go out back and let the bitchfest begin."

Alucard was going insane he was bored as all hell, Ella had left hours ago and there was no sign she was coming back anytime soon, he decided to go do some target practice, but soon got bored, it was no fun really when the targets didn't bleed and beg for mercy, so he decided to see what the police girl was up to, he found her snoring away and smiled Ella was right to nick name her 'Boobs' because that was really the first thing you noticed about her, he decided that since she was no fun anyway he'd let her sleep and left to find out what his master was up to.  
Turned out she was doing paperwork with Walter and was not in a good mood "GET OUT"  
"Master I was just enquiring whether there was anything I could do to help"  
"Why?"  
"I'm just being helpful"  
"Your bored aren't you"  
"No"  
"You are"  
"I am not"  
"Where is Ella"  
"Out"  
"Where"  
"I don't know, just out"  
"Did you two have a fight"  
"No"  
"I think you did"  
"Did not"  
"Alucard tell me what it is about this girl that makes you act like a baby"  
"I am not acting like a baby"  
"And I'm not Integral (real spelling of her name) Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing"  
"Then who are you"  
"Good god, your getting as bad as her"  
"Am not"  
"Get out"  
"Not until you give me something to do"  
"Fine, get out"  
"Something else"  
"THAT'S IT, GO GET ELLA AND SHUT-UP"  
"Yes, my master"

Alucard walked into the room and saw Ella and smiled, she was stumbling around and it looked like she was attempting to dance, but failing miserably, as he watched he saw two women dancing (if you could call it that) with her, something was familiar about them, then it hit him 'Ah' he thought looking at the one with blood red hair 'vampire' and the brunette looked like she was the girl Ella said goodbye to at the strip club 'another striper' then he frowned, there were vampires hanging around the women, he snarled then frowned 'Why should I care' he thought and shook it off 'shit it felt good to watch her' he wondered where that thought came from, and walked over to her, she spun around and saw him "RED!" she yelled and then slipped and fell, he laughed and caught her then said "I see you're a spazz when drunk also"  
She glared and stumbled "Shuddup" then turned to the two women and said "This is him" the women glared, he was confused then he heard Ella whisper loudly "But fuck, he's sexy as hell aint he" he saw the two women nod, then Ella went on "But his mine, so don't touch 'im."  
He looked at them and no one said a word, "Ella"  
"Yesh"  
"Are you going to introduce me"  
"Do you find either of em really fucking hot"  
He looked at them then back to her "Yes" he leaned in close and whispered "But your sexier"  
She stumbled into him again "Skay, thish, I mean thisp, this is shara, I mean Sarah" she pointed to the red head,  
Alucard nodded to her and said "been a vampire long"  
She smiled then said "Been a wanker long"  
He looked at Ella and frowned when he saw she was smiling "Ah" he said "You've been talking" she looked up at him and smiled, he smiled back as he had a perfect view of down her top,  
Then she pointed to the brunette and said "This is Camila"  
Camila looked him over once then said "A pleasure, Ella he can see down your shirt" Sarah remarked "What do you know, you were right Ella he is a pervert" and she pulled Ella away from him, he glared and pulled her back and said "You told them that as well" "Yep"  
Sarah glared and grabbed Ella again "She told us_ everything"  
_"Everything" and he grabbed her back  
"Yes everything"  
"So you know she works for me"  
"She doesn't work for you"  
"My master then"  
"No, she works with Camila and they work for Arthur"  
Camila looked at them both and said "I'm going for a drink, don't do anything or say anything good until I get back" and ran off  
Sarah stopped talking and glared at him,  
Meanwhile Ella's being yanked back and forth between them going "WHEEEEEE!!"  
Camila ran back with drinks and Alucard looked at her as she held out a drink for Ella and he said "Is that really smart in the state she's in"  
Camila grinned "Nope, but its funny"

He looked down and nodded "True" then looked back at Sarah "Let her go"  
Sarah glared and bared her teeth "You first"  
He just laughed, then looked down as Ella stopped going "WHEE" and went "Oh no" They both let go and she fell on the floor, then Sarah picked her up again and steered her through the crowd quickly, trying to get to the bathroom before Ella threw up on the floor, or her.  
He looked over and saw Camila looking at him, "What"  
She just grinned then said "Ella and Red, sitting in a tree K.I.S.S.I.N.G" then stopped and looked down at her glass, she gasped and said "SOMEONE DRUNK MY DRINK"  
Sarah came back with Ella and heard her, then said "Honey, was it you"  
Ella looked up "Huh"  
Camila glared and yelled "NO, SOME BASTARD DRUNK MY DRINK"  
Ella gasped "No"  
"Yes"  
"CALL THE SPLICE"  
Alucard looked at Sarah "What did she say"  
Sarah shook her head "She said call the police"  
Alucard looked at them, Camila was accusing a person of drinking her drink, Ella was glaring at them, an Sarah was trying not to laugh as she held Ella up.  
He shook his head "Come on"  
They all looked at him and he kept going "Lets get the spazz home" and grabbed Ella again, as they walked out "WHEEEEE" could be heard.

They got home, all of them, Ella had invited the other girls for a sleepover, and as they were walking down the stairs Alucard decided to carry Ella "Its safer" was his excuse, next thing **SMACK, BANG** was heard, Alucard laughed and looked at Sarah "Well, well, look who can't walk down stairs" Sarah had slipped and fallen down the stairs (Yep, not just Ella, But her friends are spazzes too) and he immediately felt better, he put Ella down and she ran up to Sarah, but ended up tripping over air, and landed on her instead, Camila yelled out "PILE ON SARAH" and jumped on top of Ella.  
Alucard shook his head and muttered to himself "Shit, there's three of them" he managed to get them all up again, and decided to carry Ella again, he walked into her room, and dumped her on the bed, he looked down at her and glared "Don't leave the bed, its not safe for drunk spazzes to wander" and he left the room.

The next day Alucard went to check on the women, see if they survived the night/day and walked in to find Camila and Sarah sitting on the bed watching The Cat in The Hat he looked around but couldn't see Ella "Where is she?"  
Sarah answered "Worshipping the porcelain god"  
"What?"  
Suddenly the sound of vomiting was heard, Alucard walked into the bathroom and saw Ella on her knees in front of the toilet, her arms on either side and her head in the bowl, "Ah I get it, worshipping the porcelain god, clever"  
Ella moaned in pain "Fuck off"  
He walked up to her and pulled her hair back, he looked down at her "What do you need" "Make it stop"  
"Would you like drugs?"  
"K"  
"And what to drink, hair of the dog"  
"No, Coke" (Actually helps my hangovers)  
He walked to the sink and wet a cloth then placed it on the back of her neck, then left.

"OH MY GOD" Ella yelled, the others ran in  
"What?"  
Ella looked horrified, she looked around the room then whispered "I could love him if I let myself"

Alucard walked in and saw all the women in the bathroom looking horrified "What's wrong" he said  
"Nothing" was what he got back, he shook his head and walked over to Ella and gave her the pain pills and coke "Here you go, Drugs and Coke" she took them and downed the tablets down with coke, then rested her head on her arm and avoided his eyes, "Its ok" she said "I forgive you for yesterday, you don't have to act so nice anymore" he looked confused  
"What?"  
She shook her head and the other girls walked over to her, Camila sat next to her and said "Honey, me and Sarah are going to wait until you fall asleep then we have to go, ok"  
"K"  
Sarah walked over to her side and picked her up then carried her to her bed, Camila grabbed a bucket from under the sink, and they both sat on the bed next to her Sarah pushed Ella down til her head was resting on her lap then started to play with Ella's hair, soon enough she was asleep  
Sarah walked over to Alucard and they stared at eachother until she said "I don't like you, but she does, so prove to me your worth her friendship, protect her"  
Alucard frowned "From what?" but it was to late they had already left (And him chasing after them would ruin the exit)

Ella came out of the bathroom, showered and with brushed teeth, (Cause vomit don't taste good) and saw Alucard sitting on her bed, she smiled and sat next to him and rested her cheek on his shoulder, he looked down at her and she looked up at him "Thank you" she whispered  
"For what" he whispered back  
She smiled "Being so good to me" and she leaned up and kissed him lightly on the mouth then pulled back slightly, they stared into each others eyes for a full minute, then Alucard growled and crushed Ella's mouth beneath his own.


	11. The French are here

Alucard kissed her with all the built up frustration he had been feeling, his mouth slanting over hers and crushing her lips to his, their tongues duelled together, Ella moaned softly and arched into him, his hand fisted in her hair and he yanked her hea

Alucard kissed her with all the built up frustration he had been feeling, his mouth slanting over hers and crushing her lips to his, their tongues duelled together, Ella moaned softly and arched into him, his hand fisted in her hair and he yanked her head back, they stared at each other, breathing heavily before he pushed her back onto the bed and lay on top of her, he kissed her again, his free hand making its way from her face down to her waist, he grabbed her hips and pulled her up against him, she moaned once more, and froze when someone knocked on the door, her heart was beating a mile a minute, and she had to take a couple of deep breaths before yelling out "Who is it"  
"It's the most amazing person you will ever have the privilege of meeting"  
Ella smiled and looked at Alucard "Do you know who it is"  
He looked back at her "Unfortunately" and he got up off the bed and went to the door "What do you want" he growled as he opened it  
"Well hello to you to" the man muttered "Wait a minute, what are you doing in this room?" he looked over and saw Ella sitting on the bed looking dishevelled and looked back at Alucard "Getting your food alive and beating now are we"  
"What do you want"  
"Sir Integra wants to see both you and the girl"  
At this Ella got off the bed and walked over "Its Ella, and who are you"  
The man looked her up and down, before smiling and muttering "Nice" Alucard growled and the man looked back at him "It's a compliment to you friend, not an insult"  
Ella nearly laughed, she decided she liked this man, he was just as annoying as her, when she reached them she tried to walk over to him, but Alucard grabbed her arm and pulled her to his side,  
The man smiled at this and said "My name is Pip Bernadotte, and I must say it is a pleasure to meet you"  
Ella held out her hand "A pleasure" and Pip kissed it, 'So this is Seras' man' she thought  
Alucard asked "What does Integra want?"  
Pip answered still holding Ella's hand "To see you both, now my beautiful if you will allow me to escort you"  
But it was Alucard once again who answered "No, I don't swing that way"  
Ella burst out laughing "Looks like I'm starting to rub off on you Red"  
"God forbid"  
Pip grinned "You can rub off on me anytime you like"  
Ella laughed once more and pulled her arm out of Alucards grasp, she walked over to Pip and locked arms with him, then said "Lets not keep her waiting, but in the meantime tell me about yourself"  
They walked off but Pips reply could still be heard "Well I am French and love Boobs"  
Ella stopped walking "What did you say?"  
"That I am French and love boobs"  
Ella smiled "What are the odds" she muttered  
"Hm what was that"  
"Never mind, tell me Pip, do you believe in fate."

"Alucard, Ella, Pip, your all here good, now we are just waiting for Seras, ah here she is"  
"Sorry I'm late" "That's okay, now to begin, we have rumours of a vampire killing in Ireland, we haven't been told about it until now, but according to my information tonights killing brings it up to 10 victims, no survivers, but there have been some gouls reported"  
Alucard frowned "If we haven't known about it, then who has been cleaning up"  
Integra smiled ruefully "It looks as though Ella is about to be introduced to Paladin Anderson"  
Alucard smiled "The Judas Priest"  
Ella frowned "Two questions"  
"Yes"  
"One" She looked at Alucard "Isn't Judas Priest a band"  
He nodded clearly distracted  
"And Two, why me, I don't work for Hellsing, hell I can't even wake up in the morning without going face first into the ground"  
"True, and we do have to give you some sort of protection" Integra frowned "But what sort"  
Alucard looked up in alarm "Master you can't"  
Integra sighed "We have to Alucard"  
"But putting Ella and weapons in the same s_entence_ is dangerous, unless you include the words, 'should never be around'"  
"Alucard, you can't win this one, she has to go, and she _needs_ to have weapons on her"  
Ella threw her hands in the air and accidentally smacked Alucard in the face "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, BUT WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHY I'M GOING"  
Integra sighed and held out a sheet of paper "I'm sorry about this Ella"  
Ella frowned and took the paper, she looked down and just stared, then she closed her eyes and a single tear slid down her cheek.  
She looked around "I have to leave"  
Alucard frowned (their doing that a lot this chappie) "What, Hellsing?"  
"No, the country"  
"WHAT!"  
"Excuse me I have to pack" she turned around and tripped over the carpet, **SMACK **"Damn it, one of these I'm going to pull off the sweetest exit" she muttered  
Alucard sighed "Where are you going"  
"You don't listen well, do you"  
"Would you like to get off the floor"  
"No I'm good"  
Pip walked over to them and muttered ""She has a very nice ass"  
Ella muttered back "Thank you, I'm glad someone noticed"  
Alucard glared at Pip then looked down at Ella and said "I noticed your ass, I just didn't want to say anything"  
Ella gasped "Why not, the only reason you haven't said anything is cause you think I have a big ass, ADMIT IT"  
Pip tsked and shook his head "Shame on you Alucard, shame, shame, shame"  
"Fine I wont compliment you again"  
"WHY DO YOU THINK I'M HIDEOUS"  
Pip glared at Alucard "How could you" and he bent down and helped her up  
Ella 'hmmphed' and looked back at Pip "Thank you, its good to see a real gentleman"  
Alucard threw up his hands "I GIVE UP, I QUIT, YOU WIN"  
Ella smiled "That's all a girl ever wants to hear"  
Integra laughed "Oh yes I really am glad you didn't kill her"  
Pip gasped "You considered killing this beautiful specimen of womanhood, how could you"  
Ella nodded "He's mean to Boobs too"  
Pip looked at Ella's chest, and she laughed and pointed to Seras and said "No, that's Boobs"  
Pip turned and looked at Seras' chest  
Seras glared at him and said "How would you like a bust in the mouth"  
Pip grinned widely "Is it Christmas already"  
Ella laughed so hard she was doubled over, she looked down and stopped laughing, the sheet of paper Integra had handed her was on the ground, face up.  
Pip bent down and picked it up "Jesus" he muttered "How can anyone do this to another person, let alone a baby"  
Ella looked over into the corner of the room "A person didn't do that, not even a monster could do that, no, what did that was pure evil"  
Alucard looked over and said "I think its time someone told us what exactly is going on, and why it seems Ella is in the middle"  
Ella shook her head and Integra sighed she looked at Ella and said "I will tell them what I know, then I will need you to tell me what you know"  
Ella looked over and said "It isn't my story to tell alone, I will need to make a few calls"  
Integra nodded and Ella walked out of the room to make the calls.

10 minutes later she was back and said "Their coming, but we can begin without them if you want to tell what you know"  
Integra nodded "Well firstly there is a rouge vampire running around somewhere and he is killing and leaving messages for Ella"  
Alucard looked shocked "What"  
Integra continued "Now at first they didn't realise that the messages were for Ella, but this last one is very obvious, here we are" She reached over and grabbed a folder from her desk "As I said, its very obvious this is for Ella"  
They all looked over and Ella grabbed the folder and opened it, inside was a picture of a bloody scene, written on the walls was a message  
**"THE ANDERSON I SEEK MUST BE BROUGHT TO ME OR MORE WILL DIE, SHE IS THE ONE WHO CAN END THIS, BRING HER TO ME, YOU WILL KNOW WHO SHE IS"**  
Integra looked at the group and said "Look underneath at the next picture"  
Ella pulled it out and read  
**"HER HAIR IS BLACK, HER EYES ARE BLUE, FEELINGS OF LUST HER JOB TO DO"  
**"Oh god he's rhyming" Ella said  
Pip added "And badly"  
**"FROM FOREIGN LAND, FROM FAR AWAY, DESTINY PUT HER IN MY WAY, DESTROY HER I MUST, FOR SHE LEFT ME, ELLA ANDERSON HELLSING'S SWEETPEA"  
**"That was horrible, if you ever read that aloud again" Alucard started but Ella but in "You'll destroy me with your mighty pen?"  
Pip added "No, he'll make it so you hate all men"  
Seras put in "He'll turn into the age of ten?"  
Integra smiled and said "Amen"  
"THAT'S IT YOUR ALL DEAD" Alucard yelled**, **then added to Ella "Wait, Anderson?"  
"Yeah what about it"  
"As in Alexander Anderson?"  
"Who?"  
"The Judas Priest"  
"Oh, well no relation that I know of why"  
"Thank fuck for that"  
Integra frowned "Language"  
Ella smiled and said "Piss, shit bitch"  
Pip added "Fuck, bastard, wanker"  
Integra sighed "Why do I bother"  
Alucard smiled "I ask myself that all the time now I know Hellsing's sweetpea"  
Ella laughed "That sounds like it was made up by the shitest poet ever"  
(Author: THAT'S NOT NICE, I CREATED YOU I CAN MAKE YOU SUFFER)  
Alucard looked back at her "So, you know him"  
Ella stopped laughing "Not yet"  
Sarah and Camila walked in and Camila said "Yes, she knows him, in fact we both do"  
Alucard looked at the girls "Both of you"  
Sarah shook her head "No, not Camila just myself and Ella"  
"So why are you here Camila"  
She shrugged "Bored"  
Ella nodded "Fair enough"  
Pip looked around and Seras yelled "WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN"  
Ella raised her eyebrows and muttered "Sure thing Ms Hanson" (AUSSIE JOKE)  
Sarah looked at Ella and sighed "So, where should we begin"  
Ella smiled "Start at the beginning and when you get to the end…stop"  
Sarah shook her head "Smart ass" and sighed once more "Alright, my story starts five years ago, when I first met Ella, when I met evil and" she swallowed loudly "And my master"


	12. How Ella and Sarah came to be

So

So

SORRY FOR THE LEAVING PART, I HAD TO CLEAN THE OVEN  
WHAT A BITCH!

BEGIN

Sarah looked around as the light went off "Damn it Ella turn the light on"  
She heard "Sorry, trying to set a mood"  
She shook her head and tried to start again "As I was saying, we met in Australia, where as you know Ella is from, now when I first met her she was such a sweetheart"  
_"WILD THING, DUN DUN DUNN DUNN, YOU MAKE MY HEART SING" _  
"ELLA WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING"  
"Flashback scene music"  
**SMACK, BANG**  
(Smack equals Sarah whacking Ella softly on the back of the head)  
(Bang equals Sarah forgetting vampire strength and Ella going flying into the carpet)  
"I'm good"  
"Sorry"  
"Skay"  
"Shall we try again"  
"Sure, go on"  
"Alright, now I was walking down the street when"  
_"__Is it just destiny, destiny? Or is it just a game in my mind, Sharona? Never gonna stop, give it up. Such a dirty mind. Always get it up for the touch of the younger kind. My my my i yi woo. M M M My Sharona"  
_**BANG, SMACK, RIPPP, SMACK  
**Everyone looked over and they all smiled, the first _bang_ was Sarah hitting the desk, the _smack_ was Ella being pushed back and slamming into a chair, the _rippp_ was tape being ripped off and the _smack_ was Sarah taping Ella's mouth shut.

Sarah streatched "Well that should hopefully take care of that"  
Alucard raised his eyebrow and muttered "Why didn't I think of that"  
Sarah cleared her throat  
Camila sat on Ella  
Seras sat down  
Integra looked over  
Pip sat next to Seras and yawned and put his arm over her shoulder  
Alucard sat down  
Then Sarah begun

"Walking down the street, it was dark, I was a fresh vampire, I had everything in front of me, and the one who was my master was the man I loved, he promised we would be together forever in eternal life, and I like the fool I was believed him, I spotted a girl of 15 sleeping in the streets, and I was hungry so hungry, I approached her silently, but somehow she knew I was there, she turned and looked at me, she was dirty, battered and bruised, her lips were dry and cracked, blood had dried on her face, leaving behind a caked trail, she looked at me and said "So he was right" I didn't know what she was talking about, the girl smiled, her lips cracked more and started to bleed "He told me you would come" the girl said "He said you would come and finish the job he started" I didn't know what she was going on about and I told her so, she was happy to answer "You see the wounds on my body, he put them there, he tortured me, but he didn't bite me, he said that he would leave it to you, that you would finish what he started, so is it true, will you finish it" I asked her if she wanted me to, she laughed "It doesn't matter to me, I lost everything, my family, my friends, everything, so what's the loss of life, to one who has nothing to live for" I felt a tear roll down my cheek, I couldn't do it, I knew it might have been kinder, but I couldn't, she smiled and looked at me, but when I looked into her eyes I saw sympathy, sympathy for me, I laughed and told her that if anyone should be sorry for anyone, that I should be sorry for her, she laughed again and said "The reason I'm sorry for you is that while I may have lost everything, I know who is responsible for it and I will make him pay, I will make him burn, he will cower before me, and curse my name after he begs for mercy" she smiled again but her eyes were full of sympathy still, she continued "You see I know who he is, he is evil, and I'm sorry, but I must destroy him, maybe one day you'll forgive me for it" I started at her wondering why, why the hell I would ever need to forgive her, then it hit me, I asked her "You know what I am don't you" she smiled "How much do you know" she looked down and then back at me then said "I know you have been tricked by evil, I know you will hate me, even if it is just a small part of you, I know that if you do this you will suffer, I know that you don't understand and I know that when you do, you will wish you had killed me tonight, I know" she looked out into the night, then got up walked off, leaving me there wondering what she meant. But… she was right, about all of it, and for a while even though I loved her like family, I hated her like my worst enemy" Sarah sighed "I need a drink"

Sarah sat down and looked around the room "The next part isn't pretty"  
Alucard smiled "Good, keep going"  
Ella mumbled something and tried to pull off the tape  
Sarah glared and held it on "Damn it we need something to hold her down to stop her from touching the tape"  
Camila held up some rope "Will this do"  
Everyone stared at her and Alucard asked "Do you always carry spare rope with you"  
She shrugged  
Sarah walked over and picked it up "Perfect" and then she tied Ella up and smiled "That done is suppose I should continue"  
"I went back home and walked through the door and he was there waiting for me, my master, my creator, he looked at me and smiled then said "Have a nice walk" I nodded and he continued "Did you find some food" I stopped and looked at him and asked him what he meant and his answer shocked me "I mean did you find any nice people or a child to put out of their misery, a person or child who was hurt and alone, did you kill them" I couldn't believe it, he was talking about that little girl, I smiled at him and told him that yes, I had found a small homeless girl and drunk her dry, he was happy, it was the first time I had ever lied to him. I walked away and got to thinking about what she had said, _"You see the wounds on my body, he put them there, he tortured me, but he didn't bite me, he said that he would leave it to you, that you would finish what he started" _I didn't want to believe it was true, after all she was a small child, true only 5 years younger then myself, but still, she was just a baby. I had to find her to ask if it was him, and if it was I didn't know what I would do.  
So I went out in search of her, not the smartest thing to do since I couldn't stand the sun, but I figured I had a couple of hours at least to get somewhere, so I snuck out and off I went.  
It took me three days to find her, when I did she was in an abandoned warehouse, she was sleeping on a bench, and there were cats with her, one cat with a litter of kittens, god they were so cute, I walked over and the cats hissed at me, jarring her awake she rolled suddenly and fell face first onto the ground. To this day I have no idea how she has escaped a broken nose. She looked at me and smiled "You came" I nodded I just couldn't speak at that moment her face was a kaleidoscope of bruises ranging in colour from black to yellow, her eye was swollen and swelled shut, she had fresh blood trailing down her mouth, and yet I wasn't tempted to drink it, even though its scent was all around, I suppose my protective skills overcame hunger, I knew then that if what I suspected was true that, yes I would hate her, but I needed to know, so could protect her more.  
She smiled slightly and said "You've figured it out haven't you, you know who killed me" I frowned and told her I didn't understand, she was alive, she shook her head sadly and said "My family was my whole world, to me death would be a wonderful thing for I would be reunited with them, essentially with their death, I am dead" I asked her why she just didn't let me kill her the other night, once more she smiled as though my questions made her laugh "Because until I kill who did this to my family, vengeance shall haunt me, I seek his death before I can go to my own or I may as well burn in hell for I will never rest" the last bit she shouted, I was stunned she was so innocent looking, so hurt and small and yet her eyes were filled with hate and revenge, I felt like crying and said "It was him wasn't it, my master did this to you and your family"  
She looked down and replied "Yes, he told me" she stopped I asked her to continue "He said that he was training his bride, his whore, so she would be as evil as him, so she could destroy innocence, while he ruled." I shook my head I didn't believe her, I couldn't, that wasn't him, it couldn't be, I started to pray it wasn't, she stood up and said to me "You had best decide whether your with or against me and soon" I asked her why and got back "Because what makes you think that I am the first or the last" she looked at me and continued "I ask that you don't kill me here, if you decide against me, give me a chance to fight, don't be a coward like your master" as she said master she spat on the ground as though the very word disgusted her. I turned and walked out, neither of us realizing that she was right, there were others, and my master didn't trust me, I had been followed"

Ella screamed into her tape and Alucard looked at her and said "That was you as a child"  
Sarah glared "How did you know"  
Alucard looked at her as though she was an idiot "She woke up and fell face first on the ground"  
Sarah muttered "Oh yeah"  
Integra frowned "Aren't you going to finish the story"  
Sarah shook her head "Its Ella's turn now" and she ripped the tape off Ella's mouth and untied the rope  
Ella gasped "Drink, SMOKE, NOW" and sat down and sparked up (that's what I'm callin smoking now)  
Seras gave her some water and Ella looked down at it and muttered "Ew" (I don't like water its so tasteless) then looked around the room and said  
"Gather round now children, I have a tale here for you, its about a girl named Ella, and her plan for"  
Alucard yelled "GET ON WITH IT"  
Ella pouted "Ok, fine be a big meanie, here we go  
I was hurting like hell, but it wasn't the cuts and bruises that hurt the most, no, it was my heart, you see my mother had discovered she was pregnant that very day the evil came to town, I went out to school that day and as per usual went to after school study, but something happened my parents didn't come to pick me up, so I left, I caught the bus and walked the rest of the way home, but when I got there I found the house locked, I had a spare key so I went and got it from its hiding spot and went inside, what I found still to this day gives me nightmares, there was a strange smell, a smell I didn't recognise, the smell of death, I called out to them but they didn't answer so I went looking, their blood was painted on the walls, messages scrawled in blood, it was like an art museum in hell, and I mean that literally, their bodies had been drawn and quartered, there was a leg on top of the TV, an arm in the microwave, and their heads sitting on their pillows, I don't remember what happened next, but when I woke up I was in hospital, I discovered that not only had my parents been killed that way but so had my aunt and uncle, my grandmother and my cousins, I was alone, there was no one left alive in my family save for me, I snuck out of the hospital, it was surprisingly easy, you see no one expected a girl who's entire family had been massacred to run off, fuckwits, I went in search of answers, I knew I couldn't go to the police because they would simply ship me into foster care, and the chances of getting real answers in foster care seemed slim, so I lived on the streets, I made some friends, friends who were also running from the law, one of them was a hacker, he could get into anything, so I asked him to help me and he agreed…for a price,"  
Alucard interrupted "What price"  
Ella smiled ruefully "Lets just say that people do desperate things when they have nothing to live for"  
He frowned "What do you mean"  
She sighed and looked apologetic "I sold myself"  
"What as in slavery"  
"No, as in sex"  
"WHAT, YOU WERE 15"  
"No, I was desperate, plus he was very sweet, I think of my first time with fond memories, thanks to him, if it was anyone else it would probably be different, but out of the gang, he was the … kindest, most amazing man, he treated me like I was made of the most expensive porcelain"  
Alucard glared "So where is he now"  
Ella looked down "He found the information I needed, turns out there was a witness to him leaving, there was a sketch I printed it out and left in the middle of the night in search of this evil, turns out I didn't have to, he was searching for me, Why? I don't know, hell I still don't know, but he found me, he took me and did things, things I wont speak of, ever, Damon, the hacker, followed him and found me, he freed me, but he was caught by evil, it was then I realized what he was, he drunk Damon, and then he turned him into a ghoul, Damon came after me, I ran, but I was in too much pain, so I fell, I decided to accept my fate, then as Damon came at me, I couldn't do it, I couldn't die cowering in a corner, so I picked a pipe that was on the ground, and I whacked the shit out of him, Damon that is not evil, I ran leaving Damon's body, I turned and saw he was still moving and knew what I had to do, I limped back and picked up the pipe again, I brought it down on his head again and again, crying the whole time, when he stopped moving I fell to my knees and cried my eyes out, evil just laughed, then he told me that he killed my family and instead of killing me he would send his bride, his whore, his soon to be evil queen, and she would finish me. He laughed and left, I stayed there that night, the next day I got up and looked down, but where Damon's body was there was ash, I left; I knew I needed weapons, I had a purpose once again, I would win.  
Now fast forward to where Sarah left off, I went out that day for weapons I had a buyer and money, my thieving skills had gotten amazing, I went out and said goodbye to my kitties, god they were cute, I want a cat, someone buy me a cat, anywho I came back later that night and found them, my cats, kittens and all, dead. I was so angry I was shaking, Sarah came back, saw what had been done and threw up"  
Sarah interrupted "Hey do you have to tell them that"  
Ella smiled "Sorry, anyway, she looked at me and told me that while she hated me, she would help me, she said evil must be stopped, and so we planned. It took us three months of planning to pull it off, the ultimate plan, hell I think I copied every vampire movie, I had water guns of holy water, necklaces of garlic, rosary beads, crucifixes, silver, Jesus everything nearly, I also had a gun, and a sword that was sharp as hell, you can really buy anything if you know where to look. The plan was to go after him during the night, Sarah went to ground and I left to find him, I knew we wouldn't have a chance in hell during the night, so I went after him during the day, I found him, I entered but he was already awake and waiting, I shot at him with holy water, I don't think he expected to be attacked as soon as I went through the door, strangely enough he burned a little, so I through holy water bombs at him next, then I took out the gun, the real gun and shot him through the head and heart, he fell down, I ran up to him and stabbed him in the shoulders pinning down his arms, I went after his legs then, stabbing his thighs, then I took out the sword and chopped his head off. It was messy, I fell to the ground and cried, and cried and cried, Sarah found me later, but when se got there, well his body was gone; we knew I had to leave. So she got me out of town, I finished school, but then the notes started and the calls, I freaked and left the state, they continued months later, and so it went on until Sarah suggested England, she had heard of an organization that killed vampires and thought if we lived near there he wouldn't dare come near me. She was wrong, I've been contacted by him 5 times now, and that's not including the dead families, why he wants me, well I suppose it's just because I'm the one that got away." She took a drink "That's it"  
No one said a word, then Alucard said "So you really used sharp pointy objects and didn't hurt yourself"  
Ella gasped "How dare you"  
Sarah laughed "Actually she accidentally stabbed herself in the leg"  
Ella threw a pillow at her "Shut-up"  
Alucard laughed "Well its good to know your just as much of a spazz then as you are now"  
Ella got up "I don't have to take this, I'm getting something dangerous"  
And she turned and walked straight into the door.


	13. WOOT LUCKY 13

Alucard looked at Integra and pointed at Ella "My point exactly"

Alucard looked at Integra and pointed at Ella "My point exactly"  
Pip jumped up to help her off the floor and bent down the same time she got up resulting in Ella smacking her head on Pips chin  
Alucard looked at him and said "Yeah, its usually safer to just leave her"  
Sarah glared at him "Hey"  
He looked back at her "Your denying its true"  
She looked away and mumbled "But its mean to say it out loud"  
Alucard looked back at Pip (who was rubbing his chin, while Ella apologised) and sighed "I guess I'll get her down to target practice, it might be safest to just leave it me and her, after all I'm the hardest to kill"  
Sarah whacked him  
Camila snored and everyone looked over, she had fallen asleep on the couch  
Alucard shook his head and said "Come along little mental, and if you don't shoot me in the head, I'll buy you a present"  
Ella clapped her hands and forgot the door was shut, then turned and ran into it.  
Alucard closed his eyes and took a deep breath "This is going to be a long night"

They were down at the shooting range and Alucard pulled out both his gun "These are the _.454 Casull_ and the _Jackal _my weapons, now the .454 Casull is a Semi-Automatic pistol it fires custom-made explosive .454 Casull rounds, with the steel bullets bearing a core made from the melted silver Christian cross from Lancaster Cathedral. The Jackal fires special 13 mm armor-piercing, explosive, Mercury-core baptized bullets, with casings of Macedonian silver, powered by "Marvell's Chemical Cartridge N.N.A.9." It has six rounds per magazine"  
Ella's eyes looked glazed and she said "You've got two bang bangs"  
Alucard sighed "This first _bang bang_ fires like this" and he pulled the trigger firing off 6 rounds and hitting the target perfectly, he looked over at Ella who just clapped her hands and said "Yay"  
Alucard closed his eyes once more "Why did I agree to this"  
Ella just laughed

An hour later Alucard wondered if he had a death wish, she _finally_ hit a target, just not the target she was aiming for, sadly though it was an improvement compared to the horror of watching her make the same mistakes over and over.  
And then damned if she didn't do it again "THAT'S IT" He yelled "IF YOU DON'T GET IT RIGHT I'M NOT GETTING YOU A PRESENT"  
Ella yelped and held up the gun and fired off six rounds perfectly  
Alucard gapped at her "You could shoot all along"  
Ella smiled  
Alucard repeated "You could shoot all along"  
She nodded  
"THAT'S IT" He yelled "YOU'RE A DEAD WOMAN!"  
Ella squealed and ran.

Sarah was staring at Integra "Your serious, you want me to work for you"  
Integra nodded "If your good enough that is"  
Sarah opened her mouth to answer but then stopped when they all heard "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" everyone looked at the door and saw Ella pissbolt passed with Alucard chasing her  
Pip blinked "Well there is a sight you do not see everyday"  
Integra smiled "Sadly you see that a lot with those two"  
Sarah sipped her tea "How long do you believe it will be before they have sex"  
Integra and Seras gapped  
Camila was still asleep  
Pip looked thoughtful "After what I interrupted earlier, I give it a week"  
Integra and Seras looked stunned and Integra blurted out "What do you mean, what did you interrupt"  
Pip smiled "I'm not sure, but it was something, he was grumpier then usual and she had swollen lips and messed hair"  
Sarah smiled "As long as he makes her happy"  
Integra looked at them both "Your crazy, he hates her"  
Sarah and Pip looked at her like she was crazy and Pip said "You can cut the sexual tension with a knife, its that thick"  
Integra looked stunned "Oh god, Ella and Alucard as a couple, its to much to even consider"

Ella was breathing heavy yet she was humming the mission impossible theme at the same time, when arms came out of the wall behind her and grabbed her, she screamed and arched back, whacking Alucard in the chin  
He dropped her and rubbed his chin "Jesus, you're a weapon alone"  
She pouted "That's cheating"  
He grinned "You know what else is cheating, not telling your vampire you can shoot"  
She glared "Don't be mean. Grandpa" and walked off  
Alucard ran after her and yelled "What do you mean Grandpa"  
Ella walked into the room and winked at the others "Its just that your really old"  
Alucard glared "For you maybe"  
Ella laughed "Honey if added up the age of everyone in this room , you'd still be a cradle snatcher"  
Camila woke up "Huh"  
Ella filled her in and Camila frowned thoughtfully "I wonder what star sign he is"  
Ella frowned "Hey yeah" she looked at Alucard "When were you born?"  
"The winter of 1431"  
"Wow, you are REALLY old, what month?"  
"November or December, I can't remember"  
"Hm, he could be either Scorpio or Sagittarius"  
"Huh, how about that" Ella looked at her "What about Chinese horoscope, I'm a dragon"  
Camila laughed "He's a PIG"  
"Hm makes sense"  
Alucard glared "Take that back"  
Ella yelled "NEVER" and ran out the room  
When they looked back at Alucard he was gone.  
Integra smiled at Pip "I told you"

Ella was watching Monty Pythons the Meaning of Life, when Alucard came in the room, she looked over at him and frowned "You know Red, one of these days I'll introduce you to the concept of knocking"

He walked over and sat on the bed "What are you watching"  
She sighed "Monty Python"  
"Which one"  
She looked shocked "Red, you've seen Monty Python"  
"I'm British, what do you think"  
Ella laughed and sat back against him to watch it  
They were up to 'The Sperm Song' and Alucard nudged her "That's you, Catholic breeder"  
Ella laughed and picked up her pillow and started to whack him "At least I'm not an uptight Protestant"  
"Hey, I'm between religions at the moment"  
"Bullshit"  
"Did you just call me a bullshitter"  
"No, I said what you said was bullshit, but now that you mention it you are a bullshitter"  
He glared and rolled over but Ella saw it coming and had squealed and moved early, unfortunately Alucard followed and the combined weight threw them both to the floor.  
**SMACK**  
"Ow"  
Ella started to laugh "Welcome to my world baby"  
"I don't like your world"  
Ella smiled down at him, then her smile fell, they stared at each other in silence.  
Suddenly Alucard rolled so his body was pinning her down "Why aren't you asleep"  
"Do you want the truth"  
"Yes, otherwise I would have asked you to lie"  
"I'm afraid"  
"Of what"  
"Memories"  
"Old or new"  
"Both"  
"I made a promise to Sarah"  
"Was that wise"  
"Probably not. But I made it anyway and I never go back on my word"  
"Now you have me curious, what exactly did you promise"  
"To keep you safe"  
"What"  
"I made a promise to keep you safe and in my mind that includes protecting you from bad memories"  
"What are you getting at"  
"What if I told you I knew how to keep your demons at bay"  
"Tell me"  
"I'd rather show you"

Alucard bent his head and kissed her deeply, he grabbed her arms and pinned them above her head and moved his tongue down her neck, she shuddered slightly and muttered "Don't bite me, remember non-virgin, and I don't know about you but turning into a ghoul in the middle of sex doesn't do it for me"  
Alucard laughed "I'll try to remember that"  
He reached down and ran his hand down from her neck to her breasts, then down to the hem of her shirt, he reached under it and moved his hand over her skin on her stomach "So soft" he muttered "How do you get your skin so soft" and he bent down and kissed her lightly near her navel, she smiled and said "I follow the basic rules of shampoo"  
He looked up "I'm going to regret this but what"  
She smiled "Wash, lather and repeat"  
He growled "Are you implying something"  
She laughed again "Not that I know of"  
He balled his hand into a fist with her shirt in the middle and ripped it off  
She gasped "OW, Not that it isn't a real turn on, but ow, the seams hurt my arm"  
He laughed "How did I know this wouldn't be normal with you"  
Ella laughed again "Lead on McDuff"  
"Your killing the mood"  
"Shut up"  
"Yep defiantly killing it, I suppose the only way I can selvedge this is to shut you up" He bent down and kissed her again, she was still laughing, he started to nibble on her earlobe and had to smile when he heard her "Oh my god" he moved his hand and down to her ass and arched her against him, she gasped when she felt his arousal, she opened her mouth and he kissed her to shut her up, she started to move aggressively against him, she bit his tongue and made him bleed,  
He loved it  
He kissed her harder, his entire being becoming more aggressive, he pulled back and looked down at her, her eyes were wide open and he thought he may have scared her, but she screamed out "CRAMP, CRAMP, OW, MY ARM, HURTS, OW"  
He realized he hadn't let go of her arms and released them, she was laughing and sobbing at the same time "Oh my god it hurts so bad, but what are the odds"  
He started to laugh with her, then he picked her up and threw her on the bed she bounced and whacked her head on the bedpost, he laughed again  
She sighed and shook her head then wondered 'Why me' then lost all train of thought when Alucard took off his shirt.  
He joined her on the bed and lay on top of her bracing his elbows either side, so not to crush her and muttered "God you look amazing, but I have a feeling you'd look better naked"  
Ella smiled wickedly "I do"  
He grinned "Prove it"

THAT'S IT USE YOU'RE IMAGINATION, IM TIRED AND HAVE TO BE UP IN 5 HOURS.  
REVIEW OR DIE!


	14. When Work and Pip collide

Seras burst in "Oh my god Ella I can't find Alucard"

Seras burst in "Oh my god Ella I can't find Alucard"  
Ella jolted awake and ended up kneeing Alucard in the balls "Oh my god I'm so sorry, are the twins okay"  
Pip walked past and looked in "Hello, it appears we have interrupted something, don't mind us go on, please continue"  
No one did anything, except for Alucard who was curled up in a ball and swearing  
Pip frowned "Please go on like we are not even here" nothing "PLEASE"  
Ella glared "Damn it Pip, I'm a pole dancer not a porn star"  
Pip had stars in his eyes "YOU'RE A POLE DANCER!" he smiled dreamily "Please tell me you do lap dances and private parties"  
"Lap dances, yes, private parties, no, Damn it Alucard answer me are you ok?"  
He mumbled something and cursed her  
"Oh my god, talking about work, I'm going to be late" She rolled out of bed naked and ran to the bathroom leaving behind a smiling Pip, a shocked Seras and a cursing Alucard.

Ella was walking up the stair with Pop behind her begging to come with her "Please. Please Ella I must come with you"  
"Why"  
"I need to see boobies"  
"I don't think Seras will like that"  
"Please"  
"Why"  
"BECAUSE I AM GOING INSANE"  
"What"  
"I am in a house with only three women, two of them are virgins and the third I don't dare even think of for fear of death"  
"That's a little extreme don't you think"  
"Are you telling me Alucard wont hurt me if I think of you and me in naughty situations"  
Alucard came out of the wall and smiled evilly at Pip "No, I wouldn't hurt you, I'd maim and then kill you"  
Ella snorted "You are so never coming with me to work"  
Alucard looked hurt "Why"  
"Because you'd probably kill half the men there and Arthur would have to fire me for fear of losing his business"  
"Well then how about I accompany you tonight"  
Ella snorted again and walked out into the hall, suddenly she stopped and looked at Pip "Wait you said two virgins"  
"Right"  
"Are you telling me both Integra and Seras are virgins"  
"Yes"  
"So you and Seras haven't"  
"No"  
"Oh my god"  
Integra came down the stairs "What's going on"  
Ella looked up and smiled "Pip is coming with me to work, so he can protect me should anything go wrong" She turned to leave and muttered to herself "And so I can get the girls together and we can discuss Pip and Seras and their little problem"

Ella and Pip arrived at 'Puss in Boots' the club Ella worked at and entered  
Ella walked into the dressing room with Pip following behind and yelled out "Girls after shift we have to get together, this sweet and sexy man needs help with his sex life, his girl is a virgin"  
There were "Ohhs" after that and "I'm in" followed, Ella smiled at Pip and took off her shirt, his eye widened and she turned to get dressed, he looked around the room and nearly cried, 'It was beautiful' he thought 'Naked women as far as the eye could see' he smiled 'BOOBIES' big ones, small ones, every kind of boobie, there were some that were fake and some that were real, but he loved them all, it was heaven.

The shift was over and all the girls were at the bar waiting to here about the situation with Pip's love life or complete lack there of, Ella walked over and smiled as she sparked up, Pip had been a success he had treated the girls as though they were queens and helped them dress and undress, and all that without coping a feel, they loved him, and were willing to help him sort it all out.  
Ella sat down next to Pip and had Camila on her other side, Camila smiled "Big night" Ella nodded and rested her head on Cami's shoulder, she was rooted, both literally and figuratively, Alucard had kept her up most of the day doing things that made her melt just thinking about them, one of the girls noticed this and squealed "SOMEONE'S GETTING LAID" all the girls looked at Ella and she smiled "It was good, it was very, very good"  
Someone called out "Tell us about it, I want details damn it"  
Ella shook her head "Nope, tonight is for Pip, talking about me getting laid would be to hard for him to hear, especially when we live in the same house, and he knows who I'm talking about"  
Pip looked over "I don't mind please describe it, I want vivid details on the parts that include you, in fact why don't you demonstrate on me, you know just so we don't get confused"  
Ella laughed and Alucard came out of nowhere "Have you forgotten my warning already or do you just have a death wish"  
Ella smiled and got up "This is him" and kissed him on the mouth in front of everyone, she was hoping to shock or annoy him but was the one shocked when he kissed her back just as passionately, that done he moved her to his side, put his arm over her shoulder and smiled at Pip  
Ella laughed "Would you just like me to get a sign reading 'Property of Alucard, Do not touch'"  
He frowned "No, I prefer 'Trespassers will be maimed and killed'"  
The girls all sighed, "How romantic"  
Ella shook her head and clapped her hands "Alright girls, here is the sitch, Girl likes boy, boy likes girl, girl shy, boy wants sex, girls a virgin, boy teases lightly, girl claim sexual harassment"  
The sound of "Oooh, ouch" and "Harsh" followed that and all the girls stopped talking to think, one girl suggested "Why don't we all go over our first times, you know see what made it good"  
Ella smiled "My first was all about getting what I wanted"  
The girls laughed  
One girl said "Mine was revenge"  
Quite a few girls claimed alcohol dumbed there senses  
One girl claimed first love, then mentioned the pot they had smoked just before it  
Cami smiled "Mine was romantic, and with my first love"  
All the girls sighed "Aww"  
Ella smiled "What was romantic about it"  
Cami laughed "It was cliché romantic, candles, wine, feeding each other, then soft dancing followed by laying down and having soft slow sex"  
One girl called out "I saw a movie like that the other day"  
Ella looked over "Wait, I thought you were in a movie like that, only instead of soft and slow, it was hardcore and rough"  
The girls laughed and one pointed out "So all we've learned from this is, either get something she wants desperately" and everyone looked at Ella "Piss her off enough she comes looking for revenge sex" they looked at the girl "Wine and dine her with cliché romance" Cami laughed "I think that stops working after 18" Ella smiled, then someone said "Or just get her really, really drunk and have drunken, hot, wild monkey sex"  
Pip looked up "I like that one"  
They all laughed and someone pointed out "You have to get her to stay first and tempt her when she's tipsy"  
Another girl pointed out "You also have to judge the amount of alcohol she can drink"  
Pip looked confused "Why"  
Ella smiled "You don't want her passing out on you during sex do you"  
Alucard muttered "Maybe he does, it might be better on his ego"  
Ella laughed, the other girls glared at him, one said "I'm sure Pip is a marvelous lover, in fact I'm betting he's better then you"  
Ella stood up "Alright I'm willing to take that challenge"  
Pip yelled out "HORAY"  
Alucard yelled out "NO WAY IN HELL"  
And Ella bent down low and muttered to the girls "You see Pip would, sadly, never win that bet, cause let me tell you that man has this tongue and the things it can do, and its long and strong"  
Cami looked at her "I'll buy him off you for 50 pounds"  
They all laughed  
Ella sighed "Alright ladies, time to get serious, lets sit our fine looking asses down and get this man laid"  
Ella patted her chair and Alucard sat down, she sat on his lap and looked around, "Alright now that we have learned that aside from Cami, were all sluts" They laughed "What have we got to offer"  
An hour later they were still concerned that they hadn't given the right advice, Alucard had been doing delicious things with his magic fingers and her legs for 5 minutes now and she had completely lost all train of thought, someone called out to her "Hmm"  
"Oh god is she having fun right here at the table, YOU" pointing at Alucard "Hands where we can see them" He put his hands on the table and Ella suddenly felt something slide up her legs, it was winding its way up slowly, she opened her eyes wide and felt it touch her thigh and jumped, **SMACK, SMACK** she had managed to smack both her knee on the table and Alucard in the chin  
He sighed "I think I'm going to invest in a chin protector"  
She turned suddenly and got on her knees, then slipped and got him on the balls  
"And a cup" He gasped  
She was laughing and apologizing at the same time again, "I'm so sorry babe, I promise if you don't hurt me I'll kiss it better"  
He glared at her then it sunk in what she said and he smiled "Alright, your on"  
She smiled and winked at him then turned around "Alright ladies, lets get this plan of action out and then I can take my sexy man to bed and play nurses"

They got home and Pip looked around and pulled the notes from his pocket "I think tonight I will try 1 through 4"  
Ella shook her head "Uh, uh no way"  
"Why not"  
"Pip my love, you just came back from a strip club, I know that, you know that, and I'm sure she knows that"  
"So"  
"So? Men, So she might worry that the passion you feel isn't for her"  
"Why, is she stupid"  
"No, but we women are of a different make to males, we think during sex, and if Seras catches a whiff of perfume or a woman's hair, even see's that lipstick on your face, she'll wonder if it really was her your thinking about or if she's just the silver medal"  
"Woman are stupidly complex creatures"  
"Aww, I know honey" Ella patted his arm and smiled before suggesting he shower and go to bed.  
Alucard smiled "We plan to do the same"  
Pip frowned "What"  
Alucard wrapped an arm around Ella "We also plan to shower then go to bed" and he turned around and steered Ella away  
She whacked him "Why did you do that, now he'll feel bad"  
"I know isn't it wonderful"

Ella looked over at Alucard "Shit"  
"What"  
"I have to get up at 5 in the arvo, but I don't have any spare batteries for my clock, and I cant be stuffed getting out of bed to ask"  
"Not to worry, I'll wake you up"  
"Really"  
"Sure, and to make it better, I'll wake you up with a bang"  
Ella smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck "Really, in that case I guess I still have time to play"

**BANG**  
Alucards promise was true, he woke her up with a bang alright  
"FUCK ME DEAD"

"Later"  
"I CANT BELIEVE YOU PUSHED ME OUT OF BED"  
"Well you did wake up with a bang"  
"You suck, and you cant use the comeback to 'fuck me dead', I cant either, well actually I could"  
"What do you mean"  
"Me saying 'Fuck me dead' and you saying 'Later' doesn't work because it brings to mind you biting me and ghouls being made"  
"What about you, If I say it well, your screwed, I'm already dead"  
"Exactly"  
"What"  
"Say it"  
"Say what"  
"Say 'fuck me dead"  
"Fine, Fuck me dead"  
Ella smiled "I already did" and laughed.

Sorry about the shit poor chappie, my sis is over and she has the 4 kids up here aged 5, 4, 4, and 10 months.

Next chappie will be better I promise,

REVIEW BITCHES! PLEASE  After thought  
LOVE YA


	15. OPERATION GET PIP LAID

Ella got up and went to shower, she got out and got dressed, walking out she yelled out to Seras "Yo Seras, where are you"

Ella got up and went to shower, she got out and got dressed, walking out she yelled out to Seras "Yo Seras, where are you"  
"I'm right here, what is it"  
"Your coming with me tonight"  
"What"  
"Get dressed"  
"Okay, why though"  
"Because you just are, chop, chop hurry up"  
Alucard looked at Ella "What are you up to"  
Ella smiled and pulled out her phone, she dialed a number and spoke "Sarah, you need to rock up at work tonight"  
"Why"  
"Because we have work to do"  
"What type of work"  
"We are beginning 'Operation get Pip laid'"  
"Oh, I am so there"  
Ella smiled and Alucard looked at her "Operation get Pip laid"  
"Sure, tonight I want you to get Pip and bring him to work, but wait about 3 hours alright"  
"Whys that"  
"Because us girls need time to work on Seras"  
"What makes you think you can get Pip laid"  
"I got you and me laid"  
"Good point, we'll see you both in three hours"  
Ella smiled and Seras came out of the room, Ella leant up and gave Alucard a kiss "See you later sexy Red"  
He smiled back "See you later little mental"

Half an hour later, the car had stopped but they hadn't left it yet, and there was one reason Seras was nervous, Ella didn't know why "What's up Seras, why the nerves"  
"I don't know, it just seems weird you know"  
"What does"  
"Seeing you and a bunch of other women naked"  
"Ah, honey what your seeing tonight isn't women working for the pleasure of men, its women manipulating men into giving them money for dancing"  
"Really, I never thought of it like that"  
"Strangely enough not many people do, most think of us stripers as victims, you know stripers have been abused so the only way they can make money is by showing there bodies, it's a mental thing"  
"Is it true"  
"Pfft, fuck off, the majority of girls in there do it because they love it"  
"Do you"  
"Seras, I dance around a pole, getting the best exercise routine and I get paid for it, what's not to love"  
"You know I guess I always thought of you as someone to be sorry for"  
"No" and Ella whacked her  
"Ow, what was that for"  
"First lesson, don't be afraid of showing your sexuality, we women can rule the world all because we have boobs and a vagina, some women believe that its wrong, but hell if you got it, why not use it"  
"But I was taught that because I'm a woman, I shouldn't use it, you know take advantage"  
Ella and Seras got out, Sarah greeted them at the door and they walked inside, Sarah smiled and said "Everything's set up, we don't open for another hour"  
Ella sighed "Thank god"  
Sarah grimaced "That bad"  
"The girl was taught that because she has boobs she shouldn't use them"  
"Ouch, thank god I brought reinforcements"  
The door opened and Camila walked in followed by Amber, Honey, Candy, Angel, Cookie and Star.  
Ella smiled "Looks like there's a chance"  
Seras looked around "What's going on"  
Ella smiled "Ladies time to start the operation"

"Alucard what is going on"  
"Nothing my master, why do you ask"  
"Ella took Seras with her and now I hear your planning to take Pip to go pick them up"  
"I'm not sure what your implying"  
"What is this I hear about you and Ella liking each other"  
"What"  
"I heard that you and Ella…Well, that you"  
"Jealous my master"  
"Don't be ridiculous, I'm simply worried about Ella"  
"Why would you be worried about Ella"  
"Am I the only one who remembers the vampire after her"  
"She has other things currently on her mind"  
"What other things"  
Alucard smiled "Operations"  
"What are you talking about"  
"Nothing that can be repeated in front of delicate ears"  
"Call me delicate again and I will shoot you"  
"Yes, my master"  
"Just tell me what is going on"

Seras looked around slightly worried, the women had all circled her and were all staring, she felt very self conscious, then heard Cookie ask "Is this her"  
Ella nodded and kept staring  
Sarah bent down on her knees and stared at her legs  
One girl grabbed her ass  
Sarah stood up suddenly and looked at Ella  
Ella looked back at Sarah and they seemed to communicate without words  
They both nodded and Ella started  
"Marvelous breasts"  
Sarah added "Great legs"  
One girl added "Firm round ass"  
Cami put in "Great arms"  
Another "Perfect skin"  
"Good bone structure"  
"Silky hair, no visible breakage or split ends"  
"Flat looking stomach"  
"Back nicely arched"  
"Amazing silhouette"  
Ella looked around "So she's perfect"  
Sarah muttered "The bitch"  
Everyone laughed except Seras who was wondering what the fuck was going on  
Ella clapped her hands and pointed to a table with ten chairs, she sat Seras in between her and Sarah, then started  
"Alright what we have here is a women who is pretty much perfectly shaped, the problem, she has been taught that she should hide herself instead of using what she has"  
Sarah touched her hand "Seras it isn't wrong to use your body for the advantage, we fight hard to be in the mans world and if they believe we are useless objects only good for sex and cleaning, then why shouldn't we use what we have"  
Seras frowned "But"  
Ella butted in "Seras if you were in a fight for your life and had a knife, would you use it"  
"Of course"  
"It's the same thing, we women are expected to use what we have, why do you think so much time and energy is spent on making us beautiful, its not because its expected, its because its armor"  
Seras laughed "What"  
"Its true" The women nodded "Our makeup, war paint, our clothes body armor"  
She shook her head "Your all joking right"  
Sarah sighed "Seras normally women don't have a mans strength its something we all except, but we are not weak, after all if men had to give birth the human race would have died out millions of years ago"  
"Really"  
"Oh yeah its well documented fact"  
"Oh wow I didn't know that"  
The girls looked at each other it was obvious Seras didn't have a high bullshit detector, that might make things easier though  
Ella smiled evilly, this was better then expected, but she didn't feel bad after all only Seras' nerves stopped her from taking the next step with Pip, and if it was up to her to shove Seras off the ledge, so be it, hell she might even jump after her  
Ella looked at the group "Ladies I do believe its time we taught Seras how to dress to seduce"  
They all smiled (Except Seras who looked like Oo)  
Ella got up and all the girls went to the dressing room, Ella went to the cupboard and smiled "Seras welcome to temptress land, where we make all their fantasies come true, for a price"  
Ella looked at the others "Girls grab your outfits for tonight"  
She looked over and grabbed what she thought might suit Seras, but first it was time to show her how it was done  
She took off her clothes (Save for her underwear) and instead put on thigh high fishnet stockings, a black lace bustier, a pair of tiny tight leather short shorts, a pair of thigh high black stiletto boots with a six inch heel, and to top it off a black chocker and black angel wings for her back.  
"There that's me for tonight"  
Seras gapped at her  
"Now its time for makeup"  
She walked over to the makeup table and applied foundation, then powder, then glitter on her breasts and cheekbones, she applied dark eyeliner and eye shadow, then applied blood red lipstick (The 8 hour kind) and turned "What do you think"  
Seras looked stunned "No wonder my master is after you"  
Ella laughed "Just think if I can do this with my small breast size and slight chunky thighs, What can you Seras Victoria achieve"  
Seras stared "Are you suggesting that I… well that I dress like that"  
"Ever been introduced to peer pressure"  
"No"  
"Welcome aboard then" Ella laughed evilly "Seras it is time we released your inner temptress, I know she's in there, begging for release"  
Sarah muttered "I bet that's not the only thing begging for release"  
Ella smiled "One thing at a time Sarah, if this doesn't work, well we may have to teach her that"  
Sarah gapped "WHAT"  
Ella laughed again "Don't worry I have books"  
Sarah nodded "I bet you do"  
"Now Seras we have a little outfit for you"  
Seras shook her head "No"  
"Why"  
"Because its wrong"  
"Are you saying that every female in this room is wrong"  
"No I didn't mean that"  
"Then what"  
"Well Sarah isn't dressed like that"  
"Guess again"  
Seras looked over and saw Sarah getting changed "But she doesn't work here"  
"It doesn't matter, she does it because it feels powerful, kinda like sex"  
Seras blushed  
Ella walked over "Come on, its just us and you've seen us naked, its your turn, show them your powerful and proud"  
Seras bit her lip "Okay, but no peeking"  
"What if you need help"  
"Well you can help, no one else, I mean I've already seen you naked a couple of times"  
Sarah looked over "When"  
Seras frowned and Ella shooed Sarah to turn around  
Sarah turned and Seras answered as she took off her dress "Well just then, and then there was this afternoon when I woke her and she was naked with my mast… I mean Alucard"  
Sarah whistled "Wow, me and Pip were talking about that the other day"  
Ella frowned "Huh"  
"Well me and Pip were wondering how long it would be before you guys had sex"  
"What me and Pip have sex"  
"No dumbass you and Alucard"  
"There's no need for name bitchface"  
"Slut factory"  
"Dick popper"  
_"Dick popper"_  
"I'm sorry I was distracted by slut factory"  
Seras muttered "Ella how does this work"  
"Ah that, that my love is a bustier, the sexiest bit of underwear in my opinion, this special one goes so the open bit opens on the front, you see here are the clips, clip them in and then when the time comes you just grab the edges and squeeze them together then open"  
"Oh okay"  
"That's it love"  
"It is kinda nice"  
"No my sweet, that feeling isn't nice its sensual"  
"Oh"  
"You'll get used to it, I promise"  
"If you say so"  
"Oh but I do" Ella laughed again  
Seras muttered "That's kinda creepy"  
"Oh sorry"  
"Not a problem"  
"Okay now this one, this looks easy"  
"Be careful Seras I've gone A over T putting that on before"  
"Yeah but I'm coordinated"  
Sarah laughed "Snap"  
Ella glared "Shut up Sarah, No one asked you"  
**BANG**  
"I told you Seras, its tricky"  
"But how does it work"  
"Okay, you see this doodad"  
"Yes"  
"It goes into this doodad here"  
Cami laughed "Great directions"  
"Shut up Cami or I'll cut you"  
Seras got the stockings attached to the garter "There I'm done"  
"Almost my love"  
"What am I forgetting"  
"The sexy shoes"  
"Where are they"  
"Shoes are a sacred thing so I thought I would let you choose your own pair"  
"Oh okay"  
Seras walked over to the collection of shoes "I like those pair, the red strappy ones"  
"Nice choice, try them on"  
"Yay, they fit"  
"Great, Sarah make up"  
Sarah came over with the make up "Seras baby, lets get you smoking hot"  
That finished Ella called all the girls over "Ladies I have here a shot glass for each, drink up then we shall unveil the new sexy Seras"

They each took a glass leaving behind two, Ella picked them both up and walked behind the curtain that she had put up earlier, she handed one to Seras and took the other for herself "Bottoms up Seras, tonight we drink to change"  
Seras held up her glass "To change" they toasted and downed the drink  
Ella turned and said "Lets do this" and walked out "Ladies and Sarah, Allow me to introduce you to the REAL Seras Victoria"  
Seras walked out and everyone held there breath, then at the same time came gushing over to Seras and pulled her towards the mirror  
Seras looked at herself and muttered "I look beautiful, I look like a sexy seductress, I look amazing"  
Ella and Sarah stood off on the corner, Sarah poured them each a new drink and asked quietly "What do we do now"  
Ella took the drink and smiled "Now we get her drunk and dancing"  
Sarah smiled and held up her glass "Here's to a successful first round"  
Ella toasted her "I'll drink to that"

Pip was pacing back and forth "I'm bored goddamn it"  
Alucard lifted his paper "Only two more hours"  
Pip frowned "Until what"  
"You'll see, hopefully" and he laughed

Ella sighed the girls had been showing Seras how to dance for half an hour now, no dice, something was up, Ella frowned and looked at Sarah, she opened her mouth then closed it again, 'No' she thought 'It's to crazy'  
Sarah looked at her "What"  
"You don't think that maybe"  
"No one told Seras about sex"  
Sigh "You think so too"  
"It makes sense sadly"  
Ella stood up "Seras"  
She looked over  
"Seras who taught you about sex"  
Seras blushed and muttered "M…my father"  
Ella groaned and sunk into her chair "Oh god it makes perfect sense now"  
Sarah stood up "Seras move your sexy looking ass over here, Ladies we are having a sex circle"  
Ella looked at Sarah in shock "Sarah I like you even love you, but Christ not like that"  
Sarah smacked her over the head "Not like that you pervert, I mean we all sit in a circle and talk about sex"  
Ella smiled "Oooooh, my bad"  
The women sat down, once again Seras sat between Sarah and Ella  
Ella cleared her throat, unsure how to begin, she didn't want to scare the virgin, she looked around and saw all the girls looked the same, they knew all about sex, but just didn't have any idea how to start  
Sarah started to laugh "Look at you all, Jesus anyone would think we're a pack of nuns"  
Ella smiled "Alright, Seras tell us what you know"  
Seras went bright red and shook her head  
Ella sighed "You know the basics right"  
Seras nodded  
"Great, lets go from there, okay, I'll start, Sex…Sex…Sex is like…Sssssex…Sarah you go first"  
Sarah laughed "Alright Seras, you know the basics so that's easy, but do you know how good it feels with the right man, no, okay Ella"  
Ella looked up "What"  
"What's the main thing that you enjoy about Alucard"  
She smiled dreamily "Two things, one his tongue, that man has a damn fine tongue, and two, well anyone who lives without multiple orgasms should be pitied"  
Amber muttered "We really need details, sometime later though, from what I guess about you it wouldn't be pretty to hear if your not used to kinky"  
Ella gasped "Hey that's not.." she thought about it, then nodded "Damn it, its still not nice to say"  
Sarah smiled "Alright lets not scare her, or scar her"  
Ella snorted "Seras an orgasm is known by the French as 'The little death' and it is the most amazing thing, it is so powerful and when your with someone you like both inside and out, its like, well its been compared to fireworks, the big bang, an explosion. It's the most amazing thing, and having someone there to share it with you, it makes it special. It's not dirty or to be denied because you're not sure it's moral. Sex is something that has to wait for you though, don't go out and fuck willy-nilly it's not special then, but more like a chore, embrace it, but only with a man, or woman if that's the case, but only with someone who makes you feel special"  
Sarah smiled at her "That was really sweet"  
"Thanks"  
"Alright Seras any questions on the act"  
She looked down "Well does it hurt"  
Sarah smiled "The first time, it can hurt and most probably will, but with the right person, they can make you forget about the pain"  
Seras looked down "I'm nervous"  
Ella sighed and wrapped Seras up in a hug "Oh honey, that's natural we all still get nervous"  
"Even you"  
Ella laughed "When me and Alucard first got together, well lets say not only was I nervous as hell"  
"That he would bite you" she whispered  
Ella smiled "Not at all, I trust him, but it doesn't take away the fact that its something that is meaningful, some men won't treat you right, that's why you have to be careful, but serious me and Alucard together first time… can you say Disaster,"  
She looked up "Really"  
"Oh god yes, I ended up getting a cramp in my arm, then whacked him on the chin, then bashed my head on the bedpost, not to mention kneeing him in the balls the day after"  
Sarah laughed so hard se was crying "I love it, I absolutely love it, I can picture it now, 'Oh baby right there, NOT THERE NOT THERE'"  
Ella hit her "Shut up, wait were you watching"  
Sarah calmed down "Seras being nervous is normal, trust me, there isn't a girl in here who doesn't get nervous the first time, even the twentieth time people still get nervous"  
"So I'm not a freak"  
"Jesus, never, honey who told you that"  
"No one, I just thought it"  
"No, never your as normal as everyone here…well more normal then Ella, but that goes without saying"  
Ella glared "Seras would you like to learn about positions"  
"What"  
"You know what, I'll get us all another round and my book"  
"What book"  
"The idiots guide to amazing sex, no offence, I brought it for myself and love it, it's a great book" (No joke I own that book)  
She nodded slowly "Alright"  
"Great" Ella got up quick and smiled "Keep going I'll be right back"  
Ella came back with a couple of bottles and the book "Come on ladies lets play study hall"

An hour later the bar was open and Ella was trying to get Seras to dance "Come on, it'll be fun and they'll love you"  
Seras blushed and shook her head  
Ella pouted "Pretty please, for me"  
Seras sighed  
Ella clapped her hands "YAY"  
Sarah walked over "What's going on"  
Ella smiled "Me and Seras are going to dance" She got up and handed her bag to Sarah and leaned over and whispered "My phone is in my bag, call Alucard and tell him to start his part of the 'Operation' deal"  
Sarah smiled "Deal"

Alucard reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, Ella had brought it for him the day before; he flipped the screen "Hello"  
"Alucard its Sarah, Start Operation phase one. I repeat Start Operation phase one"  
Alucard sighed "Fine" and hung up  
"Pip, come here"  
"What have we finally got action"  
"No, but what do you say we make Seras' room up"  
"Like what"  
Alucard clenched his teeth, he couldn't believe he was about to say this "Make it romantic" he shuddered and thanked his lucky stars Ella wasn't one who needed romance, sex was good enough for her…But was it enough for him, he growled and cursed her 'Fucking bitch, making me soft' then sighed again and mentally apologized to her.  
It was going to be a long night by the looks of it  
"Fuck it Pip, GET OUT OF SERAS' UNDERWEAR DRAW!"

An Hour later it was time to get the women, Alucard nearly cheered but if he did he would have had to kill Pip, because he couldn't leave witnesses, but if he killed Pip that would piss off Ella and for some strange and confusing reason he didn't want to do that, he frowned then looked up, they were there.  
They got out and walked in, Alucard and Pips mouths dropped open, there on the stage were Ella and Seras dancing for a group of men, the men were drooling practically and Alucard wanted to gouge there eyes out, he looked at Pip and saw he looked as though he would also like to do some eye gouging, his eyes were drawn to Seras' breast, he knew they were big before, but this was amazing.  
Then she did it, Ella took off that skin tight strapless shirt thing and showed off her small tiny practically invisible bikini top, hell he thought it might be painted on it was that small and tight, then she turned and started to take off her shorts, she wrapped a leg around the pole and started to grind it, she spun around on it then looked at a man sitting on the end and started to walk over to him, she tucked her thumbs on either side of the waist band of her pants and started to take them slowly off, then he saw red, some guy touched her ass, that was it, shows over, his growl filled the room and he heard Ella mutter "Oh, oh"

Ella was having the time of her life and forgot the time, Seras was a natural, then Seras asked her how stripping was done with the dancing so Ella showed her how it was done, she found a regular in the audience, a sweet man, he had a wife and a couple of kids, his wife was a sweetheart, she had no problems with him getting lap dances, (So long as it was Ella mind you) she even came in a time or two and paid for his dance, so she removed her bustier and started to grind the pole she smiled and spun around it (That was one of her favourite parts) and started walking toward the man, she started to remove her shorts, when she saw _him_, he was the biggest pervert, always coping a feel, and yep, she walked past and he slapped her on the ass, next thing she knew a growl echoed through the room, she knew that growl, she also only just noticed the time "Oh, oh" she muttered and turned suddenly, and damned if she didn't slip and start to fall, unfortunately the pervert caught her.  
Not good

Alucard was going to kill him, how dare that son of a bitch touch what was his, the man had his hands on Ella's breasts, he was going to rip the mans hands off first, then shove them up his ass, he was going to play tonight, he would keep the bastard alive as long as possible, then…

Ella was trying to get up but damn the fuckwit kept grabbing her, and their it was, his hands on her tits, ah hell Alucard was going to kill the pervert, she wondered if she should let him then decided against it, after all while he was a perv he had good money and never roughed up any of the girls, plus he was good to Arthur, Ella was going to miss Arthur, cause Alucard was coming fast and there was no stopping him.

Sarah heard the growl and ran in she looked over and saw Ella getting felt up by the pervert and Alucard moving in fast looking for blood, "Ah shit" she muttered

Seras was wondering what the hell she was going to do, she was tipsy and felt breathless, she had noticed Pip and the way he was looking at her… well she felt butterflies, and now her master was going to kill a man and she didn't know how to help stop him, "Oh God" she whispered

Pip finally turned his eyes away from Seras, the way she was looking at him made him hot as hell, tonight had to work, then he saw she looked horrified and looked over in time to yell "SHIT" Alucard was on a hunt for blood and nobody could stop him.

Alucard reached the man and lifted Ella lightly off him, he moved fast and put Ella away near Pip and turned back to the bastard who touched what was his, he smiled and showed his teeth, the man trembled, the entire bar was still and silent, he approached the man and lifted him up by the neck, his fingers dug in and blood started to run down, he laughed "You touched what is mine, now I will make sure you never touch anything again" He lifted the man higher, then he heard Ella mutter "Oh god please forgive me Alucard"

Ella stood next to Pip and wondered what the hell she was going to do, she looked around and saw Alucard lift him up, then she saw the blood, she looked over to Pip and saw he was frozen in shock, she mentally sighed and looked him up and down 'useless' then she saw it, Pips gun.  
She lifted it in time to hear Alucard say "You touched what is mine, now I will make sure you never touch anything again" she took off the safety and whispered "Oh god please forgive me Alucard" and shot him in the back 3 times.

The bar looked at her, but she kept her attention on Alucard, biting her lip she prayed she had his attention and that he would wake up from whatever the fuck was wrong with him, Alucard dropped the man and turned around and looked at Ella  
"You shot me"  
She bit her lip and nodded  
"You really shot me"  
"I like my job"  
He looked shocked, then started to laugh, she sighed and handed Pip back his gun, then ran to Alucard and jumped up on him, they stared at each other and smiled then they kissed, Ella muttered "I told you, you'd get me fired if you came to work"  
He grabbed her ass "Ready to go home"  
She looked over at Seras who was back to sending Pip smoldering looks and smiled "I'm ready"  
She looked over at the room and smiled and yelled out "What did you think of the play"  
Some one yelled out "What play"  
Sarah caught on and started to clap "Wonderful, for a minute there I thought it was real"  
People looked at one another and someone said "So that was all a show"  
Ella nodded  
Alucard muttered "They can't be that stupid"  
Everyone started to clap and Ella looked at him "Can't they"

Later that night Ella and Alucard were walking past Seras' room when they heard moaning, Ella stopped and opened the door slightly and looked in, she shut the door quickly and walked very fast away, Alucard went after her "What was it"  
Ella walked into her room and collapsed onto the bed and started to laugh  
Alucard glared and demanded to know what was so funny  
Ella smiled and held up a hand  
"Operation get Pip laid, is a success, high five"


	16. Kinky is as Kinky does

Warning

Warning

Small slightly disturbing chapter  
Naughty Scenes below

Ella woke up and looked over, Alucard was still sleeping, she snuck out of bed and went to the bathroom, that done she went upstairs to the roof, she walked over and lifted her head to the sky, the stars twinkled down on her, she sighed knowing what she had to do, but hating every second of it. It had to be done, she refused to allow anyone else she loved to suffer and the sad fact was, she loved Alucard, he was mad, a vampire, ancient, but he was hers and she would do this to protect him, because she feared if they left together, she knew evil would kill both Seras and Integra, she couldn't do that to him, they kept him, well she wanted to say human but that would be wrong, they kept him from becoming the monster everyone thought him to be.  
She sighed, she knew that the odds were she was going to die, but at least she had loved, ah hell who was she kidding she didn't want to die, but considering the fact that she wasn't even close to being a virgin, that really was her only option, because either way she would never completely have Alucard, either she would die within the week in bloody battle or she would age and then die, like a bird and a fish, she may love him but where would it lead,  
She laughed softly to herself and once more looked up to the stars, she sparked up and sat on the edge of the wall looking down at the drop, then back up at the sky, she closed her eyes and felt the wind blow past her skin and smiled "Soon I will end this, we will meet and one of us will die" the temperature dropped suddenly in response and she smiled "I knew you were close, huh smug bastard, give me time, I grew up well, you'll be surprised" She felt a hand close around her throat and tighten she opened her eyes, but didn't struggle, instead she lent her head back offering her throat, a hand tightened around her heart and squeezed she smiled as she coughed up blood, the blood landed on her chest and lips, she felt something lick it off, but still she could see no one, she laughed as well as she could with the hand chocking her, suddenly the door to the roof burst open and Alucard came out, his coat billowing behind him, the hand disappeared, but she felt someone place a kiss on her cheek.  
Alucard strolled over and took off his coat and wrapped it around her "You know better then to sit on the roof naked" Ella smiled and he bent down to lick the blood from her lips "Has he gone already"  
Ella laughed "Yes he just left"  
"Shame, but I'll see him soon"  
Ella just smiled and lowered her eyes, she turned her head and looked out onto the night, Alucard placed a hand under her chin and pulled her face towards him "What ever your thinking little mental, stop, if I have to chain you to my coffin I will, but stop thinking that"  
"What, stop thinking I'd like to try some new things in the bedroom"  
"If that was what you were thinking I'd fuck Walter"  
"Its what I'm thinking now"  
"What did you have in mind"  
Ella looked out at the night and stood up on the edge, she closed her eyes and held out her arms, she looked back and saw Alucard studying her, she smiled "I want to play"  
"What would you like to play"  
Ella laughed "Catch me"  
"What"  
She turned around and looked at him, held her arms out on either side, threw back her head and fell back off the roof "Catch me" she whispered and fell towards the ground, she was staring at the stars thinking that she needed to die at night and outdoors, none of that hospital shit for her, she needed the night sky, suddenly she felt arms surround her and smiled she looked over and saw Alucard holding her, he landed on the ground holding her in his arms and looked down at her "What's wrong with you"  
She got down and faced him "I don't know"  
He started into her face "Ella your scaring me"  
"I think I'm starting to scare myself"  
"I knew it, I knew we shouldn't have gotten Pip laid"  
Ella closed her eyes and breathed in deep "I love the night"  
He looked up and saw it was soon to be a full moon "Oh, but wait normally aren't you supposed to wait until the _actual_ full moon before going insane, not just before"  
"Hmm, probably, but I can't really explain it, I just know something is different within me, I feel more alive and powerful then I have ever felt my entire life, I think I may have moon madness"  
"You really are my little mental aren't you"  
"For how long"  
"What"  
"How much longer can I really be yours"  
Alucard just stared at her, Ella smiled and looked away "See, it's already begun"  
Alucard clenched his teeth together  
Ella looked at the sky "I have something I need to do" and she started to walk away  
"Oh no you don't" Alucard came after her and picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, he carried her into his room and put her in his chair "What the fuck is wrong with you Ella"  
"I just think we should step back"  
Alucard placed an arm on either side of her "Step back hey"  
"Yes, step back"  
"How's this for stepping back" he grabbed her and pushed her into a wall, her head snapped back with a bang and he grabbed a handful of her hair, he kissed her with all the rage he felt and slammed her back into the wall, she lifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist, the coat fell open exposing her, he undid his shirt and pants then let her drop, he was appalled, he could smell her blood and knew that he had cracked her head open, she looked up at him and licked her lower lip, then she grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled him towards her, she swapped positions, so he had his back against the wall, she pushed him into it and leaned up to take off his shirt, that done she moved her hands to his pants, he moved slightly and she growled and pushed him back, she leant up and bit into his neck so hard he started to bleed, he tried to push her away, but the feeling of her bringing him both pain and pleasure was to much, his hand wrapped around her neck and his nails bit in going through the flesh causing her to bleed, her hands finally freed his pants and he stepped out of them, he ripped his coat off her and swapped positions again, slamming her back into the wall, she looked up at him with his blood on her lips, she slowly licked it off and he bent his head so he could finally taste her blood, his tongue lapped at the blood dripping from where his hands were digging in, she clawed her hand and reached around to scratch down his back, drawing blood in her wake, he clenched his teeth, the urge to bite into her was getting stronger every time they had sex, he looked down at her and saw the excitement in her eyes, she arched against him and growled, he growled in return and she rubbed up against him once more, she reached up and licked the blood off his neck again, he slammed her into the wall so hard the bottle of wine on his table shook and fell, smashing on the ground spreading blood red wine over the floor, his hand tightened around her neck, drawing out more of her sweet blood, he lapped it up like a cat to cream and she wrapped her legs around his waist, he entered her in one swift thrust, and found her wet, slick and more then ready, she arched up against him, growling once more, one of her hands fisted in his hair, the other scratched down his back, he shuddered slightly and continued to lick her blood while violently thrusting, they were both slick with sweat and blood was running from his back and neck, he was in ecstasy, she tossed her head back and started to ride him as though he was her salvation, his thrusts came in faster and stronger, his second hand left the wall and clawed at her back, drawing more of her blood, she came more violently then she ever had before, his thrusts sped up until he pulled completely back and entered her once more with all the violence inside him, they came simultaneously, arching against each other, her heartbeat was rapid, her body, their bodies were soaked with sweat and blood, they looked into each others eyes and smiled, she bent down and licked at his blood once more, he smiled and lapped up the rest of the blood from her neck, she rested her head against his shoulder and placed a light kiss upon it.  
It was that moment he knew he would do whatever he had to in order to protect her, she was his forever now, he would never let her go, he wasn't sure how, but he knew there had to be a way, after all he wasn't a virgin when he became what he was today. He smiled, she wasn't going anywhere, and he knew she thought that tonight was their last night together, but she was in for one big surprise.


	17. Why not to run around Hellsing Naked

Ella woke up and stretched then cursed when she whacked both elbows on the side of the bed, she frowned and looked around, she wasn't in her bed, but whoever's bed she was in, shit they had a small bed, and what was with the sides, they came up far, she

Ella woke up and stretched then cursed when she whacked both elbows on the side of the bed, she frowned and looked around, she wasn't in her bed, but whoever's bed she was in, shit they had a small bed, and what was with the sides, they came up far, she looked down and saw Alucard looking at her, looked back at the sides of the bed and looked back at him "You have a very small bed"  
He smiled "Do you like my coffin"  
She looked at it for a moment longer "It's a nice coffin…but"  
"BUT"  
"But, its small, I cant lie next to you, and your stuck with me on top of you"  
He smiled "And that's a problem how"  
She poked her tongue out at him, then winced, she looked at him and saw the big bite mark on his neck and smiled "Take that Dracula"  
Alucard raised an eyebrow, Ella shrugged and got up out of the coffin, she stretched once more and stopped half way through "Ow"  
Alucard got up and walked over to her "What is ow"  
She turned and started to rub her head "My head is _really_ hurting" he smiled  
She glared "Are you laughing at me"  
He turned around and shook his head, Ella looked at the scratches on his back and walked over and lightly ran her nails down the marks "Why don't you just make them disappear"  
"I don't want it to go away"  
She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his back "Sometimes we can't change how things will turn out, we wish we can, but nothing's going to change the world you know"  
He looked up and rested his hand on top of hers "Maybe your right, nothing's going to change" Then he whispered "But I wont sit back and do nothing, I will try"  
Ella released him and turned "I have to get some clothes on"  
"Why have you got work again tonight"  
"No, I took the week off starting now"  
"When were you planning on telling me"  
"I'm telling you now"  
"True"  
"Well I have some things I need to take care of, so I'll…I'll see you later, ok" she smiled slightly  
He didn't say anything, she turned and walked away.

Parting is but sweet sorrow, or something like that, Shakespeare had it right when he said that, Ella stood outside the door to Alucards damn stair infested room, how the hell could the man stand that many stairs, also she was slightly lost, she knew where she was but she didn't know which way was back to her room, and she really couldn't just go ask someone, she decided to risk it.  
She was walking through the hall when she heard voices, she turned and hid behind a suit of armour and watched as some men walked past her, she frowned she didn't remember them being here before, after they walked past she decided to risk going after them, but staying far enough behind they didn't see her, she figured that soon enough they would walk somewhere she was familiar, if not she'd just wander after them until she saw someone she knew, but she also knew Alucard wasn't far behind and she was betting he was loving this, something was different about him, Ella shook her head, she'd analyse Alucards behaviour later, when she was safely dressed and alone, she had to remind herself time and again not to hum the mission impossible theme, but damn it, it was hard, suddenly the men stopped and turned around, Ella froze and looked left and right, nothing to hide behind, the men looked at her shocked, she turned slightly and heard one mumble something, she turned back around and saw they looked appalled by something and they were staring at her neck, she took a step back, they took a step forward, she took another step back, they continued forward coming closer to her, she knew she's have a hard time explaining what the fuck she was doing walking around Hellsing naked, she slowly slid back as she examined them, looking for an opening, suddenly she backed into something and turned around to see the damn suit of armour, she turned back as she remembered the guards and saw they were almost upon her, she turned to run but froze when she saw one lift his gun,  
"Son of a bitch" she muttered, he was pointing his gun at her and now his friend was bringing up his weapon too, they took the safety off and raised their guns, she looked up and stared down the barrel of two guns and growled, she had decided that if she was going to die this week, it would be in a bloody battle, not getting shot down for running around stark naked, she felt a strong wind blow down the corridor, brushing past her face, the men jolted and both let off their guns, somehow she dodged the bullets and looked back at the men, one lifted his gun and shot again, she tried to move but wasn't fast enough, the bullet grazed her shoulder, blood leaked down her arm and dripped onto the floor, they both had their guns pointed at her again and she sighed, one of them called out "Die you god damn ghoul"  
Ella gapped "Wait" she yelled, but it was to late they had both shot at her, next thing she knew she saw red, literally.  
"Red, what took you so long"  
"I was distracted by your ass"  
Ella smiled "You remembered"  
He took his coat off and wrapped it around her, she took a step up, so she was next to him and smiled at the men  
Alucard grinned also, the place quickly filled up with people after the gunshots, Pip ran up and saw them and groaned, Integra quickly pushed through "What is going on" She demanded  
One of the men stuttered "S..si…sir we disc…discovered a…a…a ghoul"  
Alucard laughed "Your both new here aren't you"  
They both nodded  
Integra frowned and looked at Ella, she saw that she was wearing Alucards coat and looked on the floor and saw blood right where Ella was standing and sighed "Oh no"  
Integra looked at the men and glared "You didn't"  
They looked over "D..Di...didn't what s…sir"  
Integra shook her head "Did you or did you not shoot at that girl" she pointed to Ella and then frowned Ella was buried in Alucards coat trying to look invisible and not draw attention to herself "Wait" Integra muttered "You two idiots, did you say you shot at her because you thought she was a ghoul"  
They nodded  
Alucard took a step forward "You spilt her blood, now I will spill yours"  
Ella took a couple of small steps backwards, she looked around for Pip, saw him and gestured behind her, he nodded and started moving around.  
Integra yelled out "Alucard you aren't allowed to kill them, Pip stop moving and Ella come here"  
Ella shook her head  
Integra nodded  
Suddenly some soldiers came up and grabbed Ella on either side and carried her over to Integra,  
Alucard growled  
Integra smiled as Ella was dumped in front of her "Ella take off the coat"  
Ella shook her head  
"Ella don't make me order someone to strip you"  
She shook her head again  
Integra frowned and came forward and ripped off the coat  
Everyone gasped  
Ella's back was a criss-cross of scratches, her shoulder was bleeding steadily, and her neck was covered with puncher marks from Alucards nail and she was naked  
Integra whipped around to Alucard "You did this to her"  
Ella started to laugh "This has to go down in history as my most embarrassing moment"  
Someone whistled and Ella turned and saw Sarah "Ella honey didn't we discuss this already, you have to wear clothes whenever you leave your room"  
Ella smiled "My bad" then frowned "What are you doing here"  
"Integra invited me over to discuss a job offer"  
"Nice"  
Sarah smiled then walked over to her and picked up Alucards coat and handed it to her, she looked around and whispered "We'll talk about this in your room, lets go"  
Ella shook her head and whispered "I can't leave Alucard here, odds are if I do he'll kill them"  
Sarah nodded "But they shot you don't they deserve killing"  
"For what stupidity, no, if anyone should be killed for stupidity then the girl who was running around Hellsing naked should be first in line"  
"True, but everyone loves you"  
"Shut up"  
Ella walked up to Alucard and whispered "You know you can't kill them"  
"Why not"  
"Because I have no idea what I look like, but from the way people are staring I assume its bad"  
"And"  
"And their new Red, you can't kill them for stupidity, like I told Sarah, me running around Hellsing naked is a lot stupider then them thinking I'm a ghoul"  
"What do I get if I don't kill them"  
"What would you like"  
"A promise"  
"What promise"  
"That you wont go off after him alone"  
"What"  
"I know your planning something, I wont allow you to go alone"  
Ella thought about this for a while "Alright I promise I wont go after him alone, but where is my present"  
"What present"  
"You owe me for not shooting you in the head that day"  
"Oh that present"  
"Yes that present"  
"I'll have it for you tonight"  
"Yay, now how do I get back to my room"  
Alucard reached back and grabbed her and pulled her in front of him then muttered "Like this" and did his shadow thing, wrapping them around her and appearing in her room  
Ella smiled and looked up at him then frowned "My head is killing me"  
Alucard smiled "I'll go get you some drugs" and left  
Ella walked into the bathroom and stood in front of her mirror, she closed her eyes and let his coat fall to the floor, when she opened her eyes she started to laugh, she looked as though someone had taken a stick to her, she turned around and groaned, no wonder people were shocked, but thank god she wasn't working tonight, make up could only do so much to covering sex marks.  
Her smile fell and she remembered everything and wondered what in gods name she had been thinking to jump off the roof, thank Christ Alucard liked her enough to catch her, but she had been feeling strange since the first time her and Alucard had sex, she wondered what it was and shook her head  
Alucard cleared his throat "Studying yourself naked"  
"Studying the damage actually, what I wouldn't give for your powers to get rid of marks"  
"You don't enjoy them"  
"Lets just say they clash with my outfit"  
"Your naked"  
She walked over and kissed him "Exactly"  
He shook his head "Here are your drugs"  
"Thanks, and besides another reason I wouldn't mind having the marks gone is so that I can appreciate the new ones I'll get"  
"Hmm, I hadn't thought of that"  
"That's cause for some strange reason my thoughts are dirtier then yours"  
"And for some strange reason mine is more violent"  
"Exactly a perfect pair"  
She got dressed as someone knocked on the door and she called out "Its open"  
Sarah walked in "What did you two do last night"  
Ella smiled and looked at her "We had sex"  
Sarah laughed "When that bitch called you kinky I had no idea she was right"  
Ella turned around "Neither did I"  
Alucard cleared his throat "How is my master"  
Sarah smiled "Ripping strips of skin of those two idiots who took a shot at Ella, plus confused, I tried to explain that Ella's wounds weren't anything to worry about and that you didn't actually attack and try to kill her"  
Ella laughed  
Alucard sighed "Why does she think I tried to kill her"  
"Alucard your master is a virgin, that plus Ella looked pretty…ah"  
"Kinkified" Ella replied  
"Close enough"  
Ella looked over "Alucard you'd best go find her and assure her we aren't trying to kill each other, then I want my present"  
Alucard looked at her "Don't forget your promise"  
Ella smiled "I wont"  
After he left Sarah looked at her "What did you promise him"  
"That I wouldn't go after your ex alone"  
"You mean without him"  
Ella smiled "Nope, just not alone" she looked at Sarah and smiled "So tell me did you bring the weapons  
Sarah smiled "I've got them, when do we leave"

Alucard walked back into Ella's room with a present behind his back he smiled "Ella, Ella I got your gift" He looked around and frowned, she wasn't there, he put the present on her bed and left to find Walter  
"Walter"  
"Yes sir"  
"Have you seen Ella"  
"Yes sir"  
"Well then where is she"  
"She left to go to work with Sarah"  
"WHAT"  
"She asked me to give you this"  
This was a letter it read

_Dear Alucard,  
Well what can I say, I guess you know  
I told Walter to give you this note after he told you where I was  
I'm guessing your slightly pissed off  
Don't be love, I made you a promise didn't I and I always keep my word  
You see I didn't go after him alone, I have Sarah with me  
HI ALUCARD, DON'T WORRY I'LL KEEP HER SAFE, I'VE BEEN DOING IT SINCE BEFORE YOU, SO DON'T SWEAT  
In case you couldn't tell that was Sarah  
Look Alucard I hope one day you will forgive me for this  
But you see this whole thing started with me and Sarah  
And I think it needs to end the same way  
And if I'm wrong whoops  
I know that you will come after us  
All I ask is you wait a bit  
Hell who am I kidding I wouldn't be surprised if you were reading this while your traveling  
Just be nice to Sarah, she is a sweet heart but has a low IQ  
HEY  
Its true and you know it  
STILL ITS MEAN  
Shut up Sarah and why the hell are you writing it down  
FOR THE SAME REASON YOU WROTE THAT DOWN  
Stalling  
NO, BECAUSE WE WANT PEOPLE TO FEEL OUR EMOTIONS  
Look at the bunny, look at the bunny  
PRETTY BUNNY  
Go get the bunny  
Good she's gone,  
I hope this letter brought a smile to your face  
Alucard, if anything happens to me  
Well I want you to know you were everything to me  
I will never forget our time together and how much you meant to me  
I will forever hold a place for you in my heart  
And if I live,  
Don't kill me  
I love you  
Love Ella  
AND SARAH_


	18. The Trip

Ella looked over at Sarah "Are we there yet"

Ella looked over at Sarah "Are we there yet"  
"You already asked that"  
"Oh my bad"  
_One minute later  
_ "Are we there yet"  
"WE'LL GET THERE WHEN WE GET THERE"  
_five minutes later  
_ "Are we there yet"  
"SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND AND WE WILL GO HOME!!"  
"You don't have to yell"  
_Fifteen minutes later_  
"So on a scale of one to ten, how pissed off do you think Alucard will be"  
"Ten billion"  
"I was afraid of that"  
_Five minutes later  
_ "Sarah, I'm bored"  
"THEN READ A BOOK"  
"I didn't bring a book"  
"THEN READ THE MAP"  
"It's to dark"  
"THEN SHUT UP"  
_Twenty minutes later  
_Sarah sighed in relief "Okay, here we are at the airport"  
"It took us this long to get to the airport"  
"It's a special airport"  
"Why? Does it fly alcohol drinking super planes"  
"I hate you"  
"I love you"  
"Lets go check in"  
"This don't look like any airport I know"  
"Of course not, its just a figure of speech"  
"Really"  
"No"  
"Then what is it"  
"IT'S A MAN I KNOW WHO HAS A PLANE AND HE'S GOING TO FLY US INTO IRELAND NO QUESTIONS ASKED"  
"Oh, ok why didn't you say so in the first place"  
"I really hate you"  
"Kisses"  
"No wonder Alucard tried to kill you"  
"Huh, When did that happen"  
"Just get on the plane"  
"Yes sir"

_AFTER AN EXTREMELY LONG ONE AND A HALF HOURS, ELLA AND SARAH FINALLY ARRIVED IN IRELAND  
_Ella took a deep shuddering breath, Sarah gritted her teeth and clasped Ella's hand into her own, Ella tightened the hold "Tell me Sarah are you as scared as I am"  
Sarah smiled "I'm shitting myself"  
Ella laughed once then stopped "Where do we go now"  
"Now we find the prick and kill him once and for all"  
Ella sparked up "Sounds like a plan"

Alucard was after blood, he was going to slaughter someone, and then he'd take Ella home and chain her to his coffin, he was going to find Sarah and beat her, he was going to place Walter in permanent retirement, but first he had to find his wayward little metal.

Ella woke up with someone bashing on the door of her motel room, she stumbled out of bed and walked over and yelled out "Whosit"  
"Ella open the bloody door we have a problem"  
"Slarah, Wazzit"  
"Ella have some damn coffee"  
"K"  
Ella stumbled over to the bathroom and Sarah started the coffee, after Ella came out and poured a cup she wandered outside and sparked up and drank the coffee down, Sarah was practically jumping from foot to foot, Ella frowned "Sarah bathroom's that way, but I didn't think your kind had to go"  
"FUCKING HELL ELLA THIS ISN'T TIME FOR JOKES"  
Ella woke up fast then "What is it, what's wrong"  
"He found us"  
"Who Alucard"  
"I wish, come with me"  
Ella walked with Sarah over to the motel's sign and took a sip as Sarah pointed up  
Ella looked up and spat her coffee out, she stared for a minute then ran to the bushes to throw up  
Sarah ran over to her "I'll pack our bags, you sign us out"

Alucard had finally caught on to Ella's scent he was outside a motel and looked up at the sign and muttered "Not a good omen"  
There on the sign was the mangled bodies of what he thought could be cats, their blood was used to spell out the words 'I SEE YOU'  
He sighed and walked inside to talk to the clerk, he didn't have to even use his powers to get answers, the man behind the desk happily told him about the two smoking hot women who had paid for two rooms for the night, then only hours later they checked out as though the devil himself was chasing them, it only took a fiver to find out what car they were driving. He turned around and walked out, they had only left twenty minutes before he arrived, he was close, and he could almost taste it, the taste of death.

The girls arrived at an abandoned building and they got out, Ella looked at Sarah "Are you sure this is it"  
"Oh yeah, I know that scent anywhere"  
"So he's still here then"  
Sarah shook her head "No he only just left though"  
"So what are we looking for"  
"He's playing with us, so there'll be clue of sorts somewhere, just be wary it could be…well…"  
"A trap"  
"No, a person, or what's left of them after he's done playing"  
Ella looked at her and nodded "Should we arm ourselves"  
"It's the safest thing to do"  
They walked over to the boot and opened it, Sarah picked out two guns and a knife, Ella picked out 4 guns, one katana, two sai's and 4 daggers.  
Sarah laughed "Planning on going into open warfare"  
"Nope just planning ahead"  
"Fair enough"  
They went inside and looked around giving Ella time for her eyes to adjust, she looked at Sarah and nodded, they went into the open room silently and stayed close to each other, looking around they saw the room was filled with machinery, they knew they had to split up or risk losing time, once more they nodded to each other.  
Ella pointed left then herself and Sarah nodded and pointed to herself then right, they silently took the safety off their guns and stepped away from each other, Sarah disappeared around a machine and Ella turned to her own and took a deep silent breath.  
It felt like the middle of a horror movie, there she was useless female number one, armed with her array of weaponry walking silently through an abandoned factory; she was practically screaming to herself 'LOOK BEHIND YOU BITCH. NOW LOOK ABOVE' she sighed, she didn't want to de as helpless female number one, but then again it was better then helpless female number two.  
She pressed her back against a machine and listened to the area, she thought she heard something and held her breath 'There it was again' it sounded like a foot shifting slightly on the ground, she knew it wasn't Sarah, No Sarah did that cool vamp thing where she could step on a pile of dust and leave behind nothing.  
Ella swallowed silently and started to prey 'fuck me dead, fuck me dead' she lifted her guns up to the side of her face and spun out of her hiding spot.

Alucard frowned something big was happening somewhere, he hoped that whatever it was he wasn't to late to save Ella from getting killed, eh maybe he'd save Sarah also, Ella liked her so Alucard guessed she was okay, his phone started to ring and he answered it "Hello"  
"Alucard it's me, have you found them yet"  
"Not yet master"  
"Call me the second you find them"  
"As you wish" and he hung up, then looked back at the sky, the moon was full, but it was also red.  
He didn't know whether a blood red full moon was an omen to be worried about or not.

"Aw shit" Ella muttered  
There in front of her was a _hell_ of a lot of ghouls, but at least she had the next clue, the ghouls were all wearing shirts from the 'Victory Hotel' good for her, bad for the people at the Victory Hotel,  
She lifted her gun and started shooting, a split second later she heard Sarah start shooting also and knew that the ghouls were on either side, she shot down the first and second line, but there was still more, she smiled and thanked god she had more guns and ammo,  
She pulled back quickly and reloaded then came out shooting the other rows, she knew what had to happen, there was to many of them and not enough ammo, she heard Sarah whistle and knew she had the same idea, she looked next to her and raised her eyebrow even as she shot the head off a ghoul, 'What are the odds' she though, she reached out and grabbed the barrels of oil and pushed them to the ground, they landed with a bang and a splash as oil spilt over the ghouls, she heard a bang and splash from over on the right and knew that Sarah also had found a barrel of oil, once again she wondered about their luck, she started shoot again and began to walk backwards, she kept a look out behind her, she knew those horror movies and their damn surprises.  
She looked over and saw Sarah coming out doing the same and started to laugh, Sarah joined in, and Ella wondered how they would look, covered in ghoul blood and guts, shooting zombies and laughing like loons.  
They reached each other and went back to back, Ella looked up and saw gas bottles set up, waiting to be shot and shook her head "Son of a bitch" she muttered,  
"Tell me about it" Sarah said, they both raised their guns and shot at the gas cans, they exploded in a flash and fire and debris rained down they waited until they saw the oil catch alight and ran, they got in the car and Sarah started it up and got the fuck out of there.  
Ella looked back and said to Sarah "So, the fucker set it all up"  
"Yep, the ghouls, the shirts, the oil and the gas cans, Fuckers teasing us, wants us to be scared and tired, but he also wants to kill us himself"  
Ella shook her head and turned around and sighed "To the Victory hotel then"  
Sarah nodded "To the Victory hotel"  
**BANG**  
Sarah sniffed back tears "May there souls rest in peace"  
Ella turned and saw the factory had blown up "Because there bodies lay in pieces"  
Sarah let out a watery laugh "Amen"

Alucard heard the bang and went to investigate, he found an abandoned building burning down and frowned, he could smell Ella's scent here and found tyre tracks, he looked around again, he felt he was missing something, then he saw it, what was left of a person or ghoul, he saw it shake once then die, he approached it and looked down at it, he saw it was wearing a shirt with a strange logo on it and bent in for a closer look, he knew he had to be fast, he could hear the sirens.  
His phone rang and he answered without saying a word  
"That explosion, anything to do with our girls"  
"Yes"  
"What does it have to do with them"  
He frowned and bent closer, the ghoul reached up to grab him, but he pulled out his gun and shot its head off, he looked down and then straightened up and answered  
"Get Seras and Pip here, tell them their on clean up duty, it looks like we had a factory filled with ghouls, its not safe for the paramedics or police to touch"  
"Anything else"  
"Head to the Victory hotel"


	19. WROTE WITH MY GIRL RAVEN06 IN MIND

They arrived at the Victory hotel and looked around

They arrived at the Victory hotel and looked around  
Ella muttered "Hotel was a bit of a stretch"  
Sarah nodded "Obviously they haven't heard its better to be cruel then to be kind"  
Ella looked down and spotted a dead and mutilated body "I guess they learnt the hard way"  
Sarah looked over "Oh Jesus fucking Christ"  
Ella nodded "Amen"  
They walked to the boot and Sarah looked up "He's here somewhere, can you feel it"  
"I can feel it, lets get what we need and kick some ass"  
"Alright but we stay together kapeesh"  
"I love kapeesh"

They walked inside and saw it was dark and empty  
Ella looked around "Creepy, like a midnight Halloween movie"  
"Why is it you always think in movie talk"  
"Cause"  
"Meh, good enough for me"  
"Hmm, I would have thought there would be more ghouls"  
"Go figure"  
"Maybe we should be quiet now"  
"Probably"  
Suddenly they heard the creaking of stairs, they stepped back and Ella felt someone behind her she turned quickly and fell on her ass  
"Ow, what the fuck"  
"Its good to see your uncoordinated self again, I was getting concerned you were losing your spazzness"  
Ella looked up "Ouch, I see Red"  
Alucard looked down and shook his head "We'll discuss your beating later"  
They heard the creaking on the stairs again and Ella stood back up  
Alucard smiled "Judas Priest"  
Ella and Sarah looked at each other like what the fuck  
A man came down the stairs and smiled, he was _huge_, he was wearing a priests collar and carrying big fucking knife like blades, he looked at Sarah then Ella and smiled when he saw Alucard, he frowned for a moment then looked back at Ella  
Alucard grabbed her and shoved her behind his back and the priest laughed  
"Thou shalt break them with a rod of iron; Thou shalt dash them in pieces like a potter's vessel; Be wise now therefore, O ye kings; Be instructed ye judges of the Earth; Serve the Lord with fear... and rejoice with trembling"  
Ella groaned and sat down "Make it stop"  
"Kiss the son... lest he be angry, and ye perish from the way, when his wrath is kindled but a little; Arise O Lord; Let the heathen by judged in thy sight. I shall purify all in one righteous sweep! Stand before me!"  
Ella sighed "Is it over"  
Alucard nodded "It's over"  
She got up again "Thank Christ"  
The priest laughed "You dare to mention the Lord Almighty in my presence, you thank him"  
"If you'll shut up, I'll never say it again" Ella muttered  
"Be quiet you demons whore, you devil's slut"  
Ella jumped on Alucards back "Hey, be nice I'm Catholic"  
The priest stopped "Really"  
"Yep, been Baptised, had Confirmation and First Communion"  
"Well now then, there might be hope for you in god's graces yet"  
"That's a relief"  
"Are you mocking me"  
Ella gasped "Never"  
Alucard sighed "Ella leave the Judas Priest alone"  
"His name is Judas Priest?"  
Sarah frowned "Good thing he decided to be a priest other wise his name would be stupid"  
Ella looked over "Where did that tumbleweed come from"  
Alucard frowned "Must be the same place the sound of the crickets is coming from"  
Sarah frowned again "But I don't see any tumbleweed or hear any crickets"  
Ella shook her head "Whoosh"  
The priest looked at her "What does whoosh mean"  
"It's the sound of it going over her head"  
Alucard sighed "Doesn't anyone act normal when your around"  
Ella shrugged "It's a gift"  
Alucard nodded "Get off my back, the priest is very blade happy" He looked at him "I'm guessing you got rid of the ghouls"  
The priest nodded  
Sarah held her hands together "I guess it's not to much to hope you got rid of the vampire"  
The priest grinned "No but soon I will" he turned to Alucard "Draw your weapon oh heathen one, the everlasting abomination"  
Ella looked at Sarah "And you think we call each other names"  
Sarah nodded "I'm just glad we don't get all R E G I L" she stopped to think about it  
Ella smiled "What are you trying to spell"  
"Religious"  
"I think there's a W in there somewhere"  
Sarah frowned and started mouthing the word "Hey, shut up there is not"  
"Maybe it's a Q"  
"Maybe, Oh I hate you"  
Ella laughed then tried to walk over to her but Alucards arm came out and he pushed her back behind him  
The priest smiled evilly "So it seems the great vampire Alucard has a weakness after all, his whore"  
Ella glared at him "Hey, its Ella, thank you very much Judas"  
"It's not Judas"  
"What is it then"  
"I am the great Alexander Anderson"  
"You mean the Paladin Anderson"  
"Yes"  
"My last name is Anderson too"  
"I do not care"  
"Meanie"  
"I don't get why he hasn't killed you"  
"Yeah I get that a lot"  
"I can see why"  
"Yeah well, you umm, I got nothing"  
"That's what I expected for a devils slut"  
"HEY, That's Catholic devils slut"  
"You don't deserve to be called Catholic"  
"Why not"  
"A Catholic being the whore of the devils plaything"  
"I thought I was the devils plaything"  
"And to top it off he's a Protestant"  
"No actually he's between religions at the moment"  
"Your very naive"  
"Yeah well…you smell"  
Sarah shook her head  
"I smell of GOD"  
"No you smell of hairy palms and blindness"  
"WHAT"  
"I get why your so angry, your just desperate for sex and have giant wankers cramp in both wrists"  
"WHAT"  
"oh god your deaf too"  
"I WILL MAKE YOU BEG FOR SALVATION"  
"Does it taste like chicken"  
"Does it… your insane"  
"Why does everyone say that"  
Alucard sighed "Can we wrap this up anytime soon, I have a vampire to kill and a whore to spank"  
Ella nodded then glared at him "HEY"  
Sarah laughed "That's funny, I don't care who you are, that's funny right there"  
Ella glared at her "When did you become redneck"  
"Shut up, I love cars"  
"Oh, yeah that was a good movie"  
"My name is mater as in tuh-mater, but without the tuh"  
"I'm tellin' you, man, every third blink is slower"  
"The '60s weren't good to you, were they?"  
"McQueen and Sally parked beneath the tree / K-I-S-somethin'-somethin'-somethin'-T."  
"Fly away, Stanley. Be free!"  
"I'm happier 'n a tornado in a trailer park!"  
Anderson yelled out "WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP"  
Sarah and Ella pouted "No need to get all pissy"  
Alucard laughed "This vampire doesn't stand a chance against the two of you, all you have to do is talk and his a goner"  
Ella smiled "That's so sweet and insulting at the same time"  
Suddenly they heard "I SEE YOU TWO HAVEN'T CHANGED IN THE FIVE YEARS SINCE WE LAST MET"  
Ella moved but Alucard grabbed her "What are you doing"  
"Let me go, I have to get Sarah"  
"She's fine, now stay here and shut up so I can kill him then the priest and then we'll discuss you warping promises"  
Alucard pushed her behind his back again and smiled "I've been waiting for you, but we haven't even been introduced yet"  
A man appeared on the stairs "My apologies, I am Darius, and I'm going to be the one to finally kill that annoying bit of baggage behind your back"  
Alucard smiled "I disagree if anyone gets the privilege of killing her, its me"  
Ella cleared her throat "Excuse me"  
Alucard looked back at her "It's a figure of speech"  
"Oh okay"  
Alucard looked at Darius "Lets begin shall we, ladies go wait outside"  
The girls looked at each other and frowned "WE WANNA WATCH"  
"No"  
"BUT, BUT"  
"NO"  
"Fine meanie bum head"  
They turned and walked out  
Alucard looked over at Anderson and said "I said ladies, that means you"  
Anderson grinned "Do you think I'd cower outside while you get killed without me, I think not"  
Alucard sighed "Fine, DRAW YOUR WEAPON, SHOW ME WHAT YOU REALLY ARE"

Darius smiled and pulled out his gun he shot Alucard repeatedly in the head and chest, effectively blowing away his body, his corpse fell to the ground  
Sarah gasped,  
Ella sighed "He likes to this for some strange reason, he'll be fine, dumbass"  
Suddenly the sound of bats could be heard and Ella and Sarah looked up to find a swarm of bats coming down, their eyes opened wide, suddenly just as fast the bats were gone, they looked at each other then back inside  
Alucard started to laugh and got back up again  
Darius smiled "I'm glad the stories of you are true, this will truly make it a battle then"  
Alucard grinned and Ella wondered where the hell he put his hat and glasses  
Alucard pulled out his gun and they both started to shoot each other  
Ella looked at Sarah "This is boring"  
"I know, I didn't want to say anything cause well its your bitch fighting"  
"True but fuck its boring"  
"Got any cards"  
"Sure do what do you have in mind"  
"Texas hold 'em"  
"I'm in"

They both got off the floor laughing and looked at each other  
Alucard smiled "Oh yes this will be fun, FINALLY IT SEEMS I HAVE AN ENEMY WORTH MY GREATNESS"  
Ella yelled out "KILL THE EGO RED"  
"YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE HIDING"  
"WE ARE" then they heard "Go fish" followed by "I thought we were playing snap" then "My bad, you sunk my battleship"  
Alucard sighed somehow that kind of killed his buzz, he looked at Darius and found him looking the same  
Darius looked over and picked his gun up again, Alucard grinned and once more they started shooting  
Ella looked over "Do you think they're done yet"  
They heard more shooting and Sarah shook her head "Nope"  
Ella frowned "Damn, hit me"  
Sarah looked at her and smiled "UNO"  
Alucard looked over, the fight had been going on for twenty minutes now and neither one was truly injured, he knew jut what to do  
He smiled and held his hands like a rectangle, an eye appeared and he grinned "Releasing control art restriction to level two"  
His coat opened and eyes appeared all over his body  
Ella heard someone gasp and they looked in to see Alucard do his little eye trick, Ella grimaced "Cool but gross"  
Sarah scrunched her nose "Aint that the truth"  
"Well back to Gin"  
"I thought we were drinking vodka"  
"That too"

Darius' smile fell he looked around "What the fuck is that"  
"This is what a true vampire looks like"  
Darius lifted his weapon again and Alucard shot him again, nothing happened and Alucard was bored, he wanted to go home with Ella, he wondered what caused it and mentally shrugged, he suspected it had something to do with the fact that this thing was responsible for destroying Ella's life and decided to unleash his full power, his outfit changed to look like a black leather jacket  
"_Releasing Control Art Restriction Systems three...two...one, approval of Situation A recognized. Commencing the Cromwell invocation. Ability restrictions lifted for limited use until the enemy has been rendered silent."  
_Darius stopped what he was doing and finally began to fear what Alucard was  
Ella and Sarah looked through the window, Ella whistled softly "So this is him in his true form"  
Sarah looked in awe "This is truly the No Life King"  
Alucard started to laugh "What's the matter, I thought you were looking for a challenge, instead I can smell your fear from here" He inhaled "Smells so sweet"  
He grinned and they watched as he seemed to grow, they could feel the energy and evil radiate from him, Ella muttered "This is so fucking hot"  
He shifted his body calling on his familiars releasing his hellhound  
Darius stared in horror "WHAT ARE YOU"  
Alucard looked at him "I AM THE ONE WHO WILL SEND YOU TO EVERLASTING HELL"  
The Hellhound ran over and ripped Darius' arm off, he screamed in agony  
Alucard laughed "Regenerate yourself, come the night is so young and you've been taunting me for so long, I want to play"  
Darius gritted his teeth "I didn't send for you I sent for her" he pointed to Ella  
Alucard turned and saw her there watching him, he wondered what kind of monster she thought him, then she smiled and blew him a kiss  
He turned "That is mine and as such a challenge to her is a challenge to me, so fight, fight with all you are"  
The Hellhound ripped off his other arm and Alucard laughed once more "FIGHT ME"  
Darius yelled out "I CAN'T"  
Alucard stopped "Why not"  
"BECAUSE I HAVE USED ALL MY ENERGY ALREADY, you see if you defeat me now it wont be honorable, it would be cowardly"  
"Your right, it would be cowardly almost as cowardly as attacking a young human female"  
"But… I have a good reason, THAT BITCH NEARLY KILLED ME"  
"SHE WAS AFTER REVENGE, THAT IS THE MAIN REASON"  
"DON'T DO THIS, JOIN WITH ME AND WE CAN RULE"  
"JOIN WITH YOU, YOU CAN BARELY STAND YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT, NOW BECOME DOG SHIT!!"  
Alucard sent the Hellhound out and it ripped off his legs one by one, then it bit deep into his stomach and ripped out his intestines, Darius' mouth was open wide and he screamed in agony  
Alucard looked at him "BEG ME, BEG FOR MY MERCY"  
Darius looked at him "PLEASE, PLEASE SPARE ME, WITH REST I WILL BE FINE, I WILL HEAL AND WE SHALL RULE"  
Alucard smiled "You really are a shit poet, but worse is your begging, so long you lowly piece of shit"  
The Hellhound finished him off and Alucard fell to his knees, his energy was practically gone, he just wanted to grab Ella and go home.  
He smiled it was over finally, now he could continue to try to find a way to make her his queen.  
He sat there for ten minutes before he heard the sound of a helicopter, five minutes after it landed and he heard someone talking, they sounded wrong, like something very bad was going on  
He sat up and wondered where Ella was, she could still be hiding, but no, she had watched the battle  
He sat up taller, What if she was scared by what she had seen and ran  
Integra rushed in looking worried "Alucard"  
"Yes my master"  
"Alucard, I'm sorry"  
"About what"  
"Ella"  
"She left me?"  
"Worse"  
"What could be worse"  
"We just took Sarah away"  
"What's wrong with Sarah"  
"She'd been attacked"  
"By what"  
"Alucard"  
He stood up and yelled "WHERE IS SHE"  
Integra looked at him, she looked lost, Alucard had never seen her look lost  
He asked again, softer this time "Where is she"  
Integra swallowed "The… The Paladin Anderson took her"  
"WHAT"  
"He left a message"  
"What does it say"  
"That Iscariot wants her for questioning"  
"You sound as though it's a matter of life and death"  
"It just may be"  
"Why"  
"Because the leader of Iscariot"  
"YES"  
"The leader Enrico Maxwell has become drunk with power"  
"And"  
"He just sent me this"  
Alucard looked down and saw a printed email reading:  
Dear Integra,  
I hope this reaches you in ill health  
I have had my agent Anderson pick up your little pets whore  
He believes we will question her and release her  
Ignorance is bliss  
I believe you should know what I have planned  
I will do to her what sinners had done to them in Christs day  
May you die painfully  
Enrico Maxwell  
Alucard frowned "What does he mean he will do to her what was done to sinners"  
Integra reached out and touched his arm  
"Alucard back then sinners were"  
He looked up in alarm "YOU MEAN HE'S GOING TO"  
Integra nodded "He plans to crucify her"


	20. CRUCIWHAT

Note

Note  
Chappie is sad and violent  
Song is the veronicas – This love  
you don't have to read the song, you can skip it if you like I just put it in cause its been stuck in my head.  
Thanks again to Raven06 and Dark-Flame-Girl and Hells Twilight

START

Ella woke up and groaned, her arms hurt and she couldn't move them, she frowned and wondered when she started sleeping standing up,  
She glanced up and blinked, she looked down then back up  
"Damn it this had better be Alucards idea of a game or else I am so screwed" she muttered.  
Her arms were tied above her head, her wrists bound with rope on what looked like a hook of some sort "Haven't I seen this movie before" She muttered  
Someone laughed and she looked over and saw a man standing there, he approached her and smiled  
"I am Enrico Maxwell"  
"Hi, I'm Ella"  
"I know"  
"Oh"  
"I had my agent collect you"  
"What agent"  
"Agent Alexander Anderson"  
Ella laughed "Hello Mr. Anderson"  
He looked confused "I do not understand"  
"Not many people do"  
"You are here for a very special reason, I work with the Iscariot organization, we are the right hand of the pope and god"  
"Oh, so your Catholic priests"  
"What"  
"Look if this is some kind of penance for my sins, then I'm sweet I have this priest back home, so you let me go, I'll see him and we wont have to worry about Ella's penance, sound good to you"  
"Let me tell you a story"  
"Does it contain atomic super flying monkey men"  
"No"  
"Oh, … Can it"  
"NO"  
"Oh" Ella sighed then said "Sigh"  
"Be quiet"  
"Sigh"  
"STOP IT"  
"Fine…Sigh"  
He punched her in the face  
Ella opened and closed her jaw a couple of times "Ow"  
"As a small child, I lived at Ferdinand Luke's, an orphanage outside Rome where Anderson lived and worked. My parents had abandoned me, likely because I was the 'son of a mistress'. Though Anderson tried to raise me as well as he could, I remained angry and spiteful. I became determined to become someone that people couldn't look down on."  
Ella sighed "I changed my mind, just shut up and I'll take the penance"  
"Iscariot also has a bitter rivalry with Hellsing, due to their differing ideologies. Hellsing is an Anglican organization; Iscariot is a Roman Catholic organization. Also, Hellsing kills vampires because of what they 'do'. Hellsing will not attack a vampire unless it poses a threat to the Church of England or to the British Crown. Iscariot, on the other hand, kills vampires because of what they 'are'"  
Ella muttered "Breakfast, I haven't had breakfast yet, and it's too late to eat breakfast though, so… Dinner, I haven't had dinner yet"  
"DID YOU LISTEN TO ANYTHING I JUST SAID"  
"I drifted in and out"  
"You think your vampire will be here in time to save you. Little fool"  
"Wait, what, rewind, to save me, as in I'm in danger"  
"Correct"  
"Okay, why"  
"Because we shall cleanse the sinner"  
"What sinner"  
"You're a sinner and justly must you suffer"  
"What"  
"I am going to purify your soul"  
"K"  
"I'm going to do it by destroying your body"  
"But I like my body"  
"So do others and that is a sin"  
"What"  
"Sins of the flesh"  
Ella smiled "Yeah"  
"My point exactly"  
"K"  
"You will suffer"  
"K"  
"Then you will beg me for mercy"  
"K"  
"You will scream your lovers name and I will bathe in your pain"  
"K"  
"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME"  
"K"  
"MEN TO ARMS"  
"Are we preparing to siege?"  
"What"  
"I like potatoes"  
His eyes narrowed and he nodded to something behind her back  
Ella swallowed, she knew something was going to happen and she had a sickening feeling it would be bad, she also knew that Alucard wouldn't get here until later, she had hoped to stall the priest man, but it looked as though he had a very short fuse, and unfortunately she had lit it.

Ella let out an involuntary gasp, some son of a bitch just ran a knife down the back of her shirt and cut it away from her body, she could feel that the knife had cut the skin of her back, and grimaced slightly at the sensation of being tied up and shirtless with blood dripping down her back, in a empty factory like warehouse thingy with a group of strange men, who weren't even going to pay her. Bastards.  
Enrico nodded once more to the man behind her and started to laugh, Ella joined in and once again people fell silent, she wondered what it was about her laugh that was so fucking unfunny, then she heard it.  
_CRACK_  
That wasn't a good sound, she looked up suddenly and saw Enrico smile evilly, she shivered, then her eyes opened wide, she understood the sound now and the cutting of her shirt, but it was too late.  
_SMACK  
_She jerked forward and bit back a cry, the son of a bitch was whipping her  
Enrico laughed and screamed "BEG FOR MY MERCY, BEG FOR IT"  
Ella shivered, he was insane  
_SMACK  
_She jerked forward once more and bit her lip, whatever happened she would never beg, she lifted her head and flipped her hair back, she looked Enrico in the eyes with all the rage and hate she felt.  
_SMACK  
_She gritted her teeth and took some deep breaths, inhale exhale, inhale exhale, inhale  
_SMACK  
_Her breath hissed out between her teeth, she clenched her hands together_  
SMACK  
_ 'Christ' she thought 'How much longer will this go on'_  
SMACK_  
She jerked and pulled on her hands  
_SMACK  
_She bit her lip so hard it bled and kept pulling her wrist down on the rope_  
SMACK  
_She blinked back tears and kept trying to release herself from the ropes_  
SMACK  
_She let out a gasp and immediately bit her tongue to stop the scream of pain_  
SMACK  
_Enrico laughed "That's ten lashes" he smiled at her "Thirty more to go"_  
SMACK  
_ "Twenty-nine" he laughed  
Ella was pulling so violently on her wrists they started to bleed_  
SMACK  
_"Twenty-eight"  
She was gasping and chocking back sobs, blood was running down her wrists, the rope was cutting away at her skin_  
SMACK  
_"Twenty-seven"  
Ella's vision was starting to go black_  
SMACK  
_ "Twenty-six" He laughed like a maniac  
Ella felt like she was going to be violently ill, her sight was dimming_  
SMACK  
_ "TWENTY-FIVE" he screamed  
The last thing Ella remembered hearing was the _SMACK_ of the whip falling on her back once more, thankfully she felt nothing more as she sunk into unconsciousness

Alucard was pissed, he didn't remember ever being this angry before in his life,  
Someone had dared to threaten what was his, they would pay with there life.  
But first, he had to find Anderson.

_SPLASH  
_Ella coughed and sputtered, someone threw a bucket of cold water on her, her eyes opened wide, she felt like someone had taken a knife to her back and was currently peeling away strips, then dousing it in salt and lemon.  
The pain was so agonizing she felt the world start to go black once more  
"Damn it, she's passing out again, wake her up"  
Someone slapped her, she opened her eyes once more  
"Is it ready" She heard someone ask  
"Yes sir"  
"Excellent, cut her down and tie her to her new play toy"  
The men laughed and cut the ropes down from the hook  
She closed her eyes and felt a tear escape "Alucard" she whispered

"TELL ME WHERE HE IS"  
The sound of flesh hitting flesh was heard, one man sobbed, another man growled.

Ella focused all her energy in trying to block the pain  
The bastards came over and cut the bonds, then they simply let her drop, her legs buckled and she rammed her forehead into the ground "Someone up there really likes my nose" she mumbled to herself and started to laugh like a maniac

Alucard glared at the cowering and bloody priest before him, this priest knew where Anderson was, but he wasn't saying where.  
"You have one more chance to tell me before I take it from you anyway, is this priest really worth your death"  
The priest made the sign of the cross "I will never help a demon and a whore"  
Alucard grinned "Times up" he reached over and grabbed the priest by his neck, he sunk his fangs deep and drank the mans blood and memories.

Ella was grabbed under her arms and dragged over to the middle of the room  
Enrico looked at her and smiled "Are you ready for part two"  
Ella smiled back "Sounds wicked, can I go first"  
Enrico's smiled held "Yes you can" he nodded once again and Ella decided she would love to make sure the man could never nod again  
The men pulled her back and threw her to the ground, the breath was knocked out of her, while she lay there they tied her wrists and feet to whatever she was lying on,  
She really hoped it wasn't like fear factor, she would really hate to be shoved into a container of furry spiders, that would be hell, talking about hell on the plus side if she was going there the fire would be to hot for spiders, 'nice' she thought.  
Suddenly a man approached, he held a marker in one hand and was examining her ankles with the other, he reached out and removed the markers cap, then drew an X on both her feet, she frowned, he then moved up to her wrists and began to examine them, doing the same, he placed an X on her wrist.  
"What the FUCK are you doing" she glared, without warning when she was staring at marker man some bastard took off her pants and underwear  
"Don't worry" Enrico muttered "We find nothing about you attractive, none of the men will touch you that way"  
Ella almost let out a sigh of relief, she looked over and saw marker man had left again and worked his way over to her other wrist "So what are you guys giving me some tattoo's or something"  
Enrico laughed "Or something"  
Ella grumbled "Damn it" she sighed and went back to concentrating all her energy on not showing any signs of the pain she was feeling, 'damn I'm that good I should be an actress' she thought  
The marker man stood up and nodded to Enrico, he looked down at her and she saw the sympathy and horror in his eyes, she knew that was a really bad sign  
Enrico looked at the men standing on her either side and said something in another language, she had no idea what was said, but she had a pretty good feeling it wasn't "Lets go get our guest some painkillers and medical attention, then we shall shower her with gifts and new clothes to replace the ones we destroyed" besides it was to short for that. "Ah hell" she muttered, she was so screwed.

Alucard entered the building "Anderson"  
Anderson looked over "Well if it isn't the Hellsing pet, what's the matter lose your whore"  
Alucard lifted his gun and shot him "You bore me, tell me where she is and I might just let you live"  
Anderson scoffed "What does it matter, at the moment your whore is most likely repenting her sins and telling all she knows about Hellsing"  
Alucard stopped "So you know"  
"Know what"  
"What your pathetic master is going to do to her"  
"He is going to save her soul"  
"You approve of this"  
"It was my idea"  
Alucard felt his rage begin to leak out "You would do this to an innocent human"  
Anderson smiled "Innocent she is not, but with the proper prayer the lord shall forgive her for all her sins, but first she must suffer unto him"  
"You know I believe that there's something wrong with you mentally"  
"Because I care about her spiritual well been"  
"No, because you stand by what's being done even though it make you an accomplice to murder"  
"WHAT, what do you mean murder"  
"Let me tell you what your master has planned"

The door opened once more and the men came in they approached Enrico and bowed low as they handed him a small wooden chest that was about the size of a jewelry box, once more the door opened and Ella looked over and saw another two men enter, one man carried a mallet another carried a spear.  
Her eyes widened and she began to mentally go through everything that could be done with that spear and mallet  
Enrico walked over and laid one chest down near her feet, he walked over to her head and placed the other down, he then bent down near her head and placed a single kiss upon her forehead, he smiled down at her and did the sign of the cross "May you forever remain in the arms of the father almighty"  
The men all bent there heads and muttered "Amen"  
Enrico moved down to her feet and pushed up a bit of wood that she could rest them upon, he looked up and smiled before accepting the mallet from the man next to him,  
He placed the mallet gently on the ground and smiled as he opened the chest he reached inside it and pulled out two objects,  
Ella frowned, she had to be going delirious, there was no way she saw what she thought she saw, she closed her eyes tight and then opened them once more, she let out a whimper, she hadn't been imagining it, the crazy son of a bitch really held two giant looking nails in his hand, he looked at her and smiled "Are you ready for salvation"  
She shook her head "NO, I'm good, really I'm good"  
He tsked "Such a shame your lying to me"  
"I'm not lying, I'm really happy, lalalalalalala…SEE I'M HAPPY"  
"I despise liars and whores" he placed the nail on top of the X on her foot and lifted the mallet into the air

Alucard shook him "WE DON'T HAVE ANYMORE TIME, WHO KNOWS WHAT HE'S DONE TO HER"  
Anderson glared at him "I thought he'd be here"  
"BUT HE'S NOT"  
"I CAN SEE THAT"  
"SO WHERE THE FUCK IS HE"  
"I DON'T KNOW"  
"WHAT"  
Anderson sighed and rubbed a hand down his face "I don't know, WAIT"  
Alucard looked up "WHAT"  
"There is one place we haven't checked"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Ella's scream echoed through the warehouse, Enrico brought the mallet down once, blood spurted, he raised the mallet again and gave it another whack  
Ella screamed again, it was agony, she had never felt anything like it in her life, she was gasping for breath and sobbing at the same time  
She pulled on the ropes that tied her down and screamed at Enrico "YOUR FUCKING INSANE, YOU MENTALLY DISTURBED PIECE OF SHIT, YOUR FUCKING MAD" she was sobbing and chocking back gasps  
He picked up the second nail and aimed it on the X, he brought the mallet down again and again, she screamed and arched up, clawing at the air, the pain in her back now felt like a gentle massage.  
She was trying not to be sick, the pain that was going through her body was like nothing she had ever before experienced, she felt her body start to go numb slightly and knew that as much as it hurt she had to avoid going numb because numb meant shock, shock meant easy death, and she wasted to see these fuckers die slowly for what they were doing. She closed her eyes and started to imagine everything she would do to them, when she opened them again she saw Enrico had moved up to her wrist.

Alucard turned to him, that was it, Anderson was a dead man  
Anderson looked at him "Wait, maybe there is some paperwork back at the church that can help us"  
"Why would he be so stupid to leave evidence lying around"  
"The man thinks he is invincible"  
Alucard sighed and rubbed the back of his neck "I never thought I would live to see the day we worked together"  
"Neither did I heathen, neither did I"

Ella wished for unconsciousness, but for some strange reason it wouldn't come, she resorted to using the trick she had developed as a child, she retreated into her mind and thought about the people she loved, inside her mind she could hide if even for a short while.  
She heard the _WHACK_ of the mallet over and over again, she felt her body shudder and tears leak from her eyes, but where she was she didn't feel the pain, she heard Enrico say something and saw the knife that had cut away at her clothes being raised, she watched on as though it was a movie or happening to someone else  
She watched as he brought the knife down and slashed her wrists, she watched him grab the spear and stab her in the side, but still it was like a movie, it felt unreal,  
She watched the men lift the cross she was lying on and move it until it was straight against the wall, she watched Enrico walk over in front of her and smile  
"Time for you to soon join the lord our god in heaven" he laughed and turned, signaling to the other men, he nodded to one who lifted a camera and took a picture, they turned once more and left her there, lying nailed to a cross with slashed wrists.

Alucard was frantic something was wrong, something was very, very wrong, he hadn't found Ella's scent anywhere, she had vanished, but something was wrong, she needed him  
"Over here, I found something" Anderson called  
Alucard was there in a flash, "What is it"  
"It looks like the deed for an abandoned warehouse"  
Alucard took his phone out of his pocket and phoned Integra  
"Alucard, have you found her"  
"Not yet, but I have an address"  
"I'm listening"

Ella closed her eyes and forced them open again, she had to stay alive, no, no awake, she had to stay awake until Alucard got there, she had to tell him…tell him  
Her eyes opened wide and she screamed until her throat was hoarse, it hurt so badly, she started to sing to herself, she knew Alucard was close, she could feel it, but he couldn't sense her, so she's sing how she felt and what she wanted to say, just in case he didn't get there in time

"_I can see it in your eyes  
taste it in our first kiss  
stranger in this fully town  
save me from my emptiness  
You took my hand  
you told me it would be ok  
I trusted you to hold my heart  
now fate is pulling me away, from you  
Even if I leave you now  
and it breaks my heart  
even if I'm not around  
I won't give in  
I can't give up  
on this love  
You become a piece of me  
makes me sick to even think  
of mornings waking up alone  
searching for you in the sheets  
don't fade away  
Even if I leave you now  
and it breaks my heart  
Even if I'm not around  
I won't give in  
I can't give up  
on this love  
I can't just close the door  
on this love  
I never felt like this before  
like this love  
tell me the truth no matter what we're going through  
will you hold on 'cause  
even if I leave you now  
and it breaks my heart  
even if I'm not around  
I won't give in  
I can't give up  
on this love  
even if I leave you now  
and it breaks my heart  
even if I'm not around  
I won't give in  
I can't give up  
on this love"  
_She started to sob, she didn't want to die alone, hanging from a fucking cross of all things  
"Alucard where are you" she cried

Alucard, Anderson, Integra, Pip, Seras and Walter all arrived at the same time (Coincidence, I think not)  
Alucard rushed to the door, she was in there he could feel it.  
He ripped the door open and let out a howl of anguish  
Anderson looked in and dropped to his knees  
Seras turned and buried her face in Pips shirt  
Pip closed his eye and muttered a prayer  
Integra clenched her teeth and tried to ignore the tear that escaped and ran down her cheek,  
Walter muttered "Dear god in heaven"  
They looked at the back and saw Ella, she was naked and standing there on a cross, she had blood running down her body, the worst appeared to be coming from her wrists and side  
She raised her head slowly and looked at them, she smiled "I knew you would all make it, I don't want to die alone"  
Seras started to sob "You won't die, we'll get you help"  
Ella smiled slightly "Oh baby, I'm to weak, I've lost to much blood, No I wont survive this"  
She looked at them each in turn "Walter, my sweet Walter, you made my life so much easier these past few weeks, for that you will forever have my thanks and my friendship" She laughed, "Even though forever isn't very long for me"  
She glanced at Pip "Pip, god you were right that first time we met, you are an amazing person, you have a wonderful girl next to you, I don't have to tell you to keep her happy, but keep her safe, Pip you aren't invincible baby, remember that, also know that you're a great friend"  
"And you Seras, my god since I've known you you've gone from being a bit of a prune to a women who had no problems showing off what she has and dancing around a pole, God I love you like a sister, Remember the book honey, try some of those, trust me"  
She looked over "May I have a private word with Integra and Alucard, Anderson you're a dickhead, use your brain, Enrico is insane and what's more he hates you and will easily kill the world if they don't bow to him, usurp him, rebel, for fuck sake be your own man and get laid, now fuck off"  
They turned and left Integra and Alucard walked over, Ella looked down and smiled, her eyes fluttered shut, she forced them open again "Integra, what can I say, you amaze me and honor me, I have never in my life met someone like you, you are a role model, but do yourself a favor, find a man, life is short and sex is good. Go out and enjoy both, your like the big sister I always wanted, I hope that someday you'll find someone else to help you live life as crazy as I did"  
She let out a shuddering breath "Now I'll tell you what I heard"

Seras was weeping against Pip, who was staring at the sky trying to pretend he wasn't crying, he rubbed Seras up and down her back muttering nonsensical words, she sobbed out "How can anyone do something so brutal to another person who has done nothing to them"  
She looked up and sighed, she frowned and looked around, then she saw him Anderson was leaving and he looked like he was after blood

Ella was struggling to breath properly, she just wanted to close her eyes and sleep,  
She looked at Integra "Please leave now"  
Integra looked up "Are you sure"  
"Please"  
Integra nodded then stood up straight and saluted her, "I…I thought of you as my sister too" she turned and quickly walked out  
"Integra" Ella called out "Look after him for me"  
Integra nodded she didn't need to ask who _he_ was

Ella looked at Alucard "Get me down Red"  
"It will hurt"  
Ella let out a laugh "I think I have a new pain threshold"  
He floated up and grabbed her legs, he pulled suddenly and she gritted her teeth and the nails ripped apart her skin, he reached up and did the same to her arms,  
He cradled her close and sat on the floor with her in his lap  
She looked up at him and said "Red"  
"Yes"  
"Will you do something for me"  
"Anything"  
"Drink my blood"  
"WHAT"  
"I want you to drink my blood, don't let it go to waste, I know I might become a ghoul but," she swallowed "I want my last thought to be of you"  
"He blinked back tears "Ella"  
"Please"  
He nodded and bent his head, she stared into his eyes and raised one hand, she gently stroaked it down his cheek, leaving a trail of blood behind, she muttered "I wish I could become a vampire, that would solve a lot of problems, but I cant regret it because I got to make love with you"  
She leaned up and placed a kiss on his lips and lay back down, his head moved lower and he opened his mouth, she smiled at him "I love you Alucard"  
A blood red tear slid down his cheek "I love you Little Metal" he bit down deep,  
He drunk all he could and felt her breathing slow and her heartbeat stutter, she looked up at him and he bit his lip so hard he bled, he bent down and kissed her one more time, his blood mixing with her own.

Her heart stopped beating and her breathing stilled, she had her eyes opened and was smiling slightly at him, he bent his head and cried, he cried for the love he loss and the curse he lived, he wished now more then ever for death, he envied humans and there frail bodies, he would trade any day.  
He looked down as she began to stir and lifted his gun to her head, he didn't want to kill her, but he couldn't keep a ghoul alive and running around, it wasn't right to Ella.  
The mouth opened and closed again  
**BANG**

Integra jumped, she had been about to go inside and see what was going on when she heard the shot, they all waited another five minutes,  
Finally Alucard emerged, he was carrying Ella's body wrapped in his coat.  
Seras looked over and sobbed out "M…mas…master is…is…is she"  
Alucard looked at them all "She's dead" he said and then he started to laugh.

DON'T CRY ITS NOT OVER YET

REVIEW OR ELSE I END IT NOW!!  
MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!


	21. THE END? nah

Integra gaped "What"

Integra gaped "What"  
Alucard turned and looked up at the full moon, it was a bad omen then, but he frowned maybe not, he looked down at the woman who was wrapped in his coat, an arm hung down and blood had dried as it dripped from her fingertips, it looked like a gruesome henna tattoo, he looked up at the moon once more and disappeared.

Alucard placed Ella gently down on the bed and wiped a strand of hair away from her face, he got up and went into her bathroom and filled a bucket with warm soapy water, he grabbed a cloth and walked over to her still body, he sat down and begun to bathe the blood away, he started with her wrists and moved down to her side, he gently turned her over and washed the blood off of her back, he bent down and began to wash the blood off her feet when she giggled  
"Stop it Red that tickles"  
He smiled  
She yawned and stretched, looking down she saw him and the marks that were freshly healed "So" she muttered "It wasn't a dream, I really was crucified and whipped"  
Alucard nodded and sat back  
"I died didn't I"  
He smiled  
"You don't have to seem so happy about it Red"  
He laughed  
"A little less enthusiasm over the fact that I was tortured to death would be nice"  
He sat up and kissed her lightly on the nose  
"Red, why are you acting so sweet"  
He grinned like an idiot  
"Okay, we have established the fact that your really happy I'm dead"  
He nodded  
"Did you take me straight from the warehouse to here"  
He shook his head  
"So you walked past the others"  
He nodded  
"And I was wrapped in your coat"  
He winked  
"You didn't tell the others did you"  
He looked innocent "Tell them what"  
"What are the chances I'm going to get shot again because someone thinks I'm a ghoul"  
Alucard snarled "ANYONE EVER TOUCHES YOU AGAIN THEY WILL SUFFER A FATE WORSE THEN DEATH"  
"That's so sweet, but you didn't answer my question"  
"What do you mean"  
"I'm guessing someone asked how I was or if I needed medical attention"  
He nodded slowly  
"I'm guessing you told them no"  
He nodded slower  
"I'm also guessing you told them I'm dead"  
He nodded once  
Ella sighed she had enough to deal with at the moment without worrying about getting shot by the very people she considered family.  
She shook her head at him "Red"  
They heard the sound of a helicopter landing and Ella frowned "That was quick"  
She looked over "Red I think you had better go explain"  
He glared "I would if I knew what happened"  
Ella frowned "We should have Walter look into it"  
Alucard frowned "But I really am curious as to what did happen"  
The door to Ella's room flew open and everyone gapped in disbelief  
Seras started to hyperventilate "Your alive"  
Alucard shook his head "Close, but no"  
Ella muttered "A swing and a miss"  
Integra looked at them "Are you saying that she's a …"  
Alucard nodded  
Pip stepped forward "But how everyone knows you two have sex like rabbits"  
Ella smiled "Yeah"  
Integra looked over them "Your definitely not a ghoul, but how did this happen"  
Ella shrugged and so did Alucard  
Seras laughed "WHO CARES HOW IT HAPPENED YOUR ALIVE, um…err…well your not alive, but YOUR NOT A LIFELESS CORPSE"  
Ella laughed "Alucard acts the same way, I have never seen a man so happy that someone was dead"  
Alucard glared "Hey"  
He went to step off the bed when they heard  
**MRRROEW HISSSSS**  
Alucard jumped back "WHAT THE FUCK"  
Ella sighed "Red what was that"  
"Oh yeah, your present"  
"You mean you really did get me a present, that's so sweet"  
He bent down and held something behind his back "Close your eyes"  
Ella closed them  
"Alright now open"  
She opened her eyes and gasped in disbelief and laughed at the same time, there he was her big sexy deadly vampire, holding the softest and sweetest little ball of fur.  
Ella looked up with tears in her eyes "You got me a kitten"  
He shrugged "It was going to be your 'thanks for not shooting me in the head' present but how about we combine it and make it your 'thanks for not shooting me in the head, today you're a vampire' present"  
Ella laughed "Cheapskate"  
She reached out and petted the fur ball "Oh you are gorgeous"  
Alucard shrugged "I know"  
Ella glared "Not you dumbass"  
He sighed "Ahh, the honeymoon stage, where we only see the best of our partner, god forbid when we get out of it"  
Pip started to laugh "Seras thinks I'm a pervert, so do you think there's hope"  
Ella nudged Alucard "Like this one said, only choice is to wait and see"  
Alucard frowned "I didn't say that"  
Ella smiled "Women's hearing, it's a gift we have to hear the real meaning"  
Pip added "And then they twist it until they are happy"  
Ella looked down at the kitten who had snuggled up on her lap "I'm going to call you Poe"  
Integra frowned "Your going to call a cat Poe? As in Edgar Allen Poe"  
Ella shook her head "Same spelling but different meaning"  
Alucard frowned "What else can it mean"  
She smiled down at the kitten "Pet Of Ella"  
Alucard shook his head while Integra groaned  
Pip and Seras were laughing  
Ella was making kissy faces at Poe  
And Alucard started to laugh "Well what else can we expect from my Little Mental"  
Ella glared "Watch your back Red, I'm not above throwing small animals and giant breasted women at you"  
Pip looked at Seras "I wouldn't mind if you wanted to throw giant breasted women at me"  
Seras smiled and flicked Pip in the face, he went flying back  
So all in all it was pretty normal.

"WAIT"  
Everyone turned and looked at Integra in shock  
She looked around the room "Am I the only one who is actually curious as to what happened in the warehouse"  
Ella and Alucard looked at each other, they had each told the other they loved them, but neither wanted to bring it up  
Ella sighed and muttered "Damn elephants"  
Everyone looked at her and she shrugged "I died, then I woke up"  
Integra looked at Alucard "Care to elaborate"  
Alucard shrugged as well "She died, then she woke up a vampire"  
Integra gritted her teeth "I will give you to the count of five to tell me what happened"  
Ella looked at Alucard "Does that mean she wants you to tell it in five seconds"  
Alucard sighed "For all your looks you don't hold much upstairs do you"  
"I don't have an upstairs"  
"If your weren't good in bed I would get rid of you"  
"Great"  
"What"  
"Great, if I wasn't great in bed you'd get rid of me, not good, great"  
Alucard nodded "True"  
Integra yelled out "FIVE" then pulled out her gun and shot Alucard  
Ella started laughing "I have wanted to do that for ages"  
Alucard glared "Wasn't it enough you stabbed me"  
"Nope"  
Integra shot him again  
Ella fell off the bed she was laughing so hard  
The door burst open and Sarah ran inside "What's going on"  
She looked over and saw Ella on the floor laughing her ass off, Integra had her gun pointed at Alucard and he had a giant hole in his head  
Sarah suddenly looked back at Ella "Your…you're a…a vampire"  
Ella looked up and nodded, still laughing she gasped out "So…soon Al…al…Red will tell…tell what hap…happened" she started laughing and hiccupping when Integra shot him again  
Everyone heard her mumble "I don't know why I never thought of this sooner"  
Ella was gasping for breath, she had tears running down her face  
Alucard got off the floor and when Integra went to shoot him again he held up his hand and grumbled "Alright, alright I'll tell you, fuck"  
He filled them in on what had gone on, Sarah went white when she found out, Alucard left out the part about loving each other to which Ella was relieved, he was then up to the part when she died.

_FLASHBACK (DO, DO, DA, LOO, DO, DO, DA, LOO, DO, DO, DA, LOO) flashback music  
__Her heart stopped beating and her breathing stilled, she had her eyes opened and was smiling slightly at him, he bent his head and cried, he cried for the love he loss and the curse he lived, he wished now more then ever for death, he envied humans and there frail bodies, he would trade any day.  
He looked down as she began to stir and lifted his gun to her head, he didn't want to kill her, but he couldn't keep a ghoul alive and running around, it wasn't right to Ella.  
The mouth opened and closed again  
__**BANG  
**__Alucard closed his eyes and cursed himself a fool and a coward, at the last second he lifted his gun and had shot the cross  
He gritted his teeth and forced himself to look down at Ella, he knew what he would see, a vacant stare looking up at him, but it wouldn't be her usual vacant stare, it would be an empty soulless stare.  
He looked down and his eyes widened with surprise,  
Ella glared up at him "You son of a bitch, you were going to shoot me"  
He gaped down at her "How…what…Ella?"  
She gave him a look that said that last bit was said in question and she thought it a stupid question at that "No it's the tooth fairy" she muttered sarcastically  
He smiled widely, there was no doubt in his mind now that it was her "Ella, your alive" he frowned "Well not technically alive, but still"  
She looked up at him in shock "I…I'm not dead"  
He nodded then frowned and shook his head  
She glared at him again "Well which is it"  
He laughed "You're a vampire"  
Her eyes opened widely "A vampire"  
He nodded and then said smugly "I am now your master, you may address me as such from now on"  
She raised an eyebrow at him and snorted "The chance of that happening" she frowned and thought for a second, then continued "The chances of that happening outside of a role playing sex game are slim to nil"  
He glared "It's the rules"  
She glared back "Show me where its written"  
"Maybe I will"  
"Maybe you'll be sleeping alone with just your hand for company"  
His eyes widened "Maybe we'll forgo the formalities"  
She smiled "Wise move, lets shake on it"  
She held out her hand and he shook it, she sighed and muttered "Close one, cause while you may have been sleeping alone, I wouldn't have been able to hold out on sex"  
He glared "I thought you were threatening no sex"  
She laughed "Red, do you honestly think I can go without sex with you"  
He shook his head "Sly bitch"  
She laughed softly and then gasped, her skin was tingling, she looked up at him with wide eyes and he looked down and smiled "That's just your body repairing itself"  
She looked up "Does it always do that"  
He shook his head "Until you consume blood, it will only do it that rapidly the first time, other wise it would be longer"  
"How much longer"  
"Another day or so"  
She muttered "how about that" and her eyes closed slowly, she forced them back open but he shook his head  
"Your body needs time to heal and change, it will take the remainder of your strength, sleep now little mental, soon you will wake and we shall be at Hellsing"  
She nodded and he wrapped his coat around her naked form and picked her up, she rested her head against his chest and fell asleep, one arm fell out of the coat and dangled down.  
FLASHBACK END_

Alucard looked bored "Ella needs to rest now"  
Sarah looked at him "Is that your polite way of telling us to go"  
Alucard glared "Polite god no, that was the beginning of me saying Fuck off"  
Sarah nodded "Touché"  
Alucard lifted an eyebrow "Do you even know what that means"  
"Nope, but me and Ella learnt a bunch of fancy words that sound smart"  
"I see"  
"Yep"  
"Get out"  
"Alrighty, Ella babe, I will return" She lifted her arm as though she was wearing an imaginary cloak and muttered "Up, up and away" then ran out the door  
Alucard looked at Ella "She has one up on you"  
At her confused look he continued "She didn't run into the door"  
Ella smiled "That was just pure luck"  
Alucard shook his head, sadly he thought so too, he turned to Integra "I want to know what it was exactly that let Ella change, not that I regret it…yet, but still"  
She nodded "I'll get Walter to look into it, if its just you and Ella that's a good thing, but still I want to know if there is a chance any other non virgins could be changed"  
She smiled at Ella "I'm glad your not dead…well"  
Ella laughed "I know what you mean, thank you"  
They all left the room and Ella looked over at Alucard, he bent over and picked her up off the floor, he placed her on the bed and ordered her to sleep  
She glared back,  
He laughed "Its just so you'll have all your strength for tomorrow"  
She pulled him down next to her and snuggled against him "Why, what's tomorrow" she yawned  
He settled her close "Tomorrow I teach you to hunt for food"

Thanks, sorry for the delay

Also I am thinking of making another 2 separate stories featuring Ella and Alucard and Hellsing and co. the first sequel I'm thinking of doing is one about their first Christmas together  
Let me know if anyone is interested

As always REVIEW

Thanks to watergoddesskasey, Raven06, Hells Twilight and castlevania_  
YOU GUYS ROCK_


	22. Dinner Vampire Style

WARNING

WARNING  
could be gruesome for some peoples

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"  
SMACK  
BANG  
"Ow, Ella why did you do that"  
Ella and Alucard lay on the floor in a tangled heap  
Ella laughed "I was falling and thought you might like to save me"  
He sighed "Instead"  
She grinned "You decided to come along for the fall"  
He managed to de-tangle himself from her and stood up  
She got up and stretched, yawning as she did, she didn't notice Alucard right behind her and smacked him in the jaw with her elbow  
"OW"  
Alucard glared at her "Why the hell are you saying Ow"  
She jumped up and down holding her elbow and wailed "I HIT MY FUNNY BONE"  
He gritted his teeth and rubbed his jaw "Your dangerous, and I turned you into a monster" He smiled "God help the world"

Ella stood in the hall by the entrance, she was wearing tight black pants, a black corset shirt and black fishnet style gloves, with a pair of black thigh high boots, she bent over to re-tie the boots and Alucard came out of the office with Integra, Seras and Pip, He rubbed the bridge of his nose between two fingers and muttered "For fucks sake, who told her to wear black"  
Sarah waltzed down the stairs "I did"  
He glared at her "Did you notice she over killed it"  
Sarah snorted "Red, I stopped her from putting on camouflage paint, I think its safe to say this is as subtle as she gets"  
He cleared his throat "Did you say camouflage paint"  
She grinned and walked over to Ella and whispered something to her, both girls struggled to smother their laughter,  
Alucard glared "What is so funny"  
Ella and Sarah glanced at each other and one muttered "Hats" while the other muttered "Pie"  
He guessed it was Sarah who said hats, considering that Ella had once told him time and again that she loved pie  
He gritted his teeth "Lets just get on with it shall we"  
Ella blinked "Get on with what"  
He sighed "Are you hungry"  
She jumped up and down and clapped her hands "HAPPY MEAL, HAPPY MEAL, HAPPY MEAL"  
Sarah looked at her and joined in, soon they were both clapping hands and jumping up and down while yelling "HAPPY MEAL"  
Ella yelled out "I WANT THE CHEESEBURGER HAPPY MEAL"  
Sarah yelled out "I WANT THE NUGGETS HAPPY MEAL"  
Pip looked over "If your going to McDonalds I wouldn't mind a Big Mac"  
Integra frowned thoughtfully "I wouldn't object to an milkshake and chocolate Sunday"  
Alucard turned and head butted the wall  
Unfortunately he head butted it a little to strongly and ended up putting his head through the wall  
Ella stopped jumping and clapping (Sarah kept going)  
"Um, Red you ok"  
"Just dandy" came the muffled response  
"O…Kay then, you know we don't have to get Mackie D's right now, I mean the golden arches are always open 24 hours somewhere"  
"Great" he muttered sarcastically  
She grinned "THAT'S THE SPIRIT" and turned to the group "Now, who wants what to drink"  
Alucard let the shadows take him away.

Ella was staring at Integra,  
Integra looked up and glared at her then looked back down again  
_Five minutes later_  
"WHAT, WHAT IS IT YOU WANT"  
Ella kept on staring "Nothing"  
Integra gritted her teeth "Then stop staring"  
"Okay"  
She didn't

Integra looked up, Ella was still staring, only one thing to do, she opened her mouth and yelled "ALUCARD"  
Alucard came in through the ceiling and looked down "Yes master"  
Integra pointed to Ella  
Alucard looked and saw she was just staring at Integra, he looked back at his master and raised an eyebrow in silent question, but saw it was pointless  
Integra wasn't paying Alucard any attention she was glaring at Ella  
Ella blinked and kept looking at Integra  
Integra threw her hands in the air and glared at Alucard "See what happens when you get attached to something, why the hell didn't you kill her"  
"Not even a week ago you were glad I didn't"  
She kept glaring "I changed my mind"  
Ella was still staring at Integra  
"ALUCARD, GET HER OUT OF HERE, NOW!"  
"Where should I take her"  
"I DON'T CARE TAKE HER TO THE BLOODY ZOO, JUST GET RID OF HER"  
"Would you like me to leave her there"  
Integra looked at Ella who was still staring and muttered "Better not, it's probably considered animal cruelty"  
Alucard laughed "Would you like me to dispose of her"  
Integra glared at him "You bloody well couldn't kill her and you know it"  
He frowned "True"  
Ella muttered "False" and kept staring at Integra  
Sarah walked in and sat down, she started staring at Ella  
Alucard laughed  
Sarah was staring at Ella  
Ella was staring at Integra  
Integra was glaring at them both  
"ALUCARD" she yelled  
He moved down and stepped onto the floor, he walked over and picked Ella up, he threw her over his shoulder  
Ella kept staring at Integra and muttered to Sarah "Keep my spot ok Sarah"  
Sarah nodded and sat down where Ella was just sitting and started staring at Integra  
Integra's scream of frustration could be heard for miles

Ella sighed, she was still on Alucards shoulder, she didn't know where they were going but still kept asking "Are we there yet"  
It was no fun really with Alucard cause every time she asked he just kept walking, but damn it, it was now a matter of pride, and damned if she would lose  
"Are we there yet"  
Nothing  
"Are we there yet"  
Nothing  
_Five minutes later_  
"Alright you win, lets play I spy"  
Nothing  
"I spy with my little eye something beginning with...Big fat poopy head who wont talk to me"  
Nothing  
"Yay, you win, it was you, ok your turn"  
Nothing  
"Alucard its your turn"  
Nothing  
She poked him  
Nothing  
She poked him again and muttered "Deja vu"  
Nothing  
She sighed and let her head fall onto his back, she looked down and smiled "I have a great view of your ass from here"  
Nothing  
She reached out and grabbed his ass  
He jumped  
She laughed evilly and grabbed it again  
He smacked her ass  
She smacked his ass  
He smacked her ass  
She smacked his ass  
He dropped her

"Here we are"  
She glared up at him "Here we are where"  
He smiled and gestured around  
She looked around and started to laugh "You brought me to the zoo"  
He shrugged  
She got up and jumped up and kissed him "I love the zoo"  
He looked at her and whispered "What else do you love"  
She stared at him for a moment and jumped back down, she cleared her throat "What is there to see at the zoo at night"  
He looked at her for a minute then nodded his head once in acceptance of the change of subject "Stuff"  
She blinked "I love stuff, how did you know"  
He looked down at her "Just a feeling"  
She hooked her arm through his "Onwards towards stuff...wards"  
They walked around the zoo for an hour, he kept pointing out towards nothing and telling her that she must have just missed it when she pointed out she couldn't see anything  
He picked her up and threw her on his back "I want to show you something"  
She rested her head on his shoulder and looked out, the streets rushed past her, he stopped on top of a building and pointed down, she got off his back and walked out, the view was amazing, she could see the lights from the city it was like a beautiful light show, she stepped onto the edge and looked down, they must have been at least 25 stories up, she smiled and looked back at him  
"Don't tell me you plan on pushing me off the roof"  
He smiled "The thought past my mind"  
She laughed and spread her arms wide  
He came up behind he and wrapped his arms around her waist "You really aren't afraid of me are you"  
She looked back and smiled "Should I be"  
He nodded "I am a monster"  
She rested her head on him "I must have a thing for monsters then"  
He looked down "Do you trust me"  
"Yes"  
"If I said I wanted to jump off this building with you on my back, what would you say"  
She smiled up at him "I'd say we need to swap sides so I'm behind you"  
He appeared in front of her and she jumped onto his back  
He looked back "Your serious"  
She touched his face gently "I trust you"  
He nodded "Hold on"  
He jumped  
She was laughing, it was the most amazing thing she had ever felt, she threw her head back and screamed then started to laugh, she tightened her grip on him and lent down and kissed his cheek, she let her hands go and held onto him only with her legs, she laughed like a maniac, it was like the best amusement park ride times 10000000, she loved it, she smiled and looked at Alucard, she wrapped her arms back around him and whispered "I love you, I trust you, And I would fight for you"  
She could have sworn she heard the words repeated, but she wasn't sure  
They landed softly, not a jarring landing like she expected, but soft as though they had simples taken a step forward. she sighed and rested her head on his shoulder and muttered "I'm hungry"  
He looked back and grinned, showing his fangs "Time to hunt then"

Ella was pissed off, after he told her it was time to hunt the bastard had taken them to a seedy part of town and dumped her on a random fire escape while he got together the selections,  
Hell she didn't know people really had fire escapes, she thought it was just an American and cartoon thing, she frowned and wondered what that said about her building where she used to live, but if it came down to choosing a fire escape versus a patio outdoor thingy, damned if she could remember what it was called  
(AUTHOR BLOCK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT ITS CALLED) she would always pick the outdoors thingy. She sighed and sparked up, she was thankful she could still smoke it helped in moments of boredom like this, when stupid sexy red great assed men when off to hunt.

"HEY SEXY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE ALL BY YOURSELF"  
Ella frowned, that wasn't Alucard yelling at her, she looked down and saw a bunch of very drunk (From the way they stumbled around) men and smiled  
She yelled out the first thing that came to mind, which was random even by her mind  
She waved "HELLO, DO YOU LIKE PILLOWS?"  
They all stopped and looked up  
She continued "I'M ONLY ALLOWED SOFT THINGS"  
She heard them mumble about how the hot ones were either shallow, taken or mentally insane, she wondered why so many people thought her mentally insane, and shrugged it off, it was probably true, but hey look something shiny.  
She forgot all about the men and waiting for Alucard, she saw something shiny baby

Alucard came back "Alright I have a good spot and some marks, so if we..."  
She was gone.

Ella was wondering how the hell she was going to explain this one, hell she didn't even really know what happened, one minute she was chasing the shiny thing along some shiny pipe, now  
Well now her leg was stuck inside the shiny pipe and her shiny object turned out to be a empty chocolate wrapper, she cursed the bastard who made shiny stuff, then apologized and promised to sacrifice shiny paper tomorrow to appease the shiny god.  
She heard someone mutter "Shiny god?"  
She smiled and lent back "RED"  
He looked down "Should I ask"  
She thought about it and shook her head "I wouldn't"  
He nodded muttered "Shiny god" and walked over to her "What's the damage little mental"  
She looked up "There appears to be a strange force field surrounding my leg"  
He nodded "Shiny god and strange force field"  
She nodded "Uh ha"  
He sighed "Why me"  
She glared "Hey"  
He looked at her and smiled  
She muttered "Its me not you"  
He stood up "Whoosh"  
She looked up "Did you hear that, I think something's coming"  
"Were you dropped repeatedly as a baby"  
She shrugged "Probably"  
"Lets get you out then" he reached out and ripped open the metal and freed her,  
She got up and hugged him "Yay, you freed me, thanks Vader"  
He looked at her "I wanna be Han Solo"  
She blinked "You've seen star wars"  
"Who hasn't"  
"But you have seen star wars"  
He nodded  
She turned around and mouthed "Geek"  
He picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder "I heard that"  
She laughed  
He sighed "Lets get some dinner"  
She clapped her hands "Happy meal"

Alucard smiled at the three men in front of him, it had been easy to get them, he simply made Ella walk down a dead end alleyway and the fuckers followed her in, he appeared behind them and laughed  
He looked over at Ella and smiled "On tonight's menu we have murderer" He pointed to the first man  
"Rapist and murderer" The second  
"And child murderer" the third  
He looked at Ella "Where would you like to start"  
She frowned at him and he wondered if he would have another Seras on his hands  
She asked "Wait which do you want"  
He shrugged "You can start and I'll finish them"  
She nodded "And you know for a fact they did these crimes"  
He nodded  
She looked around "I think we'll do in order of what you said, plain murderer first, rapist murderer second" She grinned evilly and showed her fangs "The child killer I want to play with last"  
He laughed "That's my girl"  
She walked up to the first man and he pulled out a knife  
Alucard appeared behind him and grabbed his wrist, he snapped the mans wrist in two,  
Ella reached them and smelled the mans neck she licked her lips and sunk her fangs deep into his neck, the man screamed in pain and Alucard laughed "That's it my love, drink deep, make him feel the agony of death"  
She dropped the man to the ground and licked the blood off her lips  
She smiled up at him "Your turn"  
He grinned and lifted the man by his throat and drunk him dry (Like he threatened to do to her a million times) he let the body drop and crushed the mans head beneath his boot  
Ella turned to the next man "Your turn" she moved so fast no one but Alucard could see her, she appeared behind the man and grabbed his arm, she twisted it behind his back and muttered "Poor baby, without your arms how can you grab the women to rape them" she dislocated one shoulder then started on the other "Never mind, I'll make it so you never have to worry about touching another woman" the other shoulder popped out, the man screamed in pain "YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH, I HAVE FRIENDS THEY'LL FIND YOU, THEY'LL FIND YOU BOTH AND SLIT YOUR THROATS AND THE THROATS OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND LOVE" He screamed as Ella kicked his legs and he fell onto his dislocated arm  
She bent down and muttered in a soothing tone "That's not very nice my dear, but don't worry, I'm very forgiving" She grabbed him by the throat and lifted him up, she sunk her fangs deep and drunk, when she was finished she threw him to the ground and stepped over his crying begging body  
She heard Alucard mutter to him "May you be raped in hell everyday like those women you made suffer"  
She was so proud of him, but she had other things on her mind  
She looked at the third man and smiled "Now that I have had my entree and dinner, its time for dessert, now when it comes to dessert I like to savor it" She licked her lips "Slowly"  
The man wet himself and Ella laughed "Naughty boy, naughty little boy, time to be punished"  
She grabbed his throat and tightened her grip, behind her she heard the sound of a mans head exploding and muttered "Red, your taking a very long bath when we get home, cause that is really gross"  
He laughed and walked up to her, he bent down and showed his fangs to the man "What shall we do with him"  
Ella smiled "I have a very good idea"

They appeared in Integra's office and Ella ran to Sarah and sat on her lap, she started to stare at Integra again  
Sarah muttered how was your night"  
Ella was telling her what happened she got to the part about the strange noise when she was stuck when Alucard muttered "Whoosh"  
Ella gasped "There it is again"  
Sarah got up and screamed "OH MY FUCKING GOD IT FOLLOWED YOU" she screamed and ran straight into the door  
Alucard laughed "I'm going to shower, see you in bed soon little mental"  
Ella grinned "You better mean mine cause yours is a tiny bed"  
Alucard winked at her and left  
Integra was sitting with her head on her desk sobbing "Why don't you all leave me alone, the staring, stop the staring"


	23. Theme songs Part 1

Shut up, my hip hurts; I have a turkey in the oven,

Shut up, my hip hurts; I have a turkey in the oven,  
ALRIGHT FINE I'LL GO

That was my weird way of telling you all I have writers block and made up this random thing because nothing else was in my mind

THANKS HEAPS TO MY GIRL RAVEN06 AND TO DARK-FLAME-GIRL, AND TO THE REST,  
I'LL MENTION YOU AT THE END NOW I NEED TO WRITE,  
I HOPE

Ella was humming softly to herself and started to wonder what her theme song would be if she was on TV, she also wondered what the other peoples themes would be  
She sat down and started to gather together her music and people knowledge,  
She had theme music to find.

She sat back and started thinking, it was harder then people thought and it hurt, she looked around and sighed, she wanted to do this but she just couldn't seem to get them down properly  
Sarah walked in and sat down "What are you doing"  
Ella looked at her "I was thinking about theme songs"  
Sarah nodded "Great minds think alike"  
Ella looked shocked "You were thinking about theme songs"  
Sarah frowned "What no, it just sounded right for the moment"  
Ella thought about and nodded, she was right  
Sarah looked over "How far have you gotten"  
Ella threw her hands up "I haven't gotten anywhere I have sat here for hours and nothing comes to mind"  
Sarah frowned 'why don't we watch them, you know study up and take notes"  
Ella stared at her  
Sarah threw her hands up "NOT THE STARING"  
Ella muttered "You're a genius"  
Sarah glared "Yeah well your a dildo"  
Ella blinked "Sarah, honey, a genius is a good thing, it means really, really smart"  
Sarah nodded "Oh, my bad"  
Ella shrugged then muttered "Dildo"  
The girls laughed  
Ella got up and stretched "Lets get some note books and pens, then we study"

The girls hid around a corner and watched Seras  
She was walking with a purpose, she seemed to be proud in the she stood, but also seemed to be angry,  
Pip came running after her "Look Seras I'm sorry I didn't mean it, it was a stupid thing to say"  
Seras turned and flicked Pip in the head  
Pip flew back  
Seras glared "I'm going to practice my shooting, leave me alone or else I might shoot you instead of the target"  
She walked away making no sound  
Ella and Sarah went back to the room to compare notes  
Ella looked over "What have you got"  
Sarah cleared her throat "Female, deadly, pissed off"  
Ella nodded  
Sarah looked at her "Your turn"  
Ella looked at her notepad "I have what you have, well except for pissed off, I also have walks softly"  
They looked at each other and muttered "More study"  
They went down to the shooting range and watched Seras shoot at a target with the biggest gun they had ever seen  
Ella looked at Sarah "I might have a song in mind"  
Sarah looked over  
Ella shook her head "We'll watch some more, see if it fits"  
They watched on and saw her grit her teeth and mutter "This is Pip" she pulled out a hand gun and emptied the clip into the target, ripping it apart  
She smiled smugly and lifted her gun up, she blew a giant hole into the next target and muttered "Call me police girl" she shot another couple of targets "MY NAME IS SERAS VICTORIA"  
The girls looked at each other and Ella smiled "I have it"  
Sarah looked down at her notebook "Who's next"  
Ella got up "I think its time to theme out Red"

Alucard looked over, the annoying twosome had been following him for some time, he could hear them both humming the mission impossible theme, they were out of key and sync  
He kept walking and wondered why every now and then he heard the scribbling of a pen  
He turned around and watched them try to hide behind a pedestal that had a vase upon it, he hoped neither of them broke it, it was a Ming vase and he liked it.  
He decided to go out and hunt, he was bored  
they followed  
He knew he could have lost them easily but then it would be a very good chance they would be lost permanently and he would have to come back to look for them.  
He found a scent in the air, the scent of fear and pain, it was coupled with the scent of vampire  
He smiled to himself and walked on, hunting was fun

Ella and Sarah were humming, Ella thought they sounded great  
Red was up ahead and she didn't think he knew they were there yet  
She nearly giggled, it was fun being sneaky  
She saw Sarah pretending to clap her hands and knew she thought so too  
They watched him turn down an alley and followed discreetly,  
No one knew they were there

Alucard sighed to himself  
The girls had just come into the alley making enough noise to wake the dead,  
He knew then that if he was going to have a proper hunt he needed to put those two somewhere they couldn't get out, but somewhere they wouldn't hurt themselves either  
He knew the place, it wasn't far from where they were

Ella moved quickly and quietly, Red was on the move and they were close behind  
He had walked into a closed fairground, strange though because everything was still set up  
Ella looked around and glanced at Sarah, she opened her mouth but Sarah beat her to it  
"Let me guess, you've seen a movie like this"  
Ella nodded  
It wasn't long before they heard Alucard mutter "Well, well this is a surprise"  
Then he was shot to pieces, literally

Ella looked at Sarah  
Sarah rolled her eyes  
the ground started to move and they heard the sound of bats  
Ella's eyes opened wide and she slowly looked down  
Sarah just whipped her head down  
both girls screamed

They jumped into each others arms ad screamed and hugged each other  
Someone was approaching but they didn't notice  
A man yelled out "You girls saw what happened to your pimp, now come here or it will happen to you too"  
The girls still screamed  
The man came over and stepped on something, he looked down and yelled out  
Ella yelled out "Don't come over there is a million and one centipede worm thingies"  
Sarah yelled out "He's not our pimp"  
Ella yelled back "He's the client"  
Sarah glared at her and yelled "He's just her client, he can't afford me baby, she's the cheap one"  
They looked down and noticed the bugs had moved away from them  
They both let out a sigh of relief  
Ella pushed at Sarah and yelled "He is my client forever baby, the man don't need you, he has me and I'm all he can handle, you touch him, I cut you"  
Sarah yelled back "Yeah well one day I'll get my own unstoppable vampire who doesn't die when you shoot him"  
the man looked up "Wait, he doesn't die when you shoot him"  
They all looked over and saw Alucards body was gone, instead he was resting against a tree, he waved to them  
Ella and Sarah waved back  
The man shot him again  
Ella sat down "May as well get comfortable, he likes to play"  
Sarah sat down and looked at her "Got any cards"  
Ella shook her head  
Sarah grinned "I do, lets play snap"

Ella flopped back, she was bored, it turned out that the man was a vampire and he had turned most of the carnies into ghouls, Alucard was having the time of his life  
Bastard, he wouldn't let either of them fight  
Ella looked at Sarah "I'm bored"  
Sarah nodded "Wanna get some macca's"  
Ella nodded  
They got up and walked out Ella yelled back "Red, we're going to Mackie D's, I'll get you a sundae"  
They arrived at McDonalds and waited in line, they got to the front of the queue and ordered their happy meals, they also ordered a large coke and chocolate sundae for Alucard  
As they stood there Sarah gasped and whispered "I don't have any money, how do we pay"  
Ella smiled "Leave it to me"  
The woman came back and Ella looked right into her eyes and whispered "We have already paid"  
The woman nodded slowly "You have already paid"  
She turned and grabbed the food and drinks and put them on the counter, she muttered "Have a nice night"  
They smiled and left  
Walking out Sarah glared at her "That's cheating, well stealing"  
Ella shook her head "Nu-uh"  
Sarah grabbed her drink "Pu-lease, how is it not"  
Ella sipped her coke "Because they're such a big corporation, me getting a free meal doesn't hurt them at all, in fact there prices are unrealistic for some of there products, so by what they get with profit, I equal out into the fact they owe me at least fifteen full free adult sized meals, and that's just for last year"  
Sarah nodded "Good point"  
Ella grinned "When did I lose you"  
Sarah grinned back "The word corporation was the last I heard"  
Ella laughed

They walked in and sat back down,  
Alucard came over and sat with them  
Ella gave him a small coke and chocolate sundae  
Alucard glared down at his small coke and looked over at her large one "How is that fair"  
Ella shrugged "You didn't order a coke so be grateful you got anything mister"  
He pouted  
Ella opened her cheeseburger and took a bite "Mmmmm, fat"  
Alucard reached over and ripped some off "You're right, its good"  
Ella frowned  
They finished their food with Alucard stealing food from them both and they were stealing his sundae when Ella stopped  
"Wait"  
Alucard looked over "What"  
Ella looked down "Um, how were we able to eat that, I mean I thought we were only supposed to drink blood"  
Alucard shrugged "Common misconception, we can eat whatever we like but only once a week, also we have to drink more blood to make up for it"  
Ella frowned "Why?"  
"Because our bodies still work but all food we digest goes into our blood stream and extra blood is needed to dilute the toxins from the food, that is how you can still smoke and drink, plus with the experiments that Hellsing did to me, I'm different and as such you and Seras are different as my blood flows through your veins"  
Ella nodded  
Sarah muttered "I like pie"  
Ella looked over "Oooh, I love pie"  
Alucard sighed "Lets go home"

Ella flopped back on her bed and looked over at Sarah "What we go"  
Sarah yawned "Ok, we got hard to kill"  
"Yep"  
'Loves his guns"  
"Yep"  
"Loves to get shot to pieces"  
"Should I worry about that"  
"Probably"  
"What do you think causes it"  
"What am I Dr. Phil"  
"Sorry, do you think it would make a good Springer episode"  
"What my 500 something vampire boyfriend loves to get shot to shit"  
"We can invite Anderson"  
"Then they'd fight"  
Both girls sat up and squealed "WE'LL MEET STEVE"  
Ella sighed "I love Steve, but don't forget Jeff"  
Sarah smiled "Jeff is cool"  
"Ok, so after we finish theme sings we'll try to arrange a Springer episode"  
"would Integra agree"  
Ella frowned "Damn, probably not"  
Sarah sighed  
Ella rubbed her arm "Don't worry one day we'll travel to America and call them up"  
Sarah clapped her hands "Can I be sleeping with your babies daddy"  
Ella smiled "Who happens to be your cousin"  
Sarah frowned "And yours too"  
Ella nodded "Lets go crazy, trailer trash style"  
They smiled at each other

Three hours later they had it  
Ella sighed "Finally"  
Sarah flopped down next to her "Ok so Seras's theme song is Ice T"  
Ella nodded "Big gun"  
"Alucard is Metallica"  
"Shoot me again"  
"And the main lyrics we use are"  
"For Seras

_It's goin' down. Yo the girl got a gun,  
best run. Because she's quick to flip and empty out the clip,  
and make a man understand where she's comin' from.  
The hard core's connected to the base of her fate.  
She just breaks and bring drama to the situation,  
ejaculation of my projectile, she's buck wild.  
Better recognize when she comes she comes correct.  
Collects respect and if not, you catch a broken neck.  
Buddy look down and your shirts all bloody,  
looks like she caught you with a bad one for messin with da mad one.  
Told you bout this girl before, you didn't listen to me.  
As I talk, now you're stalked by the hunter of the fronter,  
who's size five and sexy.  
Quick, they catch your body and another one next week.  
Huh it doesn't matter cuz the girl stays strapped  
she says she had enough of men and now she's lookin for payback.  
And there's no way you can fade her son.  
She walks softly but she carries a big gun."  
_  
Sarah clapped her hands "I love it"  
They looked down at the notepad  
Sarah muttered "Alucard is"

"_I won't go away  
Right, right here I stay_

Stand silent in flames  
Stand tall 'till it fades

Shoot me again  
I ain't dead yet  
C'mon, shoot me again  
I ain't dead yet  
I said, shoot me again  
I ain't dead yet  
C'mon, shoot me again  
I ain't dead yet

C'mon, Shoot me again  
Shoot me again  
Shoot me  
Shoot me again  
Shoot me again  
C'mon, Shoot me again  
Shoot me again  
Shoot me  
Shoot me again  
Shoot me again  
C'mon"

They looked at each other and smiled  
Ella yawned and Alucard came through the wall  
He glared at Sarah "Get out"  
Sarah laughed and hugged Ella "Tomorrow we'll work on the others"  
Ella winked at her  
Tomorrow they would try to find theme songs for Integra and Pip.

Ok Shout outs  
**RedHeadReader****  
****Raven06****  
****Dark-flame-girl****  
****watergoddesskasey****  
****castlevania****  
****Hells Twilight****  
****Kumitzin**  
And  
**pogocam**


	24. Theme songs Part 2

Sorry it took awhile

Sorry it took awhile  
Writers block

ALSO NOTE THIS CHAPTER WOULD NOT BE POSSIBLE WITHOUT THE HELP OF RAVEN06 AND WATERGODDESSKASEY  
YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST IN THE WEST or East or wherever you're from

BEGIN

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT"  
Ella jolted awake and glared at Alucard "Wha tha hell is wha?"  
He looked at her "Something just touched my leg"  
She frowned and muttered "Wha"  
He sighed and ripped off the sheets  
She whacked him "Give me back my sheets"  
He glared  
She sighed and looked down "Oh, baby, did you want to get some attention and warmth, sweetheart, oh you are the most adorable in the world"  
He looked at her "Wha"  
She glared at him "Mystery solved Sherlock, I wasn't talking to you I was talking to the mysterious leg rubbing thing"  
His eyes opened wide "Sarah's here?"  
She ignored him and reached down and picked up Poe, "My kitty, are you hungry baby, yes I bet you are"  
Alucard glared "When did you get a cat"  
Ella looked at him, then back at Poe "And he calls me slow"  
Alucard glared "I heard that"  
Ella got up and stretched "You were supposed to, come on Poe lets get you some food, then we'll let you go play and Auntie Sarah and I will finish our game"  
Alucard looked over "Can I play too"  
Ella frowned "No"  
"Then what can I do"  
"Make sure no one touches my cat or else I will kill them and you, and I don't know, why don't you and Pip look up porn on the net"  
Alucard sat up "You can do that"  
She sighed "The mans seen Star Wars and yet has never surfed the net for porn, I'm with a social retard and a geek, come along Poe, lets leave before he decides to show me his lint collection"  
Alucard threw an alarm clock at her

Ella walked over to Sarah "I'm with a geek"  
Sarah blinked "Wha"  
Ella sighed and flopped onto the couch "Brace yourself" She took a deep breath "Red didn't know you could look up porn on the net"  
Sarah sat down suddenly "No"  
Ella nodded "And yet the mans seen Star Wars"  
Sarah patted her hand "Honey, just to be sure, he doesn't have a lint collection does he"  
Ella shook her head  
Sarah sighed "Thank fuck for small things"  
Ella frowned "I don't know if I can use the phrase 'small things' when talking about that man"  
Sarah made a face "You probably think he's attractive when looking at porn too"  
Ella looked at her "Wanna check"  
"You mean spy on the men looking up god knows what on the net"  
Ella nodded  
"Sure, why not"

Ella and Sarah were walking along the halls when Sarah dropped to her knees and muttered "Shiny, what is it"  
Ella turned and sat next to her "It looks like vents or pipes or something"  
Sarah looked at her "Are you thinking what I'm thinking B1"  
Ella grinned "I think I am B2"  
They said together "It's exploring time"

(That phrase is from Aussie kids show 'Banana's in Pajamas' strange show from childhood about bananas in (Yep) Pajamas)

Ella and Sarah stopped over the top of a vent and looked down at Pip and Alucard,  
Both men were staring at the screen of the computer and turning their heads slightly every now and then  
Ella smiled "Aw, you win, even now when he's looking at two women doing something I didn't think was possible with a banana, he's so sexy"  
Sarah frowned "I told you so, is that ping pong balls"  
Ella blinked "Can we really do that"  
Sarah muttered "I don't ever want to try"  
Ella turned her head "I didn't think a body could bend that far"  
Sarah squinted "What are they going to do with that eel"  
The girls looked at each other with horrified expressions and looked down at the screen  
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"  
Alucard and Pip looked up suddenly  
Ella and Sarah turned suddenly and started to crawl very fast the away  
Ella was muttering "That had to be fake, that had to be fake, please god let that have been fake"  
Sarah was muttering "Never having sushi again, never having sushi again, never ever touching anything eel or snake like ever again"  
They turned a corner and found that there was a giant drop in front of them, they didn't get a chance to slow down  
Both girls fell down the hole and landed with a **THUD**  
Ella rubbed her head "I don't know how we manage to get into these situations"  
Sarah frowned "I don't know how we didn't break it"  
Ella nodded "It's a mystery"  
Sarah frowned "You know what else is a mystery"  
"Nope"  
"Shrinky dinks"  
"What"  
"You know those thingies you put in the oven and they shrink, how do they get so small"  
Ella rubbed her arm "There are some things we mortals shall never know"  
"Where not mortal though"  
"Yeah but were not immortal either, we just have an extended warranty"  
"Does it come with a money back guarantee"  
"We'll ask later"  
"M'kay"  
"For now THEME SONGS"  
"THEME SONGS"

Ella and Sarah were crawling along when Sarah stopped "I have a song for you"  
Ella sat up and whacked her head, she rubbed it then clapped her hands "What is it"  
Sarah grinned and started to sing  
_ "__You got me horny in the morning and you kno-o-ow  
I try to call you but I can't find the telephone  
I sent a message through the Internet but it rejected  
I wrote a letter and I sent it with the po-o-ost_

The post it takes so long, so I've got to sing this song  
To let you know how I feel, whats the deal baby  
And I can't wait for you, and the things you make me do  
My heart is ringing so I'm singing this song for you

I'm horny  
Horny, horny, horny  
So horny  
I'm horny, horny, horny  
I'm horny  
Horny, horny, horny"

Ella laughed "That's not nice"  
Sarah grinned "But its true"  
Ella smiled "Oh yeah well your should be  
_They see me roll on  
My Segway  
I know in my heart they think I'm white and nerdy  
Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
Can't you see I'm white and nerdy  
Look at me, I'm white and nerdy  
I'd like to roll with  
The gangstas  
Although it's apparent I'm too white and nerdy  
Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
Think I'm just too white and nerdy  
I'm just too white and nerdy  
How'd I get so white and nerdy"  
_  
Sarah laughed "I LOVE THAT SONG"  
Ella laughed "Alucards should be that 'Sexy Boy' song by Air"  
"Why"  
"Because the real lyrics are  
_Where are your heroes with bodies like athletes  
Where are your rough shaven, well dressed idols  
Sexy Boy Sexy Boy  
Dollars in their eyes  
Diamonds in their smiles  
One day I too will be beautiful like a god  
Sexy Boy Sexy Boy  
Apollo, perfect x 2000, 21 years old  
The ideal man, masculine charm  
Sexy Boy Sexy Boy"_

They laughed and Sarah gasped out "Its true, he thinks he's all that and a bag of potato chips"  
Ella gasped out "Wait, wit what should Pip, Seas and Integra be?"  
Sarah started to laugh "Pip should be 'Dude looks like a lady'  
_ Cruised into a bar on the shore  
Her picture graced the grime on the door  
She a long lost love at first bite  
Baby maybe you're wrong, but you know it's all right  
That's right_

(That, that)  
(That, that)

Backstage we're having the time  
Of our lives until somebody say  
Forgive me if I seem out of line  
Then she whipped out her gun  
And tried to blow me away

(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady  
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady"

They were laughing so hard they were crying  
Ella gasped out "And Integra should be Pink 'Cuz I can'  
_So I'll cash my cheques and place my bets  
And hope I'll always win  
Even if I don't I'm fucked because  
I live a life of sin  
But it's alright  
I don't give a damn  
I don't play your rules I make my own  
Tonight  
I'll do what I want  
Cuz I can_

You know I'm rare  
You stop and stare  
You think I care  
I don't  
You talk real loud  
But you ain't saying nothing cool  
I could fit your whole house in my swimming pool"

They laughed again  
Sarah muttered "Wait, wait Seras is  
_What you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside your trunk?  
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off my hump.  
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,  
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps"_

Ella laughed "Why exclude 'Mr Anderson'"  
Sarah grinned "Hello Mr Anderson"  
Ella laughed "There is a song written just for him, he could see it and no one would argue"  
Sarah grinned "What is it"  
Ella sung  
_"I __drive really slow  
In the ultra-fast lane  
While people behind me are going insane  
I'm an asshole  
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)  
I'm an asshole  
(he's an asshole, such an asshole)  
I use public toilets  
And I piss on the seat  
I walk around in the summer time sayin', "How about this heat?"  
I'm an asshole  
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)_  
_I'm an asshole  
(he's the worlds biggest asshole)"_

_  
_The girls were rolling around laughing  
Eventually they stopped and Ella muttered  
"Were lost aren't we"  
Sarah nodded  
They started to laugh again

_TWO HOURS LATER  
_Ella lay back and lit up a smoke  
"This isn't so bad really"  
Sarah sighed and nodded "Peaceful"  
They were quiet  
Suddenly Sarah sat up quickly and whacked her head  
Ella blew out a smoke ring "Yeah gotta watch that roof"  
Sarah looked over "I GOT IT"  
Ella looked up "You know where we are and how to get out"  
She frowned "What no, I know what Pip's song should be"  
Ella smiled "What is it"  
_ "__Too many fingers, too many thumbs  
Something wicked this way comes  
The best time I've ever had  
Waiting around for something bad  
Fearless, fearless, ohh  
And I know that's why you love me  
Fearless, fearless, come on  
And I know that's why you love me, chica  
And I know that's why you love me, chica  
And I know that's why you love me, chica_

Oh, so fearless  
Oh, so fearless  
Oh"  


Ella nodded "Fearless by The Bravery nice choice, I have Integra's"  
She looked over "What"  
_ "__I'm gonna fight 'em all  
A nation army couldn't hold me back  
They're gonna rip it off  
Taking their time right behind my back  
And I'm talking to myself at night  
Because I can't forget  
Back and forth through my mind  
Behind a cigarette  
And the message coming from my eyes  
Says leave it alone  
Don't want to hear about it  
Every single one's got a story to tell  
Everyone knows about it  
From the Queen of England to the hounds of hell  
And if I catch it coming back my way  
I'm gonna serve it to you  
And that aint what you want to hear  
But that's what I'll do  
And the feeling coming from my bones  
Says find a home"_

Sarah nodded "Seven nation army by the White Stripes, nicely done"  
Ella grinned "High five"  
Sarah sat down "What about me"  
Ella frowned "I don't know, how about you do me and I'll do you"  
Sarah nodded "Sounds like a plan"  
Ella grinned "That'll learn 'em"  
Sarah looked over "Learn who"  
Ella shrugged

_AN HOUR LATER  
_Ella looked over "I got ya song Sarah"  
Sarah grinned "What is it"_  
"__Well we don't need no one to tell us what to do  
Oh yes we're on our own  
And there's nothing you can do  
So we don't need no one like you  
To tell us what to do  
We don't refer to the past  
When showing what we've done  
Our generation gap  
Means the war is never won  
The past is in your head  
THE FUTURE'S IN OUR HANDS!  
Cos I'm a brat  
And I know everything  
And I talk back  
Cos I'm not listening  
To anything you say"_

Sarah nodded "Prisoner of Society by Living End, I like it, thank you"  
Ella nodded "My pleasure"  
Sarah looked over "I have an idea for you"  
Ella made a gun with her hand "Shoot"  
_ "You fell away,  
What more can I say?  
The feelings evolved,  
I won't let it out,  
I can't replace...  
Your screaming face,  
Feeling the sickness inside  
Why won't you die?  
Your blood in mine…  
We'll be fine…  
Then your body will be mine"  
_

Ella smiled at her "Aw honey, that's beautiful, you know how much I love that song"  
Sarah grinned "Why wont you die by System, I know"  
Ella hugged her awkwardly in the limited space and muttered "How much longer do you think we'll be here"  
Sarah thought about it "I'd say no more then two days, by then Alucard will be going through sexual withdrawal symptoms"  
Ella laughed "Yeah, your probably right"  
Sarah sighed "When will we begin 'Operation get Sarah laid'"  
Ella smiled "When the day comes that Sarah had someone she wants to lay and needs help, but honey until you find someone I'm not going to go out and get you randomly fucked"  
Sarah nodded "But if I'm still single and sexless in a year"  
"Then we'll start 'Operation get Sarah Sex ASAP"  
Sarah smiled "I can't wait"  
Ella laughed

Integra rubbed the bridge of her nose between her fingers "Alright once more please"  
Seras and Walter looked at each other and Walter cleared his throat "I'm afraid Miss Ella and Miss Sarah have been missing now for over three hours"  
Integra sighed "Why is nothing normal, it all started with Ella, then she brought in Sarah, now I live in Bedlam"  
Seras smiled "Surely its not that bad, all we have to do is ask my master and Pip if they saw them"  
Integra shook her head "Remember how Alucard acted last time she disappeared, no"  
Pip walked in "Who disappeared"  
Integra glared at him "Shut up"  
He stopped "What"  
Alucard sighed and walked in "What has the little mental done now"  
Integra looked around the room "Nothing"  
Seras looked at the ceiling and bit her lip  
Alucard stood in front of her "Police girl"  
She bit her lip harder  
He said it again "Police girl"  
She looked at Integra  
Integra glared at him "Stop scaring Seras"  
Alucard said in a soft dangerous tone "Police girl"  
"Yes master" she squeaked  
"Where is my little mental"  
She looked around  
"Tell me police girl, now"  
"I don't know master"  
He frowned "Then why the secrecy"  
Seras clapped her hands over her mouth and shook her head  
Alucard sighed "You know I can enter the mind of everyone in this room and find out what it is your not telling me"  
Seras blurted out "No one does"  
Alucard turned back to her "No one does, what"  
She looked apologetically at Integra "No one knows where she is, her or Sarah"  
He sighed and Pip laughed "You owe me 50 pounds my friend"  
Alucard glared at him "I never should have bet against a sure thing"  
Integra looked stunned "You knew"  
Pip grinned "I had a feeling the two mental patients would get lost up there"  
Integra frowned "Up where"  
Alucard yelled out "LITTLE MENTAL, WHERE ARE YOU"  
He heard a soft muffled "I don't know"  
Integra looked at him in shock "Is she, are they"  
Alucard closed his eyes and nodded "Both of the spazzes are lost in the vents"  
Integra sighed "Why didn't I put childproof locks on them earlier"  
Alucard turned and walked out yelling "LITTLE MENTAL, THIS IS THE ONLY TIME I WILL EVER TELL YOU NOT TO SHUT UP, KEEP TALKING"  
They heard a muffled "I like potatoes"

Ella and Sarah were playing a clapping game when they heard Alucard call out to them  
Sarah looked down at her watch and frowned "How often do you have sex, I wouldn't expect him to miss you this early"  
Ella shrugged "He must want something otherwise I have a feeling he would have left us"  
Sarah laughed "You thought that too hey"  
Ella grinned "What can I say I love him, but he's a evil bastard"  
Sarah laughed "Men, without them we would, um"  
They thought about it for a while and Ella yelled out "Kill out own spiders"  
Sarah nodded "So they are needed to kill bugs"  
Ella nodded  
Sarah frowned "What about sex"  
Ella shrugged "We have a very large variety of toys available for women"  
Sarah nodded  
Ella shrugged "But we also need their sperm, without we would have cute babies"  
She sighed and went silent  
Sarah hugged her "Oh honey, I didn't think, maybe one day science will overcome vampirism and you can have kids, if not I'm sure you can adopt"  
She sighed and leaned against Sarah "Thanks honey, but I want babies"  
Sarah grinned "You already have one"  
Ella smiled "Yeah Poe is my baby"  
Sarah looked at her "Maybe you have two then"  
Ella looked at her "You don't mean Red do you"  
Sarah grinned  
Ella laughed "He doesn't act like a baby…does he"  
Suddenly they heard "ELLA, ELLA PLEASE ANSWER ME, ELLA I'M BORED, ELLA, ELLA"  
The girls laughed

Alucard heard laughing and stopped underneath some pipe "HELLO"  
He heard "Hi" and "Hey"  
He knew they were up there  
He smiled and moved up, he looked in and saw them sitting there  
Ella hugged him and gave him a kiss "RED"  
Sarah gave him a hug too "RED"  
He looked at them both "Now I've found you, don't move or I wont be able to find you again"  
Ella looked at Sarah  
Sarah smiled "You mean we were playing hide and seek?"  
Alucard nodded slowly "Yes, yes we were, now its my turn to hide, so you two count to a thousand and try to find me"  
Sarah closed her eyes "One…Two…Three"  
Ella smiled at him and shook her head "Your evil Red, just do me a favour, if you plan on leaving us up here for longer then two days, bring supplies"  
He grinned at her and muttered "I might be back tonight" and he left

_ONE HOUR LATER  
_Sarah looked at Ella "He's not coming back tonight is he"  
Ella laughed "Probably not"  
Sarah sighed "Good thing I got stuck at six hundred"  
Ella smiled at her "I got stuck at five hundred"  
Sarah leaned back and looked at her  
Ella grinned and reached into her pocket  
She pulled out a pack of cards  
Both girls laughed and settled in for a long game.

THAT'S IT FOR NOW,  
I MIGHT BE TWO OR THREE DAYS WITH THE NEXT, MY IDEA BIN IS STILL DRY  
NEVER FEAR THOUGH  
FOR I SHALL BE WORKING ON  
'CHRISTMAS AT HELLSING'  
SHOULD BE GOOD,  
HOPEFULLY LOL


	25. Exploring and Embarrassing

Integra was sitting down with her head looking onto her lap, every now and then she would let out a snort of laughter, she tried to hold it in

Integra was sitting down with her head looking onto her lap, every now and then she would let out a snort of laughter, she tried to hold it in  
Pip and Seras were staring in shock at the wall ahead of them  
Alucard was staring into the corner of the room with the biggest grin on his face  
Integra let out a snort  
Sarah and Ella were sitting together on the couch  
Sarah sighed softly and whispered to Ella "We're never going to live this one down are we"  
Ella sighed "I'm afraid not"  
Ella sat back and lit up a smoke  
Seras opened her mouth, then closed it and shook her head  
Ella got up and walked over to the sideboard, she poured herself a glass of brandy and sat down again,  
She swirled the brandy around and took a sip  
Integra rested her head against the desk and her shoulders started to shake with repressed laughter  
Sarah sighed softly  
Alucard looked up at the ceiling and his grin got wider  
Ella thought back to what had started this strange mood everyone was in and sighed silently to herself  
'No' she thought 'There really is no living this one down'

_FLASHBACK_

Ella and Sarah looked at each other, then looked back at the roof of the vent, it had already been four hours since Alucard 'found' them, he still wasn't back  
Sarah sighed and looked at Ella  
Ella looked back at her and sighed "Are you thinking what I'm thinking B1"  
Sarah nodded "I think I am B2"  
Ella smiled ruefully "He did tell us to stay put"  
Sarah shrugged "I see no harm in doing the exact opposite"  
Ella smiled "Touché"  
Sarah laughed "You mean it, truly"  
Ella nodded "Why not, lets explore this place"  
The girls turned and started to crawl away

Ella looked down through one of the vents "I wonder what this room is"  
Sarah came over "Is it the TV room"  
Ella frowned "I don't think so"  
Sarah muttered "Oh, lets go then"  
Ella nodded

Sarah had taken over the lead and stopped suddenly "Wow"  
Ella crawled over and looked down "Wow indeed"  
They looked down into a room that was filled with guns and ammunition, everywhere they could see, weapons dominated  
Ella let out a low whistle "We should have made a map"  
Sarah nodded "I wouldn't mind playing in this room"  
Ella grinned "I wonder what else we will find"

They stopped over a vent and looked down  
Ella frowned "Just books"  
Sarah looked over "Do you think they have any Dr Seuss"  
Ella shrugged "I hope so, it takes a very complex mind to understand the intricate tale in the complete works of Hop on Pop"  
Sarah nodded "I like the fish book"  
"That too"

They looked into another vent and sighed, it was just dusty old furniture  
The next vent was the same  
And the next  
And the next  
Ella sighed "Maybe we should see about a different floor"

They got to the edge of a great drop and looked down  
They looked at each other and shrugged  
Down they went

The next vent revealed a medical looking room  
Sarah whistled "I wonder what that does"  
Ella muttered "How do they keep everything so shiny"  
Sarah smiled "I love shiny stuff"  
"Oh, look at that, I think that's the saw thingy they use to cut off you skull"  
Sarah gasped "There's the thingy they use to hold open your ribcage so they can reach your organs"  
"Look, it's the blood sucky outy thingy, oh I wish I had my camera"  
Sarah patted her arm "Next time"

The next vent was filled with chemicals and looked like a lab  
Sarah was practically drooling "Look a Bunsen burner, oh I loved the Bunsen burner in school"  
Ella smiled "Fire is fun"  
Sarah sighed "Look, its filled with all sorts of dangerous and potentially leather chemicals"  
Ella smiled "I think you mean lethal love"  
Sarah shrugged "Same diff"  
"Lets move on"

Then they stopped and just stared  
They were silent for about five minutes  
Ella muttered "Um, well, wow, just, wow"  
Sarah looked at her "What do you suppose"  
Ella blinked "I have no idea"  
They looked down again and just stared  
Sarah frowned "What's that one for"  
Ella cleared her throat "That my love, that is a chamber, like a mummy tomb thingy, that you place the person in and close the door"  
She frowned "What does it do"  
Ella nodded "Well it has spikes all in the inside so when you close the door the spikes stab the person"  
"Ohh, what about that one"  
"That is a machine that twists your arms and legs until they pop out of place and break"  
"Wow, you sure know a lot about these things"  
Ella shrugged "I like the Saw movies"  
The were silent again  
Ella finally muttered "Lets go"  
Sarah looked at her "K, but Ella, why do they have a torture chamber"  
"I don't know honey"

The next vent was strange to say the least  
"Shiny, pretty"  
"Very shiny, very pretty"  
It was a room filled with mirrors, some broken, some without frames, some perfectly fine  
But it was strange, what was a room doing filled with only mirrors  
Sarah muttered "Did they buy a mirror house and change their minds"  
Ella shrugged "I don't know, but damn, its so shiny"  
Sarah nodded "I love shiny"

There were about five empty rooms that had no sigh of life within them  
They approached another drop and went down

The next level proved to be much like the first, nothing much was in it except for rooms and books  
Sarah sighed "BORING"  
Ella nodded "Lets look for the next drop"

They went down several more drops and Ella frowned "Jebus, how freaking big is this place"  
Sarah shrugged "A gazillion miles"  
Ella thought about it "Sounds right"

The girls stopped on top of a strange level, the vent seemed to end and their was a loose grate  
They cheered "YAY, FREEDOM"  
They crawled over and stared down at it  
Ella looked at Sarah "Wanna go first"  
Sarah snorted "And get eaten or killed if there's a hideous monster lurking down there, I think not"  
Ella shrugged "Suit yourself" and jumped down  
Sarah jumped after her  
The girls looked around and saw they were in a corridor of sorts  
The rooms were strange, like cells almost  
They looked at each other  
Ella whispered "Wanna explore"  
Sarah nodded  
They walked down the halls and Ella found it was to dark to continue  
The girls back tracked until Sarah spotted a torch  
She picked it up and whacked it against her palm a few times  
She turned it on and cried "SUSCESS"  
The light from the torch leading them, the girls went back down the long corridor

"Wow"  
"Holy shit, look at that"  
They stood in front of a door,  
But it was the strangest door ever  
Written on it was a pentagram, it looked like it was drawn with blood,  
It went over the door and onto the wall around it  
It almost looked like a curse, or a seal  
They looked at each other  
Ella muttered "Should we go in"  
Sarah looked at the door, then back at Ella "What's the worst that can happen"  
Ella sighed "Everything and anything now you've said that"  
She reached out and opened the door  
The lights went out from above and she shrugged "Doesn't matter, couldn't see a fucking thing with them anyway"  
They went inside and looked around  
It was a strange place, like a cell, but there were steps also,  
They went down the steps and walked around,  
Unfortunately for them the torch ran out of batteries and died  
Ella sighed  
Then Sarah did the worst possible thing  
"Oh well, it could have been worse"  
Suddenly both girls tripped over and went head first into the wall

Ella groaned and woke up  
Her head was killing her  
She heard Sarah moan and knew she was alive, well you know what was meant  
They sat up  
Sarah muttered "Oh god, where are we"  
Ella mumbled "I know where we aren't"  
Sarah muttered "Ella, do you remember the way out"  
Nothing  
"Ella"  
Nothing  
"Ella"  
"Uh-Oh"  
"Were lost aren't we"  
"Ah- huh, yep and affirmative"  
they sighed and suddenly heard  
"You two are joking right"  
Ella looked up "Red??"  
"No it's your conscious"  
Sarah looked around "Who's? Hers or mine"  
Ella glared (Not that anyone could tell mind you) "Red leave her alone"  
"Only if you answer one thing"  
"What"  
"Are you two lost by chance, stuck mayhap, a little screwed, hmm"  
Ella muttered "Yes"  
"What was that my little mental"  
"FINE YES, YES WE ARE LOST, STUCK AND SCREWED"  
Alucard laughed and laughed  
Ella glared (once again not much good when no one can see you) "What is so fucking funny Red"  
Alucard gasped out "You two are…"

_FLASHBACK ENDS_

Walter came in "Here you are Sir Integra, I have those tracking devices you wanted for the girls"  
Integra nodded then started to laugh  
Seras joined in  
Pip bit his lip then muttered "Ah, fuck it" he started laughing  
Alucard came over to Ella and sat next to her  
"So my love" he purred "How did it feel"  
Ella didn't say anything  
Pip grinned "Will I find you staring at Orange Juice boxes because they say 'Concentrate', hmm"  
Integra gasped out "Will we find you trying in vain to put MnM's in alphabetical order"  
Seras grinned "Would you like to climb the glass shower door to see what's on the other side"  
Ella glared and Sarah muttered "Shut up"  
Alucard reached down and placed his hand under Ella's chin  
He forced her head up and muttered  
"Come love, what else did you expect"  
"A little sympathy or understanding" she muttered  
He laughed "Ella you and Sarah were lost in a room with one door"  
Sarah sighed  
Ella looked at her "What country shall we move to so we can outrun the scandal of stupidity"  
Sarah smiled "Wanna go back to Australia"  
Ella nodded  
Alucard looked at them "One your not going anywhere and two, ELLA THE ROOM HAD ONE DOOR, ONE, JUST ONE AND IT WAS OPEN, YET THE TWO OF YOUR WERE LOST"  
He lost it and started laughing so hard he was doubled over


	26. Makeovers and Awkward convo's

.

THANKS TO RANEN06,

THIS BABY IS FOR YOU (THE STORY IS THE BABY, I'M NOT FLIRTING WITH YOU, LOL)

NOT YET ANYWAY ;)

HAHA I KID, I KID (LOOKS AROUND WITH SHIFTY EYES)  
ALSO MY FRIENDS WATERGODDESSKASEY AND SWEETYUYA AND DARK-FLAME-GIRL

BEGIN

Ella sighed and rolled over  
Alucard poked her in the back "Shut up"  
She slapped her hand out and whacked him "You shut up"  
He sighed  
She whacked him again and turned back over, she looked him up and down and smiled  
"You look happy to see me Red"  
He grinned "That part of me is always happy to see you"  
He rolled on top of her "Wanna make the rest of me happy too"  
Ella grinned "Make me happy and I'll make you happy"  
"Deal"

Ella got into the shower and sighed, after getting lost in a room with one door, she had to do something, anything, to make them forget about it  
She washed her body and started to hum to herself, she moved her body around  
Alucard grinned outside the shower door "Even when showering you move and dance like a stripper"  
She stopped and looked at him "Red you're a genius"  
He nodded "Yes, yes I am"  
She started washing her hair "Red tell the others I have plans for us tonight"  
"Us as in"  
"You, me, Sarah, Seras, Integra and Pip, now hurry up"  
"Fine, but I'm not your whipping boy"  
Ella thought about it "We'll discuss the possibilities that brings to mind later" she winked at him  
"AND DON'T FORGET TO FEED THE CAT" she yelled  
He mumbled softly to himself walking out.

Ella walked into the room and smiled at everyone there  
Alucard grinned at her "Would you like me to tie some rope around your waist so you don't get lost?"  
Ella smiled sweetly at him "Only if the other end is tied tightly around your neck and I can choke you"  
Sarah looked up "I have some rope and duct tape in my bag if you like"  
Everyone looked at her  
She frowned "Its for crafting"  
Alucard glared "Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?"  
Sarah looked at her watch "Not until 10"  
Ella sighed "Alrighty people I figure we are due a break so I suggest we go out to the club"  
Integra frowned "But we have work to do"  
Ella shook her head "Ubbababuh"  
Alucard muttered "What the fuck was that"  
Ella glared at him and looked back at Integra "No talking about work, no thinking about work, tonight we have fun"  
Sarah clapped her hands "Yay all night fun"  
Alucard looked at her "I thought you were booked to be stupid somewhere at 10"  
Sarah nodded "Ella hired me to be stupid today"  
Alucard glared at Ella "You evil bitch"  
Ella blew him a kiss  
Pip looked around "Where are we going?"  
Ella smiled "Puss in Boots"  
Seras frowned "But that's your club"  
Ella grinned "Exactly"  
The men gave each other high fives  
Ella grinned at Sarah  
Sarah laughed evilly and winked at her  
Integra looked at the girls and frowned, she opened her mouth to say something but stopped when Ella shook her head  
Ella looked at her and mouthed 'Trust me'  
Integra sighed then nodded  
Ella looked around the room "What is everyone waiting for, lets get dressed and get going"

Everyone was dressed and waiting to go  
Ella walked up and down assessing them all  
She got to Integra and shook her head "No"  
Integra crossed her arms and glared "What do you mean No"  
Ella sighed "One, you're wearing a cross, Two, you look like a nun, Three, That outfit is a no no"  
Integra gasped "I do not look like a nun"  
Sarah laughed "Sure you don't sister Integra"  
Integra looked at Alucard "Do I look like a nun"  
He shook his head  
Integra grinned "There"  
Alucard smiled "You look like a virgin"  
Sarah muttered "Touched for the very first time"  
Ella snorted "That's the problem, she doesn't look like she's been touched anywhere by anyone"  
Seras nodded  
Integra hit her "How dare you agree with them and after I let you live and stay in my home"  
Ella smiled "That is what we need to bring out, that temper and spark"  
Sarah smiled "That stubbornness and strength"  
Ella looked at her "I have something in mind"  
Sarah grinned "I have makeup in mind"  
Integra looked horrified "Ella's clothes and Sarah's makeup"  
Seras nodded "They made me look great"  
Pip grinned "That's not all they did for you that night"  
Seras blushed "You did the rest"  
Ella and Sarah were hanging on every word  
Pip laughed "You were there also"  
Seras grinned "I'd never forget that"  
Sarah muttered "Details, details, we need details"  
Ella nodded  
Alucard looked interested  
Integra gasped "Am I the only chaste one in the house"  
Sarah frowned "No, remember Ella gets chased by Alucard a lot"  
Ella rubbed Sarah's arm "Thanks for coming in early hon."  
Alucard laughed  
Ella looked back at Integra "You are coming with us, but not like that"  
Sarah screamed out "MAKE OVER"  
Integra screamed "NOT ON YOUR BLOODY LIFE"

They were standing in Integra's room looking at her clothes  
Ella and Sarah were silently staring down at them  
Integra glared "See, they're perfectly okay"  
Ella opened her mouth, closed it then shook her head  
Sarah looked like she was about to cry "This is so sad"  
Ella nodded  
Sarah looked at Integra and hugged her "It's okay, we're here now, it's alright"  
Integra pushed her "I have a great wardrobe"  
Ella laughed then saw she was serious, she stopped laughing and nodded slowly "Alright crazy lady"  
Integra huffed  
Seras knocked on the door and came in "I got the stuff"  
Ella and Sarah sighed with relief  
Integra looked down at the clothes and shook her head "No"  
Ella nodded "Yes"  
"NO"  
"YES"  
"NO"  
"YES"  
"NO"  
Sarah looked around "Where is the popcorn when you need it"  
Ella was going through the clothes that Seras brought up and muttered "YES"  
Integra glared "NO"  
Ella picked up a halter top and looked at Integra, she put it back and shook her head "YES"  
Integra looked horrified at the halter, then relived when Ella put it back "NO"  
Ella picked up a pair of tight black skinny jeans and showed them to Sarah and Seras "YES"  
Integra gasped when she saw the girls move their hands like 'maybe' and put the jeans on the bed "NO"  
Ella picked up a black strapless dress with a tight corset top and flowing bottom that came to knee length, she looked it over and held it near Integra,  
The girls all nodded at the same time and Ella smiled at Integra "YES"

Integra was glaring at everyone "I feel like a whore"  
The girls continued to look at shoes and Ella muttered "Is that right"  
Integra pouted and looked over, in reality she did like some of the shoes, but it was the principle of the thing  
Ella noticed Integra looking and frowned to herself  
She picked up a pair of hideous green platform shoes and wondered where the hell they had come from and why they hadn't been burnt, then she saw Integra look horrified at the things and then look wistfully at the pair of black boots Seras was holding  
Ella grinned she had a plan  
Ella cleared her throat and looked at the others, she winked at them and mouthed 'Play along'  
She held up the hideous shoes and muttered "This is the shoes"  
Seras and Sarah grinned and nodded  
Integra gasped "NO"  
Ella smiled "YES"  
"NO!"  
Ella raised an eyebrow "Well if you don't want these, what do you want"  
Integra glared "Give me those black ones Seras has"  
Ella sighed "Alright"  
Integra had the shoes on and Ella smiled to the girls, she held up the green shoes and muttered "Make a mental note to burn these"  
Integra glared at her "You bitch"  
Ella shrugged "I get that a lot"  
Sarah grinned "My turn to shine" and held up her makeup case  
Integra backed away "NO"  
The girls all stepped forward and smiled "YES!"

Alucard looked at Pip and hit him  
Pip went flying forward and yelled "OW, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR"  
Alucard shrugged "I was bored"  
Pip glared and straightened up "Well don't be such a dick or else I might shoot you for fun"  
Alucard shrugged again  
Pip glared "What is taking do long, she is attractive in her own way"  
Alucard frowned "Who? Integra?"  
Pip nodded "Surly you noticed, in fact I don't know why you didn't go for her"  
Alucard looked around  
Pip frowned "Or did you"  
Alucard sighed "I thought about it"  
"Thought about it, you strike me as a man who can get anything or anyone done when he puts his mind or other parts to it"  
Alucard sighed "I don't know, it was just"  
"Just"  
"Just wrong in some ways"  
"How"  
"I watched her grow up from a child to the woman she is today"  
"And"  
"I always thought she deserved better then a monster like me"  
"But Ella"  
"Deserves everything she bloody gets"  
Pip glared at him "That is mean even for you"  
Alucard flinched remembering what happened to her "Okay, not what I meant, but you know"

The woman stood at the top of the stairs listening in

Pip frowned "What"  
Alucard sighed "Integra I don't believe would have been able to handle the entire Alucard, the evil bastard I really am"  
"And what, Ella can"  
Alucard snorted "Ella does, Ella has seen me kill several times and it hasn't bothered her, she has seen me in my many forms and just wanted to know if the 'puppy was toilet trained and felt soft' While when Integra saw and still witnesses what I can do she becomes nervous"  
Pip frowned "Do you wish it otherwise"

The girls all leant on the railing straining to hear his reply

Alucard laughed "No"  
Pip sighed with relief "Good, because you hurt that girl I hurt you"  
Alucard grinned "Ella is…Well Ella, but Integra will always be that little girl running from her uncle to find safety"  
Pip looked over "So if Integra offered herself to you, what would you do"  
Alucard looked over "What would you do if the hottest woman in the world offered herself to you"  
Pip frowned "I would ask to see her naked, then I would cry and go home and tell Seras"  
Alucard looked at him "I truly believe you would do that, as for Integra, well I have to be honest, I would tell her that if she had offered me before Ella I would have taken her up on the offer, but now that I have Ella, no one tempts me that way"  
Pip fluttered his lashes "What about me"  
Alucard hit him

Ella looked over at Integra and bit her lip, she was worried about how Integra would act, she knew that Integra fancied Alucard and Alucard had fancied her,  
Sarah muttered "Awkward"  
Ella touched her arm "Integra, honey, you wanna get drunk"  
Integra swallowed and looked at Ella "I'm sorry"  
Ella blinked then frowned "What for"  
Integra frowned "For that"  
Ella hugged her "Honey I knew about that already"  
Integra gasped "What"  
Ella nodded "Yeah, me and Red already talked about how it was between the two of you, if you want him now, well you're screwed, but if you had told me you wanted him when we first met I would have backed away"  
Integra looked at her "Really"  
Ella nodded "Now you haven't a chance in hell and I'd kill you painfully and slowly"  
Alucard laughed  
Ella turned around "Red, listening in on other peoples conversations is rude"  
He looked at her "And listening to me and Pip was…"  
Ella blushed "Oh, you know about that hey"  
He laughed "Little mental I can tell the second you enter a room"  
Ella glared "DAMN IT"  
Pip whistled "Wow, Boss you look hot"  
Alucard looked over at Integra and smiled "Not so virgin like anymore"  
Ella whacked him and took Integra's arm "Lets get pissed hey ladies"  
They walked down the stairs with Alucard holding on to Ella's shoulders and Pip holding on to Sarah's

They arrived outside the club and Ella and Sarah couldn't stop laughing  
Ella held out her hand to Integra and whispered "You'll love this"  
They walked over to the doors and went inside  
They sat down at a table near the bar and Ella got everyone drinks  
She chatted to people for a while

Pip looked around and muttered "Wow, I never knew this many women came to strip clubs"  
Alucard frowned  
Sarah got up suddenly "Excuse me"  
She walked over to Ella and whispered something to her  
Ella burst out laughing

Ella couldn't believe it when she heard what Pip had said, it was great, she loved it  
She sat down at the table and winked at Integra  
She poured out everyone's drink and smiled "A toast, to friends and family, people say you can't pick them, but I say they're wrong, I pick all of you as my family"  
Pip raised his glass "To family"  
"To family"  
Ella smiled at Integra "Get ready the show is about to begin"  
She started laughing  
Alucard looked over "Why are you so happy"  
She grinned and winked "Watch"

The lights turned down low and music started pumping  
The men sat forwards in their seats and looked at the curtains  
Ella sat back and poured another drink, she smiled to herself  
Integra was watching the curtains curiously wondering what was going to happen, and why Ella seemed to be so happy  
The curtains opened and out came the most attractive man they had seen  
Alucard gapped and Pip spat out his drink  
Seras looked shocked but smiled,  
Integra laughed and looked at Ella  
Sarah held up her glass to toast Ella  
Ella grinned at everyone and took a drink "Did I forget to mention it's Ladies Night"  
The men nodded  
Ella smiled evilly "My bad, and to think I told the driver not to come back for hours"  
Alucard looked at her "I can go home in a flash"  
Ella winked "Not if you ever want sex again"  
Alucard sat down hard "You wouldn't, you couldn't"  
Sarah grinned "We already found some shops in the area in case you do leave"  
Pip frowned "What type of shops"  
Ella smiled "Sex shops, filled with lots and lots of toys, I'm not above using toys if I have to"  
Alucard blinked  
Pip smiled and looked at Seras  
Ella took another drink and looked around the group "Who wants a lap dance"  
Alucard smiled "I'd pay to see Integra get one"  
Integra looked around "What"  
Ella smiled "Not to worry, I already pre-paid and pre-booked her one"  
Integra looked alarmed "WHAT"  
A man wearing nothing but a G-string and a lot of baby oil came over, he winked at Ella  
"Hey sexy, when are you coming back to work"  
Ella said "Soon"  
The same time Alucard glared "Never"  
Ella looked at him and smiled sweetly "We'll talk about this later without the witnesses and when we have weapons handy"  
Alucard nodded  
Ella looked up "This is the one"  
The man laughed "So this is the stud with the tongue"  
Alucard looked at Ella "Why do most people here talk about my tongue"  
She patted his arm "Sarah has been talking"  
Sarah looked up "What, I'm sorry I missed that I was looking at his ass"  
Ella laughed "Yeah he has a great ass"  
Sarah frowned "I'm talking about stripper man, not Alucard"  
Ella winked "So was I"  
Alucard glared "Hey, wait you tell Sarah about our sex life"  
Ella nodded and took out a 5pound note and slipped it in the guys G-string  
Alucard clapped his hands in front of her face "Ella"  
She looked over "Huh, oh yeah well its out rule, when one of us is getting sex we tell the other about it"  
Pip looked at Alucard "Wanna try that"  
Alucard hit him again  
Seras threw a shot glass at Alucard  
Ella smiled as the stripper went up to Integra and started to dance  
Hopefully after this the incident with the room would be forgotten


	27. The Argument

Ella woke up to the sound of her phone ringing

Ella woke up to the sound of her phone ringing  
She got out of bed and stumbled around for it,  
She found it hidden under the bed and wondered what the hell it was doing there  
She opened it quickly "Hello"  
"Ella sweetheart, it Arthur"  
"Hey Arthur, what can I do for you sweetie"  
"Look babe, I really hate to ask but Candy called in sick and I can't find anyone to replace her"  
"That's alright honey"  
"So you can come in, I really hate to ask, I know you're still on holiday"  
"Like I said, not a problem, when do you want me"  
"Can you start in three hours"  
"That's fine, I'll see you then"  
"Bye and thanks again"  
"Not a problem, bye"  
Ella hung up and walked over to her wardrobe  
Alucard stood behind her "What was that about"  
"Work called me in"  
Alucard smiled "I bet they were disappointed you said no"  
Ella looked at him "What"  
He looked down at her "I bet they'll be even more disappointed when you quit"  
Ella laughed "Why would I do that"  
"Because you'll no longer show your body to men for money"  
Ella looked at him in surprise "You're serious"  
He nodded "You're never working there again"  
Ella turned around and slammed the draw shut "Bullshit"  
Alucard grabbed her shoulders "No"  
Ella opened the next draw, pulled out a shirt and slammed it shut  
Alucard tightened his hold "No"  
She grabbed a pair of pants and slammed the draw  
"NO"  
She grabbed her underwear and slammed the draw "Say no again and I swear to Christ I will hurt you"  
"NO"  
She gritted her teeth and glared at him "I don't have time for this, I'm going to shower then go to work"  
She turned and walked into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her

Integra woke up with the biggest hangover, she hadn't felt this rotten in years  
She got up and cursed Ella,  
The stripper had been an experience, she had secretly enjoyed it, it was fun  
But she would die before telling Ella that  
She walked downstairs and into the hall  
She smiled when she saw Pip looked just as bad  
Seras, the bitch, looked fine  
Integra opened her mouth  
She closed it and looked at the others in shock  
Surly she didn't just hear what she thought she heard  
Pip and Seras looked alarmed  
_SMASH_  
Integra didn't know what was going on  
Then she heard Ella and Alucard yelling  
Followed by more smashing

Ella came out of the shower and looked over at Alucard  
He stood up and moved in front of the door "You're not going anywhere"  
Ella laughed softly "Move out of my way Red"  
"Make me"  
She walked over to the kitchenette and opened the cupboard, she bent down and opened the fridge  
She took out a packet of blood and cut off the top bit  
She started drinking and smiled "It's like a vampire popper/fruit juice drink"  
Alucard looked at her warily  
Ella finished up and smiled "Going to move yet Red"  
He shook his head  
She smiled and reached for a cup,  
_SMASH_  
Alucard ducked suddenly "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING"  
Ella picked up another cup and tossed it hand to hand "I'm getting you out of my way"  
Alucard growled "You are not going to whore yourself off to men"  
Ella gritted her teeth and pegged the next cup at his head  
_SMASH_  
Alucard cursed, she had good aim, that one got him in the head "YOU'RE NOT GOING"  
Ella saw red "HOW DARE YOU TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CAN'T DO"  
"I DARE TELL YOU ANYTHING"  
"HOW DARE YOU CALL WHAT I DO WHORING"  
"THAT'S ALL IT IS"  
"HOW DARE YOU ASSUME YOU CAN CONTROL ME"  
"I MADE YOU, I'M YOUR MASTER, YOU BOW DOWN AND OBEY ME"

Upstairs everyone flinched at that  
Integra shook her head and sighed "Alucard when did you get so stupid"  
Pip laughed "Dumbass, I can't wait to see what Ella does"  
Seras held her hand in front of her mouth "Oh no"  
Sarah fell down the stairs "I'm ok, what's everyone doing"  
The smashing and yelling started again  
Sarah cursed "Once again where is the popcorn when you need it"

Ella picked up another cup and threw it  
_SMASH_  
She bared her teeth and threw another  
_SMASH_  
"OBEY YOU, BOW DOWN TO YOU, HOW ABOUT I KISS YOUR FUCKING FEET, WHAT ABOUT I WEAR A SLAVE COLLAR, AND LETS GO FURTHER, HOW ABOUT I TIE A LEASH AROUND MY THROAT, YOU CAN TAKE ME ANYWHERE, HMM"

"WELL THAT WOULD BE GREAT, AT LEAST YOU'D DO WHAT I TELL YOU, INSTEAD YOU DISOBEY ME AT EVERY TURN AND WHAT HAPPENS, YOUR STUPIDITY EITHER GETS YOU LOST OR FUCKING KILLED"

"MY STUPIDITY, ARE YOU CALLING ME STUPID"

"DING, DING, DING, FIRST PRIZE GOES TO ELLA"  
She threw another cup  
_SMASH_  
"WELL THEN LETS TALK ABOUT YOUR STUPIDITY, HEY MISTER LETS PEOPLE SHOOT HIM TO FUCKING PEICES, HOW ABOUT THAT, LOOK SOMEONE NEW, WHY DON'T YOU SHOOT THE SHIT OUT OF ME"  
"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT YOU TWISTED BITCH"  
"OH, NO, WELL YOU LIKE GETTING SHOT SO FUCKING MUCH, WELL THEN LETS FUCKING PLAY"  
She stormed over to the bed and opened the end table draw,  
She reached inside and pulled out a gun  
She smiled at him  
He reached into his coat and pulled out 'The Jackal'  
Ella looked at him and raised an eyebrow "Going to shoot me with your special gun and bullets Red"  
He looked down at his gun and cursed  
She smiled "Get out of the way Red"  
He shook his head  
She cocked the gun  
He growled  
She lifted it up  
He cursed but stayed where he was  
She took off the safety "Last chance Red"  
He smiled

They were upstairs in silence  
Integra looked around "I'm worried, it's to quiet"  
Seras swallowed "What do you think is going on"  
Sarah came into the room carrying a bowl with popcorn "Aww, don't tell me it's over, just when I have the popcorn"  
Pip smiled "They're probably having make up sex now"  
Sarah looked around "Are we hoping to hear that also"  
Everyone looked at her  
Integra opened her mouth  
They heard _BANG_  
Everyone stopped and looked at one another  
_BANG_  
Integra muttered "Oh shit" and started to run  
The others followed

Ella shook her head "Sorry to do this Red"  
Alucard snapped his teeth "Then don't"  
She sighed "Get out of the way Red"  
He smiled "You don't have the guts"  
Ella sighed again and aimed the gun  
Alucard laughed "Why didn't I call your bluff earlier"  
_BANG_  
Alucard blinked in surprise "You shot me, you shot me in the arm, why would you do that"  
Ella grinned and lifted the gun again "Move"  
He shook his head  
_BANG_  
Hr glared at her "Stop that"  
_BANG_  
"I SAID STOP IT"  
_BANG_  
"ELLA"  
_BANG_  
"HA, YOU ONLY HAVE ONE MORE BULLET"  
She smiled and reached into the draw, she pulled out two more clips  
_BANG_  
She reloaded "Get out of the way Red"  
He laughed  
_BANG_  
Suddenly the door burst open and Integra ran inside "WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS GOING ON"  
_BANG_  
Ella looked at her "He wont get out of the way"  
_BANG_  
Integra looked shocked  
Ella shrugged  
_BANG_  
Sarah walked in followed by the others  
_BANG_  
Sarah clapped her hands "That looks fun, give me a turn"  
Ella smiled and shrugged "Alrighty"  
Sarah ran over and took the gun  
_BANG_  
Ella laughed "MOVE RED"  
He snarled "NO"  
_BANG_  
Ella clapped her hands "That's it Sarah, shoot him again"  
_BANG_  
Sarah sighed "I wish I had a boyfriend I could shoot"  
Ella smiled "Nothing brings you together more as a couple then shooting the shit out of your partner"  
Sarah nodded "I hear that"  
_BANG_  
Poe walked into the room "Meow, meow"  
Ella smiled  
Alucard smiled and bent down "Here kitty, kitty"  
He picked her up  
Ella grabbed the gun off Sarah  
Alucard smiled at Ella "Shoot me again and I kill Poe"  
Ella snarled "You do and I leave you"  
Alucard blinked "What"  
"You so much as lay a finger on that cat to hurt her and I will make sure you pay, I would leave your ass so fast"  
Alucard growled "You will never leave me"  
Ella growled "Try me"  
He grabbed the cat and looked around  
Ella held up the gun  
He put Poe down and sighed "FINE"  
Ella went down slowly "Poe, come on baby, here baby, Poe"  
Poe came over to her  
Ella picked her up and looked her over  
She looked back at Alucard "Red, you went to far when you threatened my cat"  
He frowned  
She put Poe on the bed and patted her  
She looked at Seras "Can you feed her please"  
Seras nodded  
Ella looked at Alucard and held up the gun  
She walked passed him and out the door  
Alucard looked around the room "She threatened to leave me"  
Pip clapped him on the shoulder "I don't blame her"  
Alucard hit him

Ella arrived at work and sighed  
She felt bad for threatening Alucard  
But he deserved it  
Bastard

Work was over and Ella was sitting down to have a drink with the other girls  
She sighed  
Cami looked over "What's wrong honey"  
She looked at her "Red threatened Poe tonight"  
Cami gasped "What did you do"  
Ella took a drink "I threatened to leave him"  
Cami nodded "Good girl"  
Arthur came over "Great night tonight sweetheart"  
Ella smiled "Thanks"  
He sat next to her "What's wrong"  
Cami said "Her partner threatened her cat so she threatened to leave him, now she feels bad"  
Arthur nodded "What started it"  
Ella grimaced "He wants me to quit work, claims I'm whoring myself"  
Arthur glared "Bastard"  
Ella nodded and took another drink "That's what I thought, then the son of a bitch starts on about how he makes the rules and I should obey him"  
Cami snorted "He does know he was talking to you right"  
Ella glared "What does that mean"  
Arthur smiled "She's right, Ella honey you don't obey anyone's rules, you barely cut the line with my rules"  
Ella frowned "Wha"  
Arthur smiled and rubbed her arm "It's just that well, example, when a client is touching when he shouldn't you notify security, but when a client touches you, well you hit them"  
Ella nodded "Go on"  
Arthur blinked "Ok, um, you're not supposed to hit them because it the rules, as you could be liable, but if security are called then that's a warning and we only need one warning to kick out a client"  
Ella nodded "Go on"  
Arthur nodded slowly "Right, well, That's just an example, so you see, you do things your own way, we like it here but others may not, so you obeying your partner is funny because you couldn't obey him if you wanted to"  
Ella nodded "Go on"  
Arthur frowned "That's it"  
"Go on"  
"Ella, we didn't pay for stupid"  
Ella sat up "That's right I still have to pay Sarah for her stupid"  
Arthur sighed "Love her, but sometimes want to hit her"  
Alucard laughed behind him "I know what you mean, but if you ever touch her you will die"  
Ella let her head fall onto the table  
_SMACK_  
"Ow"  
Alucard sighed "Are all Australians this stupid"  
Ella shook her head "Me and Sarah are special, besides Sarah isn't Australian"  
Alucard frowned "Where is she from then"  
"I don't know, what am I a map"  
Alucard gritted his teeth "Come on it's 1:30"  
Ella snorted "Thanks for the update big Ben"  
Cami laughed "Snap"  
Alucard picked her up and threw her over his shoulder "Why do I keep you"  
Ella shrugged "I started off all cute and cuddly but now I'm older and you can't flush me"  
Alucard muttered "Don't ask, don't ask, don't ask"

They got home and Ella looked around "Where is Poe"  
Alucard glared "I didn't hurt your precious cat"  
Ella smiled "I know"  
She skipped into the kitchen and opened the cupboard  
Alucard frowned "You don't think to find the cat in there do you"  
Ella shook her head and kept smiling  
Alucard looked confused "What are you doing"  
Ella laughed "Just preparing for the next round"  
Alucard sighed "What do you mean"  
She grabbed a cup "Arthur asked me to work again tomorrow"  
She held the cup up "I said yes"  
Alucard yelled "NO"  
Ella laughed and threw the cup.

THANKS NOTE

I WAS THINKING OF DOING ONLY 30 CHAPTERS

BUT IF I GET AT LEAST 5 REVIEWS I MIGHT MAKE IT MORE

HINT HINT

ANYWHO THANKS TO EVERYONE

SHOUT OUTS NEXT CHAPPIE

LOVE YOU ALL

KISSES

GUESS WHAT IT'S MY BIRTHDAY ON THE 9TH

I'M TURNING 20

YAY


	28. The Date

THANKS TO WATERGODDESSKASEY, SWEETYUYA, RAVEN06,

THANKS TO WATERGODDESSKASEY, SWEETYUYA, RAVEN06,

YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME-O

SWEETYUYA, I DON'T WANNA GET YOU IN TROUBLE WITH YOUR MASTER, BUT IF IT IS SWEET,  
I EXCEPT

LOL  
I DECIDED THAT IF THE COMBINE REVIEWS OF CHAPTER 27, 28 AND 29 ARE 11 THEN I WILL MAKE IT MORE THEN THIRTY CHAPTERS

SO **REVIEW**

BEGIN

Alucard was walking around trying to find Ella when he went past Pip's room and noticed the door was open  
He stopped and walked back and looked inside  
He saw stared in disbelief at Pip standing in front of a mirror wearing a suit and adjusting his tie  
Alucard blinked and walked in "What the hell are you doing"  
Pip snorted and looked at Alucard as though he was an idiot "What does it look like, I'm getting ready for my date with Seras"  
Alucard frowned confused "Why, you're already having sex with her"  
Pip looked back and shook his head at the stupid statement "If all I wanted was sex, I wouldn't have wasted my time perusing her"  
Alucard nodded "And"  
Pip sighed and turned to face the mirror again, he began to adjust his tie once more "My evil friend you have much to learn about women"  
Alucard glared, insulted by the statement "I do not"  
Pip laughed and looked back, he stopped and then said in his most patronizing tone "Part of being in a relationship with a woman means taking her out and going on dates"  
"Why" Alucard replied gruffly  
"Because if its all about sex then its not really a relationship, you go out with a woman to be with them, the sex is just a really big bonus"  
"Okay, but why"  
Pip let out a world weary sigh and shook his head "Because a woman likes to go on dates, it makes her feel special and important, it also brings you closer together and it's a great way to show the world you have a beautiful woman and she is yours"  
Alucard frowned, that didn't make much sense to him, in his mind the minute you staked a claim, no one else went near your woman, much less touched her  
Pip finished adjusting his tie and slapped Alucard on the shoulder in a man to man way "If all you do with a woman is fuck, then after a while she feels like a whore and looks for a man who will take her out and romance her"  
Alucards eyes opened wide and he thought what that could mean "Ella wouldn't"  
Pip shrugged, clearly distracted and flipped his plait over his shoulder "She loves you, so maybe not, but if she feels like a whore for so long maybe the love will die, who knows"  
Alucard grinned like an idiot after hearing someone say it out loud "She loves me" he repeated  
Pip snorted and looked at him "You know she does, what is more my evil friend, you love her just as much, so don't lose her or it may break you"  
Pip smiled and saluted Alucard "I must be off my fine evil friend, I have a beautiful and big breasted woman waiting for me to show her off" and he left the room whistling  
Alucard looked into the mirror stared at his reflection there he frowned to himself and mentally shook his head, his Ella would never leave him  
But then again all they seemed to do was have sex and fight,  
Maybe it wasn't enough  
He rubbed the bridge of his nose and cursed, courtship was so much easier in his day, all you had to do was stake a claim and that was it, the woman stayed at home and tended to her lord and masters every need,  
Alucard let out a disbelieving snort at the thought of Ella playing lady to his manor  
He knew what he had to do.

Ella was sitting down watching TV when Alucard came in  
She smiled at him and kissed him when he sat down  
He looked at her and she noticed he had a strange look upon his face, he almost looked distressed, she frowned "What's wrong Red"  
He mumbled something softly and looked at the other side of the room  
She blinked "What"  
He let out a frustrated sigh and blurted out "Pip and Seras are going on a date tonight"  
Ella got a dreamy smile on her face "That's so sweet, good for them"  
He looked at her and seemed to struggle to find words, he finally took a deep breath and asked "Ella what would you say we do in our relationship"  
Ella shrugged confused by the question, but willing to play along "Have sex and fight a lot I suppose, why?"  
Alucard looked shocked and distressed at the same time  
she frowned in alarm "Red?" she reached over and touched his arm gently, Ella had never seen him like this  
He shook his head in reply to the worry in her voice and looked at her again, he took a deep breath "Wanna go on a date tonight" he rushed out  
Ella looked at him in surprise unable to believe what she heard "What?"  
"Want to go out somewhere, you know, on a date, with me" he looked everywhere but at her, and tensed up as though he was waiting for her denial or laughter  
Ella smiled "Red" she whispered and touched his face gently with two fingers "I'd love to"  
The door burst open, spoiling the intensely romantic mood  
Sarah burst in wearing a sheet tied around her throat like a cape  
She jumped on the table and yelled in a deep voice "LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU RADIOACTIVE MAN, THE SUN IS EXPLOADING AGAIN!" she gave a superman pose and looked at them both  
Alucard glared at her, both annoyed and relieved by the intrusion "Sarah why are you talking like that"  
Ella glared at Alucard "Red, do you have other men in this house, radioactive men"  
Alucard got up and sighed, he couldn't do this, not then anyway, his mood was a strangely unstable one he walked over to the wall and walked through  
He saw Integra outside and nodded once, distracted and not wanting to talk to anyone  
Then he heard Ella's excited voice  
"Hey, I'm a vampire now right"  
Sarah answered in a bland tone "True"  
"So I can do that cool wall thingy"  
Alucards eyes opened widely, he knew that she couldn't do it yet he yelled "ELLA DON'T" but was to late in his warning  
_SMACK_  
He flinched and quickly went in through the door with Integra and saw Ella lying on the ground  
"Ow, that hurt like hell" she muttered  
Sarah looked wistfully at the wall and sighed "really?" she said in a dreamy tone of a child looking at a toy  
Ella replied sarcastically "No it felt like sunshine and candy"  
Sarah jumped up and looked down at Ella "Really?" she smile to herself and ran full bolt at the wall  
_SMACK_  
Sarah was on the floor glaring at Ella "THAT DIDN'T FEEL LIKE SUNSHINE AND CANDY, LIAR" she curled onto her side and glared angrily around the room  
Ella smiled and hugged her "God I love you"  
Sarah looked around in alarm and whispered loudly "Is she coming on to me"  
Ella laughed and hugged her tighter  
Sarah gasped in shock "Oh my god, she is coming on to me"  
Ella got off the floor and held out a hand to help Sarah up  
Sarah looked at her and shook her head sadly, she sad in a serious yet sad tone "Sorry Ella, frankly I'm flattered and a little curious but I don't swing that way"  
She got off the floor, looked around the room and flounced away  
Ella grinned at her retreating figure and shook her head "No one knows how to make a dramatic exit better then Sarah"

Ella was walking with Alucard down the hall when they heard Sarah scream  
They ran and looked over the railing to see Sarah screaming in alarm and pointing at the floor  
Ella yelled out worriedly "WHATS WRONG"  
Sarah screamed "SPIDER" she said it like it was a demon from hell  
Ella screamed in terror and clawed at Alucards arms, trying her best to climb them  
Alucard sighed a world weary sigh and shook his head slowly "Its just a spider, come on Ella lets go"  
Ella shook her head quickly and furiously "No way Red"  
He threw up his arms in frustration "Why the hell not" he demanded  
She shook her head again and looked up at him with wide eyes "I'm not moving until I know that spider is dead and gone" she said it firmly  
He grinned, he had an evil idea, he whispered "What if its up here"  
Ella whimpered softly and looked around in alarm  
Alucard stopped when he noticed Ella was actually terrified by the idea "FINE I'LL KILL IT FOR YOU, THEN CAN WE GO" he yelled in frustration  
Ella nodded in relief

_One hour later_

True to her word Ella hadn't moved  
Sarah had run around stamping the ground and eventually sat guard duty at the chair in the hall, she had fallen asleep half an hour ago and it didn't sound like she was waking up anytime soon  
Alucard threw up his hands in defeat "That's it, its gone I cant find it, lets go"  
Ella shook her head quickly  
Alucard gritted his teeth "Ella either come down now or I'll make you"  
She shook her head once more  
Alucard appeared behind her "Fine don't say you weren't warned"  
He picked her up, but she started to buck and scream  
He put her down at the top of the stairs and smiled "Time to put your favourite show Family Guy to good use" he purred  
Ella frowned clearly confused "What?"  
Alucard looked down into her eyes and said "Honey are you pregnant?"  
Ella looked even more confused "What?, no"  
"Good" he snarled  
He pushed her down the stairs and laughed evilly "I learnt that from Family Guy" he said in a smug voice  
Ella lay at the bottom "Ow, but I now remember that episode and strangely we pulled it off perfectly"  
Alucard walked down the stairs slowly and nodded thoughtfully "Huh, strange" he agreed  
He reached the bottom and bent down and picked her up he tossed her over his shoulder and walked out

They found a free table down at the vampire club and Alucard had gone to get the drinks when he was intercepted by D,  
D it seemed, needed advice and Ella had offered Alucards service, he clenched his fists and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down  
After about ten minutes a group of five young cocky male vampires walked in and saw Ella sitting by herself  
They strutted over and all sat down "Hey baby" one said  
Ella glared angrily "I am not a baby" she snapped  
The guy blinked surprised and looked away  
'One down four to go' Ella thought  
The next smiled to her and winked  
Ella frowned "You should really see a doctor about that eye twitch, someone could get the wrong message"  
He also looked away  
Two down  
The next grinned smugly and reached for her hand "Lets ditch this place and find our own" he purred  
Ella smiled blankly "Is it a giant jumping castle cause if not I cant go, my mother always said that life" she stopped and looked up at the ceiling grinning like an idiot  
He looked at the other guys then back at her and nodded slowly "Go on" he purred again  
Ella looked at him as though he was a idiot "That was it what are you slow" she snapped  
He looked away from her and blew out a breath  
Three down  
The next cleared his throat  
Ella smiled politely "Would you like a cough drop, they come in many flavours, tee he I said come" she said sweetly  
He looked around the room quickly  
Four down, last one  
He was obviously the ring leader of the group by the way he sat and acted, he grinned at her and winked "That sexy was for you, not a twitch and if you run away with me I'll buy you a triple story jumping castle"  
Ella nodded slowly "And then"  
His grin stayed in place and he sung Nine Inch Nails 'Closer' "I wanna fuck you like an animal, I wanna feel you from the inside" he stopped and looked at her with his eyebrows raised suggestively  
Ella looked at him "So you wanna play with my internal organs, I think that would hurt me" she frowned at him "Why do you want to hurt me" she asked in a bewildered tone  
He ignored that and gave her what she thought were supposed to be his 'bedroom eyes' "Then how about we just fuck like animals" he growled then reached for her hand  
Ella frowned thoughtfully "Only if its the preying mantis so I can rip off your head and eat it" she nodded and removed her hand from his grasp  
He laughed delighted "If its during sex, then sweetheart you can play any animal you want"  
Ella cursed mentally, this one was tricky to get rid of, she had to think of something, but she knew she needed more time, she looked around and said "I'm thirsty" in her lost little girl voice  
The guy got up quickly thinking he had won "Let me get you a drink" he said cockily  
He strutted over to the bar and got ordered them all a drink  
The bartender looked at him and the table he was looking at "That your table" he looked at the guy  
The guy looked at the bartender and jerked his head in response "Yeah what of it" he sneered  
The bartender whistled low and shook his head "Buddy you either got balls or a death wish"  
The guy snorted in response then turned to the bartended in alarm "Why?"  
The bartender laughed softly at the guy and looked around, he motioned the guy forward with and lent down and whispered in a conspirators tone "You ever hear of a vampire named Alucard"  
The man nodded "Who hasn't heard of the No Life King" he replied in awe  
The bartender nodded at Ella "That's his woman"  
The guy looked shocked for a moment then let out a fake laugh "Yeah right as if, you just want that bitch to yourself" he sneered  
"AHEM"  
the guy turned around and saw Ella standing behind him "Hey" he stuttered "I was joking about that whole bitch thing"  
Ella nodded "Ah huh, look slick hurry up with the drinks okay" she turned and walked back to her seat  
The guy grabbed the drinks and sneered at the bartender once more before following her back to the table  
He placed the drinks down and sat next to Ella, he moved his arm behind her seat and started to ogle her  
She looked over at him and raised an eyebrow "Do you mind" she said in her most royal tone  
Before the guy could reply the bar went quiet and everyone looked over at the doorway  
Alucard filled it with his frame and looked around, he was pissed off, the air was vibrating with his anger  
The guy whispered "The great No Life King" in awe  
Ella snorted loudly and laughed "The No Life King, you're kidding, that is the stupidest nick name" she said amused  
The guys all looked at her in alarm and shushed her one of them muttered "Shh, that is the meanest vampire you will ever meet, he would kill you if you stood in his way" he looked back whimpered when he saw Alucard looking at him  
Ella shrugged unimpressed "He looks funny to me" she said  
People gasped in shock and Alucard left the doorway and walked slowly over to the table  
The guys all looked at her in alarm and one muttered "Oh shit" he sounded like he was going to cry  
Alucard stopped at the table and looked at Ella "I look funny to you hey" he said in a soft dangerous tone  
Ella nodded "All red and stuff" she looked at him daring him to act  
The guys looked horrified when Alucard looked at them all  
The ring leader held up his hands in surrender "Hey I don't know this psycho bitch, I was just trying to get a root off her"  
He heard a small amount of people gasp and looked around  
Alucard turned back to the leader and smiled "Is that right" purred  
The bartender yelled out "That's not the first time he called her a bitch either" he nodded again to show it was true  
Alucard looked at Ella "Is that true" he muttered  
She shrugged distractedly "I stopped paying attention twenty minutes ago"  
Alucard looked at the men "So, you not only insult me" he said softly and stopped  
The men looked around and the leader muttered "H...How" in a squeaky voice  
Alucard looked at them one by one until they squirmed "First you're in my seat" he started  
The leader looked shocked and appalled then looked at Ella "She's in your seat too" he said trying to turn Alucard onto her  
Alucard grinned suddenly showing his teeth "You not only insult me, but you insult my woman several times now"  
The man turned pale "Y...your woman" he chocked on a breath  
Alucard nodded slowly then laughed "Now, what did you call her again"  
The man started to freak-out "I...I meant nothing buddy" his voice was getting higher and higher  
"Yes, that's right, you were only after a root and the psycho bitch is nothing" Alucard purred softly  
Ella decided to break the mood before someone was killed and looked at Alucard she frowned "Red, where's my drink"  
It worked he looked at her and muttered "Somewhere" distractedly  
She glared and huffed out a breath in frustration  
Alucard turned his attention back to the men "My woman may be able to ignore an insult against her, but I can't" his voice hardened  
The guy looked around at the others and saw they were just as scared, he looked at Ella, but she just looked down at her nails and started humming the song 'Closer'  
He sobbed out "We didn't know"  
The bartender yelled out "That's a lie, I told him before when he got his drink"  
The man started to cry  
Ella stopped looking at her nails and looked at the crying vampire "Red" she muttered  
Alucard looked over at her "Yes" he snapped  
She pointed to the crying vampire "Teach me you must" she replied in awe  
He sighed in annoyance "Little mental, no yoda tonight or any other night okay"  
She nodded and looked around frowning "Hey, where's my drink?" she looked under the table and frowned  
Alucard nodded at the bar "Go buy it from their" he said exasperated  
Ella got up, half way she turned around "Want the usual Red"  
He nodded and then bent down low to say something to the men  
She didn't know what he said but knew that if they were human they would be shitting themselves literally  
They got up and ran out of the club  
Ella saw Alucard clench his fists and knew he would be aching to hunt them down and kill them,  
Ella grabbed the drinks and walked over, when she sat down she said "Red, you sure know how to show a girl the time of her life, a toast to toast, may it never become soggy"  
He looked at her and stared into her eyes, whatever he saw made him smile, he lifted his glass "To toast" and they clinked glasses

They walked along the movie aisle and Ella squealed in excitment and picked up a movie  
She ran to Alucard and grabbed his arm and pulled on it "THIS ONE RED, THIS ONE" she was practecly screaming  
He looked down and nodded "Good choice" he said in surprise  
Ella clapped "YAY" she jumped on his back and kissed his cheek  
With the movie in hand they left the closed video store through the wall and went onto the street  
Ella looked back at the building "Did we just break and enter or steal?"  
Alucard smiled at that and said "Since we just went through the wall and didn't break anything, no to one and we didn't grab the movie and run, so we didn't steal either, we just took"  
Ella nodded "Makes sense to me, do we have popcorn"  
Alucard sighed and closed his eyes, he knew where it would be headed so he turned back and made his way to the video store, again

They got home and sat down together in her room  
Ella pulled the big bowl of popcorn over and rested it on her lap  
Alucard frowned and looked at her "Aren't you going to eat that"  
Ella grimaced "No, I don't like popcorn"  
Alucard looked down at her "Please tell me you're joking" he growled  
She shook her head  
"THEN WHY DID WE GO BACK TO THE VIDEO STORE TO GET IT" he yelled  
Ella shrugged "You wanted to" she said calmly  
Alucard sighed in defeat, he knew he would never win this one, so he let it go  
Ella muttered something but all Alucard heard was "enrol...tomorrow...class"  
He looked at her "What"  
She shook her head "Mental notes"  
He sighed again "Mental notes from a mental person"  
She shushed him "It's on"

The movie finished and Ella was bawling her eyes out "Th...That was the mo...Most ro...Romantic movie I have ...ever seen"  
Alucard looked down "What?" he said in shock  
She sobbed "I...I'm sorry I made you sit...sit and watch a ch...chick flick but" she was crying harder  
Alucard looked confused "Were we watching the same movie"  
Ella looked up in alarm "I hope so cause" she sobbed again "Cause if not someone else was feeling me up"  
He grinned "Nope that was me"  
She sobbed again "Oh god, it was a beautiful movie, so romantic"  
Alucard cleared his throat "Did we or did we not just watch Johnny Depp"  
Ella smiled and butted in "Oh, he is a sexy bastard, if he ever becomes single, which I hope doesn't happen cause he has a great family, but if it does and he wants me, well Red you're out"  
Alucard looked down "Great, just great Ella, now if he ever becomes single I'm going to have to kill my favourite movie star" he growled  
She smiled "Oh he was so good in this movie, sexy as hell too" she sighed  
Alucard looked down "Let me get this straight, not only do you think he looks sexy in this role but you think this is the most romantic movie ever"  
Ella nodded "Titanic has nothing on this"  
Alucard nodded "So the most romantic movie in your mind is Johnny Depp as 'Sweeny Todd the demon barber of fleet street"  
She nodded and started crying again "Oh Red, would you turn into a throat slashing barber if anything happened to me"  
He looked down "No" he said simply  
She glared and started to get up  
He smiled and pulled her back down and whispered in her ear "I would turn into a murderous vampire who kills anyone who ever touched you, I wouldn't rest until the entire world was made to suffer and it was the apocalypse Alucard style"  
Ella started crying again "Oh Alucard, that's so romantic"  
He laughed "Only you could find the thought of me on a massive killing streak and a throat slashing barber romantic"  
She grinned teary eyed "And now let me show you what the thought of you killing thousands of people to avenge me does to my mood"  
He raised an eyebrow in question  
She grinned and started to move lower on his body, kissing her way down  
He smiled "If this is what I get for the thought, tomorrow I might kill" he lost all train of thought when she undid his pants.


	29. Jail and Bail Mr Anderson

BANG

_WHOOOO  
LOVE FOR WANNABENINJA  
WATERGODDESSKASEY  
RAVEN06  
CASTLEVANIA__  
__AND  
SWEETYUYA_

_REVIEW AND I WILL MAKE IT 40 CHAPTERS LONG  
MAYBE LONGER  
HINT, HINT_

_BANG  
SMACK_  
"OW" Ella rubbed her head and glared at Integra who had burst into the room causing the first bang  
the smack was of course Ella hitting the ground "I'm good" she muttered and got up  
Integra looked at her and gasped in shock "For gods sake Ella, put some clothes on"  
Pip looked in  
Ella looked at him "How is it you always manage to be around when someone is naked" she asked bewildered  
Pip shrugged and leant on the doorway, he had a half smile on his face "It's a gift"  
Alucard growled and got up,  
Ella glared at him when she noticed he was fully dressed  
"That's cheating Red" she huffed  
"How" He replied  
"Cause your vampire powers are better then mine so that's why" she turned and walked over to her cupboard  
She grabbed her underwear and put it on, she turned to Integra and held out her hands "Better" she muttered  
Integra looked over "Ella your still naked"  
Sarah came in "We all getting naked?" she asked in a confused tone  
Pip nodded "Yes, yes we are" he replied seriously  
Alucard looked at Sarah but didn't say anything  
Ella turned and looked at her clothes trying to decide what to wear  
Integra looked around "For gods sake" she muttered angrily "No Sarah we are not getting naked"  
Sarah went "Oh" in a disappointed tone  
Pip and Alucard repeated it  
Ella was muttering to herself about what to wear still  
Integra looked at Alucard "I need you tonight"  
Alucard straightened up immediately "Fun master"  
Integra nodded "Rouge's"  
Alucard grinned in anticipation of the hunt  
Integra cleared her throat and looked around  
Alucard frowned, confused and muttered "What, is Ella naked again"  
Integra looked over at her quickly and sighed with relief when she saw Ella was still wearing underwear  
She took a deep breath, she knew Alucard wouldn't like what she was going to say next  
He looked at her, he knew she had some bad news "Spit it out, what is it"  
"It will take all night, odds are you wont be back until two days time, just when the sun rises"  
Alucard nodded his acceptance and looked at Ella "Hear that little mental, pack for three days"  
Integra looked at him and sighed softly "I'm sorry Alucard, but Ella isn't coming"  
"WHAT" He yelled  
"Only you are going" she replied  
"HELL NO, ELLA CAN'T LOOK AFTER HERSELF"  
Ella glared at him "HEY" she yelled back  
"Ella will be fine" Integra soothed, "we will look after her, I promise, nothing will go wrong"  
Ella flinched the second Integra said that, she and Sarah exchanged horrified glances and muttered "Ah shit" at the same time  
Alucard cursed "Can anyone else go"  
Integra shook her head "Alucard this is what you do"  
Alucard cursed and turned to Ella "Can I trust you to stay out of trouble"  
Ella gasped in mock horror "Why Red are you saying I get into trouble"  
He snorted "Ella you and trouble go hand in hand skipping down the lane and pick flowers"  
Ella looked at him "Wow Red, that was really, really...gay"  
Sarah nodded "She's right, that was gay"  
Pip added "Super gay"  
The others nodded  
Alucard wondered what happened to him being feared and turned to glare at the reason for the change  
Ella blinked in surprise at the glare Alucard was giving her, she turned and looked behind her, no one was standing there so he was glaring at her  
Integra let out an exasperated sigh "Alucard you have to leave now"  
He looked around the room and back at Ella "Little mental, I'm going to call before sunrise to make sure you're still alive"  
Ella saluted him "Sir, yes sir" she barked  
Alucard considered that for a moment "I like it, practice that while I'm gone"  
Ella gave him the one finger salute back  
He walked over to her and gave her a hard kiss on the lips "Be careful" he whispered softly  
She grabbed his arm and threw herself into them, she kissed him passionately then pulled away "You too" she whispered  
Alucard nodded and turned around and left the room

Ella yelled out "I'M BORED AND THIRSTY, NOW I'M ITCHY"  
Integra sighed "Your turn Pip"  
Pip grimaced and got up reluctantly he walked over to the corner where Integra had tied Ella to a chair and squatted down  
"Where does it itch now"  
She sobbed out "My nose is itchy"  
He scratched her nose and lifted up a sachet of blood, he tore open the top and stuck it in her mouth, he held it in place and muttered "Here's your juice box"  
Ella drunk it all and let out a burp  
Pip sat back, then started to laugh  
Ella smacked her lips together "Mmmmm chicken good"  
He got up and shook his head as he walked away  
He sat down with the others and started going over the new defense plans for Hellsing  
Ella yelled out "I'M BORED"  
Seras sighed in frustration "Why didn't we gag her"  
Integra reached into her draw and pulled out some duct tape, she grinned wickedly "It's never to late"

Alucard called Hellsing at 3am  
He asked where Ella was straight away  
Integra answered with laughter in her voice "She's tied up at the moment"  
He heard muffled singing and smiled "Let me guess, she's also gagged at the moment"  
He listened to silence on the other end then Integra asked calmly "How did you know"  
Alucard laughed at the thought of Ella tied and gagged before replying "I would have done the same"  
Integra laughed softly "Well she is still here and fine"  
Alucard let out a sigh of relief "Good, well I will be back in two days tops"  
Integra got serious and demanded to know what was going on there  
They ignored Ella's muffled singing

_THE NEXT NIGHT_  
Ella was bored  
She looked around the room and sighed  
She looked at the clock and decided to go out and have fun  
She got dressed and sung 'Girl's just wanna have fun' and left the room  
Ella knew Sarah had just gone out and decided to leave a note saying she went with Sarah  
Ella smiled to herself "You're so sneaky Ella Anderson"  
She grinned, after all what could go wrong

Ella stood in the jewelry store and held up a bracelet, it was stunning  
She looked out the window and frowned  
She could have sworn she saw Anderson  
She shook her head and looked back at the bracelet  
She stopped when she felt someone watching her and turned to the window  
There looking in was Anderson  
Their eyes widened in surprise and shock at the same time  
Anderson moved quickly and entered the store  
He pulled out his blades  
Ella squealed and ran  
Anderson pursued her just as fast

In the distance the sound of sirens could be heard  
Ella ran towards them

Ella was staring at Anderson  
He snarled at her and yelled "STOP STARING AT ME"  
Ella kept staring  
"THATS IT" He yelled "GUARDS"  
Two police officers came in "What is it"  
Anderson pointed at Ella "Make her stop staring"  
Ella poked her tongue out at him and teased "You're locked in a cell priest man, what can you do"  
Anderson grabbed the bars of the jail cell and snarled  
Ella laughed

_AN HOUR LATER_  
A police officer came in "Ms Anderson"  
Ella looked up "That's me"  
The man walked up to her "Your bail is here"  
Ella clapped her hands from behind her cell bars "YAY, I knew I was right in calling her"

_THIRTY MINUTES LATER_  
Ella hugged Sarah tightly and sighed "How do we get into these messes"  
Sarah shrugged "All I know is one minute I'm enjoying a nice drink, then my phone rings and you're talking about needing bail cause you got arrested"  
Ella smiled "Then you came to my rescue"  
Anderson yelled "SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU"  
Ella and Sarah leant against the bars of the cell  
Sarah nodded "Then after I come to your rescue I find myself in jail"  
Ella shrugged "You probably shouldn't have tried to break me out when you realized you forgot your purse"  
Sarah let out a weary sigh "This is a lesson that will take a while to learn"  
Ella looked at her "When's your phone call"  
Sarah sighed again "I'm going to bite the bullet and call her now"  
She leant on the bars and yelled "I'M READY TO MAKE MY PHONE CALL NOW"  
The coppers came in and nodded "Alright, lets get that call then"

_AN HOUR LATER_  
Ella nodded "Yep"  
Sarah nodded "Yep"  
Seras sighed "Yep"  
Ella looked at them both "So were all in agreement, no one will ever speak of this when it's over"  
The girls all rested against their cell bars and nodded  
Ella frowned thoughtfully "Huh, I must be bad prison luck"  
The girls nodded once more  
Ella smiled "Cheer up, I know lets play the game that always makes us happy"  
The others smiled in agreement  
All the girls turned to stare at Anderson  
Anderson let out a scream

_ANOTHER HOUR PASSES_  
Ella looked over "Mr. Anderson"  
Sarah turned her head "Hello Mr. Anderson"  
Seras smiled "Well, well Mr. Anderson"  
Ella continued in her Hugo Weaving (YAY AUSSIE) voice "How are you Mr. Anderson"  
Anderson clapped his hands over his ears "STOP IT" he yelled  
Ella went on "Are you now upset you took the vow of poverty Mr. Anderson"  
He glared "I didn't take a vow of poverty"  
Ella gasped "Never saw you're always this poor Mr. Anderson"  
Sarah and Seras sat down  
Seras looked over and muttered "She is good"  
Sarah nodded "No one can break a person quite like Ella"  
Anderson yelled "WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO SHUT YOU UP"  
Ella looked thoughtful "I don't know Mr. Anderson, but since our last encounter I have changed, been set free so to speak, but then again it's impossible to make a phone call when you don't have a mouth Mr. Anderson"  
He screamed "WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT"  
She 'hmmmed' "I don't know, maybe we can see the oracle Mr. Anderson"  
"STOP IT"  
"Why Mr. Anderson I believe you are becoming distraught"  
"GUARDS"  
"Your guards can't help you now Mr. Anderson"  
"GUARDS"  
"Yell all you want Mr. Anderson, no one will help you, you are alone here"  
"GOD SAVE ME"  
"Your god has no power here Mr. Anderson"  
"BLASPHAMY"  
"Noted Mr. Anderson"  
"GUARDS"  
The coppers came in with a woman in handcuffs, they glared at Anderson "Shut up, we don't wanna hear from you, AND YOU" he pointed at Ella "Be quiet or I'll gag you"  
Ella winked  
The copper let the woman in the cell and removed her handcuffs, he grabbed a chair and sat down outside the cells  
The woman looked at them "Hi, I'm Tazmin"  
Ella smiled and waved "Hi, I'm Ella"  
Sarah waved "Sarah"  
Seras smiled weakly "Seras"  
Ella clapped her hands and sung "We are family, I got all my sisters with me"  
Tazmin laughed  
Ella grinned at her "I like you Tazmin, what did you do"  
Tazmin shrugged and gestured to herself "I'm a hooker"  
Ella stopped smiling "Why did you motion to yourself"  
Tazmin shrugged "My clothes are a dead give away"  
Ella gasped "I have that same outfit"  
Tazmin laughed "What do you do for a living"  
Ella twirled "I'm a pole dancer"  
Tazmin sat up "Really, a friend of mine is a dancer, where do you work"  
"Puss in Boots"  
She laughed "Small world, do you know Cookie"  
"Hell yeah, cookie is a sweetheart, but she isn't the sharpest scalpel at the picnic if you catch my drift"  
Tazmin smiled "That's her, she and I are roommates"  
"Huh, really small world"  
Tazmin lay back down "So what are you ladies in for"  
Ella shrugged "Accidental theft"  
"What"  
Ella smiled "I was looking at a bracelet when that one" she pointed at Anderson "Started chasing me, well I did the only sane thing, I mean when a homicidal priest with giant blades is trying to kill you, you run right"  
She nodded  
"Well" Ella continued "I did, I heard the sirens and ran to the coppers, but seems they think I stole the bracelet and the whole priest thing is a setup"  
Tazmin frowned "Is it"  
Ella snorted "As if I'd work with Mr. Anderson"  
Tazmin looked at Sarah  
Sarah nodded at Ella "This one called me in to bail her out, but when I got here I realized I didn't have my purse, so I distracted the coppers and tried to break her out"  
Ella butted in "She neglects to mention four coppers were watching her trying to pick the cell lock with a bobby pin"  
Sarah shrugged "I was trying to do the old hide in plain sight"  
Tazmin smiled and looked at Seras  
Seras sighed "Well I got a call off that one" she pointed to Sarah "Saying that she and Ella were in jail and needed me to post bail for them, but the problem was I couldn't let anyone know where I was going, so the people who could help us think we're out drinking and partying"  
She sighed again "Problem was when I came in a police man said something about my breasts and well to cut a long story short...Assaulting an Officer"  
Tazmin laughed

_ONE HOUR LATER_

The copper on the chair got up and left to go home  
Ella smiled and looked at Tazmin "Wanna help us play a fun game"  
Tazmin shrugged "Okay, what game"  
Ella laughed evilly and rubbed her hands together "We torture the evil blade wielding priest"  
She nodded "How"  
Sarah laughed "His name is Alexander Anderson"  
Seras smiled "As in" She did her Hugo Weaving voice "Mr. Anderson"  
Tazmin clapped "Oh, that is great, lets go"

Ella stood by the cell "Mr. Anderson, what did we tell you about masturbation"  
Sarah tsked "Mr. Anderson you'll go blind"  
Seras sighed "Hairy palms Mr. Anderson"  
Tazmin shook her head "Mr. Anderson need I remind you that angels die when you touch yourself"  
Ella looked at her and whispered "That's a good one"  
Tazmin winked "Thanks my mother told my brother that one" she whispered back  
Ella cleared her throat "Tell me the truth Mr. Anderson, are your palms hairy"  
The girls started to giggle  
Anderson turned his back on her  
Ella sighed "Mr. Anderson, see the blindness has already started, I'm over here"  
"GUARDS, I WANT TO GO INTO SOLITARY CONFINEMENT"  
A copper came in and sighed "Alright Mr. Anderson"  
The girls cracked up and were laughing hard  
The cop unlocked Anderson's cell and led him out  
Ella sighed and looked over "Great now he's gone what do we do"  
Tazmin shrugged "Discuss the great unanswered questions in life"  
Ella nodded "Good idea, I start cause I have two"  
They nodded  
Ella cleared her throat "In Naruto, if Naruto or Kakashi has sex with a clone, is it gay or masturbation"  
She looked around "And two, In Harry Potter, If Sirius Black has sex with a dog while he himself is in dog form is it beastiality"  
The girls looked around  
Tazmin muttered "Those are good questions"  
The girls sat in a circle and started to brainstorm

_THE NEXT NIGHT_  
Alucard walked up to the cell and cleared his throat  
Ella squealed "RED"  
Alucard sighed and looked at the copper "I'll take the one with the boobs" Seras stood up  
"The mentally unstable red head" Sarah clapped her hands  
"And the hooker"  
Ella looked at Tazmin "Does he mean you or me"  
Tazmin shrugged


	30. Anderson's other side

THANKS TO CLUSTERLIZARD1

MY SISTER HAD A BABY GIRL TONIGHT, HER NAME IS **ALYSSA KATHERINE BROOKS**, WE WILL CALL HER **'ALLY CAT'**  
SHE IS MY 7TH NIECE

HOORAH FOR MY SISTER  
MAY HER STITCHES HEALS (EWWW)

THANKS TO **CLUSTERLIZARD1**

**WANNABENINJA,  
SWEETYUYA,  
DARK-FLAME-GIRL  
RAVEN06  
CASTLEVANIA  
**  
AND **WATERGODDESSKASEY**,OF COURSE OUR TOILETS DON'T FLUSH THE OTHER WAY, YOURS DO LOL  
I ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THAT TOO,  
LETS MAKE EVERYONES DREAM COME TRUE  
IF YOU DON'T REVIEW I WILL LEAVE IT AT THIS

MWAHAHAHAHAHA D (. Y .) BOOBIES

Ella sighed and moved restlessly around on the cot  
Turned out Alucard was talking about Tazmin  
Ella was slightly cool with it, after all Tazmin was awesome  
But the son of a bitch left her in jail  
She heard the coppers moving someone and hoped she had a new room mate  
They led the prisoner into the cell opposite hers and left  
Ella sat up and smiled  
She looked into the other cell and crossed her legs, she lit a cigarette and blew out a stream  
The person in the cell across from her muttered "Oh, God no"  
Ella laughed "Hello again, Mr. Anderson"  
Anderson's scream echoed through the hall

Alucard looked at his watch and let out a sigh of boredom  
Sarah looked up at him "Is it time to pick Ella up from the zoo yet?"  
"The zoo?" he muttered  
He looked over at Integra  
She just smiled at him  
Sarah sighed "I wonder what Mr. Anderson is doing in solitary confinement"  
Alucard, Integra and Pip all looked at her in alarm  
Integra said slowly and softly "Sarah which Mr. Anderson?"  
Sarah looked up at them "Why the homicidal, blade welding priest Anderson"  
Everyone ran out of the room leaving a very confused Sarah behind

They entered the jail and quickly approached the cells  
Alucard stopped suddenly and gestured to the others to be quiet  
they heard

"So Alex, may I call you Alex?"  
"That's alright"  
"Alex, when did this trauma start for you?"  
"Well I remember little about my family, what I do remember is helping to raise Enrico, but look how he turned out"  
"And how did he turn out?"  
"The man whipped you, stabbed you, slashed your wrists and crucified you, what do you think?"  
"I think that you feel bad because in your mind part of me deserved it"  
He chocked back a sob "No"  
Ella muttered soothing nonsense "It's alright to hate me a little, after all I ruined everything, didn't I"  
He choked back a gasp "Everything was fine until you came along, we were doing fine at ridding the world of Hellsing, we had Alucard right where we wanted him, he was depressed and wanted to end it, then you come along and suddenly he has a reason to live"  
Ella made the noises again "And you feel you have no purpose"  
He clenched a fist into his mouth "Damn it I promised myself I wouldn't cry"  
Ella muttered "It's alright, this is a place of healing"  
He sighed "I had a purpose, Enrico, but look what I did to him and now I have to kill him"  
"And you blame me for that"  
"I don't know, when he found out about you he snapped, now...now" he let out a long sad sigh  
"So the purpose of raising another human is now a purpose to kill said human, and the only reason you have to kill him is...?"  
"Because if I don't other innocents will suffer"  
"And that isn't what Iscariot is about"  
"No, Iscariot is about protecting innocents, look at you, we failed, you a nice Catholic girl, now..." He sobbed "Now a monster that must be destroyed"  
"And you fear its your fault"  
"If it wasn't for me Enrico wouldn't have known about you and he wouldn't have turned you into" he gestured "Well that"  
"And once more it comes back to your purpose in life"  
He sighed "I have no purpose"

Alucard looked around at the others and saw thet all had the same look of shock on their faces  
Ella continued on and they listened again

Ella clucked "Don't be silly love, you have a purpose to protect the innocents from evil, that is a wonderful purpose"  
He looked up "Really?" he squeaked  
Ella nodded "Really"  
He took a deep breath "Thank you" he whispered  
Ella smiled softly "It's alright dear"  
He sighed softly with regret "Its going to be hard to kill you now"  
Ella laughed "God I hope so"  
Anderson looked over "What do you see in him?"  
She frowned "Who?"  
"The vampire"  
"Which one?" she laughed  
"The evil hell spawn"  
She blinked "Sarah?"  
"NO, Sir Integra's toy, Hellsing's puppet, Alucard, the biggest wanker in the world"

Alucard growled low in his throat,  
He was pissed off, how dare the priest talk about him like that  
Ella would defend him though  
He smiled and listened to her answer

Ella laughed "You're right he is an wanker, he's evil, a bastard and wouldn't hesitate to kill anyone who got in his way, he can treat people like shit, he acts all lord of the manor and holier then thou"

Alucard was shocked, he looked at the others and saw them all smiling and nodding at what she said  
He glared and hit Pip

Anderson looked at her "And the bad parts about him now please, serious why do you stay with him, why not leave and branch off on your own?"  
"Because while he may be all of those things, he makes me feel important, like I'm somebody special, I've waited my whole life for someone to want and need me, to make me feel beautiful and most of all cared for, he does that for me"  
"What if someone else could make you feel that way?"  
She frowned and thought about it "I don't know really, with Alucard I have the protection and caring I need, with him I feel free to be me" She blinked "Wow, I rhymed, anywho, it's not just the sex, don't get me wrong that's a great bonus, it's the way we fight, the way he makes me laugh, though I'm not to sure about the way he laughs at me, its the way he excepts me for me"  
She turned on the cot and looked at him "I really don't know what I'd do if someone else offered me that, you see" She sighed and looked up "I love him, pure and simple, he's evil, a bastard, a wanker, the list goes on, but I love him"  
Anderson was quiet  
Ella looked over "Mr. Anderson?"  
He grimaced "Nothing, get some sleep, tomorrow might be tough for you with the sun and all"  
Ella blinked in shock, surely Anderson wasn't worried about her, she was a vampire, he hated her kind, he wanted her dead  
But the very same man frowned and looked at her "If you want I can see about getting you a coat or curtain or something"  
Ella shook her head "Thanks but no, I'll be fine"  
He nodded and glared at her again "Goodnight vampire whore" he turned and faced the wall  
Ella smiled and looked at his back "Goodnight Mr. Anderson" she closed her eyes

Alucard growled again and shook his head,  
he turned and looked at the other "Let's go"  
Integra looked confused "But what about Anderson?"  
"Let her stay with her new friend, this might teach her a good lesson in obedience"  
Alucard walked away smiling to himself 'But I might teach her a private lesson tonight' he thought and left with a smile on his face

"BOO" Someone screamed in Ella's face  
"AHHHH" Ella rolled  
_ BANG_  
"I'm ok"  
"You sure" Anderson muttered  
Ella looked at him and nodded, she frowned and wondered where the hell the 'BOO' came from then shrugged it off  
She laid back down and closed her eyes  
She felt someone looking at her and opened her eyes up "AHHH"  
_BANG_  
"I'm ok still"  
Anderson frowned "Something wrong with your bed?"  
Ella shook her head, she thought she had seen eyes staring at her when she opened her own  
She sighed and got on the bed again, she looked around eyeing every corner of the room

_10 MINUTES LATER_  
"Elllllllaaaaa, Ellllla, Ellllla"  
She rolled over and muttered "What"  
Arms came from no where and grabbed her  
"AHHHH"  
_BANG_  
"SON OF A BITCH"  
"Ella are you okay, you're not skipping meds are you"  
She glared at him "Be quiet Mr. Anderson"  
She got up and started to pace back and forth in the cell  
She just reached the bars and turned when she saw the biggest furriest spider she had _EVER_ seen and screamed  
"AHHHHHHH"  
She turned back and ran  
BANG  
Straight into the cell bars  
She squealed and remembered the spider, she jumped up and climbed the bars, holding onto the top ones  
Anderson walked over and tried to look in her cell "What is it?"  
She sobbed "SPIDER"  
He frowned and looked around, squinting "Ella I don't see anything"  
"IT WAS THERE"  
'I believe you"  
She sobbed again "You do" she whined  
He nodded  
Her bottom lip trembled "It was big and scary and furry" she shuddered  
He made soothing noises  
She cried "WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN RATS, RATS I CAN DEAL WITH" She whined again "WHY SPIDERS"

Anderson was looking into her cell suspiciously "Ella"  
She whimpered "Yes"  
"Could someone be toying with you"  
"Huh" she sniffed  
"Well what caused you to fall out of bed so many times?"  
She frowned "The first time someone yelled 'Boo', then I thought I saw someone looking at me, then something grabbed me, then the spider and now I'm here" she replied happily "YAY"  
She looked around and remembered she was in jail "Oh"  
Anderson nodded and lent against the bars "That isn't nice you abomination"  
Ella glared at him "WELL YOU LOOK FUNNY"  
He looked at her in exasperation "I wasn't talking to you Ella"  
She frowned "Huh"  
HE smiled "Alucard, oh Alucard"  
Ella's eyes opened wide and she thought about the incidents "Son of a BITCH, RED!"  
She jumped onto the ground, "THIS ISN'T FUNNY RED"

Alucard stood next to Anderson's cell "Not anymore, Judas Priest always a fun killer"  
Anderson opened his mouth but before he could speak Ella jumped in  
"Leave him alone Red, get us out of here or fuck off"  
Alucard opened and closed his mouth like a fish before finally muttering "US"  
Ella nodded "Me and Mr. Anderson"  
Anderson looked at her "Ella?"  
She nodded "He's my friend, so let us both out" she stressed the both "Or go away, either way I don't care, you Red are now officially in what's known as 'The Dog House' welcome and go to hell"  
Alucard gapped at her "You can't be serious"  
"Oh but I am, You Red are sleeping alone for a while"  
"Bu...bu...but ELLA"  
She glared and turned her back on him  
He looked around and growled "FINE YOU AND THE PRIEST ROT FOR ALL I CARE"  
Ella gave him the finger  
Alucard disappeared

_TWO HOURS LATER_

Ella was lying on the ground smoking, she looked around and started mentally decorating her new home  
Anderson had been strangely quiet, any attempts by Ella to get him to talk failed  
She sighed and wondered if chandleers would look cheap instead of chic  
She decided to ask Anderson and turned her head  
"AHHHHH"  
Alucard smiled  
She pressed a hand to her chest "Bloody hell Red, What are you trying to do, finish what Enrico started?"  
Anderson walked over and snarled when he saw Alucard  
Alucard ignored the idiotic priest and started bargaining "I will let you out if you let me out of the dog house"  
She shook her head and counter offered "Let us both out" once again she stressed the both "And I'll put you on a smaller sentence, one week in the dog house"  
Alucard frowned "Just you and five days"  
And on it went until thy finally reached an agreement

Ella stood up and stretched, she held out her hand "Alright now you'll free both of us" once again she stressed the word both "And in return you get no sex for a week but can sleep in the same bed"  
Anderson grinned at that  
Alucard nodded "But I can try to persuade you for sex at night during that week"  
Ella nodded "And if I say no, you stop"  
Alucard grinned "But the words 'Don't and stop' do not count"  
Ella nodded "Agree"  
Alucard shook her hand and tossed her over his shoulder  
Anderson wasn't laughing anymore  
Alucard walked through the bars with a squealing Ella and put her down  
He walked up to Andersons cell and unlocked it, he turned to leave but stopped in shock when he watched Ella  
Ella walked over to Anderson and stood on her tip toes, she gave him a peck on the cheek "Take care Mr. Anderson"  
He looked at her with an unreadable expression and muttered "You too vampire whore"  
Alucard took a menacing step towards him,  
Ella just laughed and pulled Alucard away "Let's go home Red"  
Alucard looked back once more at Anderson and showed his fangs  
He picked Ella up bridal style and she laughed, he carried her off

Anderson stood outside and looked up at the moon, he made a vow  
"I'll get her away from him, I'll get her and make her mine"  
He turned and started to work on his plan.


	31. Warning, stoned vamps

WARNING

WARNING

THIS CHAPPIE CONTAINS DRUG REFERENCES

I AM NOT SUPPORTING DRUGS

NEITHER AM I AGAINST THEM

IM NUTERAL LIKE SWITZERLAND  
BUT THEN AGAIN WITHOUT DRUGS AND ALCOHOL I WOULDN'T BE HERE

LOL

ANYWHO

TODAY IS _**WANNABENINJA'S**_ BIRTHDAY

I DEMAND THAT YOU ALL GO PAY HOMAGE TO HER  
READ HER WORK  
BOW TO HER (and her minion _**SWEETYUYA**_)  
WISH HER HAPPY BIRTHDAY

THEN ON THE 9TH WISH ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY

PAY HOMAGE TO ME

BOW TO ME

BUT NOT UNTIL THE 9TH

TODAY IS ALL ABOUT

_**WANABENINJAN**_

Ella was short of breath, tired and very sweaty  
She sighed and looked at Alucard "Well that didn't go as planned"  
Alucard had a smug self satisfied look on his face "What do you mean?"  
She got up and flipped her hair back, she sent him a glare that would have made a lesser man sorry "We've only been back from jail for two hours"  
Alucards smug grin became wider "Alright so maybe we're a little behind schedule, but that's ok"  
Ella's mouth dropped open "Behind schedule"  
Alucard nodded "I had it all planned out"  
"Son of a bit.."  
Ella lost all train of thought, it was Alucards fault of course  
He stood up and stretched  
Ella let her eyes travel along his naked body, from his broad muscled shoulders to his well defined chest,  
Lower she looked and smiled 'God he's well hung' she thought then laughed  
He turned around and she stared at his sculptured ass  
Alucard looked back and grinned with satisfaction when he noticed her staring "Take a picture why don't you"  
Ella looked up "Great idea, wait there a minute ok, let me grab my camera"  
She got up and ran naked over to her cupboard muttering "Camera, camera, where the hell is my camera"  
Alucard laughed and walked over, he picked her up and smiled "Lets take a shower, I'm all sweaty from our first round"  
Ella nodded "Okay" then looked up "Wait, first round?"  
He reached in and turned the shower on "Time for round two"  
He set her down in the shower and pinned her against the wall,  
He bit her neck and lapped at the blood  
He kissed his way from her earlobe down to her breasts  
He lapped at her breasts until her nipples were hard peaks and started moving lower  
He crouched down and kissed and nipped at the top of the inside of her thighs  
He looked up and grinned "You know what you have to say to make me stop"  
She looked down at him and let out a shaky laugh "Do and I will hurt you"  
Alucard grinned back "On to round two then"  
He hooked her leg and threw it on his shoulder  
Ella felt her eyes roll with pleasure and gasped "Best out of a hundred"

Ella was glowing, they got up to round five before Sarah burst in at an interesting moment  
Thankfully Pip's magical skill at being around whenever someone happened to be naked wasn't working that night, that or he was looking at Seras naked  
The plus was all Sarah said was "Ella, I didn't know you did yoga"  
The down side Sarah also stood there for longer then she should have  
A minute actually, Ella didn't notice she had entered the room  
Alucard either was an exhibitionist or Ella had completely distracted him  
She hoped it was the second, cause she didn't like voyeurs

Ella was sitting in the TV room thinking about Alucard and how shameless she was when it came to him,  
All the man had to do was look at her and she got slightly horny  
It was pathetic, she was a disgrace to the female species (THATS RIGHT MEN, WE ARE A DIFFERENT SPECIES, Accept IT And LEARN OUR LANGUEGE, LIFE WILL BE EASIER FOR YOU)  
They came home and the man just bit her neck,  
That was it, a bite on the neck and the word 'No' ceases to exist  
Oh she said 'Don't and Stop' a lot  
Problem was she said them together 'Don't stop'  
He didn't

"Speak of the devil" Ella muttered  
Alucard came in "What"  
Ella smiled "I was just thinking about you"  
Alucard shrugged and sat down "I don't know why so many men complain about being in the dog house, I like it"  
Ella glared at him "The dog house is where you go and get no sex at all, you're being punished"  
Alucard smiled "In that case, I'm a bad boy and need punishment"  
Ella blinked "I didn't know it was possible to be seductive and creepy at the same time, but you pull it off nicely"  
Alucard shrugged "So how come I'm not in the dog house anymore"  
Ella glared and pouted "You know why" she replied stubbornly  
He smiled "Oh, but I want you to say it"  
She sighed in defeat "FINE. I HAVE NO WILLPOWER WITH YOU, YOU TOUCH ME I TURN INTO A NYPHO, HAPPY"  
He blinked in surprise "Ecstatic, I was hoping to hear 'because I can't deny you anything' but 'you turn me into a nypho' is great"  
Ella slapped a hand to her forehead "Shit" she muttered  
He sighed "I'm bored"  
Ella got up "Wanna watch a movie"  
He shrugged "What one"  
Ella smiled "I got a great one in mind"  
Alucard nodded "What is it about"  
Ella launched into a giant speech  
Alucard nodded every now and then, but his mind was elsewhere  
He sensed someone coming and knew it was Sarah  
Ella looked at him expectantly "Well"  
He blinked up at her in confusion "Huh"  
She sighed "I said"  
Sarah walked into the room with a cup of coffee, she took a sip when Ella muttered  
"Piston cup"  
Sarah spat all the coffee out of her mouth and dropped the cut  
Ella turned quickly and fell over  
BANG  
"I'm ok"  
Alucard barely glanced at her  
Sarah was spitting all the coffee out "AWWWWWW"  
Ella jumped up and rubbed a hand down her clothes, flipped her hair back and frowned at Sarah "What's wrong"  
Sarah sent her a glare that would have melted the North Pole "You evil twisted bitch"  
Ella blinked in surprise "Huh"  
Sarah started wiping her tongue and mumbled "I feered wa ooh ed"  
Ella nodded "Now in English"  
She spat once more and flipped her hair back before replying "I heard you"  
Ella nodded "Good, that's a start...and"  
"AND" she screeched in outrage "YOU PISSED IN MY CUP"  
Ella sat down suddenly, for the first time she was speechless  
Alucard looked down at his nails and replied in a bored tone "People say I'm more animal then man"  
They both looked at him  
Pip and Seras looked in  
Integra ran up and stood panting at the doorway, she heard what Alucard said and panted out "Its...true"  
Ella nodded at him  
He continued in a bored tone "Animals piss on things they consider belonging to them"  
Ella nodded slowly "O...K," she turned to Sarah "Honey I said 'Piston Cup' not 'pissed in cup'"  
Sarah blushed "Oh"  
Ella smiled gently "That's all..." She stopped and what Alucard said finally sunk in  
she turned to him and screeched "YOU'RE NOT PISSING ON ME"

LATER ON

Ella looked at him and smiled "Me and Sarah are going to go out and freak out some people, wanna help"  
Alucard shrugged "Why not"

Ella was wearing a long black coat and a hat pulled low over her eyes  
She sat on a bench next to a man and looked at everything but him  
She thrust a cosmopolitan magazine at him and whispered "Read this, it may save your life one day"  
She then stood up and walked very quickly away  
The man on the bench looked at her retreating form with a bewildered expression

Sarah also had on the long black coat and had, but she also carried a manila folder  
She sat next to a man at the bus stop and looked around at everything but him  
She sat back and looked straight ahead before saying "The crow flies east to the north"  
The man looked at her and frowned in confusion "Excuse me?"  
She nodded "The man on the moon is a Viking Irish"  
"What?"  
"My dog has droopy ears"  
"That's good" he looked scared  
Sarah nodded "Code responses accurate"  
He slid slowly the other way  
Sarah thrust the files at him "The Organization wishes you to review the folder"  
She got up and walked away

Ella prodded Alucard forward "Go on Red"  
He glared back at her  
Sarah shooed her hands forward  
Alucard sighed and approached a man reading a paper  
He sat in the chair behind his and said "If I go crazy then will you still call me superman"  
The man lowered his paper "Excuse me"  
"If I'm alive and well will you be there holding my hand"  
"What"  
"I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman"  
The man looked extremely alarmed  
"My kryptonite"  
The man got up and literally ran off

They walked into a club for a nightcap (or 8) before going out to confuse more people  
They had a good laugh over some of the people and their reactions  
They got up to dance like idiots  
Ella noticed that Alucard seemed to have let go of his image tonight and spazz out with them  
What she didn't notice, what none of them noticed was a man  
He was a tall man who kept to the shadows  
He was staring at Ella who was clapping her hands and shaking her ass  
He sat down at their tabled and reached into her bag  
He took out her cigarettes and placed something inside them  
He put the packet back and placed her bag back under the table  
He watched her for another minute and left

Outside Anderson smiled to himself  
That should get her kicked out of Hellsing, or the manor at the very least  
And when that happened  
He'd be ready for her

They were all slightly drunk and Ella pulled her hat low and sat next to a man  
She looked left and right before saying  
"I have a blue house with a blue window"  
The man looked at her and nodded slowly  
"Blue is the color of all that I wear"  
He looked down at her clothes and frowned "But you're wearing black"  
She continued "Blue are the streets and all the trees are blue"  
He blinked and stared at her face  
"I have a girlfriend and she is so blue"  
He slid over  
She followed "Blue are the people here that walk around"  
He slid again  
She followed  
"Blue like my corvette, it's standing outside"  
Sliding  
"Blue are the words I say and what I think"  
He looked around quickly  
"Blue are the feelings that live inside me"  
He stood up quickly  
Ella stood also and looked at him in the eyes  
"I'm blue da ba dee da ba die"  
She nodded to him and left

Sarah stood behind a man in line and cleared her throat  
He half turned  
She whispered fiercely "Don't turn around"  
The man looked to the front again  
She whispered "Listen closely I'm only going to say this once"  
The man swallowed loudly and nodded  
Sarah looked around and whispered  
"I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world"  
He started to turn again  
She hissed "What are you crazy"  
He looked at the front again  
She cleared her throat  
"Life in plastic, its fantastic"  
The men gasped "Are you threatening to kill me"  
Sarah ignored that  
"You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere"  
He tensed up  
"Imagination, life is your creation"  
He started tapping one foot  
"Come on Barbie lets go party, ah, ah, ah, yeah"  
He started to turn  
She slapped his back  
"Come on Barbie lets go party, uu oooh u"  
He whispered "I'm going to die aren't I"  
Sarah patted his back "Yes"  
He fainted  
Sarah looked down at him and frowned  
Ella and Alucard looked at him  
Alucard looked at Sarah "What did you do"  
Sarah shrugged in confusion "he asked if he was going to die and I said yes"  
Ella laughed  
Sarah shrugged "Everyone is going to die, I thought everyone knew that"  
Alucard clapped Sarah on the shoulder and grinned "Obviously not"

Alucard sat next to a man on the bus  
The man looked at him and smiled wanly "Hello there"  
Alucard looked over and said "I have a lovely bunch of coconuts"  
The man smiled "In this season"  
"There they are all standing in a row"  
The man frowned "On the bus?"  
"Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head"  
"I say that's big" the man replied  
Ella and Sarah looked at each other, they knew this type, they made Ella and Sarah seem smarter then Steven Hawkins  
"Give 'em a twist"  
The man blinked suddenly, he appeared confused "What?" he muttered  
"A flick of the wrist"  
The man looked around quickly  
"That's what the show man said"  
The bus stopped and they all got off  
The man stared at them as the bus went past

Ella flopped back into her chair and sighed,  
She was half pissed  
Sarah stumbled in and muttered something about bed  
Ella waved and watch her leave  
Ella looked over at Alucard  
He smiled back at her "I'll be back alright"  
Ella shook her head "No"  
He frowned "What?"  
She wiggled her finger at him "you're supposed to say 'I'll be back', that's all and say it a Terminator way"  
He shook his head and left

Ella sighed and reached into her cigarette packet and lit the first one she grabbed  
She inhaled and started to cough  
Her eyes widened in disbelief and she stared down at her smoke  
"Oh my god" she whispered horrified  
She looked around and stood up,  
She looked down and then back around the room  
She lifted it to her mouth again and drew it in  
She held it in for as long as she could and exhaled  
She stared down at it and finally let out a sigh of resignation  
She sat back down and tried to smoke it before Alucard came back

Alucard walked in and Ella looked at him  
He sighed knowing she was up to no good  
It was the fact that she was looking at him with deer in the headlight eyes that tipped him off  
He frowned and sniffed the air  
His eyes opened in disbelief and he looked at Ella  
"Where did you get it?"  
She let out a stream of smoke "I found it in my smokes, I didn't realize what I was lighting until I smoked it"  
He glared "You will get kicked out for this"  
She gasped in horror  
He continued "Unless you pass some over here"  
Ella sighed and held it out  
Alucard came over and took a big draw before coughing  
They continued passing the joint back between the two of them until it was gone  
Alucard frowned "It's gone"  
Ella sighed "I know where we can get more"

Integra walked into Ella's room and found her and Alucard staring blankly at the TV  
She frowned "Ella, Alucard, what are you doing?"  
Alucard looked up and smiled "TEGRA! hey give me a hug"  
Integra looked stunned  
"SHHHHH" Ella muttered "It's the best part"  
Integra looked at the TV and couldn't believe what they were watching  
The DVD player logo was bouncing across screen  
Ella shook her head "That was awesome"  
Alucard frowned at her  
Integra sighed, everything was normal  
Then Alucard spoke  
"You didn't get it, it wasn't just moving, it was floating along in a sea of despair, it's all alone in there, no one understands it, it's just floating along"  
Ella looked up at him with awe "Wow, Red that was beautiful, it was so deep" she held a hand to her heart "So deep"  
He nodded  
They stared at the TV again  
Integra frowned and sniffed the air "What's that smell"  
Alucard didn't even look up "Incense"  
Ella giggled  
Integra sighed in frustration "This idiot box has wasted your brain, go outside, now"  
They didn't move  
She glared "THAT'S AN ORDER"  
Ella got up "Wait I need my smokes"  
Alucard nodded "Don't forget them"  
She picked up her bag and walked out  
They were half way up the stairs when Ella missed a step and fell back onto Alucard  
Alucard lost his balance and they both fell down the steps  
They lay at the bottom and Ella muttered "Whoa, I just had the strangest feeling I was falling"  
Alucard looked at her "Wow, me too"  
Integra frowned "What is wrong with you both"

After falling down the stairs twice and walking into a wall Ella was outside  
Alucard had only fallen down one other time, but he hit the wall twice  
Integra glared "Stay out here until you stop being stupid"  
Ella nodded  
Alucard looked up "Wow, it's like I'm outside or something"  
Integra huffed and slammed the door  
Ella looked around "Man, I am so hungry"  
Alucard looked at her "I swear to god the moon just winked at me"  
Ella looked up "That's deep man"

Anderson stood in the distance and cursed  
He had been watching it through binoculars and knew that plan A hadn't worked  
He sighed  
"Onto plan B" he muttered


	32. prep and party

WHOOO

WHOOO

THANKS TO (takes deep breath)

SweetYuya

watergoddesskasey

Raven06

Dark-flame-girl

WannaBeNinja

AND

clusterlizard1

WHOOO, I HAVN'T SLEPT FOR 48 HOURS,  
I KEEP GETTING BRAIN FARTS  
(That creates a strange mental image for me)  
WHOO,  
I BET YOU GUYS ARE PSYCHED THOUGH  
WHOOOO  
FOOTBALL (Not even I know why that's there)

Ella looked over and saw Alucard staring at the bud of weed  
she sat up and got out of bed "What's up big Red?"  
He frowned and said "What do we do with it?"  
Ella stood next to him and frowned "Dunno, What do you think?"  
He sighed thoughtfully "Throw it away?"  
Ella gasped "Are you mad, at worst we sell it, get some money"  
He laughed "My little mercenary"  
She shrugged unfazed "We spent money on it, seems like a waste"  
He nodded they stared down at for a while  
Finally Alucard said "What if we just, you know, put it away in a draw for now, decide later?"  
Ella nodded quickly "Yeah, in a draw, just until we decide what to do with it"  
He nodded and put it in her underwear draw  
they stared at the draw for a while  
Ella smiled ruefully "How long do you think we will last?"  
He frowned "Until?"  
She laughed "Until we give up and smoke it?"  
He smiled "I'll be generous**,** a week"  
Ella laughed and lent against him "Yeah right"

**MEANWHILE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ISLAND** _(I always wanted to say that)  
_Anderson sat in front of his computer and smiled  
Plan B would start in one week's time  
He laughed with glee

Ella, Sarah and Alucard all ran into the room  
Ella looked at Integra apologetically "I'm sorry we're late"  
She nodded briskly and motioned for them to sit down  
Ella was slightly shocked to see Walter, Jeeves and the rest of Pip's group, The Wild Geese, there  
Integra nodded to them all "Some of you may know what I am about to say, but for the rest of you" She looked at Ella and co.  
"In three days time I will be hosting a party for the Hellsing members, a little thank you so to speak"  
Ella and Sarah yelled "YEAH" and gave each other a high five  
Ella smiled "Will there be party bags? I love party bags"  
Sarah smiled "I hope there's musical chairs, that game kicks ass"  
Pip looked over "I love musical chairs, I haven't played it in ages"  
Integra sighed in frustration "There will be no party bags or musical chairs"  
Seras frowned "I hope we're not going to play pin the tail on the donkey, No offence but I imagine that Ella and Sarah would hit a wall or fall down"  
Ella nodded "Sadly it's true"  
Sarah added "It's the spinning part that gets us"  
Ella added "Every time"  
Integra gritted her teeth and sent both girls a piercing look "By party I mean a grown ups party"  
Ella grimaced "She's all yours boss"  
Integra let out a sigh  
Alucard grinned "You're very brave master, setting these two free on the unsuspecting public, it's sneaky and down right evil, I love it"  
Integra nodded to Walter who came over and handed Ella and Sarah a stack of cards  
Ella frowned in confusion "What's this?"  
Integra smiled at Alucard "I never leave anything to chance" She looked back at Ella "Those are your conversation cards"  
Ella and Sarah shared a 'WTF' glance  
Integra walked up and down an imaginary line "You are to study them, memorize them, you are to speak nothing but your name and what is on those cards"  
Sarah looked bewildered "Why?"  
Integra gave her a look that said 'That was a stupid question' and replied "So the night of the party you don't embarrass yourselves"  
Alucard muttered "Or the rest of us"  
Integra ignored him but a smile snuck through on her face "Besides it will make you seem enigmatic"  
Ella let out a horrified gasp "You want to make us seem DISEASED!?"  
The silence that followed was almost overwhelming  
After a few minutes Integra nodded slowly and muttered "Moving on"  
Pip grinned "Well at least your point was proved correct"  
Seras grinned and added "Beautifully"  
Alucard just rubbed a hand up and down Ella's back and sighed "Once again my woman does me proud"  
Pip frowned "You're talking about sex now? My friend this is not the time or place"  
Integra looked horrified "Dear god, Whatever Ella has it's contagious"  
Ella gasped and went pale "Oh god, I have something"  
Sarah ran up and hugged Ella tightly, she wailed "I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE"  
Ella's lower lip trembled and she sobbed "I don't wanna die either"  
Alucard let out a sigh and gave Integra a look that said 'I blame you'  
Integra sat down and let out a weary sigh, it was going to take a while to convince Ella and Sarah that neither of them was in danger of dying from a terrible disease, Integra just wasn't sure they were safe from her.

Ella was frowning, she had developed a pounding headache and learned something new, vampires could get headaches  
Sadly that was all she had learnt so far  
She heard _THUD, THUD, THUD, THUD _the sound of a head hitting a wall or desk_  
_And knew Sarah was having just as hard a time as her  
Ella let out a sigh "We are so screwed aren't we"  
Sarah nodded glumly "I think we're going to have to politician it"  
Ella looked up "Wha?"  
Sarah smiled "Talk about things we have no idea about, but just make it sound as though we do"  
Ella nodded and sighed again "I really don't want to disappoint Integra"  
Sarah looked at her with a strange expression on her face "Ella"  
"Yeah honey"  
"Are we really stupid?"  
Ella smiled gently "No, of course not"  
Sarah let out a sigh of relief  
Ella continued "We're just slightly stupid"  
Sarah thought it over then nodded "I can live with that, alright lets practice the biggest bullshit we will ever say"  
Ella nodded "You go first"  
Sarah cleared her throat and begun "The state of today's government"  
_THUD_  
Ella whacked her head on the table

Alucard was walking through the halls when he heard  
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH"  
He immediately went to see what was freaking Sarah out, then heard  
"AHHHHHHHHHHH"  
He knew the second one was Ella, so he sped up  
He went into the room and looked around  
Sarah was sitting on a chair with her head in her hands sobbing  
Ella was pounding her head against the desk she was sitting at  
And yes she too was sobbing  
He sighed "What's wrong little mental and mentally unstable"  
Sarah looked up and gave him a watery smile "I have my own nickname"  
Ella also looked at him with watery eyes "That's so sweet Red"  
He shrugged "What happened?"  
They both simultaneously burst into tears  
Alucards male genes kicked in and he looked around alarmed  
"Oh god, stop crying"  
He tentatively patted Sarah on the shoulder (because she was closer) and looked about as lost as the pope in a brothel  
"Um, it will be ok?"  
They continued crying  
Alucard looked around the room trying to find some unknown answer to make them stop  
He looked over at the shelves and inspiration struck  
He walked over and grabbed the object down before turning around

He held out a crystal griffin and said in a high pitched tone that was one octave away from panic  
"Look shiny"  
Ella and Sarah both looked up and muttered "Oh shiny"  
The tears stopped  
Alucard let out a sigh and knew if he was in a cartoon he would have had an anime sweat drop on his forehead  
He looked at them and said in a soothing tone "What happened?"  
Ella looked at him "Oh god Red, this stuff is impossible to focus on and remember"  
Sarah wailed "We're going to embarrass everyone like you said"  
Alucard glared, he couldn't help it "That's it? You're screaming and crying because of notes"  
They nodded  
He sighed "My little mentals, you should know by now it's impossible to embarrass me, Pip wouldn't give a shit, Seras would probably join you"  
Ella sighed "But Integra?"  
"Integra will live; she knows the chances of you pulling this off are slim to nil"  
Ella glared "What are you implying hmm?"  
He quickly mentally backtracked and whispered "Shit" he looked over and put on his 'Hey I was joking' smile and said "Just a joke love, I know you will do the best you can"  
She smiled "That's beautiful love"  
Sarah let out a sob "You two were made for each other, like bonnie and Clyde, Adam and eve, sonny and cher"  
Alucard frowned "Wait, sunny and cher aren't together"  
Sarah frowned "Whoops"  
Ella shrugged "It' the thought that counts"  
Alucard sat down "Alright my mentally unstable loves, lets get to work"

They spent the rest of the night going over the notes and mentally review all they had learned (Which sadly wasn't much)  
Ella yawned  
Alucard looked over "Time for bed I think"  
The girls nodded and stood up  
They hugged goodnight and left to get some much needed sleep

The next night was the same, except for one very large difference  
Integra could be heard yelling at someone and barking orders around  
Ella frowned in concern "She's really taking this seriously"  
Alucard nodded "The other members see her as a small woman who in their minds should be raising a family instead of battling vampires"  
Sarah grinned "I wonder what they will say when they discover the Hellsing vampire count has gone from one, to two and now four"  
Alucard had a twinkle in his eyes "Integra isn't going to share that little tidbit of knowledge till the end"  
Ella looked over "Why?"  
He grinned "These are very arrogant men, they claim they can tell a vampire in any crowd, so she's interested in seeing if any of them pick out the two of you as vampires"  
Ella laughed "Sneaky, I love it"  
Sarah cleared her throat "I really, really, really hate being the reasonable one, but we still have study to do"  
Ella crinkled her nose "buzz"  
Sarah glared "I am not a buzz"  
Ella laughed "Pfft, you're a total buzz"  
Alucard looked over "Are you saying 'buzz' or 'spazz' cause if its spazz I agree"  
Sarah threw a cushion at him  
Ella sighed "What is the stock market?"  
Alucard looked at her with surprise in his eyes "You don't know?"  
She shrugged "I know it's a place a hell of a lot of men cram into a tiny room and wave pieces of paper around screaming 'waffles' and 'Soya' but that's the extent of my knowledge"  
Alucard sighed "Great, looks like we're pulling another all nighter

_THE NEXT NIGHT_  
Ella was cursing , they only had that night to cram, the next night was the party  
Thinking about the party Ella sat up and let out a gasp of horror  
Sarah and Alucard looked at her quickly  
"Oh my god" Ella whispered  
"What?" Alucard glared  
Ella looked at Sarah and jumped up and grabbed her bag "QUICK SARAH, GRAB YOUR BAG WE HAVE TO GO"  
She looked confused "Go where?"  
Ella looked at her "The party is TOMORROW"  
Comprehension dawned in Sarah's eyes and she whispered "Good god, do we have time?"  
Ella looked grim "I hope so"  
Alucard looked back and forth between them "Anyone care to tell me what's going on?"  
Ella looked over "We need clothes"  
He frowned in confusion "But you have a cupboard filled with clothes not to mention your draw"  
Ella waved his words away "Those aren't Integra party clothes"  
He looked over "What?"  
Sarah gasped "OH MY GOD, WE NEED SHOES" She wailed  
Alucard looked into Ella's cupboard "Ella you have about a million shoes, you don't need more right?"  
Ella snorted and she and Sarah shared a look that said 'men' and turned and left

Ella squealed in pleasure, there it was, the perfect adult party dress (That sounds porn starish)  
She held it up against her, it had a corset style bodice, and the skirt was like scarves sewn onto the end of the bodice, it came to knee length at its longest and stopped short of flashing her bits at the smallest, it was a shimmery silver color and when she tried it on, it fit  
Ella twirled in the dress and smiled "Like a glove" she muttered (_ACE VENTURA_)  
She walked out and showed Sarah,  
Sarah smiled and gave her the thumbs up  
Ella went back and changed, carrying the dress reverently she stood waiting for Sarah's dress  
She didn't have long to wait, when she came out Ella let out a wolf whistle  
Sarah was wearing a forest green dress that went brilliantly with her red hair,  
The dress was practically backless save for some material that criss crossed  
It V'd down showing off her cleavage and was knee length with a slit up the left side, showing leg whenever she moved  
Sarah gently patted the dress like a newborn baby and went to get changed  
That done they purchased their outfits and started on the shoes  
Sarah found a pair of forest green stilettos and was instantly in love  
Ella fell deeply in love with two different pairs  
One was a sparkly silver 6inch killer heel stiletto, it had straps across the ankle, but hey she could live with that  
The second pair was a mid thigh high boots, black in color, they looked as though they were made from suede, they felt so soft, she knew she would have no choice but to buy them now,  
She let out a sigh and grabbed them as well as the shoes  
She looked at Sarah and instantly felt better  
It was always good when you were on a spending spree when looking for one thing, but Ella wasn't the only one with extra things, in her hands Sarah had three boxes of shoes.

The night of the party arrived and Ella had showered and was now applying makeup when Alucard came in  
"What the hell is that" He frowned  
She let out a sigh "This is moisturizer, this is foundation, this is blush, this is eye shadow, the one I'm doing now is eyeliner, that one I plan to use next is mascara, then I will apply lip liner, and lastly lipstick"  
He looked lost  
Ella took pity on him "Its face stuff for girls"  
His confusion cleared "Oh, what is that delicious smell"  
Ella sent him a wink (Much harder to do when applying eyeliner) and smiled "It's my perfume, you like"  
He bent down and sniffed her neck, she shuddered and blew out a breath  
"Stop it Red"  
He let out a sigh "Alright how much longer?"  
She glared at him "I still have to finish my makeup, then put on my dress, then my shoes, then we can go"  
He nodded and wandered away

They stood upstairs in the shadows watching the people for a minute before Alucard offered his arm  
Ella looked surprised and her frowned and made a mental note to treat her courteously more often  
He grinned, it threw her off balance

The party had been in full swing for over an hour now  
Alucard had only just left her alone and she sighed in relief  
A man smiled and approached her "Hello my dear, I'm Samuel" He kissed her hand and she suppressed the urge to giggle

she nodded "I'm Ella"  
He smiled "A beautiful name for a beautiful woman"  
She nodded "An awkward one for a man"  
He grinned "Indeed, though I must admit I knew a man named Caroline, his parents thought they were having a girl and when he was born they didn't want to send anything back or change any details, so alas, Caroline he is"  
Ella laughed softly and pulled out one of the cards Walter had given them  
She cleared her throat and said "The subject of whaling"  
He blinked "Excuse me"  
She nodded "How do you fell about whales being killed so viciously"

Alucard turned and couldn't help but eavesdrop  
The first one said "Fuck she's hot"  
The second made a sound of agreement  
The first whistled "He is shameless when it comes one night stands"  
The second thought about it "You think he'll do the same to her"  
First one replied "Wouldn't surprise me at all"  
Alucard growled and they turned suddenly and went pale when they saw him  
Alucard grinned and showed his fangs "That's my woman you're talking about and calling cheap"  
The men whimpered out apologies  
Alucard turned and walked over to Ella

Alucard looked down at the man  
The guy didn't even bother to look up "Go away, I'm busy"  
Alucard said sweetly "But she's taken"  
The man snorted "I see no ring which means either you're making the stuff up or whoever she's with doesn't want to make her legally his"  
Alucard growled and the man turned  
He fainted when he saw Alucard was the man he had been dismissing  
Ella looked down at the unconscious man and shrugged  
Alucard took a seat and muttered "About marking you as mine"  
Ella gave him a look that said 'continue at own risk' and said "You're not pissing on me and that's that"

The rest of the night went better then Integra expected,  
Sure there had been a few hiccups, like when Ella and Sarah had dragged out chairs and tried to convince everyone to play musical chairs, then there was when Ella stood on a table and sung, afterwards she got down and denied it ever happened  
But they seemed to have studied the card so that was a plus  
Everyone finally left and Integra let out a sigh of relief

Ella was quite proud, sure if you ignore the whole musical chairs thing and the singing (Which she would deny until the day she died)  
She and Sarah had spilt their drinks on their cards and had to improvise but it seemed to be fine  
Alucard came in laughing "I can't believe you talked to a man, about the difference between butter and I can't believe it's not butter, for an hour"  
She shrugged "I thought he was riveted"  
He grinned "And what was your other topic, ah yes why rich people spent there money on gross food like fish eggs and snails, when they could be buying McDonalds every night"  
Ella shrugged and undressed "I believe he thought it was fascinating"  
He snorted "I've never seen a man more petrified in my life"  
She glared at him and went into the bathroom to wash off all her makeup  
That done they got into bed

Ella was glowing in the aftermath of sex and drifting off to sleep when she felt Alucard looking at her  
She opened her eyes and smiled at him  
Her smile turned into a concerned look "Red" she whispered sleepily  
He shook his head and kissed her gently "Go to sleep, I have something I need to work out in my mind before I talk to you about it"  
Normally she would argue but she was just to tired  
So instead she reached out and grabbed his hand, she squeezed it once then let go  
She turned on her side and he wrapped his arms around her, one of his hands cupping her breast  
She was asleep five minutes later.

_FOUR HOURS LATER_  
Alucard gently shook Ella awake  
She frowned and looked at him with sleepy eyes "What's wrong my love"  
He stared down at her and said "I was thinking that unless I mark you someway other men may believe you're single"  
She let out a sigh followed by a yawn "Red, I told you time and again already, I love you but you're not pissing on me"  
He kissed her temple and whispered "How about you marry me instead?"


	33. The Pot Plot

clusterlizard1

_**clusterlizard1**_

_**Dark-flame-girl**_

_**WannaBeNinja**_

_**SweetYuya**_

_**watergoddesskasey**_

AND OF COURSE MY ADORABLE SARAH _**Raven06**_

AND THANK YOU TO _**MistressLilium**_  
FOR GIVING ME THIS IDEA FOR THE STORY,  
CHECK HER OUT  
IN FACT CHECK OUT ALL THESE PEOPLE CAUSE THEY ROCK SO HARD I'M HUNG OVER FROM THINKING ABOUT THEM  
LOL'

Ella yawned and rolled back over muttering "K" and closed her eyes  
Her eyes snapped open and she realized what he had said  
She squeaked out "Did you just ask me to MARRY YOU?"  
Alucard smiled his smug little grin and nodded "You accepted so no turning back  
She looked at him with an expression of shock "WHEN?"  
He shrugged and rolled onto his side "Just before you said and I quote 'K'"  
Ella sat up suddenly  
_THUD_  
she whacked her head on something "OW, WHAT THE FUCK!"  
She held up her hands and felt solidness under them  
She frowned in confusion and thought of her bed, nope something was wrong, her bed wasn't that low  
She stretched out her leg and ended up kicking something hard and solid  
"SON OF A BITCH! ALUCARD!" She yelled  
He raised an eyebrow "And you need to yell why?"  
She glared down at him and gritted her teeth together "Where the fuck are we"  
He looked bored "In bed, remember we fucked then you went to sleep, then you agreed to marry me, now here we are"  
Ella gave him a 'Watch it mister' look "This isn't my bed"  
He said nothing but had a slight smile on his face  
Ella fluttered her lashes and said sweetly "Do you ever want to fuck again? hmmm, because if you do ANSWER ME!"  
He shrugged "I can live without fucking"  
She gapped at him in horror "WHAT?"  
He looked up at her "We still have making love, having sex, one night stands"  
She interrupted "You can't have a one night stand when you're in a relationship, well you can, but if you ever cheat on me" She punched him  
He glared and rubbed his arm "What was that for"  
She sniffed "It's for bringing up the idea that you were going to cheat on me"  
He yelled "I AM NOT GOING TO CHEAT ON YOU, KILL YOU MAYBE, POSSIBLY, HOPEFULLY, BUT CHEAT ON YOU, NO!!"  
She hugged him and sobbed "THAT IS THE SWEETEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD"  
Alucard mentally thanked whoever it was that treated her like shit  
It meant that he could insult her then hit someone else who insulted her and she loved it  
She also went all huggy and shit when he told her he could kill her but no one else was allowed to touch her  
And who said he wasn't romantic

Ella looked down at him and frowned slightly "Red? Why do you want to marry me?"  
He shrugged "I thought I would let the rest of the world off the hook and marry you before some other poor bastard got stuck with the job"  
She laughed and gave him a smacking kiss "But you still haven't answered my question"  
He glared "I just did"  
She shook her head "No, Where the fuck are we?"  
He sighed "You remember that but forget to take alfoil out of the microwave a minute after I tell you not to put alfoil in the microwave"  
Ella laughed "Yeah, how pissed do you think Integra will be when she finds out"  
He grinned "Very"  
She glared "Do you want me to get in trouble Red?"  
He thought about it "It would fulfill one of m fantasy's about you getting spanked by Integra"  
Ella blinked "Integra spanks?"  
He kept the grin off his face and replied in a serious tone "Oh god yes, she has a hairbrush she uses, and if you're really naughty she brings out the belt"  
Ella looked at him with a horrified expression "She is so never spanking you again, that's my job"  
It was his turn to look confused "You want to spank me?"  
She shrugged "I believe I've earned it, what with coping with your childish mood swings and all"  
"I AM NOT CHILDISH, NOR DO I HAVE MOOD SWINGS!"  
Ella gave him a 'bullshit' look "Ah huh"  
He sat up quickly  
_THUD_  
Ella laughed "TAKE THAT BITCH!"  
He looked shocked "Did you just call me _a bitch_?"  
She shook her head "Nope, I called you bitch, not a bitch, just bitch"  
He laughed "Talk about pot calling the kettle black, how did we get on to this conversation anyway?"  
She shrugged "Integra spanking"  
Ella sat up suddenly  
_THUD_  
Alucard laughed "WHO'S THE BITCH _NOW_"  
Ella ignored that "RED, I HAVE THE BEST IDEA ABOUT WHAT TO DO WITH THE POT!"  
She looked around and frowned "What happened to my bed?"  
He let out a sigh "Let's get some sleep"  
She frowned "What about my idea, and when did my bed get so tiny and walled?"  
He lay back down and pulled her with him  
She settled back and let out a yawn  
She was almost asleep when he muttered "I had your bed turned into a coffin"  
_THUD_  
Ella rubbed her head and screeched "WHAT"  
He laughed

Ella was sitting with the others in the study eyeing off Integra and trying to imagine her in a dominatrix outfit with Alucard chained up and her spanking him  
Ella blinked suddenly when she discovered she could actually picture it  
Sarah looked over at her "What's with the expression"  
Ella shrugged "Just picturing Integra decked out and whipping Alucard"  
Sarah stared at Integra in silence for a moment before saying "Huh, I'll be damned I can see it too"  
They both looked at her and Integra yelled "WHAT IS THE RULE ABOUT STARING AT ME"  
Ella and Sarah quickly looked away and Sarah whispered "I don't want her to spank me"  
Ella nodded  
Alucard came in and looked over at Ella "Ready to go"  
Ella jumped up and smiled, she ran over to him and whispered "Where are we going?"  
He shrugged "The courthouse"  
She frowned "Why?"  
He gave her a look that said 'that was stupid' and replied "Remember, getting married"  
Ella let out a horrified gasp and yelled "YOU WANT TO MARRY ME TONIGHT IN A _COURTHOUSE_?"  
Integra and Pip looked shocked  
Seras and Sarah looked horrified  
Integra looked at Alucard "You're going to get married, TO ELLA?"  
Seras looked over and glared "IN A COURTHOUSE?"  
Ella looked around the room and pouted "I haven't even gotten a ring"  
Sarah let out a gasp "NO"  
Ella nodded  
Seras glared at Alucard "Master, how could you be so cruel"  
He looked around in confusion "WHAT?"  
Sarah glared at him "Who do you think that girl is, next thing you'll be suggesting a cheap tacky Vegas wedding, followed by a heart shaped bed with satin sheets and a mirror overhead"  
Ella looked horrified then frowned at Sarah "What's wrong with Vegas?"  
Sarah shrugged "Britney made it tacky and cheap and wrong"  
Ella nodded "True"  
She turned back to Alucard "If you really want to do this then we do it right"  
He frowned "What's right"  
Ella smiled "The dress, the shoes"  
Seras added "The bridesmaids"  
Sarah grinned "The hens night"  
Pip smiled "The bucks night"  
Integra looked around "YOU'RE ALL MAD"  
Ella smiled at her "Naturally Sarah will be my maid of honor"  
Sarah squealed and started to cry  
Ella continued "But you and Seras will be my bridesmaids"  
Integra looked surprised and sat down  
Ella added "If Red still wants to go through with it"  
He frowned "How long will it take"  
The women laughed  
He looked around "WHAT?"  
Ella grinned "That's funny Red, we have about three months ahead of us"  
Alucard nodded "Ok, and what's the shortest amount of time"  
Ella looked at the other girls and they laughed again  
He threw up his hands "WHAT?"  
Sarah smiled "Three months is the shortest length of time there is"  
He looked at Ella with a lost look "Why?"  
She smiled and took pity on him "You can be in charge of finding me an engagement ring"  
She looked at Pip "You help him"  
Pip nodded  
Ella sat back and smiled "Now, where to have it"  
Alucard and Pip practically ran out of the room

Later on in the day (well night) Ella tracked down Alucard  
She grinned "Red"  
He looked at her "What?" he sounded wary  
She grinned "Time to put our pot plan into action"  
He looked confused "What pot plot?"  
She grinned and sat down

"And that's my plan" she looked at him  
He looked blankly back  
She smiled "What do you think"  
The blank look stayed "Ella, honey, love, you didn't actually tell me the plan, you just sat down and said 'And that's my plan'"  
She laughed "My bad, Ok, here's the plan"

Alucard let out a laugh "Oh my god, that's so evil, its so sneaky, I love it, lets do it"  
Ella got up and looked down at her watch "We have about an hour"  
He nodded "That should be long enough"

Ella stood in the kitchen with Alucard  
Every now and then she would let out a evil cackle that freaked out Alucard  
She did it again  
He glared at her "STOP IT"  
She pouted  
He sighed and gritted his teeth "You can do your evil laugh, but not your witches cackle"  
Ella smiled up at him "Ok"  
"MWAHAHAHAHA"  
He sighed, this had better work out or else he would be in a shit load of trouble

Integra frowned when Walter brought in the tea tray  
"Have you found out anything yet?"  
Walter poured the tea and placed a chocolate brownie on a plate "Not yet Sir, no one knows what Ella and Alucard are up to, but we will find out soon enough"  
Integra nodded and took a sip of tea  
She frowned at the brownie, they were her indulgences  
She let out a sigh and took a bite  
Walter turned to leave with the tray  
"Walter wait"  
He stopped "Yes sir?"  
She sighed again "Leave the brownies"

Ella lit up a smoke and looked down at her watch  
She let out a laugh  
In twenty minutes they would go check on Integra  
Even Alucard was grinning like an idiot  
Ella glared at him "STOP THAT"  
He looked perplexed "Stop what?"  
She glared and pointed at him "Stop looking happy, it's out of character and I could get in trouble"  
He frowned "By who"  
Ella looked up  
(AUTHOR NODS AT HER)  
She looked at Alucard "No one you know"  
He glared "Ella what the fuck is going through that head of yours"  
She smiled "That's better"

Ella and Alucard heard giggling from Integra's study and smiled at each other  
They walked in and found Integra stuffing her face with brownies  
She looked over "ALUCARD, ELLA YAY MY FRIENDS"  
Ella laughed  
Alucard reached into his sleeve and pulled out long line of colored handkerchiefs  
Integra sat down "Whoa, that's magical"  
Pip and Seras walked in  
Integra giggled and pointed to Pip "Hey I know that fellow, you've seen me naked"  
Seras slapped Pip in the stomach  
Pip doubled over and gasped out "Vampire strength love"  
Seras smiled sweetly "I know, doesn't it come in handy"  
Integra looked at Seras "WHOA, YOUR BOOBS ARE HUGE, NOT JUST THAT'S BIG HUGE, BUT HUGELY HUGE"  
Ella laughed  
Integra looked at her "HEY I KNOW YOU"  
Ella doubled over laughing  
Integra joined in for no reason  
Walter entered the room "Pardon me Sir, you have a phone call"  
Alucard looked alarmed "NO CALLS"  
Walter blinked and looked at Integra  
Integra was playing with the stapler, every time it stapled something she would let out a scream then laugh and do it again  
Walter nodded "No calls" and left  
Integra looked over at the cross on the wall "HEY LOOK ITS THE LETTER T"  
Ella fell over, she was laughing so hard  
Integra looked at Alucard and grinned "Your sexy, but I don't want you anymore, I did want you, but not now Ella's here, now she wants you, I've seen you two have sex, I knew I shouldn't have watched but I did"  
Ella stopped laughing  
Pip and Seras started laughing  
Alucard looked horrified "YOU SAW ME NAKED?"  
Integra nodded "You look great naked, You have a penis"  
Ella started laughing again  
Integra turned to her "I see you naked lots"  
Ella nodded "Many people do"  
Integra nodded again "I've seen you dance, I was like WHOA, then when you two had sex and I watched I was DOUBLE WHOA, how do you do that thing with your legs? doesn't it hurt?"  
Ella went bright red  
Alucard laughed  
Integra jumped up and clapped her hands "LETS PLAY TWISTER"  
Pip looked hopeful "Naked twister?"  
Ella looked at him "You really want Alucard to play naked twister with you?"  
Pip went white "Oh god, mental picture, SERAS HELP ME, I AM PICTURING ALUCARD NAKED"  
Integra nodded "ME TOO"  
Everyone looked at her  
She clapped her hands "YAY PEOPLE ARE PAYING ATTENSION TO ME"  
Alucard stood behind Ella and whispered "You know we're both going to die when she comes down"  
Ella grinned "But its going to be worth it"  
Alucard looked over, Integra was twirling in circles  
He grinned and nodded "True"

They were outside now  
Ella lit a smoke and smiled  
Integra was running around laughing her ass off at nothing  
Pip kept looking at Ella with admiration, so she knew that he guessed what was going on  
Seras was confused and wondered if they should call the doctor  
Alucard had shrugged and muttered "Only if she starts convulsing or frothing at the mouth"  
Seras now kept close watch on Integra's mouth  
Sarah walked over and stood next to Ella "Hash cookies?"  
Ella smiled and drew on her smoke "Brownies"  
Sarah let out an "Ah" and continued to watch the show  
Integra turned and looked at the roof "OH MY GOD WE HAVE A CHELIHOPTER"  
Ella smiled, revenge was good  
She didn't realize she had said that out loud until Sarah frowned at her "What'd Integra do"  
Ella shrugged "When me and Red got stoned the other day she put us outside"  
Sarah nodded "And then"  
"Then she locked the doors so we couldn't get back inside"  
"And then"  
"Then she refused us food when we had the munchies"  
"And then"  
"Get this they got me a coffin"  
Sarah made a 'Ew' face "And then"  
Ella shrugged "She teases us for looking and acting like idiots"  
"And then"  
"NO AND THEN"  
"And then"  
"NO AND THEN"  
"And then"  
"NO MORE AND THEN"  
They were quiet for a few minutes watching Integra  
Sarah smiled "And then"  
Ella hit her  
Sarah hit her back  
Alucard came over "What is going on"  
They hit him

Integra ran over to them "OH MY FUCKING GOD, I AM SOOO HUNGRY"  
Ella grinned "Welcome to the munchies phase"  
Integra looked around and smiled "Thanks I'm happy to be here"  
Alucard took her arm and steered her inside

They sat in the kitchen and Integra was going through the cupboards muttering "Chocolate, must have chocolate"  
She opened a cupboard, shut it, then opened it again  
After a few minutes of doing that to the same cupboard she fell to the floor and started to cry  
"WHERE IS MY CHOCOLATE"  
Pip and Alucard looked alarmed and Alucard looked at Ella with puppy eyes that said 'make it stop'  
Ella just smiled and yelled "WALTER"  
Walter came in a few minutes later and found a sobbing Integra on the floor  
He looked over at Sarah and Ella and frowned "Were you two staring again"  
They shook their heads  
Integra sobbed out "Chocolate"  
Walter looked over and walked up to a cupboard next to the one Integra had opened and closed repeatedly and reached in and brought out a box of chocolates  
"Here you are Sir, chocolates"  
Integra looked up and grabbed them "MINE"  
She ripped open the box and grabbed a handful of chocolate, she shoved it into her mouth and smeared it on her face  
Ella grinned and motioned Alucard over to her  
He bent down and Ella whispered something in his ear  
He grinned and left the room

Integra was standing in front of a mirror talking to the person inside it, she still had chocolate all over her face  
Alucard came into the room and handed Ella her camera  
Ella grinned and got up, she walked over to Integra  
"Let's take a photo of you with your new friend"  
Integra smiled and wrapped her arm around the mirror  
Ella took a couple of shots and smiled "Great"  
Integra smiled and waved goodbye to her new friend  
Ella took a photo of that too  
She skipped out of the room  
CLICK  
She frowned and wondered why everything suddenly felt strange  
Ella lowered the camera and sighed "Alright, Seras, Pip and Sarah get out"  
They all looked at her and glared  
She sent them all a look that had them turning and leaving  
Integra started breathing heavily  
Ella sat back and waited  
She didn't have long to wait  
Integra looked at her with tears in her eyes "Ella, I'm trapped in this room and the walls are closing in"  
Ella sighed, damn it, Integra was a person who started to have a freak-out when they began to crash  
She walked over to her slowly and pointed to Alucard "You see that red man?"  
Integra nodded  
Ella whispered "He's going to stop the walls from closing and we're going out"  
Integra let out a sigh of relief "Where are we going?"  
Ella muttered "Somewhere very public for when you come down"  
Integra nodded and skipped out of the room  
Ella frowned, maybe she wasn't coming down, she could have had a minor freak-out, Ella had suffered two of those before  
She grinned, Time for finger painting

CLICK  
Integra grinned, she had paint all over her hands and face  
Ella laughed and sat down to take another photo  
Alucard stood in the corner cleaning his guns  
Ella sighed, she was bored  
She looked down and saw the tiles on the floor  
She frowned thoughtfully and stood up  
She looked out into the hall and saw it was also tiles and grinned to herself  
She had an idea

Ella left Alucard in charge of amusing Integra and feeding her brownies and went on an errand  
She found the others sulking and immediately started to issue orders  
"Sarah, you go find as much liquid soap as you can, I want dishwashing detergent, hand washing liquid soap, in fact any liquid soap, GO"  
Sarah nodded and left  
Ella looked at Pip and Seras "I need a very long line of tarp, 20 meters aught to do, and I need some hoses, I'll be on the second level, yell out when you're there"  
They looked at each other and shrugged then left to grab the items  
Ella smiled and rubbed her hands together "This is going to be the best EVER"

Pip and Seras arrived with the tarp first and left to find a hose connection long enough to reach  
Ella set out the tarp  
Sarah came up and dropped a bunch of bottles of liquid soap before nodding to Ella and going to get more  
Integra was still giggling like a loon  
Alucard looked out at her and glared "What are you doing"  
Ella winked and blew him a kiss "You'll see"

Sarah was the first back; she dropped the soap and looked at Ella "What now?"  
Ella grinned and pointed at the pile of soap Sarah had first brought up  
Sarah frowned "They're empty"  
Ella nodded and laughed, she bent down and picked up a large bottle and opened the lid  
She turned it upside down and squeezed it out the length of the tarp  
Sarah's eyes widened in comprehension and she started to laugh  
She picked up a new bottle and tossed it to Ella, then opened one and started to help

Pip and Seras came back and threw down a hose  
Pip nodded at it "That handle you have to squeeze then the water will come out"  
Ella rubbed her hands together and yelled "ALUCARD, BRING INTEGRA, IT'S TIME!"  
Seras looked over "Time for what"  
Alucard came out with Integra and leant on the door jam  
Ella grinned and took off her shirt, shoes and pants  
Alucard gritted his teeth "Ella, why do you always take off your clothes"  
She looked down "I'm in my underwear"  
Sarah laughed and took off her shirt, shoes and pants  
Pip looked around "HELL YEAH!" he then took off his clothes "We having a naked party?"  
Ella laughed and picked up the hose and sprayed it all over the tarp  
She looked at Sarah "Wanna go together"  
Sarah grinned and nodded  
Both girls moved back and ran at the tarp before jumping on to their stomachs and sliding to the end  
Pip laughed until he was crying and ran up and jumped on for his turn  
He barreled into the girls and smiled "You made a slip and slide"  
Ella grinned and winked at him "Now the fun part of getting back"  
They stood up and fell straight back down  
Ella yelled out "Come on Integra, strip down and join us"  
Integra yelled out "WHEEE" And got undressed  
She slid up to them laughing her ass off  
All four of them were trying to stand and kept slipping and falling  
Pip yelled out "Come on Seras"  
Seras smiled  
Ella yelled out "PUSH RED"  
Alucard glared and walked through a wall  
Seras was running in her underwear and slid down  
Ella laughed "Thank god those puppies of yours are secured or else you could have knocked yourself out"  
Integra laughed "I love puppies"  
Alucard came half way out of the wall and looked down at Ella  
She grinned up at him and braced her legs on the wall before grabbing his arms and yanking him down  
He fell with a THUD and tried to get up, only to slip and fall down  
Integra got up and laughed at him, she took a step forward and slipped over  
Ella looked at Sarah "I think we may have used to much soap"  
Poe came barreling around the corner and ran onto the tarp  
Ella laughed her ass off at the sight of her kitten sliding along going "MEOW"  
Poe slid into Ella and she grinned down at her "See the slip and slide is a hit"  
Walter walked over and frowned "What are you all do AHH"  
THUD  
Ella laughed and started army crawling forward  
The others followed suit

After ten minutes they got to the start of it and Ella ran off  
She came back with a large kitchen tray  
She held it to her and ran  
She slid across the tarp with the tray underneath her and slammed into a wall  
She laughed "Yep, to much soap"  
Sarah grinned "Slide it this way"  
So they spent another two hours finding household objects and sliding along the floor with them

Ella stood next to Integra who had been strangely quiet for a while  
Integra finally looked at Ella, she had anger in her eyes and Ella knew she was no longer drugged up  
Ella did the only thing she could think of  
She picked up the hose and squirted Integra, then dropped it and slid away on the tarp

Anderson looked down at the group of men in front of him and held up a photo of Ella  
"You see this girl"  
The men nodded  
Anderson continued "I want her brought to me unharmed, do you understand, unharmed"  
They nodded again  
Anderson looked around "Now are the others in place"  
Again they nodded, the leader said "We have the distraction ready"  
Anderson frowned "And it's guaranteed to lure out the vampire Alucard"  
The leader smiled an evil grin "We have all been looking for a way to get back at him since he killed our friends"  
Anderson smiled "Excellent"  
The leader frowned "Are you sure this woman means something to him?"  
Anderson nodded "Oh yes, she means something to him alright and I guarantee that when he realizes she has been taken it will hurt him more then anything else ever could"  
The men laughed  
Anderson looked out the window "We begin in two days time"  
The leader grinned "I can't wait" and thought of everything he would love to do to the vampire Alucards woman  
He looked at the priest and smiled  
The stupid bastard didn't even realize they were going to double cross him,  
A chance to hurt the No Life King was something they had dreamed of  
He looked down at the photo of the laughing girl and gently traced the outline of her face  
She was stunning  
Oh yes, they were going to have some fun with that little lady  
He started to laugh  
The priest looked over and smiled at him  
Idiot.


	34. Rebels and Rings

I AM SO SORRY, MY SISTER HAD THIS REALLY BAD TOOTH PROBLEM,

**I AM SO SORRY, MY SISTER HAD THIS REALLY BAD TOOTH PROBLEM,  
BUT SHE HAD IT ON FRIDAY AND BECAUSE IT WAS A LONG WEEKEND  
(AUSTRALIA QUEENS BIRTHDAY)  
SHE COULDN'T GET IN TIL TUESDAY  
WHICH MEANT SHE NEEDED ME DOWN TO HELP HER WITH HER DEMONS... I MEAN CHILDREN  
SO NOT ONLY DID I HAVE NO TIME TO WRITE (OR TYPE) BUT I SPENT MY 20TH BDAY  
GETTING UP AT 6AM (I GO TO BED NORMALLY AT 6AM, SO THAT REALLY SUCKED DONKEY BALLS)  
BUT THEN THE PAIN GOT SO BAD FOR HER WE HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL  
WHICH MEANT MY BDAY WAS SPENT LOOKING AFTER A 5 YEAR OLD, TWIN 4 YEAR OLDS AND AN 11 MONTH OLD  
FOR 2 AND 1/2 HOURS  
IN A FUCKING HOSPITAL  
JOY  
WELL I'M BACK, SHE HAS A GAPPING HOLE WHERE HER TOOTH WAS, I'M STILL CHILDLESS AND CONSIDERING A HISTERECTAMY  
YOU GET YOUR ANGIL BACK  
EVERYBODY WINS  
HOORAY**

**ALSO IN MY STORY ALUCARD HAS NEVER BEEN MARRIED**

**IF YOU DONT LIKE IT (GIVES THE FINGER)  
IF YOU DO LIKE IT OR DONT CARE, DONT LOOK  
(HOLDS UP OTHER HAND AND GIVES FINGER TOO)**

**YOU KNOW THE DEAL READ AND REVIEW,  
ITS YOU'RE REVIEWS THAT GIVE ME IDEAS**

**PS WATERGODDESSKASEY YOUR POE IDEA WILL BE STOLEN AND USED IN ANOTHER ELLA/ALUCARD STORY  
SO THANKS**

**WOW THAT IS THE LONGEST AUTHORS NOTE**

**BEGIN  
**Anderson looked at the rebel vampires and nodded "It's time to begin"  
The rebel leader nodded to his men and smiled at Anderson  
Anderson looked up "How long will it take"  
The rebel looked over "We estimate around three days"  
Anderson made a fist and punched the wall "Can't we make it any faster"  
The rebel raised an eyebrow "No"  
Anderson gritted his teeth "Fine, but I want them watched, let me know whenever they leave and what they do"  
The rebel nodded "We're already on it"

Ella sighed and looked up  
She was sitting on the ground in a cell under Hellsing with her arms in shackles  
Turned out Integra didn't have much of a sense of humor when it came to drugging her  
Ella let out another sigh  
She had been shackled in the dungeon for forty eight hours, not fun  
She decided to sing to herself to pass the time

Ella got up to 56 bottles of beer on the wall before crying  
She hated that song  
She let out a "huh" and wondered why she had sung it in the first place when it always made her cry  
She heard a sound from outside the door and brightened  
Sarah came in and grinned "Sarah one, lock zero" she held up a bobby pin  
Ella smiled "YAY"  
Sarah grinned and walked over to work on Ella's shackles  
Integra walked in "Ahem"

Sarah glared at Ella "YOU'RE EVIL LUCK"  
Ella sighed and looked up at Sarah's shackles "I told you I was bad jail luck"  
Sarah huffed and turned her head "I'm not talking to you anymore"  
Ella let out a cry of despair "NO, OH GOD SARAH SPEAK TO ME"  
Sarah looked over and let out a sigh "Alright, but only because you're dying"  
Ella blinked "I am?"  
Sarah frowned "Am what?"  
Ella frowned "Dying?"  
Sarah gasped "YOU ARE?"  
Ella looked at her and frowned "Have you been watching Alice in Wonderland again?"  
Sarah smiled "So, how many people have seen you have sex?"  
Ella grimaced "To many"  
Sarah laughed then sighed "I miss sex"  
Ella looked at her "Want me to go into explicit detail about my sex life?"  
Sarah glared "Why would you do that?"  
Ella shrugged "You've done it for me, three times at last count"  
Sarah muttered "Oh yeah, well lead on McDuff"

Alucard was bored Integra had forbidden him from going to visit Ella  
She also told him communal visitation rights were out  
He let out a sigh  
Whatever Ella's dealer friends had given them had some serious extra bonuses with them  
Alucard mentally shrugged and decided to forbid Ella from seeing them again  
Last thing he needed was her locked in jail  
He thought about it and added 'again' to that statement  
God knows who she would demand he breakout with her next time  
Either way jail was out  
He wondered how much longer Integra would keep Ella locked up

Integra paced angrily around her office  
"ELLA IS GOING TO ROT IN THAT CELL, I WANT HER LEFT THERE FOREVER, I'LL LOCK HER IN THE SAME WAY WE HELLSINGS LOCKED IN THAT EVIL BASTARD WHO HELPED HER"  
She picked up a mug and threw it against the door  
_SMASH_  
"I CANNOT BELIEVE ALUCARD HELPED THAT...THAT THING DRUG ME, AND THEN SHE TELLS ME SHE HAS PHOTOGRAPHIIC EVIDENCE, I DIDN'T THINK SHE KNEW A WORD THAT BIG, THAT EVIL TWISTED BITCH!"  
Walter entered the room and cleared his throat "Pardon me Sir, but Misses Ella and Sarah are singing a rather risque ditty"  
Integra gritted her teeth "DON'T THOSE IDIOT OF A BLOODY WASTE OF SPACE GIRLS REALIZE THEY'RE BEING PUNISHED!"  
Walter was shocked, he hadn't seen Integra this angry since the Valentine brothers had destroyed part of the manor and killed practically all the staff, (Thus requiring him to hire the Wild Geese)  
Integra took a deep breath "Walter I want them separated, NOW!"  
Walter nodded "Yes sir"

Ella and Sarah were laughing and playing imaginary snap (Much easier then real snap)  
Walter walked in and cleared his throat "My pardon, but Miss Sarah you're being moved to a different cell"  
Sarah nodded and looked at Ella "I'll see you during regulation recreational activities and arts and crafts time"  
Ella nodded "Sure thing there Sarah"  
Sarah grinned "Getting out boss"  
Ella put on a serious expression "Getting out there Sarah"  
Walter unlocked the shackles  
Sarah looked at Ella "Unshackled boss"  
Ella replied "Unshackled there Sarah"  
Walter helped her up  
"Getting up here boss"  
"Get up there Sarah"  
"Walking out the room boss"  
"Walk out the room there Sarah"  
"Waving goodbye boss"  
"Wave goodbye there Sarah"  
"Waving to the pope boss"  
"Wave to the pope there Sarah"  
Walter sighed and shook his head "How anyone can stand the two of you for more then 10 minutes I'll never know" he mumbled under his breath

Ella frowned she could have sworn she saw something move in the corner  
She had a strange feeling that it wasn't good and let out a whimper  
She noticed something very large and very furry move slightly  
It was thin and long  
She noticed another,  
And another

And another  
Ella let out another whimper  
Four more thin, long and furry things emerged and Ella started to breath heavily  
She hoped to hell it wasn't what she thought it was  
She immediately tried to kill that thought and muttered out loud  
"If I think what I think then what I think might really be it, but if I don't think what I think then by not thinking I wont think what it is and it wont be thought"  
She let out a sigh "That's the thought I should be thinking"  
Two minutes later Ella let out a giant scream that echoed throughout the entire Hellsing manor

Alucard was sitting in his chair in his room sipping a glass of wine when he heard Ella scream  
He jumped out of his chair so fast, it flew backwards

Integra was sitting in her office going through paperwork when she heard it  
she jumped up and ran out of the room

Seras and Pip were kissing passionately and Seras let out a soft moan  
Pip moved his hands over her breasts and squeezed lightly  
they heard Ella's scream and broke apart  
they ran out of the room

Sarah was in her cell staring at the ceiling counting how long she could stare at the light before she had to look away  
She heard Ella scream and jumped up  
She pulled hard on the shackles and they ripped out of the wall and she went running to the door  
She ripped it off the hinges and ran

Ella had tears running down her cheeks but was completely unaware of them  
She was trembling and sweat ran down her back and chest  
She was whimpering and pulling on her shackles  
She had pulled so hard that blood ran down her wrists  
The cell she was in was the same cell that Alucard had been locked in for Twenty years, the shackles had to be unlocked with a key, so pulling was useless  
Ella didn't register the pain or the blood  
Her attention was on the corner of the room

They all arrived at her cell at the same time  
The special seal made it so Alucard couldn't simply walk through  
Integra shoved in the key and unlocked the door  
Alucard ripped it open and ran in  
They all stared at Ella in shock, but she didn't even look at them  
She had blood running down her wrists and was as white as the snow  
Her attention was on something in the corner of the room  
They looked over as one and let out a collective gasp of horror  
There in the corner of the room was a spider the size of a cat  
Alucard looked back to Ella and swore  
He looked at Integra and demanded "GIVE ME THE KEYS NOW!"  
Integra handed them over wordlessly  
Alucard rushed over to Ella and unlocked the shackles  
He picked her up and rushed her over to the others  
The minute he set her down he turned back to the mutant spider  
He reached in and pulled out his gun  
Integra muttered "How did it get so big"  
Sarah had her arms wrapped around Ella "Dear god, was that thing in there that time we were lost in here?"  
Ella let out a whimper and Sarah rubbed her hand up and down her back in a soothing way  
Seras held on to Pip tightly and Pip muttered "What do you feed your bugs"  
Alucard walked up to the spider and pointed his gun at it  
He frowned and leaned in to get a closer look  
The spider spat a clear liquid at him  
Alucard dodged but wasn't fast enough  
The liquid caught him on the cheek  
He snarled and wiped it off  
He shot the spider and it exploded, sending goop everywhere  
Unfortunately it also went on everyone including Ella  
Ella let out a moan of horror and fainted

Alucard sat next to Ella in her coffin (Which she was still pissed about) and waited for her to wake up  
He thought back to the spider and frowned  
He could have sworn he saw a mark of some kind on it, the mark looked familiar  
He thought back and remembered where he had seen it before  
About ten years earlier he had killed some rouge vamps who believed that they should rule the earth because they were more powerful then humans  
Not that Alucard disagreed but if those fuckwits had ruled the humans would have become extinct long ago, and he couldn't let that happen, he loved his blood  
He wondered what that mark was doing on the giant mutant spider and shrugged  
Ella let out a whimper  
He turned his attention back to her and frowned  
She whimpered again and he let out a sigh and wrapped his arms around her  
She opened her eyes slightly and muttered "Red?"  
He looked down and nodded "Yes"  
She sighed "Tell me you made it suffer before you killed it"  
He let out a laugh "My little savage is back"  
She smiled "I thought I was your little mental"  
He nodded "That too, you're also my little mercenary"  
She laughed "Good to know"  
He decided not to tell her about it spitting some strange liquid at him, and frowned, he didn't know if he should get it checked out or not,  
He decided against it, after all he was a vampire, what could happen

THE NEXT DAY/NIGHT

Alucard grabbed Pip "I need you tonight"  
Pip looked around "What me? Why?"  
Alucard looked around and whispered "Ella needs a ring"  
Pip smiled "Ahh, alright my friend, firstly we need to know what ring size she is"  
Alucard held up a ring and showed it to Pip "I swiped it from her room, its the one she wears on her ring finger when she wants people to think she's married"  
Pip frowned "Why would she do that?"  
Alucard shrugged "Keeps the men away she claims"  
Pip nodded "I suppose it makes sense"

Ella was sitting in her room with Sarah, they were staring down at her coffin and Ella let out a sigh  
Sarah looked at her and smiled "Its roomy"  
Ella nodded "Alucard made it so we both fit"  
Sarah muttered "Huh, nice of him"  
Ella gave her a look that said 'shut up cause you're not making it better' and sighed again "What am I going to do?"  
Sarah looked over and said excitedly "I have the best idea"  
Ella looked excited "What?"  
Sarah grinned "Come with me"

They stood in a room and Ella stared in confusion at the computer "Um, what are we doing?"  
Sarah grinned and sat down and got onto the internet  
She typed in a website and looked back at Ella "So"  
Ella looked over and started laughing  
They were looking at an internet shopping site that sold beds  
Ella looked over at Sarah "Great idea, lets do this"

Alucard looked down at the rings and back to Pip  
Pip shrugged "You know her better then I do"  
Alucard let out a sigh and looked over to the shop assistant "I need an engagement ring for a woman who is slightly slow and hates yellow gold, but loves shiny things, she loves shiny things so much she gets friggin lost chasing a chocolate wrapper"  
The sales lady laughed  
Alucard looked at her "That wasn't a joke, she did get lost chasing a shiny chocolate wrapper"  
She stopped laughing "Oh"  
Pip smiled "You forgot to mention she likes to take her clothes off a lot and manages to find trouble wherever she goes, so we need a ring that will stay on"  
The woman looked at Alucard "And you want to marry her?"  
Alucard shrugged "I'm thinking of having a brain scan"  
Pip added "You forgot that she literally got lost in a room with one door"  
The woman let out a soft sigh "You are a very strong man to be marrying a mentally challenged woman"  
Alucard let out a soft growl  
The woman turned pale and backed away  
Pip looked at her "Don't worry, he just gets annoyed whenever someone other then himself insults her"  
She swallowed and nodded  
Alucard frowned at the rings "This is shiny"  
Pip grimaced "But it's rose gold"  
Alucard blinked "And?"  
Pip sighed "She only likes silver"  
He nodded "Could be a problem"  
The woman cleared her throat "We have a selection of shiny white gold rings over here"  
Alucard looked down at the selection and scrunched up his nose "They're so ... girly"  
Pip nodded "Not our Ella"  
Alucard looked around and shouted out "I found it!"  
Pip rushed over "Wow, that's it"  
The woman looked down then up at them in surprise "This?"  
Alucard nodded  
the woman let out a soft sigh "If you say so, would you like to lay-by it or pay in full?"  
Alucard smiled "Pay in full"

Neither man was paying any attention to their surroundings  
so neither noticed the vampire watching and listening  
after they brought the ring they walked outside  
Alucard grabbed his head in pain and stumbled into the wall  
Pip grabbed his arm "You okay friend?"  
Alucard shook his head "Must have just hit me that I plan on keeping her forever"  
Pip laughed and slapped him on the back  
The vampire went back to report to the others

Anderson looked at the vampires "What did you learn?"  
The rebel leader looked over to the vampire who had followed Alucard and nodded  
He cleared his throat "The No Life King is buying the girl an engagement ring"  
Anderson turned around quickly "WHAT"  
The vampire nodded  
Anderson shook his head "No, who else was there?"  
"The French man"  
Anderson let out a sigh of relief "Then it was for him"  
The vampire shook his head again "No, the ring was definitely for the bastard Alucard, he said it was for a slow woman who liked shiny things"  
Anderson cursed "So he is buying a ring for my Ella"  
The rebels looked at one another  
Anderson glared at them "You're telling me we still have to wait three days"  
The leader blinked "What did I miss, complete subject change"  
Anderson just continued to glare  
The leader sighed "Don't worry, we also know that now the poison works on him"  
Anderson smiled "Soon we will kill that son of a bitch forever"

Ella smiled and let out a laugh, she and Sarah had brought a bed, it was due for delivery the next day  
She rubbed her hands together and let out a sigh, she was bored, she also missed having sex in a bed  
"Those were the days" she muttered  
Alucard came in and frowned at her "What were the days?"  
Ella smiled "Sex in a bed"  
Alucard nodded slowly "I have something for you"  
Ella glared "It better not be" she continued in a (very bad) deep male voice "In your pants"  
Alucard ginned  
Ella wagged her finger at him "Cause last time you tried that all I found was a penis"  
Alucard nodded "That's generally what's in a males pants"  
Ella frowned "Smart ass"  
Alucard shrugged "Fine don't have what I have for you" He blinked "Did that not make sense to anyone else" he looked around "OH GOD, I'm talking to myself like Ella"  
Ella grinned and hugged him "Don't worry, when you lose arguments with yourself you're up to my level, so you still have far to go young grasshopper"  
He sighed and handed her a ring box "Here"  
Ella looked at it and frowned "If that's what I think it is then you have to get on your knees"  
Alucard looked at her "Ah huh, not happening, just wear the ring"  
Pip walked in "That's romantic my friend"  
Ella crossed her arms over her chest "Until you ask I'm not wearing it, and I mean on your knees"  
Alucard shrugged "I can always go animal on you instead"  
Ella gasped "NO PISSING ON ME"  
She glared and opened the box and shoved on the ring "Oh Red, it's beautiful"  
It was a snake coiled around her finger in white gold with diamonds around it and a single red ruby eye  
Ella sniffed "I love it" she hugged him "BUT DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT PISSING ON ME" she flounced out  
Pip looked at Alucard "How much longer are you going to threaten to piss on her?"  
Alucard grinned "Until she figures it out that we vampires don't piss"  
Pip smiled "How long will that be?"  
Alucard laughed "I figure I can use it for another twenty years or so"

Ella ran up to find Sarah "SARAH, SARAH, SARAH"  
Sarah came out of her room "WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?"  
Ella shoved her hand in her face "Look at my engagement ring, isn't it pretty"  
Sarah looked at it "Oh shiny, let me try it on, PLEASE"  
Ella frowned "I don't know"  
Sarah dropped to her knees "OH PLEASE"  
Ella smiled "Okay"  
She took off the ring and handed it over, Sarah put it on "Oh wow"  
Ella smiled "Isn't it sweet"  
Sarah held her hand up "So, how did he propose?"  
Ella glared "Told me to wear it or else he'd piss on me"  
Sarah sighed "So romantic"  
Ella laughed then looked at her watch "OH MY GOD WE'RE MISSING NARUTO"  
Sarah gasped "LETS GO"

Naruto was over and Alucard came in and listened  
Ella sighed "God Kakashi is so fucking hot, I'd do him any day"  
Alucard glared "WHO THE FUCK IS KAKASHI"  
Ella looked over "A sexy man from Naruto"  
He blinked "You mean the anime?"  
She nodded  
He shook his head "How's the ring?"  
Ella smiled "It's great, I love it Red, its me to a P"  
Alucard blinked "I think you mean T"  
Sarah looked at them both "B?"  
Ella smiled at her "I like B better"  
Alucard shook his head again and left  
Ella looked back at Sarah "Okay give me back my ring"  
Sarah pouted but reached down to take it off  
Her eyes widened  
Ella looked wary "What?"  
Sarah looked down at her hand, Ella's eyes followed  
Sarah's hand was bare  
Ella sighed "Ah shit, I am so dead"  
Sarah looked at her "We haven't been that far, so we back track"  
Ella jumped up "We have to find it before Red finds out"  
Sarah gulped "I am so dead if we can't"  
Ella nodded "Yep"

Integra sat in her office and stared out the window  
She had heard the news that Alucard had actually gone out and brought Ella a ring  
She felt strangely numb  
She knew what was wrong  
Alucard was hers and now...now he was Ella's  
If Integra ordered him to kill her he wouldn't,  
If Integra tried to kill Ella, Alucard would kill her  
But what would happen if Ella tried to kill Integra?  
She let out a soft sigh  
it seemed that maybe she did have a small, tiny, miniscule amount of liking for Alucard  
But now  
now she'd been replaced  
how did one cope with that

Ella and Sarah were head butting a wall  
They had been looking for the ring for over two hours and no sigh of it  
Ella let out a soft moan of anguish  
Sarah let out a sob "I'm so sorry Ella"  
Ella sighed and rested her head against the wall "It's okay honey, one of us was bound to lose it sooner or later"  
Seras came running around the corner excited "Pip told me master got you a ring, I wanted to wait for you to show me but Alucard said I should ask to see it now"  
Ella moaned "No"  
Sarah sunk to the floor  
Seras frowned and looked at them both, her eyes widened in comprehension "Oh god, who lost it?"  
Ella shushed her "It doesn't matter, we're both dead anyway"  
Seras nodded "Actually all three of us are already dead"  
Ella and Sarah let out a small laugh and Ella muttered "Smart ass"  
Seras smiled "Glad I made you laugh, now let me help look, what did you do and where did you go?"

Two more hours had passed and the girls were lying on the ground  
Sarah looked over at Ella "Do you think I should ask to be put in witness protection"  
Seras frowned "Why?"  
Sarah sighed "Cause if Red finds out I lost it, I'm on the green mile"  
Ella looked over "Don't be sill... that was a sad movie"  
The girls nodded  
Ella grabbed Sarah's hand and squeezed it gently "I'll tell him I lost it, worst he'll do is piss on me"  
Sarah scrunched up her nose "Gross"  
Ella nodded  
Seras sighed "Can we get a replacement"  
Ella sat up "Seras, you're a genius"  
Seras smiled "I know"

They came back from the shops an hour later  
Ella sighed "Well that was a waste of time, SHIT"  
Sarah sighed "I'll get you some special soap that'll wash off the urine smell"  
Seras rubbed Ella's back "I'll hide"  
Ella looked at them both "Well we did try"  
Alucard came out of the wall "Try what?"  
Ella's eyes widened in shock "RED"  
Sarah and Seras ran  
He looked at her "I'm waiting"  
Ella let out a sigh and mumbled something under her breath  
He leaned down "What was that?"  
Ella sighed "I lost the ring"  
Alucard raised an eyebrow "Really?"  
She nodded sadly "I suppose now you want to piss on me"  
Alucard laughed "I could, but this might be easier"  
She looked up "What?"  
He grabbed her left hand and slid a ring onto her finger  
She looked down and gasped "Red, you found the ring"  
He nodded "While you and Sarah were watching TV"  
She looked up at him and glared "You're telling me that me, Sarah and Seras looked for five hours for the ring and you had it the whole time"  
He smiled "Yes"  
She hit him  
He laughed "So, can I still piss on you?"  
She hit him again and looked down at the ring "No"  
He glared "Spoil sport"  
She laughed and gave him a kiss "But you love me anyway"  
He muttered "I wouldn't go that far"  
She frowned and flounced away

A minute later he heard _SMACK, THUD, SMACK, THUD_  
Ella yelled out "I'M OKAY"  
He let out a sigh and walked over to the staircase  
She was lying at the bottom  
He made a mental note to get some foam for the ground  
He didn't want his bride to get killed by stairs  
If anyone got the privilege of killing her, it was him

**THANKS TO **castlevania, WannaBeNinja, Raven06, Dark-flame-girl, SweetYuya and watergoddesskasey


	35. Reds introduction to kids

THIS IS FOR MY PEEPS WannaBeNinja HER EVIL MINION OF DOOM AND MY GROUPIE FANGIRL SweetYuya MY LOVELY Raven06 (blows kiss) THE GREAT Watergoddesskasey THE MASTERFUL Castlevania THE ULTRA GREAT Dark-Flame-Girl YOU ARE ALL MY STORY SLAVES

**THIS IS FOR MY PEEPS **WannaBeNinja ** HER EVIL MINION OF DOOM AND MY GROUPIE FANGIRL **SweetYuya **MY LOVELY **Raven06 (blows kiss) **THE GREAT **Watergoddesskasey **THE MASTERFUL **Castlevania **THE ULTRA GREAT **Dark-Flame-Girl **YOU ARE ALL MY STORY SLAVES  
MWAHAHAHAHAHA**

**Also when I write Wha I'm not accidentally missing the T, its what without the T, say it with me Wha?**

**I bet many of you are saying it now, like "Wha? This bitch is crazy"**

**To those of you who did say that**

**Thank you**

**BEGIN**

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

Ella woke up and yawned, a second later she was cursing in pain "MY FUNNY BONE, SON OF A BITCH COFFIN, WHY MUST YOU PLAGUE ME YOU EVIL BASTARD"

Sarah walked in and heard the last bit "Hey you're the one who agreed to marry him"

Ella blinked in confusion "Wha?"

Sarah gasped "So you're not marrying him?"

Ella looked around the room thinking Sarah might have a new imaginary friend, her last one had been a real dick,  
Ella was happy when she created her own imaginary friend who ate Sarah's, but no, Sarah was looking at her "Wha?"

Sarah sighed "You really are slow"

Ella blinked "Something was said, not good"

Sarah backed away slowly

Ella smiled "Now you're slow"

Sarah looked down "Oh yeah, YAY"

Alucard walked in "What the hell are you two doing?"

Ella smiled "We're both slow"

He nodded "Yes you are"

They both stared at him and Sarah muttered "I think he meant that in a bad way"

Ella nodded "But how?"

They both "Hmmmm'd" and Alucard turned around and left muttering about being insane to marry the slow one

Ella shrugged "I have to go to work, when is the bed coming, son of a bitch coffin slammed me in my funny bone"

Sarah grinned "Tomorrow"

Ella smiled "YES, hey Sarah, why do they call it a funny bone? Cause it sure as shit wasn't funny to me"

Sarah laughed "Because when you hit it it's funny to others"

Ella nodded "Makes sense" she looked at her clock "SHIT I HAVE TO GET READY"

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

Alucard sat in his room and grabbed his head, he had a headache which was strange, he had never had headaches before

He cursed Ella and Sarah and decided they were to blame

Not once did he think back to the spider and the clear liquid

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

Ella smiled at Jeeves "Thanks for the lift, see you when my shift is over"

He nodded

She got out and saw Tazmin at the corner

"TAZMIN"

Tazmin looked over and smiled "ELLA"

Ella grinned and ran up to hug her "How are you?"

She hugged her back "Not so good, sorry your man bailed me out and not you"

Ella grinned "Pfft, doesn't matter, I'm glad he got you out, look" she showed her the ring

Tazmin gasped "Oh it's beautiful"

Ella grinned "Isn't it, he picked it out himself"

She smiled "I'm so happy for you"

Ella looked at her "The main reason I'm showing you is I want you to come to the wedding"

Tazmin looked shocked "Really?"

Ella nodded

Tazmin frowned "But I'm just a hooker you met in jail"

Ella glared at her "No, you're my friend who I met in jail"

Tazmin smiled

Ella looked around "I'm late, but why don't you come in with me and watch the show, then we can talk about what's wrong with you"

Tazmin looked around "I really would love to but"

Ella interrupted "Free drinks and I'll pay you"

Tazmin grinned "Sold"

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

Ella was in the middle of dancing

There was a man hidden in the shadows watching

He looked at her and silently promised they would be together again soon

He would make sure she never had to show her body for the entertainment of men ever again

She was his and in three days it would be complete

Anderson smiled to himself and watched his angel dance, he imagined she knew he was there and was dancing just for him

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

Ella finished and the place was closed, she sat next to Tazmin "Phew, long night, what did you think?"

Tazmin grinned "If I swung that way baby your man would have some serious competition"

Ella laughed and looked at Arthur "If you wanna go home babe I'll lock up"

He sighed in relief "Thanks Ella, I'll take you up on that, don't stay to late, your man might kill me if you do"

Ella winked at him "Probably"

He laughed and walked away

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

Alucard walked past Integra's study and saw her staring out into the night

He frowned and walked up to her "Master?"

She turned to him "Alucard if I ordered you to kill Ella would you?"

He smiled "I might"

She shook her head "I'm serious, would you kill her if I ordered it?"

Alucard thought about it and shook his head "No"

She nodded "If I ordered Seras or Walter to kill her what would you do?"

He didn't even have to think about that one, but answered immediately "Kill them"

She nodded "What if Ella tried to kill me?"

He frowned "Master I told you, she wasn't trying to kill you, she just wanted to see you high"

She closed her eyes "Answer the question Alucard"

He nodded "I'd stop her"

"But would you kill her for trying to kill me?"

He shook his head again "No, why?"

She looked back out the window "No reason"

He nodded "Have you got any pain killers, I have a headache"

She turned back and frowned "I didn't think you could get headaches"

He grimaced "I blame Ella and Sarah"

She smiled slightly "In the top draw of my desk"

He nodded "Thanks"

He grabbed them and was almost out the door when he stopped, without turning around he said "Even if Ella hadn't come along, we wouldn't have been together, you deserve much more then the monster I am, you are my little countess but not my queen"

He left and Integra rested her head against the glass and a tear rolled down her cheek

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

Ella spat her drink out and looked at Tazmin in shock "WHAT?"

Tazmin shrugged "I said I didn't think vampires could drink anything but blood"

Ella gapped "WHAT?"

Tazmin laughed "I know you're a vampire Ella, I know that I was in a cell full of vampires, I wont lie, I was nervous, but something about you told me I'd be safe"

Ella opened and closed her mouth in shock

Tazmin grinned "You look like a fish"

Ella shook her head "Son of a bitch, how?"

She shrugged "I can tell vampires and humans apart as easily as I can tell the difference between black and white, I don't know why but I have been able to do it since I was little"

Ella shook her head again "Wow" she sighed "Alright now that's out of the way SUBJECT CHANGE, what's wrong?"

Tazmin grinned then got serious, she lowered her head to the bench "I have to go to a wedding tomorrow"

Ella nodded "If you don't like weddings then you don't have to come to mine"

Tazmin shooed the suggestion away with her hands "I love weddings"

Ella blinked "Then what's the problem, is it an ex?"

Tazmin shook her head and sighed "No kids allowed"

Ella glared "I hate that, weddings are for entire families, why should just the adults be made to suffer through a boring ass ceremony"

Tazmin laughed

Ella blinked "Wait, you have kids I'm guessing"

Tazmin nodded "But no babysitter"

Ella snorted "Sure you do"

She shook her head "No, no one wants to look after my little monsters"

Ella looked at her "I'll do it"

Tazmin squeezed her hand "That's very sweet of you but I couldn't do that to a friend"

Ella laughed "If you don't like the idea of your kids around vamps, that's cool, I won't be insulted"

Tazmin smiled "With you and your vamps I can't imagine anywhere safer for them, but it's during the day"

Ella shrugged "I can be up and about during the day, I'm just normally to lazy to do it, sunlight doesn't effect me at all, pisses me off yes, but no bad effects"

Tazmin started looking hopeful "Well they are a handful"

Ella smiled "So is my sexy Red"

She grinned "What time do I drop the hellions off"

Ella laughed "Whenever you like"

Tazmin stood up "Let's get them now then"

Ella laughed again

Tazmin sat down "Seriously tomorrow" she looked at her watch "Well today how about at 9:30 am?"

Ella nodded and grabbed a paper and pen "Here you go, it's the address"

Tazmin hugged her "You're a life saver, I will see you then"

Ella grinned "Deal"

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

Ella asked Jeeves to stop the car by the guards at the gate and got out,

She told them about Tazmin coming to drop off the kids and got back in the car

She decided not to tell anyone else, after all who didn't love a good surprise

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

Ella's alarm went off at 9:20 and she rolled on top of Alucard and sat up

_SMACK_

"DAMN IT RED, STOP CLOSING THE LID"

she stomped out and got dressed

He sat up "What the fuck are you doing, it's morning"

she grinned "I know, I have a surprise for you"

He sat up and grinned "Really?"

She nodded and walked out to wake up Sarah

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

They (Red, Ella and Sarah) got upstairs just as the doorbell rung

Ella yelled out "I'LL GET IT"

And Integra and Walter looked surprised to see them all up

Ella threw open the door and grinned "TAZMIN"

Alucard frowned "Isn't that the woman I bailed out of prison?"

Tazmin shoved two bags at Ella "Here's their stuff, YOU CAN'T GIVE THEM BACK NOW" she laughed

Ella grinned at the two little blonde heads standing behind Tazmin "Hello, I'm Ella"

Tazmin turned "This is my son Phoenix and my daughter Destiny, they're twins, and both are the evil ones"

Ella laughed and reached out her hand, the twins took it and turned to Tazmin "BYE MAMMA"

Tazmin kissed them both then Ella "You're a champ, I'll see you tonight, bye"

Ella waved and she left

She looked down at the twins "How old are you?"

Phoenix answered "We're 4"

Ella grinned "A great age"

Integra came over "Ella what the hell is this?"

Alucard looked shocked

Sarah came over "Oh, aren't they cute"

Ella smiled "Didn't I tell you, today I'm babysitting for Tazmin"

Integra's mouth dropped open "But...But"

Ella smiled "Don't worry Tazmin knows we're vampires"

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

Ella and Sarah were running around with the twins

All four were having the time of their lives

The twins stopped by a painting and pressed against it, it opened to reveal a hidden staircase

Ella and Sarah looked down at the twins with awe

The twins looked up "Can we go, PLEASE"

Ella grinned "YEAH"

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

They walked into a room filled with ancient weapons and Ella was holding Destiny's hand and Sarah's, Sarah was holding Phoenix's hand and they all looked around

Ella looked at Sarah and Sarah looked back at her, they both squealed "THIS IS AWESOME"

They all looked at the weapons and the kids started playing with a sling shot

Ella was laughing and poking at a crossbow

Sarah was studying a sword

Ella let out a gasp, on the table was a pair of Sai's

She reverently picked them up and looked at Sarah "I'm taxing these"

Sarah grabbed the sword "I'm taxing this"

They grinned and looked over at the twins

Ella yelled "SHIT" and she and Sarah ducked down as a ball flew into the wall behind them

They looked over and saw Destiny holding an old style pistol that she had just shot at them

Destiny giggled "Sorry"

Ella looked over at Sarah "Me thinks we should leave this room"

Phoenix set off the crossbow

Sarah nodded "Great idea"

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

They were walking alone the halls when Phoenix dropped to the ground "What's this aunty Ella?"

Ella looked down and saw he had found a vent

She looked at Sarah and Sarah grinned and nodded, she reached into her bag and pulled out a ball of string

Ella looked at the twins "This my lovelies is the next fun thing

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

They had explored the vents for two hours and got bored after that, so they headed back following the string

They got to the end and Ella and Sarah looked at each other and shrugged, neither knew what to do next to amuse the twins

It was Destiny who gave them the next idea "Aunty Sarah I'm hungry"

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

They sat in the kitchens and the twins were eating when Destiny pointed to a giant oven tray "What's that?"

Ella looked over at it "An oven tray, when you make chippies and stuff you put it on the tray and it goes in the oven"

Phoenix looked at it "It looks like part of a slide"

Sarah looked up suddenly "OH MY GOD, BRAIN FART"

Ella grinned "Good, cause I'm all outta gas"

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

They stood at the top of the stairs and looked down

The twins were jumping up and down excitedly

Sarah grinned at Ella "Ready?"

Ella nodded "Hell yeah"

Destiny went with Sarah and Phoenix stood with Ella

Sarah stood at the top of the steps and placed the giant kitchen tray down, she sat on it and Destiny sat in front of her

She pushed off and slid down the steps, both girls laughing like idiots

Ella looked at Phoenix "Ready baby?"

He nodded "Yeah"

She sat down on her own tray and placed him in front and pushed off, they were both laughing and sliding down

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

An hour later someone knocked on the door

Ella yelled out "I'LL GET IT" and slid down the steps on her tray, she slid across the floor and into the door

The kids laughed

She opened the door and a delivery man stood there "Ella Anderson?"

She nodded

"Sign here"  
She signed and looked up at the truck out front

Two men came out of the truck with a flat box and a mattress

Ella squealed "MY BED"

Sarah slid down the stairs with both kids "YOUR BED?"

Ella nodded

The guys placed it in the hall "Where do you want it?"

Ella smiled "That's okay leave it there, we'll do it"

He looked her up and down then back to Sarah "Really?"

She nodded "We have lots of help"

He nodded and turned and left

Ella grinned to Sarah "Let's get this baby down stairs and into my room"

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

It took half an hour but they got it in her room, they looked down at it and Ella grinned "I can't wait to build it"

Sarah grinned "Me neither"

They both frowned and looked at the twins

They looked at each other and both said "Alucard" then nodded

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

Alucard was staring down at the kids wondering what the hell he was supposed to do with them

Ella and Sarah had burst in and dumped the twins on him

He decided to take them to the TV room, kids loved TV, he hoped

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

The twins did love the TV, but they hated the ads

On one particular ad they climbed all over him and stole his hat and sun glasses

Destiny asked him why he wore so much Red

Phoenix asked what was wrong with his eyes

Destiny asked why he had 'girl' hair

Phoenix (Not to be outdone by his twin) asked why he had 'girl' nails

And on it went 'Why did he have a funny name?'  
'Why did he have dog teeth?'  
'Why was he so tall'

Alucard gritted his teeth and took a deep breath

Then they did it

The twins were bored with the TV and found a cupboard filled with crystal

The grabbed them and ran around throwing crystal at each other, breaking it all

Alucard tried to catch them, but even with vampire speed and reflexes they managed to get away from him

He was running after them, when Destiny opened the door and ran out, Phoenix followed

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

Ella frowned "Slot a, slot A, slot, slot, slot"

Sarah glared "You're a slot"

Ella nodded and heard a _SMASH_

She sighed "I wonder how Red's doing?"

Sarah looked up _SMASH_ "He's fine"

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

Alucard finally chased them into a room and closed the door; he stood in front of it and yelled "STOP IT!"

They continued to run around screaming and breaking things

Alucard had enough, his outfit changed into a black leather strap suit and eyes appeared all over his body

The twins stopped and stared

They slowly walked over to him

He grinned, he had won the war and it felt good

Phoenix poked him in one of the eyes

Destiny looked up "Why do you have so many eyes, I have two, why don't you have two?"

Phoenix laughed and poked another eye

Alucard turned and walked out of the room, he turned and locked the kids in

He smiled; Ella was going to be happy he didn't kill the little shits

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

They were done and Ella grinned at Sarah

It was an ebony wood bed with skulls and demons carved into it

Ella sighed "It's so pretty"

Sarah smiled "I want one now"

Ella looked up and frowned "I haven't heard anything break or anyone yell for a while"

Sarah frowned "You're right, we should go"

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

Ella looked at Alucard "Red, where are the twins?"

He grinned "In here"

He unlocked the door and pushed it open

Ella and Sarah looked in and Ella groaned

Alucard grinned "I know; now you can say you thought wrong when you said I couldn't do it"

Sarah frowned at him "She never said that"

Alucard looked at Ella "She thought it"

Ella head butted the wall

He frowned at her "How come admitting I was right is so hard?"

Ella gestured into the room

He looked in and smiled "Yep, all clean, not a thing out of place"

His smile fell "Not a thing out of place?"

He looked back in the room and cursed,

Sarah looked around him "So where are the twin's almighty babysitter, hmmm"

He glared at her "SHUT UP"

Ella walked in and looked around; she tripped and slammed into the wall "I'm ok"

Alucard sighed "The air trip you again?"

She shook her head and sighed "Nope" she bent down and lifted up a vent cover from the floor

Alucard stared at it and cursed

Ella sighed and looked at Sarah "How much string you got in that bag?"

Sarah looked at the vent cover, Ella and Alucard "Enough"

Ella smiled "Good, we're going to need it"

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

Ella was crawling through the vents "DESTINY, PHOENIX WHERE ARE YOU?"

She heard nothing but Sarah and Alucard yelling the same thing

She cursed and knew Tazmin would kill her if she lost the twins

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

An hour later she was still crawling around in them looking for the twins

She cursed again

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

Two more hours past and she knew she would need a change of clothes and food and drink for them

She cursed and fell down a vent shaft

She landed with a _THUD _and looked over

She let out a sigh of relief; there not a meter in front of her was the twins sleeping soundly

She smiled and yelled "RED I FOUND THEM"

Alucard appeared "THANK FUCK"

They were still asleep

He picked up Destiny and disappeared, he came back a minute later and grabbed Phoenix then came back for her

She looked around and saw that he had taken her to her room and the twins were sleeping on the bed

She looked at him and grinned "Like my bed"

He glared "You kill all my fun"

She laughed "Says the magnificent babysitter hmm, not hard hey"

He glared again and cursed "Fine you were right, give me a warehouse of ghouls any day over kids"

She grinned "That's my boy, now wasn't it easy to admit I'm right"

He sighed "It's probably the first and only time it will ever happen"

She laughed and hugged him

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

The twins woke up hungry and Ella gave them some crackers and lemonade in the kitchen

Integra came in and smiled at them

Destiny got up and fell over

Ella laughed "Are you okay"

Destiny glared "I hurt my nuts"

Ella laughed again and Alucard and Sarah came in

Alucard frowned "What did she say"

Destiny looked at him "I hurt my nuts"

Alucard frowned "Girls don't have nuts"

She glared "Yes we do and I hurt mine"

Ella was laughing

Alucard was arguing with Destiny about whether or not girls had nuts

Phoenix dropped a cracker crumb into his lemonade and laughed

Destiny looked over and Phoenix pointed to it

Destiny laughed

Phoenix smiled "I'm going to drink it"

Destiny looked at him "Drink what?"

He smiled "I'm going to drink the cum"

Ella laughed until tears ran down her face

Phoenix smiled "Here I go, drink the cum"

Ella gasped out "CRUMB"

Destiny nodded "That's what he said"

She squealed "HE DRUNK THE CUM"

Ella was laughing and trying to tell her it was pronounced "CRUMB"

Destiny kept telling her that's what she said

Alucard started arguing again that girls don't have nuts

Walter led Tazmin into the kitchen and Destiny ran over to her "MUMMY I HURT MY NUTS"

Tazmin laughed "Really"

She nodded and Phoenix ran over "I dropped my cracker in my drink"

Destiny added "Then he drunk the cum"

Ella fell over she was laughing so hard

Tazmin sighed "My kids always make me proud"

Alucard glared at them "They aren't kids. They're demons from hell"

Tazmin nodded "Welcome to my world"

Alucard gritted his teeth "I will never baby-sit AGAIN, ELLA BABYSITTING IS FORBIDDEN!"

Ella rolled her eyes and stood back up

She and Tazmin walked away with the children chatting the whole way

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

After they left Hellsing let out a sigh

Integra shook her head "That was painful"

Pip looked around "I'm guessing I missed a lot, but from what I saw I'm glad"

Seras nodded "Hear, hear"

Walter closed his eyes "Ah peace"

Alucard shook his head "Never again, DO YOU HEAR ME ELLA, NEVER AGAIN"

Sarah shrugged "I thought it was fun"

Ella smiled at the lot "I'm glad you all had fun, cause I agreed to baby-sit again for her next week"

Alucards scream echoed through the manor

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

Anderson smiled "Tomorrow it begins and ends"

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,...

**THANKS AGAIN, SORRY IT WAS CRAP I'M SICK WITH A COLD SO I AM SLIGHTLY MORE BRAIN DEAD THEN USUAL**

**ALSO ****DESTINY**** AND ****PHOENIX**** ARE THE REAL NAMES OF MY TWIN 4 Y.O NEICE AND NEPHEW**

**THE LINES "I HURT MY NUTS" AND "DRINK THE CUM" (ABOUT A FLOATING CRUMB IN A DRINK) REALLY HAPPENED**

**WHEN MY SIS AND I WERE AT THE HOSPITAL MY NEICE (A BIGGER SPAZZ THEN ELLA AND SARAH COMBINED) TRIPPED OVER NOTHING AND WENT RUNNING TO TELL MY SIS SHE HURT HER 'NUTS' MY SIS TRIED TO TELL HER SHE DIDN'T HAVE NUTS, BUT STUBBORN DESTINY INSISTS SHE HAS NUTS**

**LEVI (NOT PHOENIX) TOLD DESTINY TO DRINK THE CUM IN THE LOUDEST VOICE MIND YOU) AND YOUNG PHOENIX LAUGHED AND AGREED THAT 'SISSY SHOULD DRINK UP THE CUM' (LEVI IS 5, SO IT WASN'T MEANT THAT WAY, HE MEANT CRUMB)**

**SO BETWEEN THOSE TWO EVENTS MY SIS AND I WERE VERY PROUD OF THE KIDS LOL**

**NEXT CHAPPIE SOON, NOT TONIGHT THOUGH CAUSE I AM SICKLY AND NEED REST,**

**SORRY**

_**REVIEW OR SUFFER**_

**KISSES ANGIL**


	36. Andersons plot revealed

**.**

**WOOT SHOUT OUT TO **WannaBeNinja **AND **SweetYuya** AND **Raven06** AND **Dark-Flame-Girl **AND **MistressLilium** AND **Watergoddesskasey

**WHEEE YOU GUYS ROCK**

**NOTE CHECK OUT SWEETYUYA C2 ****CRAZY SEXY AND RED**

**STAFFED BY YOURS TRULY AND WANNABENINJA**

**SUBSCRIBE OR DIE!!**

**AND ****REVIEW**

**PS I WAS STONED ON COLD AND FLU MEDICINE WHEN I WROTE THIS SO IF SOMETHING DON'T MAKE SENSE OR IS REALLY RANDOM, MY BAD**

**BEGIN**

Ella woke up and stretched her arms, she let out a yawn and turned on her side, she smiled down at Alucards sleeping form

Her eyes widened and she hit him "RED"

He sat up quickly and pulled out a gun

Ella blinked "Where the hell did you pull that from" she looked at his naked body "Then again, I don't want to know"

He glared at her "What"

She squealed again "I didn't fall out of bed or whack my head or funny bone or anything"

He sighed "That's it"

She bounced up and down "I DIDN'T FALL OUT OF BED, I DIDN'T FALL OUT OF BED, I DIDN'T FALL OUT OF"

_THUD_

"Never mind" she muttered from the floor

He laughed "Always making me proud"

(. Y .) **Boobies means new paragraph --''''...--''''''/--**

Alucard felt strangely lightheaded he stood up and walked over to Ella who was getting dressed for work

She turned and grinned at him "Who looks sexy?"

He kissed her "Me"

She laughed

He turned and fell, hitting the wall

Ella ran over and looked at him "Red what's wrong?" she sounded alarmed

He smiled "Your spazzness must be rubbing off on me"

She didn't smiled back, instead she frowned and placed her hand on his forehead "Red you have a fever"

He glared "Don't be stupid, I don't get sick"

She frowned "Did anything happen that I should know about?"

He shook his head

She looked him over "Maybe I should stay home with you tonight"

He glared again "I'm not a baby, and you love working"

She sighed "True, but if you're sick I should stay home"

He sighed "Go, I'll be fine, I'm just hungry, blood should make me all better, okay"

She glared "Don't be a dick, I'm worried about you"

He yelled "WELL DON'T BE I'M FINE"

She yelled back "YOU WONT BE IF YOU CONTINUE TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT"

He glared "You know people used to be afraid of me, now you've turned me into a weakling"

She turned back to her wardrobe and rolled her eyes "Baby"

"I am not"

She put on her shirt and turned back to him "If you're sure then I have to get going"

He nodded "Go, I'll be fine"

She stared into his eyes and nodded "Alright but if you feel worse call Arthur and I'll come straight home"

He rolled his eyes "Yes mum"

She screwed up her nose "Ew, I don't like incest"

He grinned "Why not, it's the game the whole family can play"

She laughed "You're sick" she kissed him and got serious again "Red I have a bad feeling"

He slapped her ass "Stop being paranoid"

She bit her lip and nodded, she turned to leave then stopped and walked back over to him

She grabbed his face between her hands and kissed him, she rested her forehead against his and whispered "I love you"

He grabbed her arms "That's the first time you've said it to my face since Enrico" he whispered

She lightly ran her fingers down his face "I'm sorry"

He kissed her nose "Don't be, go to work, everything's going to be fine, you'll see"

She nodded "I hope so" and kissed him again "Keep your phone on you okay"

He nodded and slapped her ass again "Go"

She walked over to the door and turned and blew him a kiss before leaving

(. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .)

She walked out to Jeeves "I'll drive myself tonight thanks Jeeves"

He nodded "As you wish miss"

(. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .)

Alucard let out a sigh as Ella left, it had felt nice that she wanted to mother him, but he was also worried because he did feel like shit

He reached into her fridge and pulled out a sachet of blood and drunk it

He felt better and sighed, he was just hungry, that was the problem, he wasn't sick at all

He looked around and wondered why he and Ella had separate rooms and decided to move her stuff into his room,

He looked at the bed and frowned, it really was comfortable and it was nice to look at, he decided to move it into his room also, plus if he didn't he'd never hear the end of it from Ella

(. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .)

Alucard sighed and flopped back on the couch, he was done, and Ella's things were now in his room

He frowned and thought of his stairs and wondered if he should lay down some foam

Integra walked in "WHAT THE FUCK?"

Alucard grinned "Language master"

She looked around in shock "What have you done?"

He shrugged "I decided it was stupid to have Ella and myself in separate rooms so I moved her stuff in here"

Integra raised an eyebrow "Is that wise?"

He shrugged again "It saves me from always going to her room"

Integra laughed "I meant is it wise considering all the stairs"

He frowned "I'm thinking of having foam put down on bottom of them"

She laughed again "Knowing Ella, she would fall and land past the foam"

He grinned "Probably, so what brings you to my humble lair?"

She suddenly got serious "We have a vampire attack"

He stood up and grinned "Yay, I was getting rather bored"

She looked over "Alucard, these are vampires we have dealt with before, they are the Obsolete group"

He frowned and thought back "Ah yes, the vampires who wish to rule the world"

She nodded "Be careful, I heard rumors they're working for someone"

"Who?"

"I don't know yet, but just be careful, if anything happens to you I'm not keeping Ella"

He laughed "Don't worry, I'll be there and back before Ella finishes work"

She nodded and handed him a folder "Here is all you need to know"

(. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .)

Ella's feeling that something bad was going to happen was getting worse

She finished her dance and walked over to Arthur "I need to make a quick call"

He nodded "I'll have Desiree take your next dance"

She smiled "Thanks"

Ella walked out back and took out her phone, she called Alucard

"Hello"

"RED"

"Little mental, to what do I owe the pleasure"

"That feeling is growing stronger"

"What, the feeling of love, yes I create strong feelings of love and lust in the hearts of many women"

"Ah huh, sure super stud, listen I'm serious Red, something bad is going to happen"

He sighed "Ella nothing is going to happen, alright"

She frowned "Where are you?"

"On my way to have some fun"

"Vamps?"

"Yes, a nice group of them"

She sighed "Red please, please, please, please be careful, promise me you'll call me when you're done"

He let out another sigh

She mimicked it "Please Red, for me"

"Alright, but you have nothing to worry about, nothing is going to go wrong" he hung up

Ella looked down at her phone "Wrong thing to say Red, now I know something's going to happen"

(. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .)

Alucard stood out front an abandoned house and kicked the door in "Knock, knock"

A vampire smiled at him "Do come in, you've been expected"

He walked over and counted five of them "Well, well, the Obsolete gang, didn't I kill you all ten years ago?"

One of the vampires hissed "Bastard, not all of us were in that battle"

He nodded "So you're the cowards who hid while the others died"

Another vampire stood up "ENOUGH"

They all pulled out their guns and Alucard grinned

They shot at him and he noticed that they weren't shooting bullets but some strange clear liquid

He dodged but was still hit eight times with the liquid

He looked down and raised an eyebrow "Holy water?"

The leader of the small group smiled "No, poison"

Alucard laughed "You really expect poison to have an effect on me, fools"

He pulled out his gun and shot three of the vampires in the head

The other two just looked on smugly

Alucard grinned "What"

The leader laughed "The poison was specially designed, just for you, you've already had a small sample of it"

Alucard frowned "When?"

The second man grinned "How did you like our spider?"

Alucards eyes widened and he shot the legs off the second man "That spider scared my woman"

The vampire howled with pain "BASTARD"

Alucard grinned and shot off his arms

The leader smiled down at his companion "Don't worry old friend, we all knew we were going to die by his hand, but just think that in one hour we will have him"

Alucard laughed "How?"

The leader smiled "Not only will the poison destroy you, but we will have your one weakness"

Alucard grinned "I have no weakness" and he shot the second vamp in the head, killing him

The group leader didn't even look at his friend, instead he reached into his pocket and pulled out a photo "No?"

Alucard frowned "What is that?"

The leader smiled down at the photo "This, this is your weakness"

Alucard reached over and grabbed the photo out of his hand and looked down "SON OF A BITCH"

The leader grinned "Yes, your precious Ella, our leader will be collecting her very soon"

Alucard looked at him "Who do you work for?"

He laughed "The idiot priest Anderson hired us, he told us all about your little Ella, my master decided then it was too good a weapon against you to simply hand over to the priest"

Alucard doubled over as sharp pain shot through him

"Yes the poison should start taking effect now, soon it will render you unconscious, and your body will shut down, the poison then shall spread and destroy all your organs, it will burn away at them like acid, and you will die"

Alucard gritted his teeth "Where will he take her?"

The vampire laughed "That I will never tell"

Alucard gathered his strength "That's okay, I'll simply use your memories"

The vampire frowned "What?"

Alucard unleashed the hellhound "Welcome to your death"

(. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .)

Ella sighed and grabbed her bag, work was over and nothing had happened, she guessed Red was right and she was paranoid

She waved goodbye to the others and walked outside

She went up to her car and heard a noise behind her

She turned around

The world went black

(. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .)

Alucard stood breathing in short painful gasps,

He knew where to find Ella

He had to get her before it was too late

He took a step forward and collapsed to the ground

His last thought was Ella

Then his world went black

(. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .)

Ella opened her eyes and groaned at the sharp shooting pain in her head

She felt nauseas and knew that something bad had happened, when she next saw Alucard she was going to rub it in his face

She heard movement and opened her eyes again

A man stood over her looking down "Ah good you're awake"

Ella groaned again "My head"

The man laughed "Yes sorry about that but it was the only way you would come with us"

She frowned and looked up at him "Who's us? And why am I tied up?"

She glared down and noticed she was sitting on a concrete floor with her ankles tied together with rope, her wrists were also tied with rope in front of her body

The man grinned "Why the Obsolete gang"

She continued to frown "Go on"

He smiled "I'm so glad you said that, let me tell you about us"

Ella groaned "Please don't"

He stopped smiling "My, my you're full of sass"

She glared up at him "WHY YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOTIC LOOKING DUMB SON OF A BITCH COCK SUCKING...wait did you say shit?"

He punched her in the face "No I said sass"

She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times "My bad"

He glared "You will join us"

She looked at him "Huh, sorry I wasn't paying attention"

He punched her again "WE ARE VAMPIRES, POWERFUL BEINGS WHO SHALL RULE THE EARTH, HUMANS SHALL TREMBLE BENEATH US AND BOW BEFORE US, JOIN US OR SUFFER"

He looked down at Ella

She was singing "We are family, I got all my sisters with me OW" (he punched her again)

He glared "JOIN US OR SUFFER"

She screwed up her nose "No thanks, I'm not the conforming type"

He gapped at her

She smiled "Well it's been swell, but the swellings gone down"

_SMACK_

"OW"

"JOIN US"

She glared at him "Look buddy, I'm not about to join your tree house club"

_SMACK_

"OW, stop that"

_SMACK_

"DAMN IT I SAID STOP"

_SMACK_

Ella smacked his hand "NO, hitting is naughty"

_SMACK_

She smacked his hand again "OW, HITTING IS BAD, STOP IT"  
_SMACK_

"STOP IT"

_SMACK_

"I'm guessing you failed school several times"

_SMACK_

The vampire laughed "This is fun"

Ella pouted "Why does everyone say that"

_SMACK_

He rubbed his knuckles "Do you ever shut up?"

She licked at the blood running down her face "Lets see, nope"

_SMACK_

She sighed "I've been kidnapped haven't I?"

He glared at her "You're a quick one" he muttered sarcastically

She sighed again "Damn it"

_SMACK_

She glared "You know that's not nice"

_SMACK_

He grinned "I don't care"

She glared "You're a big meanie poopy head"

He raised his fist again "What did you call me?"

She looked around "This place is a dump"

_SMACK_

He yelled "ANSWER ME"

She looked up "Huh, what was the question? I was distracted by this dump we're in"

_SMACK_

She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth against the pain and muttered "Alucard is so going to force me to wear child tracker" (SOUTHPARK EPISODE, VERY FUNNY)

He glared "I SAID ANSWER ME"

She yelled back "AND I SAID WHAT WAS THE QUESTION"

_SMACK_

She pouted "You're very fist happy you know, anger management classes could help your people skills"

_SMACK_

She gasped in pain, that punch had hit her in the ribs

He pulled his leg back and kicked her in the ribs

_SMACK_

He laughed and did it again

_SMACK_

_SMACK_

_SMACK_

_SMACK_

Ella was curled over and gasping in pain

He grinned at her "Now I'm foot happy"

Ella looked up, blood was running down her face, she muttered "That was lame"

_SMACK_

He laughed "How did I ever live without you to beat up?"

Ella gasped "It's only a half life until you meet me, I have that effect on many people"

He glared down at her "Join with me and I will stop"

She smiled up at him "Doll's with real hair are fun"

_SMACK_

"Last chance Ella, JOIN ME"

She grinned "Yesterday I swam"

He grabbed her by her hair "And today you will die"

He reached out to grab her throat

His body jerked and his eyes opened wide, he looked down

Ella looked down also

Sticking out from his body was a long blade

She watched with fascination as four more blades entered his body

He dropped her to the ground

She looked over and smiled "MR ANDERSON!"

Anderson walked over to the vampire "So, you double cross me, now you will pay for it abomination of god"

The vampire gasped and Anderson pulled out another blade and swung

The vampires head rolled over to Ella and she muttered "Ew"

Anderson walked over to her and cut away the ropes

He bent down and gently picked her up "Come along little one, I will take you somewhere safe"

Ella smiled "Is it McDonalds?"

(. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .)

Anderson had taken Ella into an old building,

He walked with her in his arms and entered a room

He placed her gently on the bed and went out to get supplies

He came back with a bowl of water, some bandages and cloths

He gently wiped away the blood on her face and wrapped her ribs

She smiled up at him "Thank you Mr. Anderson, but I have to get going now; Red must be getting annoyed with me"

He looked down at her and sighed

He picked up handcuffs and Ella frowned at them in confusion

He attached them to the bed, then snapped them on her wrists

Ella's eyes opened wide "Alex?"

He handcuffed her legs "I'm sorry, but you are a vampire whore and to cleanse you of that you must do penance"

She tugged on them "Alex play time is over, when Red finds out he will kill you"

Anderson sat down and threaded his fingers through her hair "He won't come for you"

She blinked "Sorry but can you repeat that"

He sighed and stood up "Ella, I know that thing has you in some sort of spell, I am going to break it and once I do we can be together forever"

Her mouth dropped open "WHAT?"

He looked down at her "What happened to you tonight was my fault"

She sighed "No, It wasn't your fault, don't be silly"

He looked up then back at her "Ella, I ordered them to take you"

She gasped "WHAT?"

He nodded "My plan was simple, they take you and deliver you to me, I help you break whatever spell that thing has over you and we live together forever"

"Alex, I love Alucard, he loves me, we're getting married, he will come for me, I'm sorry you fell like this, but I don't feel that way about you"

He brushed her hair back "Poor Ella, soon you will be free of it"

Ella thought about what he said and wondered why he was so certain Alucard wouldn't come for her

He smiled at her "Forever you and me"

She looked at him "Alex, what did you do"

He touched her face gently "I made it so it would all be better"

She felt alarmed "WHAT DID YOU DO?"

He traced her lower lip

She felt panicked "ALEX TELL ME NOW"

He smiled smugly "I invent stuff you know, I like chemicals"

She went pale and whispered "What have you done"

He looked in the corner and smiled "I invented a poison, a very special poison, it is absorbed through the skin and creates pain so crippling the body shuts down and the person passes out, while they're out the poison worked like acid burning all it touches"

She swallowed and whispered "Alucard"

He looked at her and nodded "I had the other vampire attack him with the poison, you see the poison also works on vampires, so while I can't hurt him on the outside, his insides are vulnerable, he will soon be dead and the spell over you will be broken"

She felt a tear run down the side of her head "No" she whispered

He kissed her lightly on the lips "Rest my love and heal"

He got up and left the room

Ella felt tears run and then felt numb "No" she whispered again,

She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth; she opened her eyes and screamed "NO, ALUCARD!"

(. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .), (. Y .)

Alucard stumbled into the building and gritted his teeth against the pain "ELLA" he screamed

He walked along holding his stomach "ELLA"

He walked into a room and immediately smelt her blood "ELLA"

He looked down and saw the decapitated head of a vampire

He looked at the body and stared at the blades sticking out of it

His eyes darkened and he snarled "ANDERSON!"


	37. The short battle & new powers

BEGIN

**BEGIN**

**,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.**

Alucard followed the scent of Ella's blood and looked at the building, she was in there, and he knew it

**,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.**

Alucard walked through the halls and stopped; he heard the sound of footsteps and turned around to meet Anderson

Anderson lifted his blessed blades and bared his teeth "You're not getting her back demon, she's mine now"

Alucard laughed "She wears my ring and will soon be my bride; I will never let her go"

Anderson threw his blades at Alucard "She may bare your ring now, but soon enough she will bare mine and I will teach the girl what a real man is"

Alucard dodged the blades easily "Judas Priest, you are about as far away from being a man as rat shit, tell me where she is and I might let you live"

Anderson laughed "NEVER"

Alucard nodded and pulled out his guns "That's fine by me, I can find her easily enough, and her body bares both my blood and my mark"

Anderson growled "Soon enough I will cleanse her of that taint"

Alucard arrogantly lifted an eyebrow "What makes you believe you could have her anyway, she'd kill you in an instant"

Anderson laughed "She cares for me, so don't worry about that"

Alucard smiled "It appears you've mistaken pity for affection, but it is okay, soon you will be dead and won't have time to worry about that in hell"

Anderson snarled and lifted his blades again "Let's start then shall we"

Alucard laughed "I thought you'd never be ready, what with your chattering like an old maid"

Anderson moved quickly and stabbed at him

Alucard dodged and shot at him

Anderson was hit once in the shoulder and flew back

Alucard smiled, and then bent over in pain as the poison started to move more rapidly

Anderson got up and laughed "And tell me demon, how is that poison going? I invented it myself; I must say I am proud"

Alucard growled "It'll take a lot more then a weak poison to beat me"

Anderson glared "WEAK,WEAK I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT EVERY VAMPIRE WHO HAS EVER BEEN IN CONTACT WITH IT HAS DIED A SLOW AND AGONIZING DEATH"

Alucard smiled arrogantly "Sure they have" he replied mockingly

Anderson screamed and threw his blades

Alucard was stabbed through the stomach and the poison ate away at the blade, burning it away

Anderson smiled "Look's like its working"

Alucard shrugged "I thought I'd give you a free shot"

Anderson growled "HOW DARE YOU"

"Hmm?"

Anderson smiled at him "Not to worry if the blesses blades have no effect on you, the blesses objects seem to effect others of your kind"

Alucard shrugged again "So?"

Anderson laughed "WHO DO I HAVE NOW?"

Alucard straightened up and screamed out "ELLA!?"

"She can't respond to you"

Alucard turned to Anderson "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE"

"Just taken some precautions against a rescue of her"

Alucard lifted his guns and fired over and over while screaming "WHERE IS SHE"

Anderson ran at him and turned and sliced off Alucards arm, it dropped to the floor with a sickening _THUD_

Alucard looked down at his arm "That wasn't very nice of you"

Anderson turned and swung at him

Alucard regenerated his arm and shot Anderson in the head in rapid succession

Anderson landed with a _THUD_ and Alucard grinned "An arm for a head shot"

They both raised their weapons again when they heard

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

It came from the room underneath and Alucard saw Anderson go white

Alucard walked over to him and wrapped a hand around his throat "WHAT DID YOU DO ELLA?"

Anderson ripped Alucards arm off and whispered "Ella"

He turned and ran

Alucard followed

**,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.**

Ella was sleeping fretfully, she was emotionally drained and physically in pain, she wished she knew the vampire healing trick, but Alucard had yet to teach her that, or anything else for that matter

Alucard

Ella dreamt she heard his voice and the sound of his guns and smiled slightly in her sleep; she rolled, or tried to, but woke after she nearly twisted her fucking wrist off

"OWW, SON OF A BITCH" She sighed and remembered her dream, it seemed so real, it was almost like she could really hear gunshots and Alucard

She sat up (or tried to) cursed, then realized it was him, he was here

Ella also felt something strange, like he was in pain and she remembered the poison

She tugged hard on her handcuffs but all they did was scorch her skin "Shit" she muttered "Blessed fucking handcuffs"

She remembered all that Alucard could do and sighed softly, "if only I could do that kewl wall thinging"

She blinked and smiled "I don't have to do it with my whole body; I can try to do it with my wrists instead, start small"

She let out a laugh and focused all her energy on opening her third eye and wrapping the shadows around her wrists, so her wrists could become part of the shadows

The shadows wrapped around her left wrist and it became part of them, she slowly moved her wrist up from the handcuffs and was half way out of them

She watched in horror as the shadows left and the handcuff went through her left wrist

She heard the sound of something dropping to the floor above her and bit her lip so she wouldn't scream

She tried to block the pain and focus again on the shadows, they didn't come

Suddenly she was filled with a dark rage, her man was above her fighting for her life while poison ran through his body and what was she doing, lying on a fucking bed

The shadows came back and wrapped themselves around her entire left arm, she pulled it from the handcuff and focused on her right arm, it do was immediately wrapped in shadows

She sat up and grabbed her ankles and pulled hard, the handcuffs broke and she stood up

Her eyes opened wide and she looked around

She had done it, she was free, she forgot all about the battle upstairs

She had done her first vampire trick all by herself, she screamed with excitement

**,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.**

Alucard and Anderson ran to the door and Alucard kicked it in, turning the wooden door into slabs of broken wood

They ran in and saw Ella jumping up and down screaming

Anderson blinked in surprise "How did you get out?"

Ella turned

Alucard yelled "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?"

Ella screamed "RED" and ran up and jumped on him, she kissed his cheeks, his nose and then his mouth

He put her down and turned to Anderson "Now we know she's safe, let's finish this"

Ella shook her head "Uh, uh, no way"

They looked at her and both muttered "What?"

Ella frowned "Anderson is the priest who's going to marry us, so you can't kill him yet"

They both blinked "What?"

Ella nodded

Anderson and Alucard looked at each other then back to Ella

She smiled at them both

Alucard whined "But Ella"

She shook her head "No complaining, even though Alex is mentally insane right now, he's still my friend and you know my rule about killing my friends"

Alucard gapped at her "HE TRIED TO KILL US BOTH"

Ella shook her head "No, he tried to kill you, not me, and I'm sure he's very sorry for it"

Anderson snorted

Ella turned to him "Alex so help me god if you don't apologize I will make your life a living hell, I will stop being friends with you and turn the children at the orphanage against you"

It was his turn to gape "But Ella"

She shook her head "NO BUTS, SHAKE HANDS NOW!"

They grumbled

"SHAKE HANDS" she ordered

They both glared at each other and shook hands

Ella smiled "Now that we're all friends again, how about that antidote Alex?"

Anderson looked at her "What antidote?"

She frowned "The one that you use to stop the poison in Red's body"

He looked down and mumbled something

Ella stopped and whispered "What was that?"

He sighed "There is no antidote"

Alucard let out a laugh "Of course not, that would be to simple wouldn't it"

Ella looked around

Alucard gritted his teeth and walked out into the hallway

Ella followed and saw him leaning against a wall with a hand wrapped tightly around his stomach; he let out a moan of pain

Ella took a shaky breath "Red?"

He grinned at her, the grin turned into a grimace of pain "Little mental, did I ever tell you that you were my world?"

She felt a tear run down her cheek "Red?"

He shook his head "Did I ever tell you I wished for death, that I envied humans and their ability to age and die, that was until you came along"

Her lower lip trembled "Red?"

He smiled at her "Ah Ella, you gave me so much in so little time, with you I felt invincible, I felt, I had always envied that in others, the ability to feel things and emotions, then you told me you loved me and died in my arms and it was like a new world, everything was different, because you my Little mental, you loved me knowing full well what I was, you loved the monster that I am"

She let out a sob "RED STOP IT"

He sighed "Even now when others would rejoice the end of such a monster, you weep for me"

His legs gave out and he slid to the floor, he stretched his legs in front of him and leant his head on the wall

She screamed "RED STOP IT, YOU'RE SCARING ME, RED"

He smiled at her again "I haven't told you this to your face before, Ella Anderson, my little mental, I love you"

She swallowed and turned to Anderson and grabbed him by his robe "HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE TO MAKE AN ANTIDOTE?"

He sighed "Months"

She closed her eyes

He whispered "I'm sorry"

Her eyes snapped open and were full of rage "You're sorry" she whispered, and then shouted "YOU'RE SORRY?"

Anderson took a step back

Ella laughed and shook her head "Not as sorry as you could be"

Anderson frowned "Huh?"

She kicked him in the balls and when he doubled over she punched him in the nose, breaking it, he fell to the floor

Ella turned and looked over to make sure Alucard was still alive; satisfied he wouldn't die in the next ten minutes she walked over to the broken door and picked up a plank of wood

She walked over to Anderson who was on the floor, lying on his side; she lifted the wood and brought it down again and again

Alucard smiled

She kept hitting him with the wood until it broke, she threw the broken pieces away and walked over and picked up two more planks, she placed one on the floor and picked up the other

_WHACK_

Anderson groaned

_WHACK_

_WHACK_

_WHACK_

_WHACK_

_WHACK_

Anderson gasped in pain "I thought you wanted me to marry the two of you?"

Ella smiled "Lucky for you the wedding is still several months away, plenty of time for your head and hands to heal, I don't care about your back and legs, use a wheelchair"

_WHACK_

She held up the plank and brought it down on his head

_WHACK_

_SNAP_

She frowned at the broken piece and shrugged, she threw it away and picked up the other piece

Alucard laughed at Ella beating the shit out of Anderson with planks of wood, Anderson had one hand covering his face and the other covering his crouch

Ella kicked him in the ribs

_SMACK_

_SMACK_

_SMACK_

_SMACK_

"Huh" she muttered "No wonder that vamp had so much fun kicking me, it really is fun"

Anderson moved the hand from his head to his ribs and Ella smiled

_SMACK_

He groaned in pain and she lifted the plank and brought it down hard on his head

_WHACK_

_SNAP_

She smiled down at Anderson who was unconscious from the last hit and turned to Alucard

She walked over to him and straddled his lap "I have an idea"

He nodded "That's nice"

She smiled and closed her eyes; shadows wrapped themselves around her arms

She opened her eyes and slammed her hands into his chest

He frowned down at her

She moved her hands around and grabbed at the acid like poison, she felt it latch onto her hands and arms and continued to search for more of it

She lent up and kissed him

He kissed her back and opened his mind to her

She saw all of his memories

Once she knew she had grabbed as much of the poison as she could, she let out a sigh

She bit his lower lip hard and he opened his mouth to her

They kissed passionately and he opened his eyes and looked at her face

She was kissing him and stared into his eyes, he heard her whisper in his mind "Get ready my love"

He didn't know what she was planning

She opened her mind to him and he knew

She broke away from the kiss and kissed his chin, down his jaw line and to his neck

Anderson moaned and opened his eyes; he looked over in time to watch Ella sink her teeth into Alucards neck

She focused all of her energy on her arms and they became solid whilst still inside Alucards chest

She looked at him and he nodded

She used all of her strength and ripped her arms out of his body

He arched in pain and she let go of his neck and pulled back

In her hands and on her arms was a green goop like substance that seemed to pulsate

She screwed up her nose "Eww"

Mixed in with the goop was Alucards blood and skin and bits of his rib cage

She looked back at him and groaned, she could see inside his chest, all of his muscle and broken ribs and the organs there

She shuddered "For gods sake Red, heal yourself please, that is disgusting"

He laughed and shadows wrapped themselves around his chest

She looked down at the goop and frowned

Alucard stood up and stretched, he fell into the wall (not into like went through it but you know what I mean)

Ella glared back at him "You're still to weak Red, so don't do to much"

He sighed "Yes mother"

She rolled her eyes and shook her arms and hands, the goop went flying everywhere

She sighed at it and muttered "I need to wash my hands and shower"

She walked over to Anderson and squatted down "Where is your lab?"

He sighed and told her

She nodded and waved at him "See you at the wedding, I'll let you know when and where after I decide"

Anderson moaned in pain

Ella wrapped one of Alucards arms around her "Lean on me Red, we have one more stop before home"

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The stood in Anderson's lab and Ella looked around and sighed "Sarah would have loved this"

Alucard looked at her "Sarah would love bubble wrap"

Ella turned and looked at him "DO YOU HAVE BUBBLEWRAP?" she squealed

He sighed "Let me guess, you also love bubble wrap"

She glared at him "There is something wrong with someone who doesn't like bubble wrap"

He smiled at her and then let out a sigh "I have to sit down"

She nodded and turned back to the lab "Such a shame" she whispered

She picked up a beaker and dropped it on the ground

_SMASH_

Alucard looked up "Ah, I get your plan now"

Ella looked around "Well, I suppose it's alright if I do some shopping for Sarah here" she muttered to herself

She picked up a bag from the ground and grabbed a Bunsen burner and some empty beakers and test tubes

Alucard frowned "Huh, what are the odds of you finding an empty bag just there that you only just now mentioned so you have somewhere to put the empty stuff you're stealing for Sarah"

Ella looked over "I know, it's almost like someone knew I'd be taking stuff"

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After Ella finished stealing stuff to give to Sarah (lol)

She and Alucard looked around and smiled at each other

Alucard frowned "Should we look for the poison recipe?"

Ella shook her head "It's to risky, I mean what happens if someone else gets their hands on it, its much to dangerous for the innocent people of the world"

He sighed "Fine"

They both took opposite sides of the room and Ella let out a sigh "We need background music"

Alucard looked over "There's a radio that neither of us noticed before and it seems to be working, this is slightly odd"

Ella smiled "Maybe god just loves me"

Alucard laughed

Ella stopped smiling

Alucard stopped laughing "Oh, you were serious, um sure he does"

She glared "Shut up and play the music"

Alucard nodded "The way our luck is tonight it will be smashing shit music"

He pushed play

"_GOD IS MY SAVIOUR  
I LOVE THE LORD  
HE IS MY SHEPERD"_

Ella screamed "AHHHHHHH, TURN IT OFF, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TURN IT OFF!"

Alucard was pushing all the buttons "IT'S NOT STOPPING" he sounded hysterical

Ella sounded just as hysterical "SMASH IT, SMASH THAT BITCH TO PEICES"

Alucard dropped it on the ground

_"GOD IS...GR...E..A...T"_

It was still playing but had slowed down

Ella blocked her ears and sobbed "MAKE IT STOP"

Alucard jumped up and down on it

_"GOD ...SAV"_

It stopped

Ella and Alucard sighed in relief

Ella ran over to Alucard, he hugged her and rubbed her back "its okay, it's over now"

She was still sobbing "It was horrible"

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Ella had finally calmed down and she smiled at Alucard "LET'S KILL THIS BITCH"

He grinned and kicked a table; the items on it fell to the floor

_SMASH_

_SMASH _

_SMASH_

They continued until everything was broken and Ella looked around for something flammable

Alucard picked up a bottle of brandy "Looks like the priest enjoys a drink"

She grinned "Lets burn her up"

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After Alucard had thrown brandy all over the place Ella picked up a box of matched and smiled

She lit a match and dropped it on the floor

_WHOOSH_

Ella squealed in surprise

Alucard blinked "Huh, I guess we didn't have to worry about the brandy"

They both looked around and Ella looked back at him "Haul ass?"

He nodded "Yep, haul ass"

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They stood on the street corner and Ella sighed "I lost my bag"

He shook his head "After all that, you're worried about your bag?"

She glared "A WOMAN'S BAG IS A SACRET AND MAGICAL OBJECT TO HER"

He raised an eyebrow in surprise "Okay"

She sighed and leant against him "Let's go home, my ribs hurt and so does my face"

He smiled "Plus you look like shit"

She hit him

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They walked into Hellsing and Ella yelled "HONEY I'M HOME"

Everyone came running over and they all gasped

Sarah hit Alucard "WHAT'D YOU DO TO HER?"

Ella sighed "It wasn't him and it's a long story"

Integra lit a cigar "I have time"

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After the story was told Integra had let out a sigh "Are you really going to have Anderson marry you two?"

Ella nodded

Integra groaned

Ella stood up and stretched "Well if you excuse me, I have some drugs to take, a shower to have and a man to nurse"

Alucard just smiled and waited

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Five minutes later Ella let out a scream "WHERE THE FUCK IS MY STUFF"

**NOW MY PRETTIES I DEMAND THAT YOU SUBSCRIBE TO CRAZY, SEXY & RED,**

**I DEMAND YOU TREAT MY FAN GIRL AND GROUPIE **SweetYuya** AND HER MASTER **WannaBeNinja** WITH RESPECT AND LOVE**

**I DEMAND YOU CHECK OUT THE STORIES THEY HAVE MADE**

**AND I DEMAND REVIEWS AT LEAST 5 GOOD REVIEWS**

**ANON REVIEWS ARE ALLOWED**

**IF MY DEMANDS ARE NOT MET YOU WILL NOT GET ANYMORE BOA CHAPTERS, YOU WILL NOT GET THE COUNTDOWN TO THE WEDDING CHAPTERS OR THE CHAPTER ABOUT THE WEDDING**

**A WEDDING WHICH ANDERSON WILL BE THE PRIEST WHO MARRIES THEM**

**NOW FLY MY PRETTIES AND DO AS I DEMAND OR ELSE (SEE ABOVE)**


	38. pips achievment & comedy clubs

THIS GOES OUT TO MY GIRLS WannaBeNinja HER EVIL MINION OF DOOM AND MY FAN GIRL GROUPIE SweetYuya THE REASON FOR SARAH, BLESS YOU Raven06 AND SORRY I FORGOT TO CREDIT YOU FOR SARAH EARLIER, Dark-Flame-Girl AND OF COURSE Castlevania YOU GUYS HAVE STUCK WIT

**THIS GOES OUT TO MY GIRLS **WannaBeNinja **HER EVIL MINION OF DOOM AND MY FAN GIRL GROUPIE **SweetYuya **THE REASON FOR SARAH, BLESS YOU **Raven06** AND SORRY I FORGOT TO CREDIT YOU FOR SARAH EARLIER, **Dark-Flame-Girl** AND OF COURSE **Castlevania** YOU GUYS HAVE STUCK WITH ME ESPECIALLY YOU ****RAVEN06**** YOU ARE MY REASON FOR THE PLAN TO EXTEND THE ELLA AND ALUCARD STORIES INTO CHRONICLES, BUT IF NO ONE ELSE BOTHERS TO REVIEW THEN I WILL WRITE THE STORIES BUT I WILL SEND THEM VIA EMAIL TO THOSE MENTIONED ABOVE**

**AND THE REST OF YOU WILL SUFFER FROM WITHDRAWALS LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW**

**SO REVIEW OR ELSE READ NO MORE**

**MWAHAHAHAHAHA**

**BEGIN**

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Two months after the attack and kidnapping Ella had healed nicely and Alucard had recovered completely from the poison as promised Ella kept in touch with Anderson, they had yet to meet again in person, Alucards order

They were currently on their way to a comedy club, it was an open mike night that was going to open with a man who claimed to be the next Billy Connelly and Jim Carrey combined

Ella and Sarah were bouncing up and down

Pip had elected to drive them all there

Surprisingly beside Ella, Sarah, Alucard, Pip and Seras, Integra had elected to come with them

They finally arrived and Pip stopped the car

Before anyone could get out Pip hit the automatic car lock button, this meant that only he could unlock the doors

He started to laugh

Ella frowned

Sarah looked around "What? Did the comedy start early?"

Pip just muttered "That was a good one" and started giggling

Seras smiled at him "What was a good one?"

Suddenly everyone sniffed the air and let out a collective scream

Pip hit the window lock button

Ella and Sarah turned and started clawing at the window

Integra was gasping for breath

Seras covered her mouth and started hitting Pip

Alucard groaned and shadows started to wrap around him

Ella grabbed him and glared "Oh hell no, you're not getting out so easily mister while the rest of us suffer"

Alucard pouted then took a deep breath and started coughing

Integra's eyes were watering and she gasped "NO MORE FOOD FOR YOU PIP, _EVER_"

Sarah sobbed and started to head butt the window

Ella grabbed her "Sarah NO, that's bullet proof glass, it's impossible for even our kind to shatter and even if you manage it, you could get badly hurt or killed"

Integra looked over "Who cares if it kills her, SARAH KEEP GOING, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BREAK THE WINDOW!"

Pip was still giggling; he reached down and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen

He muttered out loud "June 16, 2008" he looked at his watch "8:40 pm"

He looked around, Seras was clawing at the window, Sarah was head butting her window, Integra looked like she was about to be sick, Alucard was sniffing Ella's hair, and Ella was covering her mouth and nose muttering about a 'happy place'

He grinned and wrote, while speaking aloud mind you "Tonight I did the best SBD car fart in my entire life"

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They finally made it into the comedy club and Sarah and Ella were chattering to each other

Integra looked at the others "Do we risk keeping them together or separate them"

Alucard looked at them "Separate"

Integra nodded "Pip, you and Seras take Sarah, we'll take Ella"

Pip glared "This is for the car fart isn't it?"

Integra smiled

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They were sitting down with Ella and Sarah on opposite sides of the room, when the curtain came up

A man smiled and began to tell knock, knock jokes

No one was laughing

He grabbed at his collar and looked around "So what's the deal with airplane food"

Ella yelled "IT'S FOOD YOU EAT ON AN AIRPLANE"

The man glared at her "It's a rhetorical question like that song, how many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?"

Sarah yelled "SEVEN"

The audience giggled

The man glared "You're not supposed to answer it"

Ella frowned "THEN WHY'D YOU ASK IF YOU DIDN'T WANT AN ANSWER"

The audience laughed

The man glared then looked around "Looks like we have a heckler in the audience"

Ella shook her head "NOPE, I'M AUSTRALIAN, CLOSE THOUGH"

He glared again and snapped "I didn't ask where you came from"

Sarah yelled "BUT YOU GUESSED WRONG SO SHE WAS JUST CORRECTING YOU"

The audience was laughing hard

Alucard lent back and Integra muttered "I wonder how much longer we'll be here until security kicks us out"

Alucard looked over "No need to worry on that count"

Integra frowned and he gestured to the back of the room where the security guards were laughing just as hard as the audience

The man took a deep breath "Look's like some mental patients escaped the asylum"

No one laughed

He swallowed loudly and looked around "Ah, um a dyslexic man walked into a bra"

Sarah started laughing

The comedian smiled

Sarah stood up and yelled "ELLA, GUESS WHAT, THIS GUY IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED, BUT DON'T TELL ANYONE, CAUSE HE MIGHT GET EMBARRASSED"

Ella grinned and yelled back "I WON'T TELL"

Sarah grinned "AFTER HE FARTED HE MOVED AROUND ON HIS SEAT, SO THAT IF ANYONE NEXT TO HIM HEARD IT HE COULD BLAME THE CHAIR"

Ella laughed "DOESN'T HE REALIZE THAT ONLY WORKS ON LEATHER CHAIRS NOT FABRIC?"

Sarah grinned "PROBABLY NOT"

The comedian looked around and spotted Alucard rubbing Ella's back "Hey you in the red, why don't you shut that girl up so I can get back to the show"

Alucard just laughed "SHUT HER UP, SHUT HER UP, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FOR MONTHS"

The audience laughed

Ella looked around and frowned, she looked back at Sarah "DID THAT DUDE ON STAGE JUST SAY SO THE SHOW CAN CONTINUE"

Sarah nodded "YEP, THAT'S ODD"

Ella nodded back "I DIDN'T THINK THE SHOW HAD STARTED YET"

"IT HASN'T HAS IT?"

The comedian glared "I am trying to work here"

Ella yelled to Sarah "I DIDN'T REALIZE MICROPHONE TESTERS WERE SO PISSY"

Sarah laughed "IT'S PROBABLY HIS FIRST NIGHT, HE DOESN'T REALIZE ALL HE HAS TO DO IS TAP THE MICK AND MUTTER TESTING A COUPLE OF TIMES"

"STRANGE MAN"

The comedian screamed "I AM NOT A MICROPHONE TESTER; I AM ON STAGE TRYING TO WORK THE AUDIENCE"

Ella and Sarah muttered "Oh"

Sarah nodded "HEY ASK ALUCARD WHEN WERE GOING TO GO TO THE COMEDY CLUB, THIS MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER IS CRAP"

Ella frowned "MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER, I THOUGHT HE WAS A LECTURER"

"THAT'S STUPID, WHY WOULD RED DRAG US TO A LECTURE?"

"WELL, WHY WOULD HE DRAG US TO SEE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER?"

"ADURR, TO MOTIVATE US"

"FINE, BE A SMART ASS, I'LL ASK RED, YOU ASK PIP"

Sarah nodded "OKAY, WE'LL MEET BACK HERE IN A MINUTE"

Ella nodded

The audience was absolutely pissing themselves laughing

Ella stood back up "SARAH"

Sarah stood up "WHAT?"

"HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING, JUST SLAPPED MY ASS, WHAT ABOUT PIP?"

"HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW IF PIP SLAPPED YOUR ASS?"

"NO NUMB NUTS, WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"OH, MY BAD, HE JUST LAUGHED"

"SO IN OTHER WORDS THE COMEDY CLUB THING WAS A RUSE TO GET US TO THIS MOTIVATIONAL BULLSHIT"

Sarah nodded "I THINK SO"

Ella frowned "I WONDER WHEN IT WILL START?"

Sarah shrugged "I DON'T KNOW, BUT WHEN IT DOES WE HAD BETTER SIT DOWN, WE DON'T WANT TO PISS ANYONE OFF"

"GOOD IDEA"

They were quiet for a moment and Ella yelled "THAT REMINDS ME, SARAH LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY"

Sarah nodded "ALRIGHT, I KNOW WHAT I WANT, IT'S A BOARDGAME BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER THE NAME RIGHT NOW, GIVE ME A MINUTE"

They both sat down and the comedian cleared his throat "A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar"

Sarah jumped up and yelled "HEARD IT"

Ella frowned "WHAT?"

"THAT'S THE GAME I WANT, HEARD IT"

"I THINK YOU MEAN SEEN IT"

"OH, MY BAD"

"WHICH ONE?"

"ALL OF THEM"

"ALL OF THEM? ALRIGHT JUST FOR YOU"

"YAY"

The comedian glared "SECURITY, I WANT THEM OUT NOW!"

Sarah looked around "WOW, THAT MICROPHONE TESTER IS PISSED"

Ella nodded "I WONDER WHO HE'S PISSED AT?"

"DUNNO, THEY MUST BE REALLY ANNOYING"

Ella slapped her own forehead "OH MY GOD, THAT'S IT! ANNOYING"

Sarah frowned "WHAT?"

Ella looked around the room in a way that told everyone she was about to yell out a secret, everyone sat forward to hear, even security

Ella yelled "I HAVE TO GO TO THE GYNECOLOGIST NEXT WEEK, BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T TELL YOU KNOW WHO"

Sarah frowned "WHO?"

Ella sighed and pointed to Alucard "HIM, DON'T TELL RED, HE GETS ALL PISSY AT THE THOUGHT OF ANOTHER MAN LOOKING AT MY VAGINA"

Sarah giggled "THATS A FUNNY WORD, VAGINA, VAG...I...NA, VAGINA"

Ella laughed "HEY YOU'RE RIGHT IT IS FUNNY, VAGINA, VA...GI...NA, VAGINA"

Sarah and Ella were saying vagina over and over again in different ways

Everyone was just howling with laughter

Sarah looked around "I THINK WE MISSED SOMETHING, PEOPLE ARE LAUGHING"

"MAYBE PIP FARTED AGAIN?"

Sarah shook her head "NAH, IF PIP FARTED AGAIN PEOPLE WOULD BE RUNNING SCREAMING NOT LAUGHING"

"TRUE"

"VAGINA"  
"PENIS"

"VAGINA"  
"TEST...ICLES"

"HEHE TESTICLES"

"WHAT'D YA RECKON IT WOULD BE LIKE TO HAVE TESTICLES"

Sarah grinned "I THINK I'D HAVE A BALL...OR TWO"

Ella laughed until tears ran down her face "I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, OH GOD, IT'S TIMES LIKE THIS I WISH WE REALLY WERE AT A COMEDY CLUB"

"WHAT DO YOU SAY WE DITCH THIS PLACE AND FIND A COMEDY CLUB, APPARENTLY THERE IS A REALLY FUNNY COMEDIAN ABOUT THE SCENE"

"THAT'D BE AWESOME, I WISH HE WAS ON STAGE NOW"

The comedian yelled "I AM ON STAGE"

Sarah glared at him "EXCUSE ME, WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE A PRIVATE CONVERSATION HERE"

Ella nodded "JEEZE BUDDY, IT'S CALLED MANNERS, YOU'VE TESTED THE MICROPHONE NOW GO AWAY"

Sarah sighed "SOME PEOPLE JUST DON'T KNOW WHEN TO SHUT UP"

Ella nodded again "TELL ME ABOUT IT"

"I JUST DID"

"MY, BAD"

The comedian yelled "WHAT ARE THE TWO OF YOU FUCKING RETARDED, STUPID FUCKING BITCHES"

Alucard stood up and the room darkened, everyone held their breath and looked at him, they could all feel the evil inside him

He looked at the comedian and said in a soft and dangerous tone of voice "No one, but no one calls my woman and her friend stupid but me, and to call them bitches is the biggest mistake"

Ella sighed

Sarah yelled "GOD HE'S ROMANTIC"

Ella nodded "I KNOW, IT'S THINGS LIKE THAT, THAT MAKE ME ALL GOOEY INSIDE AND HAPPY I'M MARRYING HIM"

A woman in front of her turned "You're getting married, congratulations"

Ella grinned "Thanks wanna see the ring?"

She nodded

Ella showed her

The woman muttered "Wow, it's interesting, but it's beautiful"

Ella grinned "Thanks, so what are you doing here?"

The woman grinned "Like you I was tricked into thinking this was a comedy club"

Ella shook her head "HEY SARAH"

"WHAT?"

"THIS NICE WOMAN IN FRONT OF ME JUST SAID SHE WAS ALSO TRICKED INTO THINKING SHE WAS GOING TO A COMEDY CLUB"

"THAT'S A SHAME, I WONDER HOW MANY OTHERS THOUGHT THAT"

The entire audience put up their hands

Ella shook her head "IT'S SAD, JUST SAD, THESE PEOPLE PAY FOR COMEDY AND JUST GET A PISSY MICROPHONE TESTER"

Sarah sighed "WHAT'S THE WORLD COMING TO?"

"WANNA BAIL?"

"YEAH LET'S BAIL, THIS IS SHIT"

"I'LL SEE IF RED AND INTEGRA WANNA BAIL TOO"

"I'LL CHECK WITH PIP AND SERAS"

Ella stood back up "YEP, THEY WANT TO BAIL TOO"

Sarah nodded "SAME HERE, LETS GO"

The audience groaned and muttered "NOOOO"

The Hellsing group stood up to leave

So did the rest of the audience

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They were outside when a short fat man ran up to them "MISS, MISS"

He ran straight into Alucard and Ella muttered "Nope, you got him"

He blushed and smiled as Ella helped him up "So sorry about that"

She shrugged "What can I do you for?"

He smiled and held out two cards "These are for you and your lovely friend over there"

Ella and Sarah each took a card and looked down "What is it?"

The man smiled "Life time free passes, the two of you saved this show tonight and I don't know how else to thank you"

Ella frowned "Wha?"

He smiled at her and shook her hand "If it wasn't for you and your friend here, the audience would have eaten me alive, but now they believe that what the heard between the two of you was worth every penny and pound spent"

Ella nodded slowly "o...Kay"

He grinned "You're more then welcome when ever you wish"

She nodded again "Um...thanks"

"That's quite alright, have a good evening"

"Thanks"

He left and Ella and Sarah stared at the cards in bewilderment

Ella looked up "Why would that man give us life time membership cards to a motivational seminar?"

Alucard laughed and steered them both to the car

Sarah shook her head "You British are a strange race"

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Ella snuggled closer to Alucard, Poe jumped up on the bed and settled down on Alucards chest and curled up

Ella smiled and closed her eyes

Alucard nudged her "How much longer till the wedding?"

She yawned "Couple of months, why?"

He shrugged "Just curious"

She frowned "Why?"

He let out a sigh "Maybe I just kinda sorta want you to be my wife"

She looked at him "Why Red, I think that has to be one of the most romantic things you've ever said since you first told me you loved me when you thought I was dying, then told me for a second time when you thought you were dying"

He shrugged "Don't want you to get to used to the idea, it's my secret weapon"

She frowned "What? Telling me you love me?"

He nodded "It's my ace in the hole"

She muttered "Huh" and shook her head "You men really are from Mars"

He glared "What does that mean, you hardly ever say you love me, in fact you've only said it twice to me"

She frowned "Really?"

He shrugged again "I think so"

She muttered "huh" again and settled back down "Guess it's my ace in the hole too"

He sighed "Strange alien creatures"

She frowned "Wha?"

"Women, strange alien creatures"

She smiled "True, but we're prettier"

"No, not that you're not stunningly beautiful to me, but its you're tits and ass that win me over"

She glared "What if I get fat or my tits and ass decide to migrate south?"

He smiled and kissed her nose "I guess I'll just have to trade you in for a newer model"

She glared "Do so and _you'll_ have nothing south"

He frowned "You know Sarah isn't that hard on the eyes"

She tapped her nails on his chest "Ah huh"

"Maybe she'll age better"

The tapping got faster

He smiled at her "That'd make you feel better right?"

She stopped tapping her nails and made a claw "What?"

He grinned evilly "If I trade you in for your best friend, you know, kick you out of my bed and drag her in"

In reply she dug her nails into his skin and ripped down

"OW"

She grinned and gently picked up Poe and dropped her on the ground, she straddled Alucard and felt his hardness against her thigh

She raised an eyebrow "What's this?"

He smiled "I must be a sick man to be turned on by you maiming my body"

She laughed and removed the sheet, she bent down and lapped at the blood on his chest, her hand reached down and she cupped him gently "Mmmmm, like honey"

He let out a groan as she wrapped her hand around him and began top move it up and down

She moved lower, kissing his stomach as she slowly moved down

She licked the length of him and used her tongue to circle the tip of his cock

He looked down and saw she was staring at his face; she looked into his eyes as she brought him into her warm moist mouth and sucked lightly, all the while running her hand around the shaft

When he could take no more he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up to him

He pushed her onto her back and moved his hands down, he nearly shouted in relief when he found her slick and ready for him, he entered her in one swift thrust and grabbed her hips tightly

She wrapped her legs around his waist sat up so she straddled him; she moved her hips back and forth, riding him hard

He pulled her off and turned her around, he positioned himself entered her slick wet passage, she arched her back, he grabbed her hair and bent over her body, pistoning his hips, faster and faster

She moaned and he bit into her shoulder in the ancient dominating mating rituals of animals, she felt a drop of blood slide down her shoulder to her breast and moaned again

She felt an orgasm approaching and started gasping and begging for more,

He obeyed slamming into her harder; he withdrew nearly the entire way then slammed into her once more before they both reached simultaneous relief

She collapsed from his weight, his body pinning hers down, his teeth still in her shoulder, his cock still pulsating inside her

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After a while he licked the bite mark closed and rolled off her onto his back,

She grinned at him "Still going to replace me"

He let out a laugh "After that I'm thinking of chaining you naked to my bed and I might also threaten to leave you every night too"

She sighed then grimaced "I need a shower"

He laughed "Animalistic sex at it best, satisfying but messy as hell"

She yawned "I have a feeling tomorrow I'm going to be sore in places I never knew existed"

He got up and picked her up, carrying her into the bathroom he turned on the shower "Not to worry, by the time we're married I hope to have fully explored every part of you"

Ella screwed up her nose "One area you are never going to explore mister"

He carried her underneath the warm water spraying down "Don't worry, you have a nice ass, a great ass, but I am not going in"

She sighed "Thank Christ"

After a while she looked at him "Red, tell me the truth"

He looked down "Why so serious?"

"Just answer me please"

"What is it?"

"Were we really at a motivational seminar?"

He grinned "No"

She smiled "I can't wait to tell Sarah I was right, but Red?"

"What?"

"Why the hell did you take us to a lecture?"

He laughed "My little mental never change or get smarter"

She smiled "You can count on it"

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She was half asleep when what he said fully registered

Ella gasped and hit him "HEY"

Alucard knew she finally got it and started to laugh


	39. The countdown and shopping

.

Watergoddesskasey WannaBeNinja, SweetYuya, Castlevania, Dark-flame-girl, Raven06

**THANK TO ALL OF THE MENTIONED ABOVE  
YOU GUYS ROCK  
THIS IS FOR YOU  
SO, SO, SO, SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG  
HOPE YOU ENJOY AND REVIEW  
EVEN ANON REVIEWS WELCOME**

Ella was laughing her ass off, she could still do the cool arm thing, unfortunately she just couldn't get the rest of her body to go shadow

Sarah ran up behind her "ELLA" she tackled her in a hug

Sadly Ella had just gone shadow (as she now thought of it) on her arms and Sarah propelled her forward

Ella went flying at the wall with Sarah behind her, she put her hands up to stop herself but her hands and arms went through the walls

_SMACK_

"Oof" Ella had smacked her forehead into the wall

She lay with her knees on the floor and her face against the wall with her arms through it

"Pretty stars and birdies" she muttered,

Then wondered when she started to think of everything cartoon style

She pulled her arms out of the wall and they went back to normal she pushed herself away and frowned

She had the beginnings of a giant bump on her forehead and an idea that wouldn't leave

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Alucard walked past whistling, he stopped and walked back and looked into Sarah's room

Ella was lying on Sarah's bed with an ice pack on her head

He sighed and shook his head and kept walking

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Sarah stood over her and sighed "Alright I'm going to hold up two fingers and I want you to tell me how many fingers I'm holding up"

She held up two fingers

Ella grinned and muttered "Eleven?"

Sarah moaned "Oh god, I scrambled your brains to mush"

Ella grinned "Is that you mamma?"

Sarah looked horrified "NO IT'S SARAH" she yelled

"Daddy?"

"NO, SARAH"

"Uncle Pete?"

"SARAH"

"Aunty Isabelle?"

"I never knew you had an Uncle Pete or Aunt Isabelle, NO IT'S SARAH"

"Grammy?"

"NO IT'S SARAH"

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Integra was walking with Alucard discussing the new plans for Hellsing manor when they heard

"NO NUMB NUTS, IT'S SARAH"

Followed by "I'M COMING PAPPY"

"NO, DON'T FOLLOW PAPPY, STAY WITH ME, STAY WITH ME"

Integra gave Alucard a questioning look

He sighed and went to see what was going on

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Alucard walked in and Sarah grabbed him and yanked him over to the bed

She was nearly in tears "LOOK ELLA, IT'S RED"

Ella smiled her evil, cheeky grin "SANTA"

Sarah sobbed "NO IT'S RED"

"PURPLE"

"RED"

"ORANGE"

"RED"

"GREEN"

"RED"

"OBLONG"

Alucard stared at the roof to stop from laughing, he didn't know what was going on, but Ella had a bump on her head the size of a golf ball and from the way she was acting he knew it was Sarah's fault

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Ella was purposely walking around dazed

She sat in Integra's office and the others all stared at her

Sarah ran after her sobbing "CAN'T YA HEAR ME YELLA, PUTTING ME THROUGH HELLA, ELLA, ELLA"

Ella tried not to smile

Sarah rested her head on Ella's lap "Please Ella, if you get unscrambled now I'll through you a party"

Ella squealed and clapped her hands "Oh a party how fun, what kind of party?"

Sarah sighed in relief "A hootenanny"

"Oh a hootenanny how fun, what kind of hootenanny?"

"A shindig"

"You mean like a hoedown?"

"A hullabaloo"

Ella clapped her hands "Oh that sounds just great, I'll go get ready"

Integra's eyes widened and she yelled "NO PARTIES IN THE HELLSING MANOR"

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_SMACK, THUD, SMACK, THUD, SMACK, THUD, SMACK, THUD, SMACK, THUD_

Ella cursed Alucard for moving her room into his with all his damn stairs

She got up and winced "THAT'S IT I KNEW IT, HE'S TRYING TO KILL ME"

-Poke-

Ella squealed and spun around so fast she fell over

She rubbed her head and glared up at Alucard who just sighed "Whose trying to kill you now little mental?"

She looked lost "Huh?" she frowned "Oh yeah, YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL ME WITH YOUR STAIRS"

He raised an eyebrow "But you're getting so much better at falling down them"

She grinned "Yeah I am aren't I"

He sighed and shook his head; he helped her up "What do you have planned tonight that is sure to drive me to drink?"

She grinned "A shinannybaloo"

He blinked "What?"

She pushed him out of the way "I HAVE TO DRESS"

He glared "One, you're already dressed and two, why are you yelling?"

She shrugged "I thought it suited the mood"

He shook his head "Why do I keep you again?"

Ella shrugged "Sex?"

Alucard stood behind her and moved his hand slowly up to her breasts "That's right"

She glared at him "Red, I have to get ready"

He smiled "But you can make time"

He bent down and bit her neck

She purred "When you're right you're right"

She turned into his arms and kissed him

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The next afternoon the girls went out dress shopping for the wedding,

Annoyingly Alucard insisted on them having protection, he wanted to come but the girls all pointed out that seeing the dress before the wedding was bad luck

So after an hour of yelling at each other Ella and Alucard agreed on having a couple of Wild Geese with them

Unfortunately Ella's idea of a couple was two

Alucards was five and that wasn't including Pip

But for revenge against the poor Wild Geese, Ella had called Tazmin along and the Wild Geese were now in charge of Destiny and Phoenix, the troublesome twins

The girls walked into about five bridal shops before Ella found something she liked

It was a white wedding dress, strapless and corset style; the skirt flowed down around her ankles

There was beading on the bodice in the design of Celtic knots

Ella tried it on and smiled

The girls nodded in satisfaction (Well Integra sort of sat there with her cigar and grunted)

The shop assistant smiled "It's perfect on you"

Ella frowned "Almost perfect"

The woman blinked "W... um well what can we do to make it perfect?"

Ella checked herself out in the mirror and smiled "Do you have it in black?"

The shop assistant gapped in horror and stuttered "B...bl...Black?"

Ella smiled at her "Yes, I don't like white, do you have this in black at all?"

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Ella, Tazmin, Sarah and Cami were all looking at the ceiling trying not to laugh

Seras and Integra were looking horrified

Integra glared "This is not acceptable" she sounded strangled

Seras just gapped "But, but, but, but"

Tazmin looked over and said in a serious voice "It is tradition"

Integra snapped "Hang tradition, she's already wearing a black wedding dress"

Sarah shook her head sadly "It's just the way it goes"

Seras looked ready to burst into tears "Why?"

Ella snorted and gave her a look that read 'That was a stupid question'

Cami smiled sympathetically "It's just the way it's always been done"

Integra glared "I don't want to be a bridesmaid"

Ella glared at her and said in a soft, dangerous tone "You are not backing out now Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing; if I have to drug you and dress you myself you will be at my wedding and you _will _be a bridesmaid"

Integra blinked in shock "Okay"

Seras sniffed back tears "Why aren't any of you as horrified as me and Integra?"

Tazmin smiled "We've all been there before"

Ella looked at the group "Well come on, we have a hideous bridesmaid dress to find, tell me, what do you think about puke green and lots of flounces?"

Integra whimpered

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Tazmin stood next to Ella and whispered "When will you tell them the truth?"

Ella grinned "I figure they'll soon discover the truth on the day"

Tazmin laughed then winced in horror as Seras came out modeling the most hideous dress ever created

Ella grinned evilly "Perfect"

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Ella sent Integra and Seras home; she also made them take the demon twins, as Tazmin called them, with them

She looked at the others as they left and smiled "Let's find us some stunning bridesmaid dresses"

Sarah smiled "What colour are we looking for?"

Ella thought about it "I think blood red would complement the black of my dress"

Tazmin walked over "Hey I think I found a store"

Ella nodded "Good for you, considering we're in a mall that was very observant of you"

She glared "Shut up, you know what I mean"

Ella laughed and hooked her arm through Tazmin's "Lead on McDuff"

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Ella looked at the dress as Tazmin modeled it; she gestured for her to turn around and smiled

The dress was basic but in a sexy way, it was crimson red and strapless, it hugged the body yet still gave room to breath

The bodice was decorated in black and it had a clip on the side that gathered the material creating a small waist

The clip itself was a bronze colour and had diamantes decorating it

Ella looked at the other girls "I like it, but you're the ones wearing it, so it's up to you"

Sarah frowned thoughtfully "How does it feel Tazmin?"

Tazmin twirled "I feel like a princess, and it moves with my body, it's sexy but wedding compliment, it doesn't feel like it will fall down, so I don't feel like I need to constantly pull the top up, the waist is tight but in a good way, I know I can stuff my face and not rip the seams"

Ella looked at the other two "Why don't you two try it on?"

Sarah and Cami nodded

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They decided to take the dresses and Ella ordered an extra two with the measurements she had gotten from the other store

That done it was time to look for shoes

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They walked into numerous shoe stores and came out with several boxes of shoes, none of them were for the wedding but hey, a woman always needed new shoes

The next store Ella fell in love with a pair of boots, they were thigh high and zipped up, the heel was a thick one and the toe was rounded, it had silver buckles on the side going up and laces in the front, but the laces didn't need to be tied again and again due to the zip

Ella tried them on and stared at her legs in the mirror "Ladies I believe I just found my wedding boots"

Sarah nodded "They look hot"

Tazmin added "They can also be used on your honeymoon"

Cami grinned "And they scream Ella"

Ella grinned "Wedding shoes they are then, what about you guys?"

Tazmin frowned "Do you want us to all have the same shoes?"

Ella laughed "God no, I love you all so I wouldn't do that, as long as they aren't the same boots as mine wear what you want as long as it suits the dress and you know you can walk in them without killing yourself"

That last bit she said was directed at Sarah

Sarah glared "I wasn't the one who fell down the stairs the other day"

Ella laughed "No you were the one who fell down them the day before me"

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Sarah picked a pair of boots that went to mid calf and zipped up, the heel was stiletto and the toe pointed

Cami picked a low heel shoe that was pointed and closed toe, the buckle was silver with diamantes

Tazmin picked a pair of opened toed stilettos that laced up to mid calf

All the shoes were black

Ella grinned "We have to get Seras and Integra shoe shopping"

Sarah grimaced "I think Integra owns lesbian flats and that's all"

Ella screwed up her nose "Not for my wedding"

Tazmin glared "Hey, I own lesbian flats"

Ella laughed "We all do, but they aren't wedding shoes"

Tazmin nodded "True"

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It took a week of arguing, pleading, yelling, throwing things, sex and violence before Ella convinced Alucard to wear a suit to the wedding

He was standing in a store with Pip and D (Ella insisted D walk her down the aisle) and four other Wild Geese

He looked around in horror at the suits and Pip just laughed at him "Come my friend, just think of the sex you will get"

Alucard glared "It was the sex that got me here in the first place"

Pip slapped him on the back "Lucky you"

Alucard looked around and shuddered at a baby blue suit

Pip smiled "Oh, I think Ella would love that blue one"

Alucard looked at him "Would you like to become a ghoul?"

Pip just laughed

One of the Geese yelled out

Alucard walked over and smiled

There, like it was waiting for him, was a red suit

He grinned at the men and mentally sighed in relief "I'll take it, now let's get the fuck out of here before I give in and kill someone"

The salesman who had been coming over heard that and turned around and ran the other way

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It was only two weeks until the wedding and Ella was having a heart attack, she still hadn't found the wedding bouquets

They had looked at numerous florists but she had yet to find the flowers that just felt right

She was nearly in tears when she found it

The place not only had roses of a red that made her ache for blood, but they had black roses

Ella sighed in relief and ran in

She grinned at the woman and the first words she said was "I love you"

The woman blinked in surprise

Ella laughed "Don't worry, I have been searching for months for flowers for my wedding and you have them, so I love you"

The woman laughed "Thank god, for a minute I wondered if I should call the cops"

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One week left and the others got together in secret

Pip looked around and placed a piece of paper down

Sarah also placed a piece of paper down

They smiled at one another

After an hour Sarah sat back "So two nights time we begin operation bucks and hens night"

Pip lit his smoke "Should be fun, for us Geese anyway, I imagine Alucard won't be overly happy"

D grinned and winked at Integra "Fuck Alucard"

Pip laughed "I imagine Ella is doing so right now"

Integra looked appalled

Sarah frowned thoughtfully "Do you really think so?"

Pip nodded and ashed "Those two, they are like rabbits, they fuck none stop, it's sickening"

Integra wondered if that meant that Pip was finally becoming a gentleman

Pip added "It should be me and Seras who fuck like rabbits"

Seras punched him

He went flying back and slammed into the wall, he gasped "Vampire strength love"

She smiled sweetly "Yes, once again it comes in handy"

Integra realized Pip would never be a gentleman

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Ella was bouncing up and down; the girls had prepared her hen's night but didn't tell her where she was going

She was dressed in the female little black dress and ready to go

She met Sarah and Integra and Seras at the door

Sarah grinned and handed her a tiara with flashing lights

Ella grinned and they went out to the car

Tazmin and Cami were waiting with a bottle of champagne and glasses

Ella laughed and they gave her a veil to put in her hair

The car left and Ella was bubbling with excitement

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"No" Alucard glared at the men in front of him

Pip frowned "Ella arranged it though"

He frowned "Really?"

Pip nodded and elbowed the man next to him

The man nodded quickly "She might get upset if you don't go out"

D added "She is a stickler for tradition"

Pip lit his smoke "And a buck's night is the biggest of all traditions"

Alucard let out a defeated sigh "Fine"

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They went to a strip club and a woman smiled seductively at Alucard

She rubbed against him

He glared at her "Don't touch me"

She backed away quickly

Pip sighed and poured himself another drink

It was going to be a long night

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The girls were also at a strip club

But the results were different

They were all tipsy and a male stripper was giving Ella a lap dance

He held a piece of lemon in his mouth and had salt on his hand

Ella laughed and licked the salt off his hand, she shot down the tequila and sucked the lemon from his mouth

The other girls laughed and cheered

Even Integra was having fun

The man handed Integra a bottle of baby oil and turned around

Integra giggled and oiled up his ass

The girls cheered her on

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Alucard glared down at his drink and finished it off; he poured another glass and looked at Pip "Can we leave yet?"

Pip was staring at the woman stripping in front of him "Hmm?"

Alucard sighed; it was going to be a long night

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Ella was lying on the stage and the male stripped slid slowly up her body and took a shot of vodka,

He bent down and kissed Ella, transferring the vodka from his mouth to hers

She swallowed it and opened her mouth to show it was gone

The girls laughed and cheered

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Alucard looked back down at his watch and glared, it felt like he'd been there for days when in reality it had only been a couple of hours

He stood up and decided to go find Ella

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Ella opened her mouth and the male stripper poured in some vodka

She felt some drop onto her chest and squealed when the man bent down and licked it off

She laughed, she was absolutely shit faced

So where the others

Integra giggled and looked at the others "I'M SO GLAD ALUCARD ISN'T HERE"

Sarah laughed as the stripper licked salt off Ella's hand and nodded "HE'D KILL US ALL FOR THIS"

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Pip looked around in alarm

Alucard was gone

He had a sickening feeling he knew where he went and grabbed the others and went running

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Alucard walked into the club and immediately focused on a male stripper grinding against a woman

He growled and walked over, he grabbed the man and spun him around

The guy looked shock

Alucard punched him out

The woman screamed

Alucard barely looked at her, he walked up to the man and grabbed him by the throat "You ever touch my woman again and I will kill you"

The stripper whimpered and nodded

Alucard could smell Ella's scent all over the man

He dropped him and left

Ella wasn't there anymore, but he would find her

And when he did she had better have a damn good explanation for why her scent was all over another man

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Ella was jumping up and down; the girls had left the strip club and were now at a night club

The music was techno shit which she normally hated, but when she was drunk it was great

She laughed and ran over to the bar and ordered another shot

She drunk it down and ran back to the dance floor

She was completely unaware that Alucard was on his way and in a dangerous mood

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Someone grabbed her ass and spun her around

Ella tripped slightly due to the fact she was shit faced and a spazz,

She swung out and punched whoever had touched her

She looked up and yelled "RED"

Alucard looked dangerous

She ignored that and grabbed him and started dancing like a dickhead around him

He blinked down and tried to hold on to his anger, but when Ella was acting like a spazz, which was always

He could never stay mad

He sighed and shook his head

She started grinding against him

He smiled and started to unwind, the tension and rage melted away leaving him feeling strange and confused

He still wasn't used to the way she made him feel, but he liked it

He looked around and his eyes widened in shock

Integra was making out with a man he had never met

Alucard knew she was drunk but was torn between leaving Ella and saving Integra from the bastard who was taking advantage of his master

He solved that problem by picking Ella up and throwing her over his shoulder and carrying her over with him

He tapped the man on the shoulder and when the guy turned Alucard brought back his fist and slammed it into the mans face

The guy collapsed on the ground and Integra giggled

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Pip and the other Geese ran in just in time to see Alucard punch a guy out

Pip sighed and knew that this place was out

Thankfully Sarah had a feeling something like this might happen so they had a back up plan

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They were all dancing like idiots

With Ella's encouragement Alucard had been doing tequila slammers

Ella had the lemon wedge in her mouth and Alucard took great pleasure in sucking the sour fruit from her mouth

When it came to dancing he just stood there and Ella used him as a stripper pole, dancing around his body, grinding against him

When he couldn't take anymore he ordered everyone home

Once there Ella introduced him to the joys of hot wild drunken monkey sex

He loved it

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The day Ella groaned in agony

She didn't know why or how but she had the biggest hangover

Alucard and Seras seemed unaffected by this

Ella hated them both for that

Alucard just laughed and told her it was revenge for her letting another man near her

She was slightly cheered by that because it meant he was jealous

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It was two days before the wedding when Integra called Alucard and Ella into her office

Ella was worried because Integra seemed depressed about something

They went in and sat in silence for five minutes

Integra looked up "I have decided what I am going to give you both as a wedding present"

Ella frowned and wondered why she seemed so distressed

Alucard also noticed something was wrong with his master

Integra took a deep breath then stood up

She walked over to the window and looked out

Ella went to go to her but Alucard held her down and simply shook his head

Integra looked out "I have decided that the present I will give you is mostly Alucards"

They exchanged a confused look

Integra took a deep breath "Alucard as of your wedding day, once the ceremony ends you are free"

Ella frowned "What are you on about?"

Integra turned to them "I have been thinking allot about what you said about slavery"

Ella nodded for her to continue

"I have decided that when you and Alucard marry he should be completely free to be yours, therefore once the marriage certificate is signed Alucard will no longer be a slave to Hellsing"

Alucard glared "What are you on about?"

"You will be a free vampire, no longer Hellsing's slave, I do hope you will still continue to work for us, but I will no longer be your master"

Ella went over to her "Alucard will you please leave us for a couple of minutes"

He left

Ella looked at Integra "I don't know what idiotic thoughts are running through that head of yours, but Alucard will not leave you Integra, I know this is hard for you, but Alucard loves you, he will stay and nothing will change, nothing"

Integra looked away

"Integra, Alucard will always work for you, with you, he won't abandon Hellsing, we already spoke about this, if the worst happens and you pass away we already decided to stay and continue what your ancestors started"

Integra frowned "What?"

She nodded "We both believe in what you do, we both respect you as a boss, just because he calls you master doesn't mean that's the reason he takes orders from you, he takes orders from you because he trusts your judgment"

Integra looked confused "So you don't want the gift"

Ella laughed "Oh no, I'm taking it, But the only difference is now he isn't a slave, he's a worker and friend, that's it, I just hope you let us continue to live here and leave everything as it is"

Integra nodded slowly

Alucard appeared behind Ella "She's right, nothing changes in my mind, you are still my little countess Integra, I will slip and call you master every now and again, but that's all, I am still your servant, and you are my boss, where you lead I will follow"

Integra had tears running down her face

Ella sobbed and grabbed them both "GROUP HUG"

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-Poke, poke-

"Stop it"

-Poke, poke, poke-

"Stop it"

-Poke, poke-

"DAMN IT ELLA STOP IT"

She pouted then smiled

Sarah looked at her and nodded

Ella hugged him tightly

Sarah walked up behind him and grabbed his hat "I GOT IT ELLA"

Ella let him go and squealed "CHEESE IT"

They both ran

Alucard was chasing them

The girls were giggling like mad

Alucard was screaming "GIVE ME BACK MY HAT"

Ella turned "NEVER"

He yelled "LOOK OUT"

Sarah looked back and snorted "AS IF WE'D FALL FOR THAT"

_SMACK, SMACK_

Alucard walked up to them both and sighed

They had both run full bolt into a wall

He bent down and picked up his hat "Didn't you once tell me god loved you Ella?"

She blinked several times

He grinned and put his hat back on his head "Look's like he loves me instead"

Ella frowned "Nope he loves me more because I'm marrying you and we can adopt Sarah and live happily ever after as a happy family"

Alucard decided then that god hated him

Ella just prayed that the wall hadn't left her bruised

After all tomorrow she was getting married


	40. The wedding

**.**

**THANKS GOES TO **SweetYuya, WannaBeNinja, Raven06, watergoddesskasey, Dark-flame-girl **AND **Castlevania

**YOU GUYS ROCK AND I'M SORRY TOSAY THAT THIS IS THE SECOND LAST CHAPTER OF BOA**

**THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE THE EPILOGUE BUT DON'T WORRY, THE EPILOGUE LEAVES IT OPEN FOR ANOTHER TWO DIFFERENT STORIES**

**SO ELLA AND ALUCARD AREN'T GONE FOREVER**

**AND JUST BECAUSE THE STORY IS OVER DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T WANT REVIEWS**

**REVIEWS KEEP ME GOING AND HAPPY**

**SO DON'T MAKE ME SAD**

**REVIEW**

Today was the day of the wedding, the dresses had arrived and were hidden away from Alucards view, his suits had arrived and everything was going off without a hitch

Sarah came in and let out a groan "Ella, it's raining"

Ella smiled "Don't worry, they say that rain on your wedding is good luck"

Little did she know that those words were just as bad as saying 'What could possibly go wrong' and not surprisingly quite a lot did go wrong

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Ella sat back carefully, she didn't want to disturbed her hair and makeup, both of which had just been finished not long before

They arrived back at the Hellsing manor and Walter greeted them at the door

He seemed somewhat shocked by Integra's transformation, gone was the hard, studious tough as nails woman, and in her place was a soft yet strong sensual woman

Ella couldn't have been happier

They went upstairs and Tazmin popped the cork on a bottle of champagne and poured everyone a glass

Ella had voted that they get hair and make up done early so they had a chance to sit down and get tipsy and have girly talks

Walter knocked on the door "Pardon the intrusion but the flowers are here"

Ella clapped her hands "Wonderful"

They went downstairs and opened the box

They stared in silence

Sarah finally looked over at Ella and muttered "I thought you said rain was good luck?"

Ella sighed and muttered "Ah, shit"

Instead of the black and blood red roses that she had ordered, in the box was a bouquet of white lilies and a wreath that read 'Deepest Sympathies'

Tazmin made a sound that was suspiciously like a laugh and looked away

Ella looked around at everyone and started laughing "I guess the florist knew who I was marrying"

The others laughed and Alucard came in "What is going on?"

She grinned up at him "Flowers are here"

He looked in the box and nodded "I'm guessing someone sent them for me"

She glared and punched him

He laughed and left the room

Ella let out another laugh "Oh well, I guess it's just the flowers"

Sarah grinned "Let's hit the champagne again"

The others agreed

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Integra stood up and swayed slightly "Ish going to works for a bit"

Ella nodded and whispered to the others "No more champagne for her"

They looked at her as she left, stumbling out and Tazmin reached for the bottle "Hey? Where'd the champagne go?"

Ella sighed "Integra"

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Ella's phone rang and she looked down and frowned "That's Anderson"

"Hello"

"Alex?"

"Ella"

"What's up?"

"Um, I kinda got lost"

Ella closed her eyes and sighed "Where are you?"

He was silent for a few minutes then cleared his throat "Scotland"

Ella groaned then started to laugh "Of course you are"

"So where do I go now?"

Ella sighed "I'll get Walter"

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Pip was running around ripping his room apart "Shit, shit, shit, SHIT"

Alucard walked in "Shit?"

Pip turned and looked horrified "Alucard" he squeaked

Alucard walked slowly over to him "Pip?"

Pip closed his eye and let out a shaky breath "Please don't kill me"

"WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"Nothing"

"PIP"

Pip swallowed "I might have misplaced the rings"

Alucard glared "WHAT?"

Pip looked around "They have to be here somewhere I know it, quick help me look"

"Why not use the Geese?"

Pip looked wary "They're already sort of looking around the manor"

Alucard closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose "You're telling me you have no idea where you lost them?"

Pip nodded

Alucard yelled "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU"

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Ella heard Alucards yell and grabbed the bridge of her nose "I am not going to ask, I don't want to know"

Sarah sighed "Well just think, it can only get better from now on, right?"

Ella sighed and then smiled "You're right, things have to get better"

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Ella opened up the box and held up a tiny veil

The other all went "Aww"

Ella grinned and bent down "Poe, Poe come here baby"

Poe ran over and Ella picked her up and attached the tiny veil to Poe's collar, it looked like a little cape on her kittens back and she laughed

Poe rolled and tried to scratch at the veil but it stayed in place

Ella grinned "Well that's one down and six to go"

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Ella pulled out her dress and held it up

The girls gasped in appreciation

Then the demon twins ran in

Tazmin yelled "STOP RIGHT THERE"

They stopped and she glared "WHERE ARE YOUR GUARDS?"

Destiny grinned "They's looking for some special rings, but we're spossed to keep it secret cause the red man doesn't want Aunty Ella to know that the pirate man lost the special rings, so we're helping look"

Ella sighed "Oh god, Pip lost the rings"

Destiny ran over "Aunty Ella that's a pretty dress"

Phoenix, not about to be outdone by his sister, ran over "You're going to look like a princess"

Destiny pushed Phoenix "I already told her that"

Phoenix pushed her back "No you didn't"

"YES I DID"

"DIDN'T"  
"DID"

"DIDN'T"

"DID"

"DIDN'T" he pushed her hard and Destiny went flying back and fell onto Ella's dress

She stood up and ran, but her shoe got caught on the dress and she yanked it free

_RIIIIIIIP_

Ella closed her eyes "Oh god" she whispered

The room went silent and everyone looked over and gasped

Tazmin burst into tears "Oh god Ella, Oh god, I'm so sorry, Oh god your dress"

Ella looked down and saw Destiny had managed to rip it right up the side and the bottom was ripped off

Cami sighed "What are you going to do?"

Sarah glared at everyone "What are you all stupid?"

Ella looked at her "Sarah?"

Sarah grinned "Ella, what is my one true dream?"

Ella let out a sigh of relief and grinned "Sarah, will you be my wedding dress designer and fix this monstrosity?"

Sarah picked up the dress "Put it on, I have to grab my things from my room" she grabbed Ella's shoulder "We can do this babe"

Ella grinned and stripped down to her underwear and put the dress on

Tazmin had to help her with the clips at the back

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Sarah came back in with two Geese behind her, one was carrying a sewing machine and the other was carrying a box

Sarah nodded to the tale and they put them down and left

She walked up to Ella and frowned, she went back to the box and pulled out a bunch of pins

She sat on her knees and started pinning the dress "We're going to make it a knee high dress"

Ella nodded

"We'll keep this slit, it's sexy"

Ella nodded again

"We'll add some different lengths to the skirt part, give it that scarf effect and vola, we're done"

Ella sighed in relief "Sarah what would I do without you?"

"Crash and burn my love, crash and burn"

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The dress was finished and Ella was staring at her reflection in the mirror, she twirled and the dress moved with her

She grinned and jumped on Sarah, tackling her in a giant hug "I LOVE IT" she squealed

She looked around the room and the others were staring at the dress, then at Sarah in awe

Sarah pushed Ella off her and shrugged "I dabble in clothing designs, but most people believe my designs to be dark and slightly risqué"

Ella smiled "Perfect for a pole dancing vampire marrying the most feared vampire"

Sarah grinned "Exactly, and now that you brought up the wedding it leads me to ask, what are you wearing on your wedding night?"

Ella grinned "My boots"

Seras frowned "What else?"

Ella gave her a cheeky grin "That's it"

Seras blushed

Tazmin frowned "What will your sexy vampire wear?"

Ella laughed "I asked him if he would wear a tool belt"

Seras nodded "And what else?"

Ella laughed "That's what he said, and the answer to that is nothing else"

Sarah looked far away for a moment "Oh yeah, I can picture that, Red wearing nothing but a tool belt"

(ME: -drools-)

Ella glared at her "No one can picture my Red in nothing but a tool belt except me"

Sarah muttered "Too late"

Ella looked around the room and found the others all staring into space

She yelled "STOP PICTURING MY MAN NAKED"

Tazmin grinned "He's not naked in my mind, he's wearing the tool belt still, give me a moment and he will be naked"

Ella laughed

Then the lights flickered and everyone looked up

The power went out

Ella groaned

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The lights flickered and Alucard looked up "Oh no, not now"

The power went out

"SHIT"

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The girls heard Integra slur "Hang on, Powers out"

Followed by

_SMACK, THUD, THUD, THUD_

Ella sighed and went out with the others behind her

They stopped and grabbed a candle that was sitting on a side table and Ella lit it

They looked down and heard

_-Snore-_

Integra was passed out on the ground

Ella laughed "Oh god, only today"

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They had taken Integra into the study, the power was still out

There was a knock on the door and Sarah quickly threw a robe at Ella "Put it on it might be Alucard"

Ella snorted "Since when did Red knock" then she yelled "Come in"

Walter walked in "Pardon me, but the power is going to take at least 24 hours to fix"

Ella groaned "Of course it will"

_-Snore-_

Walter blinked and looked down "Is that Sir Integra?"

Sarah nodded "Sadly yes, pissed as a fart"

Walter just blinked in confusion once more

Ella looked up "Walter, what am I going to do, I'm uncoordinated enough without having to maneuver in the dark"

He frowned thoughtfully "Well we do have quite a collection of candles"

Seras gasped "That'd be perfect not to mention romantic"

Ella let out a sigh of relief "Well that's one problem settled at least"

Sarah frowned "Is Mr. Anderson here yet?"

"No not yet, it is unfortunate but he won't be here until the wedding is due to start"

Ella groaned "Walter you are the bearer of bad news"

He bowed low "My apologies"

Ella waved it away "Not your fault love, get Red and the other men to light all the candles for you, you should be resting, I really wish you had agreed to come to the wedding as a guest, I feel like an evil stepmother because you're working today"

Walter smiled slightly "It's an honor that you invited me and I shall still be there but I will be supervising also, and that is what I truly enjoy"

Ella frowned "You sure?"

He nodded

She grinned "Alright but remember to make the men do the work for you"

He left

Ella looked at the others "So how do we wake our little drunken virgin princess?"

Sarah grinned evilly "Why wake her when we can play first"

Ella grinned back just as evilly "Alright ladies, we need shaving cream or whipped cream, a feather, some markers and my camera"

Tazmin laughed "You evil bitches, I love it"

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The had the markers first and Ella sat back "What do we draw?"

Sarah looked up "Huh?" she had been leaning over Integra's face

The girls looked down and giggled, Sarah had drawn the classic penis on her cheek leading to her mouth

Ella grinned and drew a little stick figure with a whip and wrote 'closet dominatrix' on her forehead

Seras drew boobs on her other cheek

Tazmin drew a vagina on her chin

Cami brought over some makeup and drew heavy hooker eyeliner and put bright red lipstick on her

Ella sat back and took about ten photo's

They grabbed the shaving cream and sprayed it on Integra's hand

Ella grabbed the feather and gently tickled her cheek

Integra groaned but did nothing

Sarah tried but once again with no results

They went around the group and no one had gotten any reaction from her

It was Seras' turn and tickled Integra's nose

Integra's hand came up and she smacked herself in the face

The girls burst out laughing and Ella took another ten photos

Seras did it again

This time Integra smacked herself so hard she woke herself up

"Wha?"

Ella quickly blew out the candles and Integra sat up and looked around

She couldn't see anything but felt something on her hand and face "ELLA!"

The girls were trying not to laugh or make noise

"ELLA!"

Pip opened the door and shone his flashlight in the room

He focused on Integra and his cigarette dropped out of his mouth

He burst out laughing and Ella jumped up and snapped another five photos

Integra looked like she was out for blood

Sarah jumped up and yelled "CHEESE IT"

They all ran out of the room, or tried to

_SMACK, SMACK, SMACK_

Ella, Sarah and Cami had all run into the wall while a giggling Seras and Tazmin actually went through the door

The other three got up quickly and ran out

Integra stumbled off the couch "ELLA!"

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They were hiding in the library when they heard Integra scream "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Ella grinned "Busted"

Sarah snorted "We are so dead"

Tazmin shrugged "She shouldn't have gotten drunk and passed out on your wedding day"

Ella frowned "Well at least not until the reception"

The others nodded

Ella laughed "Man I so have to hide my camera, if she gets her hands on it we can kiss our lives goodbye"

Sarah grinned "Then we had better make sure we hide it well and each have at least two copies of the photos"

Cami laughed "God, we're horrible people"

Seras snorted "Did you see how hard she smacked herself in the face that had to have hurt"

Ella nodded "Oh yeah"

Sarah sighed "How long should we hide for?"

Ella grimaced "Unfortunately because of the wedding, not as long as we should"

Tazmin slapped her on the back "Don't worry, I'm sure she'll get over it in about a year"

Seras suddenly gasped

The others looked over "What?"

Seras pulled out the marker

They looked at it and started laughing again

On the marker was written 'Permanent Marker, Never Washes Off'

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After hiding for an hour the girls had to leave the safety of the library to get ready for the wedding

They had to dress and fix up the make up

Thankfully Cami, Sarah, Tazmin and Ella were all excellent at applying make up so little needed to really be done

Ella walked in the room assigned to the bride and bridesmaids and stopped when she saw Integra

The make up Cami had put on her was off but the marker was still there

Ella bit the inside of her mouth to stop laughing and noticed the others doing the same

She walked over and smiled politely "I think I know what will make you feel better"

Integra looked like she was about to rip Ella to shreds using her bare hands

Ella cleared her throat "The majority of us are great at make up so no one will see the ... pictures on your face, and the dresses should make you happy too"

Integra glared and spat out "Those ugly fucking dresses you got so you look better then anyone, no thank you"

Sarah muttered "That's the British for you, always polite even when they want to maim you horribly"

Ella smiled "Trust me"

Integra gave her a look that read 'stupid statement'

Tazmin wrapped her arm around Integra's shoulder "Don't frown, you'll get wrinkles"

Cami walked over "Sit down, let's fix that hair and make up"

Ella grinned "I'll get the puke green dresses"

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Integra had calmed down slightly, the girls all assured her that no one would be able to see the discussing vandalism they drew on her face

Ella came back in with Walter behind her  
they were carrying the dresses, but the dresses were covered so no one could see what they looked like

Walter looked at Integra but gave no sign he could see anything on her face

She relaxed a bit more and nodded stiffly to him

Walter placed the dresses down and left the room

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Ella grinned and handed out the dresses according to the names on them

She got to Seras and Integra but made them promise not to look at them until everyone had there dress

Then Ella cleared her throat "Time to unveil your hideous outfit"

Integra sighed and pulled off the cover

She let out a gasp and looked down at the stunning red dress "Ella, there must be a mistake with the dresses"

Ella laughed "No mistake, while you and Seras went home with the demon twins the rest of us went shopping for the _real_ dresses, try it on, if it needs any alteration Sarah can take care of that"

Integra went in to the bathroom and put the dress on, she felt different then normal, and she felt sexy

Ella opened the door and whistled "Perfect"

Seras came running over "Oh my god, master you look beautiful"

Integra frowned "But what if I outshine you Ella?"

Ella just laughed "Alucard is the only one whose opinion today matters to me and if he says you outshine me then the answer is simple"

Integra frowned "What?"

Ella grinned "I'll geld him"

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All the girls were dressed and putting on their shoes

Ella was the only one not dressed; she was pacing up and down

Sarah sighed "Ella"

Ella just shook her head "I need to know"

There was a knock on the door and Ella ripped it open

Walter looked stupefied to see Ella standing there in thigh high boots and a black garter belt, wearing a tiny black G string and a black bustier

Ella sighed "They're called tits Walter, every woman has them, and some men do also"

Walter blushed and cleared his throat "The search is over, one they have found Poe, she is still wearing her veil"

Ella sighed in relief "And the rings"

"Also found, Pip had them in his pocket the whole time"

Seras groaned "That perverted idiot"

Ella grinned and kissed Walter on the cheek "Thanks Walter"

Walter blushed and left

Ella turned around "Let's get this shit started"

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They were dressed and ready to go

Anderson had arrived two minutes ago and Ella knew she had to go quickly or else Alucard might kill him before they were married

She had found a CD player and batteries so they had music

She looked around and smiled when she saw the guests

She saw the owner of Water Goddess Kasey, next to her was the Sweet Yuya and Yuya's master who was a Wanna be ninja

In the next row was the self proclaimed Dark Flame Girl and the owner of Castlevania who was waving at Raven, who waved back and continued talking to Mistress Lilium

Ella sighed, she was so happy her strange group of friends had come

She looked at Sarah and nodded to let her know she was ready

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Sarah nudged the veil wearing Poe down the aisle and nodded to the music man; they lined up and started to walk down the aisle to the bridal tune

Ella hooked her arm through D's and started to walk

Then the music skipped and the song changed

_I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CAN NOT LIE  
YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN'T DENY  
WHEN A GIRL WALKS IN WITH AN ITTY BITTY WAIST  
AND A ROUND THING IN YOUR FACE  
YOU GET SPRUNG, WANNA PULL OUT YOUR TOUGH_

Ella stopped and her eyes widened in shock

_CAUSE YOU NOTICED THAT BUTT WAS STUFFED  
DEEP IN THE JEANS SHE'S WEARING  
I'M HOOKED AND I CAN'T STOP STARING  
OH BABY, I WANNA GET WITH YA  
AND TAKE YOUR PICTURE_

She took another step forward and her mouth started to tremble

_MY HOMEBOYS TRIED TO WARN ME  
BUT THAT BUTT YOU GOT MAKES ME SO HORNY  
OOH, RUMP-O' -SMOOTH-SKIN  
YOU SAY YOU WANNA GET IN MY BENZ?_

She had made it half way down when she stopped

She grabbed hold of the chair in front of her and doubled over

She started laughing so hard tears ran down her face

_I'VE SEEN THEM DANCIN  
TO HELL WITH ROMANCIN  
SHE'S SWEAT, WET,  
GOT IT GOING LKE A TURBO 'VETTE  
I'M TIRED OF MAGAZINES  
SAYIN FLAT BUTTS ARE THE THING_

She was howling with laughter

Ella stamped her foot, trying to gain control

_TAKE THE AVERAGE BLACK MAN AND ASK HIM THAT  
SHE GOTTA PACK MUCH BACK_

She straightened up and started walking back down the aisle to a grinning Alucard

_SO FELLA! (YEAH!) FELLAS! (YEAH!)  
HAS YOUR GIRLFRIEND GOT THE BUTT? (HELL YEAH!)_

She reached the end and D laughingly gave her to hand to Alucard

Sarah whispered "Is Red hinting something?"

_TELL 'EM TO SHAKE IT! (SHAKE IT!) SHAKE IT! (SHAKE IT!)  
SHAKE THAT HEALTHY BUTT!  
BABY GOT BACK!_

Ella muttered "He better bloody not be hinting anything"

The music stopped and the guests were all still laughing

Alucard smiled down at her "How did I know that this day wouldn't be normal?"

Ella laughed "Maybe you're psychic?"

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Ella looked over at the men

Alucard was wearing his usual white shirt but he had on a red suit that made her smile and drool at the same time

Pip, his best man, was decked out in a black pinstripe suit and from the way Seras was staring she knew Seras felt the same way as her about a man in a suit

The other Geese were dressed in plain black suits, but Ella had eyes for one vampire only

Anderson cleared his throat and begun, just not the way they had planned

"Heathens and Whore's, we are gathered here today to witness this abomination take the soul of this good Catholic lass"

Ella groaned, she didn't know whether to hit him or just let him go

Poe solved the problem

She ran full blast at Anderson and started to attack him

Ella burst out laughing at the sight of her little kitten decked out in a veil attack a giant priest

Alucard looked mildly satisfied

Anderson was screaming "GET IT OFF ME, GET THE BLOODY THING OFF ME"

Poe was going for him claws and teeth

Ella was secretly proud

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After Poe had left Anderson alone (Walter bribed her with cat biscuits ten minutes after Poe had first attacked)

The ceremony began again, this time Anderson did it as they planned

They got to the vows and Ella and Alucard had written there own

Alucard let Ella go first (Which she knew meant he hadn't actually written any and was now trying to think of something to say)

She cleared her throat and began "Alucard, since the first moment I saw you I wondered how you would be in bed, now I know.  
You have been with me through good times and bad, though now that I mention it where the hell were you when I was getting killed by Enrico? Never mind we'll discuss that later mister  
Together we have done some amazing things, most of them sexual, but a small few have been ... not sexual, like the time you taught me how to kill, and the time you jumped off a giant building with me on your back  
And lets not forget the numerous times you've bailed my friends out of jail, though I'm still slightly pissed you left me in there, but the main thing is you came back, then left again, then came back  
And who can forget the times you've laughed at me whenever I fall down the stairs... or out of bed... or run onto a wall... or trip over air  
The point being... I forget, but I love you and well that's all I got"

Ella heard Yuya sigh "That was beautiful"

Her master replied "You can tell its true love from the way he looks at her, like he wants to kill her"

Alucard glared "You just made that up then, didn't you?"

She glared back "Nu uh, I wrote it, but I sorta lost it so I improvised, I bet you didn't even write yours"

Alucard cleared his throat "Ella... Ella... I... got nothing"

She rolled her eyes and hit him "Improvise numb nuts"

He glared "Ella I don't know why I keep you, wait yes I do... Ella sex with you is great, other then that you're a spazz who manages to find trouble where there is no trouble  
But you're my spazz and I'll kill anyone who insults you, that's my job, Your friends piss me off but I haven't killed them because I know it would piss you off and I wouldn't get sex  
Um... You always manage to make new friends and enemies wherever you go, You also manage to get kidnapped a lot, but even though you're an idiot, you're my idiot and I'd kill anyone who dares to call you stupid, I think I already said that but I mean it and well I guess I sort of love you to"

She started to cry "Red that was beautiful"

Anderson looked shocked "THAT WAS YOUR VOWS?"

They both nodded

Seras let out a squeal and they looked and found Destiny had tugged on her dress causing her boobs to fall out of the dress

Ella laughed and Seras blushed and pulled the dress up

Anderson sighed "Is there anyone here who has any reason why these two should not be wed?"

No one said or did anything

"Anyone at all, come on don't be shy"

Nothing

"Alright I'll give you a few minutes, anything at all, don't be shy, why they shouldn't marry?"

Nothing

"COME ON PEOPLE"

Nothing

"Fine, a few more minutes, don't worry you won't get in trouble, any reason'll do"

Ella stamped her foot down hard on Anderson's and glared at him

He sighed "FINE"

Ella sighed and rolled her eyes

Anderson continued "The rings please"

Pip handed them the rings

Alucard grabbed Ella's hand and slid the ring half way on

Anderson said "Repeat after me, I Alucard, an abomination and pet to Hellsing"

Alucard punched him

Anderson flew back and stood up rubbing his jaw "FINE, I Alucard take you Ella Anderson to be my lawfully wedded wife, through sickness and health until death do us part"

Alucard repeated it

Anderson continued "Now slide the ring on and repeat these words"

Alucard slid the ring on her finger and smiled "With this ring, I thee wed"

Ella smiled and took Alucards ring and slid it on his hand "With this ring, I thee wed"

Anderson looked around "You know it's not too late to object, anyone?"

Ella punched him this time

Anderson stood up and threw up his hands "FINE, sign this marriage certificate so I can go get drunk"

Ella grinned and she, Alucard, Pip and Sarah all signed the certificate

Anderson sighed "Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the demon and his vampire whore"

Alucard, Ella, Pip and Sarah all punched him

Anderson flew back and slammed into the wall, he fell down unconscious

Ella and Alucard turned and the guests all stood and cheered

Alucard bent down and whispered to Ella "Now you are legally the Bride of Alucard"

Ella laughed and yelled "YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE"

Alucard kissed her

Ella grinned and turned to walk away to the reception

She forgot all about the step

_THUD_

Alucard laughed

She jumped up "I'm okay"

He sighed "Well that's a good omen for married life; hopefully it means nothing will change"

Ella ran up and crash tackled Yuya and her master in a hug

All three fell over


	41. Epoligue

THANKS TO MY LOVING FANS AND REVIEWERS

**THANKS TO MY LOVING FANS AND REVIEWERS**

twinkers4

WannaBeNinja

SweetYuya

Momo and the Muses

watergoddesskasey

Raven06

Dark-flame-girl

castlevania

**AND THE MANY OTHERS WHO REVIEWED AND READ**

**KEEP YOUR EYES OUT FOR THE NEXT IN THE SERIES**

**I'M THINKING OF DOING A ONE-SHOT ABOUT THE HONEYMOON (LET ME KNOW IF YOU THINK I SHOULD)**

**AND SOON I WILL POST UP THE FIST OF A 12 CHAPTER SERIES CALLED** 'CHRISTMAS AT HELLSING'

**SO WATCH FOR IT,**

**AND AS MENTIONED BEFORE, JUST BECAUSE IT OVER DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T WANT REVIEWS**

**YOU'D BE SURPRISED BY THE AMOUNT OF REVIEWS THAT GIVE ME IDEAS**

**THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND LOVE**

**BEGIN**

Integra rubbed her temples, they had gotten through Christmas in one piece, _JUST_  
She had never been more happy that it only came once a year.

She looked up and smiled and shook her head

Having Ella around was interesting alright

It was strange how different Alucard was when she was around; she seemed to bring back his soul almost

She thought back to the time Alucard suggested that she was jealous of his relationship with Ella (and that had been when she only just discovered Ella and Alucard thought about each other sexually)

She sighed and finally admitted it

Watching Ella interact with Alucard, watching them sneak kisses when they thought no one was watching, even watching Alucard double over in laughter when Ella fell down or smacked someone accidentally

(Walter still had the bruise from when the girls had all gone out to get drunk for a 'bitchfest' as Ella and the others called it, and Ella had come back to Hellsing and decided to sing 'The hills are alive' unfortunately she also spun around with her hands out and managed to get Walter right in the face when he came out to find out what was going on)

But Alucard seemed so free with Ella, and what was more astounding was she wasn't afraid of him, she never had been, from that first moment they met Ella treated Alucards dark and dangerous moods as though he was a three year old chucking a tantrum

And what's more whenever she lets out her dark and dangerous side, he backs down.  
Then there was the other night, the night she had been walking down the corridors in the dungeon and had heard Ella and Alucard laughing, when she went to investigate she saw that they were in the middle of a romantic interlude, to make it worse later on Ella sought her out to let her know that if there was something she had seen or heard about that she didn't know what to make of she could go see her.

This meant they knew she saw them, Alucard knew and god knows what he thought

Integra sighed she loved Ella like a sister and would protect her with her life, but that didn't change the sad fact that she, Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, was jealous of the fact that it was Ella who saved Alucard from becoming the monster he thought himself to be.

Integra sat back in her chair and lit a cigar, she wondered what it was about Ella that made her so free, Ella had seen her fair share of tragedies, more in fact then some people, but that didn't seem to affect her, she didn't have a good stable home during her teenage years, in fact she had a mad man, well vampire, after her.

Even her job which brought her so much joy, was a career Integra never thought somebody would like, but Ella loved being a pole dancer, it had taken her some time to stop Alucard guarding her at work and she was currently working at getting rid of the Wild Geese guards who stopped the men from getting near her,

Strange though how everyone in the manor could hear them argue about it, but they never held a grudge, (Ella just forgets what she was angry about and Alucard seems to lazy almost) Integra had a feeling that though Ella would beg, plead and argue her way to limit the guards, she'd never be aloud to go to work without at least one.

Integra sat back and wondered what it would have been like if she had taken the risk to engage Alucard in more then service, she had a feeling that before he met Ella he would have agreed but now, she smiled, now nothing will tear those two apart.

After all if getting crucified and tortured, not to mention not being a virgin and dying, hadn't stopped them from being together then not much in this world or the next would.

But still, Integra frowned, maybe Ella was right, maybe it was time she went out to look for a man of her own, but what if it was the wrong man, she made a mental note to discuss this with Ella later.

Integra was going through the clothes in her wardrobe mentally, looking for anything that Ella dubbed 'Sexified' when she heard a knock on the door

She frowned "Enter"

Walter entered looking slightly distressed "Sir"

"What is it Walter, Ella hasn't brought home more stray animals has she"

"No sir"

Integra let out a sigh of relief, so far Ella had brought about 50 animals home, not all of them had been strays

Ella and Sarah had devised a money making scheme that involved stealing animals and waiting until the owners posted up reward signs before they called the owners because they had 'found' the animal

Integra nearly killed them both when she discovered the plot,

Alucard, she discovered, had known all along but chose not to say anything

Then there was the monkey

Integra had no idea where Ella had managed to find a monkey, but she still shuddered in horror every time she thought about it

They had discovered the hard way that it wasn't a myth that monkeys threw there own poo

Integra smiled as she remembered that it had taken Ella and Sarah a full week to clean it up

"She hasn't stolen the metal trays from the kitchens and slid down the stairs again has she"

"No sir"

"Walter spit it out other wise I may have heart failure picturing what she has done this time"

Though that time she turned the hall into a slip and slide was fun

He cleared his throat "It appears we finally may have some idea as to why Miss Ella was changed into a vampire even though she wasn't" he cleared his throat once more "Pure"

Integra sat forward "Really, this is marvelous Walter, tell me what you have learnt"

"Well it appears that certain vampires have 'mates' these 'mates' are other vampire or human that can be changed into vampire through three separate occasions when the human will drink some of the vampire's blood. It has been recorded that there are currently twenty of these couples on record, you know of course that we would never put Alucard and Ella on that list as it would endanger Ella"

Integra stared off for a moment and shook her head "Walter that is amazing, is it known if these vampires have many 'mates' or just one"

"It appears just the one, any other humans subjected to this turn into ghouls"

Integra nodded and smiled "Ella will enjoy this news, but why did you seem so alarmed?"

He swallowed "It's just that, well"

"Come on man; spit it out, what is wrong"

"There have been reports that the female and male vampire who become 'mates' are able to reproduce"

"WHAT"

"There are five couples who are both vampire who are reportedly expecting"

"Are you telling me, that Ella and Alucard are 'mates' and as such they are able to have children"

Walter nodded "I'm afraid so Sir"

Integra jumped up "We have to get Ella and Alucard to use protection before its to late, but we can not tell them why"

Walter frowned "Why ever not sir"

"Can you just imagine what would happen if we told Alucard and Ella they could have children, its bad enough they live together, let alone if their genes mix, god it could be a disaster"

Walter swallowed "The end of the world as we know it"

They looked at each other.

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Alucard came into the room and walked over to Ella he lent down and gave her a kiss, he frowned when she didn't move, she just kept staring at something, and there it was on the table, Alucard didn't know what it was he had never seen it in his life, he bent down and looked into Ella's face and saw she had tears in her eyes

"Ella what's wrong"

She looked up and her bottom lip trembled, then she smiled and started to laugh and cry at the same time, she was blubbering and sobbing all over his shirt

"Slow down, Ella now what was that about me ruining chocolate?"

She laughed and leaned against him "Your going to be a daddy"

He smiled "Is Poe having another litter of kittens, Ella what's that on the table"

Ella took his hand and looked him straight in the eye "Alucard, that is a pregnancy test"

His mouth fell open

"What's more my love, it's a positive pregnancy test"

He frowned "And"

Ella laughed and jumped into his arms "I'm pregnant Alucard, with your baby"

For the first time in his life the great No-Life-King, the most feared vampire in the world fainted

Ella looked down at him and blinked in surprise "Well, that was unexpected"

She bent down and started poking him

-Poke, poke-

"He he"

-Poke, poke-

"He he"

-Poke, poke, poke-

"He he"

-Poke, poke, poke-

Alucard let out a groan and opened his eyes

Ella smiled down at him "Hello mister scaredy cat, does your head hurt from your swoon"

Alucards eyes widened "I didn't swoon"

She grinned at him

He glared "I DIDN'T"

She laughed then stopped and covered her mouth "Oh god"

Alucard sat up "WHAT?"

She looked around "Bucket, bucket, bucket!"

He grabbed a small bin "Here"

She grabbed it and threw up

He glared at her "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

She gave him a look that read 'that was stupid' and muttered "It's your fault"

He looked shocked "How?"

She sighed "Pregnant women generally throw up"

He looked horrified "You're pregnant?"

And he passed out again


End file.
